not paid enough for this shit

I do, thankfully. 

Or at least, I did, before I joined the army. 

Now, it would be silly to try to assassinate me, because I’m in the middle of an army camp. 

dang thats hardcore of you

do i even wanna know how you convinced people to let you anywhere near anything resembling a line of fire

Send me "VS" if your muse wants to FUCKIN FIGHT MINE

i mean im all for a good fight miss but are you sure youre gonna be able to handle all this

probably best to avoid the arson then. what kind of world improving company is it anyways? some kinda medical dealie?

naaah he’s got some anger issues he needs to work on. he’s very stabby. and decapitate-y. which is now a word.

well i mean the company started out as a baked goods company actually

we kinda got our hands in

well

just about everything by now

there was just so much good we could do and stuff it kinda snowballed and shit

ooh. dirk likes to decapitate me and him a lot so i do indeed forget that nonfatal stabbing is a thing. but that’s still cool tbh.

nah i’m likely to kill somebody with my big ass hammers. or the serial arsonist thing.

yeah sorry arson doesnt really sell too well when were trying to improve the world rather than burn it down

wait

decapitate you

Well, it’s good that there haven’t been any assassination attempts. 

I know from personal experience how horrible those are. 

thats a shame for a sweet thing like you to have experienced

i hope you have a good bodyguard at least

It’s nice to meet you, Dave. 

Things are good. 

How’re things with you?

thanks and same to you

things are kind of boring

havent done any media whirlwind tours in a while and nobodys interrupted the events my bossladys been speaking at in a while either

which is good but also means theres not much for me to be doing

i’m like 80 percent sure i’m in a diff timeline so that wouldn’t work.because i haven’t heard about any big companies doing good here. plus murder isn’t my thing. i’m a fan of arson, but i don’t think that’s as helpful.

murder

dude no

im the guy stopping the murder not the guy doing the murder

nonfatal stabbing is a thing

at least

most of the time

if at all possible