Mia

He perfectly understood why she couldn’t talk to him about this, but it was impossible to accept that he had to let her walk away. He would never stop thinking about her and the questions would just keep piling up.

“I have to u-u-understand.”

Mia had no reason to give this boy anything. She owed him nothing, nor would it necessarily be right to let him understand, regardless of how desperate he was, regardless that he was sick. She looked around again and remembered that he’d spoken about following her. She might be good at losing a trail, but she couldn’t risk him following her back to her family.

“I understand your curiosity,” she said, now turning towards him. “But I don’t think I can fulfill it.” Nobody could know about who they were, because nobody would understand... Yet the Hawkins’ had and she knew there would be more. He already knew too much, which was possibly not something she could let him walk away with without understanding it fully, for he might tell others.

He was surprised to hear the change of tone in her voice and it caught him off guard. Somehow he’d not expected her to care about anything other than getting away from here. He looked up at her in surprise, but then continued to take one of the pills so he could hopefully control the pain, before it’d control him.

“No,” he replied. “I-I’m fine…” Did she care? Apparently she did. “Just a bad day, that-that’s all.”

“But–” he started immediately, although he knew it was useless. He understood why she couldn’t answer any of his questions, but that didn’t mean he could just let her go. His stomach was twisting and turning with fear and curiosity. He had to understand what was going on, because this was the most amazing thing he’d seen in his life.

If he wanted to convince her, then he was going to have to calm down. He couldn’t talk properly like this, and he felt his body tense with every second. Soon he was going to have a problem if he couldn’t get his heart rate under control. Actually, he was hurting more than he’d realised when he was sitting. His hand moved to his bag to take out a small bottle of pills, but he never took his eyes of her.

“L-look… I get you don’t trust me. But you c-can’t walk away!”

She didn’t stop watching him, even though she knew that was rude. She could see he was in pain and his response to it, taking the pills out of his bag, showed that this wasn’t new to him. He was sick. That told her a lot more about him that and it instantly took priority over what had been said before.

This time he got up in an instant and it took quite some willpower not to reach out to her and physically stop her from leaving. That would probably be a terrible idea, but he was desperate enough to try. He liked understanding things, and this was the strangest thing that’d ever happened to him.

“Y-you have to!” he replied. She didn’t have to do anything, but he didn’t want to believe that. “Are there more like you?”

That was not a question she was going to answer. There was one thing she’d never do deliberately and that was bring her family in danger. She was already doing that now she’d performed her act badly enough for a human to see through it. “It’s none of your business,” she replied and turned around to the boy. “I can’t talk about this.”

He didn’t nod in response to her question, as something about it bugged him. “What I th-th-think I saw… is what I s-saw.” Obviously she didn’t want to confirm it, but there was no point denying it either. He didn’t like to be called stupid, even if it was between the lines and unintended.

“I w-won’t tell anyone.” That was quite an easy promise to make. The only people he ever spoke to where his parents and he was certain their lives were already complicated enough for the moment, even if they didn’t know that themselves yet.

She watched him and how he behaved before and after he spoke to make sure his responses were genuine. It was clear he was on edge, maybe even scared, but she was quite sure that was her fault. She couldn’t see that he had an earpiece or any other device that communicated what was happening now.

He shook his head a little when she said that. “No… n-no, me neither,” he replied, hoping that perhaps she would begin to believe he had no ill intentions. He’d stumbled upon her by chance and he had no reason to hurt her. Well, he supposed he did, but he didn’t want to think of that yet. Was she a threat? Perhaps, but he didn’t think he could judge her yet.

“I’m sorry,” he said, though it sounded unarticulated. “D-d-didn’t mean to… make you scared.”

She didn’t know how to get out of this situation. Now he had seen her, she had no knowing where the information would go, but the idea of staying didn’t seem safe either.

“That is a debate for scholars, I am not one to concern myself with definitions, not when actions are so much more telling than any word ever can be. For example an older Synthetic moving slower around a child when they are treating a wound and telling the child what they are doing. It might be basic programming in the beginning, but the more they do it the better they are and that seems to be a conscious action to me.”

“Thank you.” Kara tells her before turning and lifting her hair. There was a synthetic implant at the base of her skull that obviously extended into the woman’s brain and it was surrounded by thick scars from an accident. She moves once more dropping her braid so it hides the implant and turns to look at the dog not making eye contact with Mia. “I had an accident when I was young and was signed up for an experimental program to bring me out of a vegetative state. It worked, but since then I often catch glimpses of what it must be like for any conscious synthetics. To have to hide something about yourself for fear of being destroyed or losing everything.”

The shock visible on her face was not there out of disapproval or because she didn’t understand it what she was seeing. In fact, it was probably there because she did understand what she was seeing, but she merely couldn’t fathom how she was seeing it. “When-- How?” she looked from the woman’s neck, back to her face, having no idea how to respond. She wanted to be helpful, understanding and supportive to this kind woman, but she simultaneously feared that in doing so she would give away her lack of shock that any human being should have when seeing this. Would it not tell Kara that maybe she’d seen it before? Or that she was different herself? But then what? Acting disgusted was hardly going to get her anywhere.

She was trying to deny it again, which was logical, but useless. He’d seen it now and there was no way anyone could convince him he’d been mistaken. He did, however, realise he shouldn’t be asking questions he wouldn’t want to answer himself if the roles were reversed. That was harder to do than he expected, as pretty much every question he came up with was intrusive. Of course it was, she was… quite something.

“You can… feel?”

“Yes, I can feel,” she snapped in response, though looked around her straight afterwards. Being angry or rude was not in her nature and she wasn’t much of an actor. Getting this far in her imitation of humans was quite an achievement to her. Yet, evidently, she hadn’t come far enough.

When she asked him that question he felt a burst of excitement. He didn’t have an answer, but he’d worry about that later. For now he was glad he wasn’t watching her walk away. He was still holding his camera, although not raising it. He wanted it, but suppressed the urge, as he knew she wouldn’t stay after he’d do something like that. Talking would have to do, unfortunately.

“I want to kn-kn-know h-how,” he started, finding it hard to control his stutter in a situation like this. His adrenaline was racing and he couldn’t take her eyes off her, which he knew was rude. He was fascinated.

She looked down at him, her arms crossed. His stutter gave her all kinds of impressions, none of them definitive. “How what?” she was afraid, because she didn’t know who he was, or where he came from. “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it probably wasn’t what you think it was.”

It was so far down his list of priorities, that he realised he shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. “Looking ‘no worse than they did’ is not really hard to do,” Leo replied. Sighing softly, he looked away. “It’s not like it matters. I’ll be more careful next time.” But he had been careful this time and it hadn’t prevented the situation.

[okay, here goes [tw: i mention depression]

Hey guys! You may or may not have noticed I have not been here for about, two weeks, maybe? I haven’t kept count. Basically, I started my final year and I forgot how M E N T A L L Y  D R A I N I N G it was (two breakdowns in two weeks, one in front of my whole class. go me!).

Also, before that, I posted quite a lot about how I had lost my muse (Mattie’s voice when writing, basically). So recently, if I were to do replies, they would not have been to the best of my ability (if i have any fuckin’ ability).

My depression has weighed me down along with writer’s block and I would rather take a hiatus than give you guys crappy replies.

“But Mattie’s Mun!” I hear you cry “Why are you back here writing this?”

Well, gentle readers, I am hoping to return! I will try my hardest to reply but please realise life is really taking it’s toll. I need to get good grades in my A-Levels, apply to different unis, try and find a job whilst also trying to calm my mental health (I’m still on my medication but my therapist left so they have to transfer me to a new one).

Sorry if I rambled and I have genuinely missed this blog. I love you all and I adore Mattie and Humans so I could not leave this account behind.

I hope I didn’t worry any of you <3 synthmia halfhumanleo fenagain melissa-clone-of-the-cavalry-may

P,S Understand I will be easing myself back into RP gently so don’t expect me to reply to everything just yet]

/* hello there, darling. Thank you for giving everyone a little heads up on your goings-on! I’ve been desperately absent myself :/ Getting used to university, all the coursework, the travelling and of course the new place has taken its toll on me a little bit, so no worries, dear <3 The beginning of a school year is always very daunting and I totally understand you needing some (or a lot!) of time to get your head around it. You’re not letting anyone down by not being around, so please don’t force yourself to come back out of guilt and spend your time here while you desperately need it for something else <3 I think everyone understands that your sanity comes first! I will wait for your return patiently :3

She was almost convincing, but as she was a abnormal synth, capable of lying, he really didn’t believe her for a second. He smirked and nodded. The faster he’d be out of this disgusting place, the better. Besides, he could find something to make her talk.

“  Good. We’ll see about that later. Follow me please.  ”

He made a small move toward the door without leaving her out of sight. She was capable of much more than just lying. It would be risky to not keep her in sight. Even for a second.

She got up slowly, moving to stand up. Her eyes were on the door, before being on him. She was perfectly aware of what he was doing; watching her, to catch her if she’d escape. “Are you afraid of me?” she then asked, not advancing towards the door, but towards him instead. She did it to intimidate him just slightly, because she was stronger than he was. She could hurt him badly and get away before he could call for help, unless he had a trick up his sleeve. And this is what she needed to know.

The woman’s lips curl upwards slightly at the other’s statement. “We all are, every single creature is created in one way or another, either by the DNA of another creature, or out of synthetic building blocks and computer programs. But a program is that is all DNA is though, just a program for creating a creature out of organic particles”

The vet looks up at Mia at her question. “I suppose part of it is just a feeling, but it is more than that as well. Fear makes everyone an actor, and if no one is looking for you acting then you can hide what you are rather well. Some of the  synthetics I see seem to react differently than they usually do when they think no one is around, reaching out for some of the animals to give them comfort and things like that. If that is not a sign of consciousness I do not know what is, seeking out acceptance from something else, even if you are afraid of humans knowing what you actually are.”

Kara smiles slightly finishing up the last of the stitching before starting to apply antiseptic cream and bandage up the wounds. “This is the last one alright sweetie, you can wake up soon okay.” She tells the dog patting their head even though the dog is still sedated. Once she is done she turns to Mia her face serious for a second. “You seem very kind, more so than most. Can I show you something? Once we have the puppy settled down to recover of course” She asks hoping that the other would say yes so that she could perhaps talk to them about something she rarely tells anyone because she is afraid of people knowing about it.

Mia listened to the woman intently, appreciating how kindly she spoke of synthetics. It made her feel more comfortable, even if she wasn’t confessing what she was. Instead, she was making sure not to get exposed. This information could be dangerous in anyone’s hands. “What consciousness is is still contested. Some plants could be conscious. It’s difficult to know where to draw the line and how to determine what it is. I only know you’re conscious because I am,” she said, smiling down at the dog when Kara spoke to her.

“Consciousness is, I think, a side effect to a certain level of intelligence. It will go paired with self awareness, for instance. However, I don’t think all conscious beings are conscious that they’re conscious.” She laughed softly. “It’s a very peculiar subject.” Although she knew more about it than most, it was still a complete mystery to her most of the time.