from his role as stephen glass in shattered glass (2003). 

warning for: suicide mention. 

honky cat.

when i look back, boy, i must have been green.

until i saw your city lights, honey, i was blind. 

they said, get back, honky cat.

better get back to the woods.

i quit those days.

the change is gonna do me good.

living in the city ain’t where it’s at.

it’s like trying to find gold in a silver mine.

it’s like trying to drink whiskey from a bottle of wine.

i read some books, and i read some magazines. 

all the folks back home, well -- said i was a fool.

they said believe in the lord is the golden rule.

living in the city is going to break your heart. 

how can you stay when your heart says no?

how can you stop when your feet say go?

mellow.

don’t you know i’m feeling mellow?

i love your roman nose, the way you curl your toes.

heaven knows what you sent me.

oh, don’t forget the beer. 

it can’t be bad, all the love i’ve had. 

oh, you make me mellow.

i think i’m going to kill myself

i’m getting bored being a part of mankind.

there’s not a lot to do no more. 

this race is a waste of time. 

think i’ll buy a forty four, give them all a surprise. 

i think i’m gonna kill myself. 

what a scandal if i died. 

i’d like to see what the papers say on the state of teenage blues. 

i can’t use the car.

i gotta be in by ten o’clock.

who do they think they are?

i’d make an exception if you want to save my life. 

it’s no wonder they’re a household name.

we’re just good friends!

we were kids together. we grew up together. we worked together!

dignity. always dignity.

[irritably plays a ragtime piano melody]

[i’m] fit as a fiddle and ready for love!

oh, that’s swell. just swell.

that’s a moot point.

well, that’s funny. i’m busy.

hot-diggity, kids!

can’t a girl get a word in edgewise?

no one’s got that much money.

why don’t you go out now and recite the gettysburg address?

you shouldn’t believe all that banana oil.

there is nothing between us.

there has never been anything between us– just air.

haven’t you heard? she’s irresistible. she told me herself.

i got no glory. i got no fame. i got no big mansions. i got no money. but i got – well, what have i got?

do something, call me a cab!

okay, you’re a cab.

don’t worry, i’m not a criminal!

you’re a famous gangster!

well, thanks for saving my life.

i’d very much like to know whose hospitality i’m enjoying.

we movie stars get the glory, i guess we have to take the little heartaches that go with it.

they just make a lot of dumb show.

you’ll have to wear a beard for that one.

you’re nothing but a shadow on film.

farewell, ethel barrymore!

how did you come, by way of australia?

you gotta show a movie at a party; it’s a hollywood law!

they’ll lose their shirts.

well, if it isn’t ethel barrymore.

all i do is dream of you.

you’re every thought, you’re everything, you’re every song i ever sing.

___, you never looked lovelier!

well, it’s a living.

she’s the first dame who hasn’t fallen for your lines since you were four.

come on now, snap out of it.

the show must go on!

i’m sure we should be as happy as – but are we? no. definitely no. positively no. decidedly no.

make ‘em laugh!

they’ll be standin’ in lines for those old, honky-tonk monkeyshines.

you could study shakespeare and be quite elite.

you could charm the critics and have nothing to eat.

slip on a banana peel, the world’s at your feet!

don’t you know the world wants to laugh?

go out and tell ‘em a joke, but give it plenty of hoke.

[cackles brightly, lengthily, and breathlessly]

why, you rattlesnake, you.

i never heard of anything so low.

i don’t like her half as much as i hate you, you reptile.

i’d rather kiss a tarantula.

i don’t – hey, ___, bring me a tarantula.

at last i can stop suffering and write that symphony!

what can i do but give my heart to you?

gee, i’m glad you turned up. we’ve been looking inside every cake in town!

i’m such a ham.

you sure look lovely in the moonlight.

i’ve laid awake the whole night through.

you were meant for me, and i was meant for you.

nature patterned you, and when she was done, you were all the sweet things rolled up in one.

you’re like a plaintive melody that never lets me free.

the angels must have sent you, and they meant you just for me.

sinful caeser sipped his snifter, seized his knees and sneezed.

moses supposes his toeses are roses, but moses supposes erroneously.

but moses, he knowses, his toeses aren’t roses, as moses supposes his toeses to be.

a rose is a rose, a nose is a nose, a toese is a toese.

hupi-dubi-du!

gee, this is dumb.

well, i can’t make love to a bush!

swell!

i love you, i love you, i love you.

this is a scream.

i’m no actor, i never was. just a lot of dumb show.

well, at least you’re taking it laying down.

or worse still, [you could] go back into vaudeville!

of course. it’s a cinch!

hot dog!

fellas, i feel this is my lucky day.

it’s 1:30 already. it’s morning!

we’ve talked the whole night through.

good mornin’!

it’s great to stay up late.

when the band began to play, the stars were shining bright.

now the milkman’s on his way, it’s too late to say goodnight.

so, good mornin’!

sunbeams will soon shine through.

we’ve gabbed the whole night through!

nothin’ could be grander than to be in louisiana.

might be just as zippy if we was in mississippi!

the pain is gone, the show goes on, and i don’t wanna say goodnight.

she can’t act, she can’t sing, and she can’t dance. a triple threat.

wait a minute. i am just about to be brilliant!

watch my mouth.

enchanting. what are you doing tomorrow?

where i stand, the sun is shining all over the place.

i’m singin’ in the rain; just singin’ in the rain.

what a glorious feeling, i’m happy again.

i’m laughin’ at clouds, so dark above.

the sun’s in my heart, and i’m ready for love.

let the stormy clouds chase everyone from this place.

come on with the rain, i’ve a smile on my face.

i’ll walk down the lane with a happy refrain.

remind me to give you a raise!

hey, ___. give me a raise.

would you dare to say: let’s do the same as they?

i would. would you?

first, we set the stage with a song.

don’t bring a frown to old broadway.

your troubles there, they’re out of style.

gotta dance!

broadway rhythm’s got me.

when i hear that happy beat, i feel like dancin’ down the street.

our love will last until the stars turn cold.

try and understand this: i’m going to marry her.

i once gave you a cigar. can i have it back?

tonight, i’m gonna do my own talking.

you’ve gotta do it, ___. this thing is too big.

you are my lucky star.

i was starstruck!

you are my lucky charms.

i’m lucky in your arms.

hangout at the gallows.

jesus, man, what did you do?

left foot, right foot, that’s the ticket.

you’ll be back on top real soon.

whose bright idea was it to sharpen the knives?

if you want an answer, it's anybody's guess.

so you wanna hangout at the gallows?

those guys get an early start.

what’s your intake? your reason for living?

mr tillman.

___, good to see you again.

you left your passport in the mini fridge.

don't leave your mattress in the rain if you sleep on the balcony.

what a beautiful tattoo that young man had on his face.

will you need a driver out to philly?

he seemed a little worried about you.

i’m feeling good, damn, i’m feeling so fine.

i’m living on a cloud above an island in my mind.

don't be alarmed, this is just my vibe.

no, it's not too bad a crime.

is there someone we can call?

perhaps you shouldn’t drink alone.

just dumb enough to try.

i know a few ten-cent words.

you can take what i know about love and drown it in the sink.

i know my way around a tune.

won’t be a single dry eye in the room.

but i'm just dumb enough to try to keep you in my life.

i’ve been here a few times before.

you could have me anytime.

everything’s cool, i’m great, i’m fine.

date night.

nothing surprises me much.

do you wanna go to the farm?

do you wanna go to the park?

i’ll get you ice cream if you give me your card.

nothing impresses me much.

i’ve got a great attitude and a map to the stars.

i got your number from that sign in the lawn.

i also wanna vanquish evil but my mojo is gone.

i bet you know most of my friends.

they’re some real exclusive dudes.

i can escort you down the runway, i just joined the police.

so you wanna be a grifter like me?

i’m the second coming.

i’m the last to know.

i didn’t get invited but i know where to go.

continuously updated!

who hasn’t run up a tree and declared their love for satan?

there’s, like, seven levels of alien encounters.

i, for one, welcome our spooky demon overlords.

slap his ronald mcdonald ass!

the lord can suck my ass.

the voice says naps are for pussies.

let’s go take care of daddy.

if we don’t see assless chaps, i’m out.

dude, yeehaw.

i pee where i want.

my nipples are like diamonds.

cleansed … of skin?

he has an untrustworthy mouth.

it’s up all night to get fucky.

step one: hold child off cliff.

where’s your shoe, boy?

considering the ritual sacrifice, this man should be nowhere near children.

what happens when you cross a snake and a horse? snorse.

is that a friend? he’s shaped like a friend?

from his role as taneleer tivan in the 2014 film guardians of the galaxy.

credit isn’t necessary, but please like or reblog if using.