sup

Persecutors generally have a reason for coming out but that doesn’t necessarily mean you did or did not do something wrong. They can come out because of someone genuintely hurting the system or because of something not inherently bad but that reminds them of an abuser or something similar. The best bet would probably be to ask the system and see if they know or remember what the trigger was. If whoever you’re talking to doesn’t remember that conversation, ask if you can tell them about to identify that trigger and discuss what to do in the future. 

Also, I’m not saying they’ve done anything, but it’s important to remember that you also deserve to be treated well, even when your friend has DID. They don’t have free reign to hurt you. It sounds like maybe they just were a bit stern to you but if anyone is ever really hurtful about that you’re allowed to not be ok with it.

So polyfragmented has two meanings. The main one I see more often is simply having 100 or more alters & fragments (alters that are less developed) in your system. The other is having many subsystems which on it’s own can also mean a few things.

Subsystems can be alters having their own alters or groups of alters that can communicate with each other but not the other subsystems. So alters in group A can all talk to each other but they can’t talk to any alters in group B or C.

Usually, polyfragmented systems have both of these things. In the general sense polyfragmented systems are large, have fragments, and usually also subsystems of some kind.

This question makes me quite uncomfortable. While people do fake, your presumption that your friend is 100% for sure faking bothers me because you cannot know for sure. Your first point about not being diagnosed doesn’t make much sense, since people have the disorder even before getting diagnosed. Your friend saying their dad won’t let them get checked out doesn’t sound like an excuse, this is a reality for some people, especially abuse victims. 

In the past our system has seemed fake to people because we were young and misinformed and tried to fit into things on tumblr. People said endogenic systems were real so we said it too. People said system hopping was real and it was used to abuse us so we believed in it. We are also an overt system (the less common kind of system who often cannot hide their switches or the differences in their alters) and this has made us seem fake. What I’m saying is that you can’t know because you are not in their head.

That’s not something I can directly answer with a 100% sure right/wrong answer for you. It’s definitely a different relationship with your body/system being a POC and you identifying as a white alter, since that balance of oppression is way different than if it were in reverse (what with white privilege and such). But my personal advice is to think about why most of the system identifies as white and if it could possibly be internalized racism or feeling like being asian / a poc didn’t feel as safe when the alters formed, etc. And that’s not me saying that’ necessarily the case, but it has been the case with us, being a black system. We’ve had alters see themselves as white in the past because of how awful a lot of the racist bullying we experienced was. But now even the ones who do look “whiter” in the inner world all identify as black because they know we experience the world as a black person and always will. 

And if you did decide to start identifying with being asian then it wouldn’t be cultural appropriation because your body is asian and as such does not and will never have white privilege, just as a “poc” alter in a white body will always have white privilege. 

But really in this specific case it’s a bit more complicated than just “white person says they have a black alter who’s ghetto and in a gang” which is what I usually see. this is more complicated by far given the nuances of it.

2/2 they treat tulpas, and endo, and spiritual alters memories as real traumatic things. i understand it may feel that way. we love every1 there, they're really great friends but theyre not just against ppl who are anti-endo, they're also against transmeds as well. we don't want to leave bc these people are supportive and mean a lot to us but we want to be in traumagenic discord servers that we could better relate to. we're also really doubting our validity atm and it isnt helping. what to do??

I mean. I’m gonna leave the transmed thing you mentioned out of it cuz that’s not really pertinent to this blog and I don’t wanna start a big fight about completely unrelated stuff.

But on to the rest of it. I totally get having friends where you disagree about stuff a lot and having these issues. If you want to stay friends with them despite all this that is up to you and I won’t tell you to stay or leave but perhaps you could also join some traumagenic-only servers without leaving the other one for now and see how that feels. Then later down the line you can decide if you still want to be in both groups or if one is making you feel better than the other. 

I also think being in a traumagenic server could help you with your feelings of doubt because the way you’ll interact with that, because of trauma will be completely different than a system who claims to have no trauma. Hopefully a server with DID/OSDD systems will help you find people to connect with on all levels, because every aspect of DID/OSDD is affected by our trauma unfortunately and people in the traumagenic server could probably help more with it imo. 

to clarify, i mean specifically in relation to did. i know i was religiously abused, I just want to know how bad it was and if it was bad enough, i guess

@babiephace

Yes I totally relate to this. (We are mixed though). We have had many alters change over time or even just change easily and it’s so frustrating to see people say it’s literally impossible.