trying to be taylor

I’m obsessed. If you know whose these belong to please let me know so I can give credit ❤️

and messed up minds

soft hands

waiting for a touch

shaking, pleading

wanting so much

searching, looking

for the ones like us

innocent eyes

hiding hopes and dreams

from the hurt and the lies

making the skies spin

we’e losing ourselves

in the cold and the dark

trying to find a spark

and ignite flames

to get us by

until we find each other

and stop hiding

behind a forced smile

untouchable

because of the nights

spent alone in my room

only my thoughts

keeping me company

i used to think my heart is

unbreakable

never mind the times i

broke my heart myself

becasue if there’s no me

in the lives of others

who in the world

could touch me

break me

hurt me

but thats not how life works

and not showing my heart

didn’t make it

disappear

only made me

weaker

and who would think

the girl wearing chains on her belt loops

had put chains around her soul

but it seems

even my best attempts at

making myself disappear

didn’t make you blind

and it was you

who after all those years

saw me

for the first time

for who i was

for who i tried for so long

to destroy

and in the music you made me hear

i found what it’s like to

be alive

you made me

give in

you made me

yours

though i worried

was my heart capable of

feeling

was my damaged heart capable of

love

i got scared of

hurting you

but you never left

and my heart

for the first time

wants to believe

and i want to

let it

i used to think i

lost my soul

i used to think i

killed my heart

but now there’s only one thing

on my mind

and it’s you and

the burning question

is this what it feels like

all the times

we shared

all the moments

little things

i’ll miss them forever

like all those

that never came

but thank you

for the ones

that did

watching fairy-tales with brave princes 

saving their beloved princesses from dangerous dragons

believing that’s the way life works

with a happily ever after

and the purest love in our very bones

but then suddenly

i got crushed with the realization

that i wasn’t a princess

and a prince wouldn’t ever come to my rescue

the only real part was

the dragon keeping me locked inside its castle of despair

slowly killing me or

making me want to kill myself

and the realization itself

was a dragon

a burden to bear

a vicious cycle of

thoughts

fairy-tales aren’t real

love

isn’t real

i

am giving

up

but then

there came a little star

a sparkle on the jet black sky

you stretched your arm and

took my hand and

lit a thousand fires inside of me

you weren’t there to save me but to

show me i had strength to save myself

and a stray faded memory of

love from fairy-tales

found its way to the front of my mind

i had killed hope a long time ago

but you gave me some more

and when you touched me

my body burned

came back to life

and the day after

i felt your hands all over me

their shadows caressing me

i mistook the feeling of the soft summer breeze

for you

my skin itched for more

and the long nights spent thinking

had finally a better reason

than a so-called dragon not letting me rest

and millions of other words feelings emotions that

filled my world

light

filled my world

love 

filled my world

i had come to believe

love wasn’t for me or

i wasn’t for love

i wasn’t good enough for all

they used to say about it

but then you

crushed into my world

and you showed me 

what it’s like

to love

and what it’s like

to deserve

to be

loved

to your voice which

still echoes in my ears

you’ve given me

a lifetime of whispers

filling up my mind

binding me

a rope

pulling me back

to the past

it’s not over

won’t be until

you leave my heart

can’t you see i’m

trying to move on

let go

of my hand

because yours is

on fire

pour water

all over me

wake me up

i’ve woken up

my eyes are open

i can see

there’s more to me than

your presence

i can light my own fires

without

burning myself

i promise

i won’t forget

i couldn’t if i tried but

give me a chance

to be alive

to live

now that i know i

deserve it

i won’t settle 

for less

so let me 

go

please

let me go

for the day you decide

you’ve had enough

take your clothes

the shirt you gave me

cause i liked how it looked

the hoodie you let me 

wear cause you know 

i’m always cold

and with those

the smell lingering in my room

i’m still waiting

for the day you decide 

i’ve hurt you too many times

for you to stay here

there was a day

i thought about going

myself

because even though

you try to hide it

not let it show

i can see

the pain that i cause

but i’m a coward

who could never let go

i know how you

always act so tough

but i’m still waiting

for the day you decide

you’ve had enough

Stars; twinkling,

As his lips curled upwards,

And swung my heart across the line,

Fascinated, I was,

So I jotted them into constellations,

Not knowing, they carried,

The map of our future.

And in his tender touch I found

the whole sky,

Reaching even beyond outer space.

A black hole, it was,

Driving me into ecstasy.

Stars dancing in my blurred vision little dots,

In colors I have never laid my eyes on,

As in this world,

There are no colors so vibrant and delicate,

At the same time.

But his eyes tell stories of different planets,

And maybe if I wish upon a shooting star,

And fathom the constellations,

We saw, together;

He’ll let me in to the universe,

That made this cosmic art.

i try to love you but over and over i fail if you could just tell me how to say those words i can write a whole book about the way your lips curve into a smile i can write hundreds of poems about the stars dancing in your eyes when there’s nothing around us only you and me and the fire i feel inside whenever you’re close keeping me warm i didn’t know where i was in the universe and you were like a comet a light showing me the way but i’m like a black hole taking everything and never giving back a part of me wants you to let go, never look back forget and never feel the pain, ever again my insides hurt, though at the sole thought of this and i know my selfish heart could never release you from its grip

I’ve been watching you for a while now

Observing your every motion, your every move

I’ve memorized your every edge so perfectly carved

Feeling the warmth of your body serenading my cold skin

I’ve registered your tender voice giving beautiful colors to the words

Listening to your voice caressing the waves on the oceans of my dreams

I’ve heard my own heartbeat, timid and shy

Frightened of the world, scared to make a sound

But I’ve felt your fingertips drawing love songs onto my skin

With colors invisible go my eyes, yet so vibrant to my soul

Words that got lost in my ears, yet I found them in my heart

Still hidden in its cage, small and delicate

Getting louder, though, with the sound of your voice

Protected by the light that shines through your bones

And growing stronger with every survived storm

Cuz I find my home with the bright blue sky

Every time I see the fire burning in your eyes

[Billy Gaspard P. ft @writteninspace]

———————————————-

A collaboration with the talented @writteninspace who was kind enough to accept my offer and collab with me, thank you @writteninspace !

Please go follow her main blog @writteninspace and @sauwrites for more amazing work of literature coming soon.

late at night

with only street lamps and the moon

showing me the way

sitting on a bench and

listening to its sounds

some asleep

some awake

leaves dancing on branches

rustling and whispering about

the secrets of the dark

feeling the cold

and warmth

maybe put it into words

cherish it

god, i want to feel this city

on my skin, rather then

imagining its beauty

from the comfort of my

unmade bed

listening to the sounds

of my screaming mind

she sits and sings

lulling and pulling

intertwining her hands in my hair

holding me indefinitely in her arms

taking me

keeping me

without even trying

she effortlessly puts me under her spell

to love you,

to crave you.

the one that gives

me so much

happiness.

yet,

so much heartache

as you say what

should be such

gentle words.

friends.