the backrooms

ok I'm gonna tell you about some things that might happen if you are transitioning m->f. this is not a comprehensive list just my own experience, be sure to do your own research I just really wanted to voice how this affects me because I think open discussion about this type of stuff is just more helpful for everyone rather than keeping it private

BOOBS HURT WHEN THEY GROW

your sex drive (libido) will probably go down a lot

facial hair is very hard to get rid of

my go-to gender affirming clothing is high-waisted jeans. I suggest going to a goodwill or some sort of cheap store that lets you try on clothes to figure out what you like

muscle mass will go down, fat will be redistributed

boobs do all sorts of crazy stuff when you run / exercise

overtime your skin will get softer, you also might smell nicer, and I've been told it can thin body hair but I don't really see it all that much 🤷

your brain chemistry can change when you reduce testosterone and increase estrogen, there are lots of factors that contribute toward any changes to your personality, but hormones can have an impact as well. for me this is a good thing because I struggle with allowing myself to feel emotions sometimes, no matter how hard I tried I was never really able to get myself to cry. I've gotten closer to being able to cry since I started transitioning though and that makes me very happy

this is a slow process that can take several years, ultimately you're going to be in your body for several years regardless, so if this is something you want it's definitely something you should try to pursue if possible. the time will pass anyways, and it does feel nice to work towards something that can make you happier.

also this is very important, you don't need to do any sort of hormone replacement therapy in order to be trans. not everybody can access HRT, and for those who can access it, not everybody wants to take on all the changes that come with treatments. you don't have to chemically or physically change your body in any way in order to deserve respect

Your clit may well be the first thing that changes. Mine started to grow noticeably after just a few weeks on even a low dose of T.

You will get so fucking horny. Not even for anybody (or maybe that's because I'm ace), just abstractly, distractingly horny. Every day. No, really, every day. Invest in a vibrator. (In my experience this cools off after the first year or so.)

Your facial hair will grow in stupid and scraggly. You'll have weird bald spots. You may grow a neck beard. You probably won't want to shave it. You don't have to shave it. Look weird, who gives a fuck.

It's fine to dress like a frat boy or a mall goth or a lumberjack or all three at once. You can wear cargo shorts and flip-flops. You can go outside looking like you crawled through your laundry hamper to get there. It will feel illegal the first 100 times you do it and then you will be free.

You'll build muscle even if you maintain the exact same level of activity as when you were estrogen-dominant. Muscles are hungry and you will want to eat more. Eat more. Aim for proteins and leafy greens. Watch your cholesterol and salt intake because your blood pressure will probably go up.

Your hemoglobin will also go up. This is nice because anemia sucks, but it can become problematic if it gets too high. Consider donating blood a couple times a year if you can.

Your periods can stop after a couple months, but they might not (mine did). If you stop taking T, they'll come back. If your dosage is too high, they can also come back (excess testosterone gets converted into estrogen - this also happens to naturally testosterone-dominant people).

Voice changes start around the couple-month mark and your voice will be weird for a while. The initial drop is chaotic and squeaky, then it will settle, but it's probably not done changing. Keep using and stretching your voice, because I'm seven years in and while my voice has mostly found its range I've lost a couple semitones off the top and added them to the bottom in the last few years. Also, cis people are terrible at clocking T-voices, so don't worry about it. Plenty of cis men sound just like you. Seriously.

Crying might get harder, or it might just get weirder. I attribute most of my lack of tears to being happier these days, but strange things make me misty-eyed. Hard to disentangle what's psychology and what's endocrinology.

You'll get real hairy and its fine. Yes on your belly. Yes on your chest. Yes on your back and your knuckles and around your nipples. You'll have shoulder hairs long enough to braid. You'll get hair in places you didn't know hair grew and you'll have bald spots in places you never thought about being bald. Unless you're a competitive swimmer or cyclist, don't fuckin worry about it. Get weirded out by how smooth Hollywood men are instead. Why are we waxing these men like sports cars?

to the people who have different facial features from autism or conditions that often occur with autism

to the people who need padded equipment, gait trainers, or other highly noticeable aids

to the people who are ignored in favor of talking to their parents/guardians/carers

to the people who have been told they shouldn’t be seen in public because of their autism

to the people who are told they don’t exist by low support needs autistics

“there enough awareness for autism already 🙄 we need acceptance”

ok. you aware of high support needs autism? aware what that even means? not “need reminder take meds need remind take shower” “high” support needs autism, but “need full physical help do bADLs lack danger awareness may accidentally hurt self or even kill self without support” high support needs autism? not just higher support needs people who can be independently online do advocacy, but those who need help from others even be online, or those who cannot be online at. all.?

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people? not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can write grammatically correct cannot tell apart base on writing. not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can be online who can advocate online.

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who cannot communicate in way that easily understood, either for now, or ever? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people without functional communication, aware of how without functional communication, how that drastically limit communication, even though behaviors are valid communication? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who may never use AAC fluently even with best support?

aware of technically verbal but very limited verbal autistics who may only able say wants & needs but not other things and certainly not online advocacy, “despite being verbal”?

aware of just how much our life depends on caregiver/carer/PCA/etc? aware how vulnerable that make us? aware of abuse from caregivers? aware of caregiver burnout from lack of support for caregivers, & how that impact our care we receive? have you even heard of term respite care? aware of those of us who cannot separate ourselves from caregiver? aware of those of us who cannot participate in autism community without caregiver?

aware of visibly autistic people? aware how we not automatically believed? aware how we often bear blunt of violence because we most easily identified target because we visible? aware visible =/= get support, aware that many those diagnosed severe who now adult so no longer qualify for services under 21 year old, languish in hospitals because nowhere to go? aware how long life saving necessary waitlists are? aware that even to this day parents have to fight school fight day service fight government fight insurance for them give their nonverbal nonspeaking child AAC & be properly taught how use it? actually, are you aware of how properly teach AAC to nonverbal nonspeaking, developmentally delayed child who may or may not have intellectual disability?

actually, aware of autistics with (correctly diagnosed) intellectual disability & how they make up big amount of autistic? aware of institutional systemic & legal impact of mental [r word] right & the human rights abuse justified using r word right? wait, you aware that r word come from old term for intellectual disability, that, actually, still in many laws because no one bothered updating, right? aware of what severe profound ID look like? and aware they real and they still human deserve education deserve life deserve care, yes?

aware of early diagnosis 20 30 or even 10 years ago, not same as now, even less resources & knowledge about autism now? aware that while gender race class 1000% impacted diagnoses, a lot of early diagnosed people early diagnosed because… they die without support unlocked by diagnosis, right? but also, aware that in old times, early diagnosis often did mean doom, not because autism bad or anything, but because severe lack of support & diagnosis can literally bar you from so many things including basic education?

aware that for many people in special education, which impact specific group of autistic people, they not get degree when graduate high school, they just get certificate, which limit their educational & employment opportunities & others?

aware of life saving importance and necessity of masking for autistic of color especially Black autistic people, despite stress inducing traumatic? aware that live in broken system be victim of hate crime & police brutality just as traumatic often even more traumatic than masking? aware that many Black & other parents of color forced to teach their child masking because of this?

are you aware of most marginalized autistic people? aware of leadership of most impacted?

aware you can and need to care about autistic experiences & form of autism you not experience? aware that you can and need to do that without try twist your experience into our experience into our words our community?

aware that advocacy goes beyond about you?

aware that you can’t speak for all autistic? aware that you shouldn’t speak for all autistic?

are you aware of when you need to stop talking & listen & amplify others? aware of when and how to decenter self?

aware that even this long post, barely scratch surface? still so much to say?

Being nonverbal is such a huge thing it makes people so much more at risk of being victimised, this needs to be heard about more but no the hashtags full of just people saying they go nonverbal???

You do not realise the severe harm you have caused the nonverbal community. Millions of people thinking going nonverbal is a thing then saying it themselves and using OUR keywords and hashtags we could be using to find others like us. I literally am misunderstood by people when I say I'm nonverbal I have sometimes in the past thought I made a friend who is nonverbal only to find they aren't they just experienced verbal shutdowns. I and people like me deserve a community.

The damage that has been caused by people saying they go nonverbal and saying their moments are called nonverbal will take years to undo and take back our hashtags and keywords and word fully. and thats if people actually start listening.

And before you say "well I would but I have no alternative to it" STOP MAKING YOUR SUPPORT FOR MY COMMUNITY CONDITIONAL. YOU CAN STOP DOING A HARMFUL THING AND FEEL DISCOMFORT IN NOT BEING ABLE TO LABEL A SHORT AND TEMPORARY THING. I am tired of people saying this EVERY SINGLE TIME I call you out. And then, the alternative is "verbal shutdown". But even if there was no alternative, I do not owe you comfort, I do not owe you an alternative, to get you to listen, the first thing you think about should not be yourself, it should be thinking wow I am sad this is so much harm to the nonverbal community.

[pt: try two. - do not vote on this if you are not semiverbal/speaking]

(can vote if was previously semi speaking but regressed to nonspeaking.)

Please rb for bigger sample size , even if ur not semiverbal!

if you voted on the original post please vote again on this I'm so sorry for the screw up T^T

yes it’s 4:30 am no i don’t want to talk about it

(late) birthday gift 4 @burning-sol