Life's a Beach

The crippled urge to go "nice cane" to every other cane user you see

Sorry I was born to be a hot lesbian trophy wife I literally don’t make the rules here

gonna say something controversial and it’s that carrot cake is fucking delicious and possibly the best cake flavour 

(i pull my pair of tiny binoculars away from my eyes and lean over to my partner as we watch the opera from the upper left balcony) i say darling this singer is slaying absolute penis

gonna say something controversial and it’s that carrot cake is fucking delicious and possibly the best cake flavour 

the trans male experience is being afraid that if you wash your hands in a public men's restroom you will be clocked

one time I went in the men's room at a bar, got clocked and told I needed to leave so later I walked up to that dude at a table with some chick and announced to her that He Doesn't Wash His Hands After Handling His Dick and walked away

you are quite literally braver than any U.S. marine

Phd? Yeah I am a pretty hungry dude lol! *enters a dark cave and never comes out*

after experiencing “feelings” i have decided that this just isn’t for me but thank you for the opportunity

did your parents use "growing pains" as a catchall to dismiss any and all pain you felt your entire childhood or are you normal