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do you guys remember when we googled something and we would get results that were actually related to the things we searched

i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

everyones got that fic they chip away at like michaelangelo sculpting david. and brother? its penis month

asked my friends if they knew what i was referencing and they said no. we all know that post where someone divided how long it took michelangelo to sculpt david by it's size and went "yuuuuup. whole month spent on penis" right. sure, my search history is full variations upon "michelangelo penis month tumblr" to no avail, but we all know it. right.

Hi, that was a MBMBAM bit. But i see you and i hear you and i dont know if someone already said something

big loud incorrect buzzer noise that plays after every social interaction i have

im actually cleft in twain right now can i call you back

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

here's a funny conversation topic i had a with a friend: if you're over the age of 25, when's the last time you really *ran* in a panic (like you were late, chasing after something, etc. things like a marathon don't count!) and what was it for?

the grim reality for a lot of nonbinary people is that their options are closet themselves and be perpetually misunderstood by the world at large or be out and proud and be perpetually misunderstood by the world at large

hey asshole. i can feel you skipping through my dialogue. did you even consider how that might make me feel