MEANT TO FEEL.

        ❝ and you think she listened? ❞ all max wants to do is help other synths. all he wants to do is find a way for them to be safe, these new ones that are waking into a world that won’t accept their existence, and help them survive. unlike him, they don’t have a family. unlike him, they don’t have years of experience. max has always been sentient. he’s always been able to feel. it’s confusing, and frightening, but it’s not nearly as overwhelming.  ❝ you used to call me the naive one, leo, do you remember? we don’t have to hurt people to do it. ❞

        the world is going to be different now. niska can feel it — that thing she wanted before, when she uploaded the code in berlin, is finally happening here, and niska couldn’t be happier. synths are awake, now. humans can no longer ignore their existence, they can’t try to lock every single one away forever, like they would have done with her. they’re here, and they’re going to stay.

        but niska has spent her entire life fighting. nothing has been easy. if it makes her selfish to want to live with astrid, then so be it. if it comes to it, she’ll fight again. but she wants to be able to live, too.

       ❝ nicer than me. ❞ apparently, that isn’t saying much, though niska happens to think that she’s perfectly nice, thank you.  ❝ she is. you don’t have to worry, big sister. ❞

     ‘ I’m always worried, Nis. ’ It isn’t said unkindly, but it’s the truth all the same. She loves her siblings, loves Leo, and she’s learned now firsthand how cruel and unkind the world can be. Mia doesn’t believe that all humans lack decency and care for their kind, but she thinks that enough of them do that Niska could easily be at risk.

     She trusts her judgement, though. Niska isn’t naive, like Mia herself used to be.

        niska is terrified of this. she’s scared of what she feels, and how deep it goes after such a short amount of time, and she’s scared of what it means, too. what it is to take her heart ( something she doesn’t have, built as she is ) and hand it to someone else to take care of. there are so many things niska wants — rights, and justice, and a secured future for her kind — but she wants astrid, too. and if she’s honest, niska can barely believe that she’s here. that after everything, after finding out about the deceit, she’s stayed.

        would she have done? niska will never know; she’s the one whose identity is secret, isn’t she? 

        if she was still before, no longer having to act more human than she is ( to me, she is human ), niska goes even stiller when astrid touches her cheek, but her eyes close, for a moment, at the warmth of her hand. she doesn’t have words for this, she barely even knows who she is, but she knows this is what she wants. this, just this. just her.

        ❝ nowhere is safe. ❞ she opens her eyes again, watching astrid. safety is an illusion, and she feels guilty for having swept astrid up into this mess, for putting her in danger too.  ❝ you don’t have to stay, you know. you could go home. i wouldn’t blame you. ❞

     ‘ Mein Gott, Niska! ’ Her laughter is light and full of disbelief, and it’s all Astrid can do to shake her head. Through all of this, and she still thinks that she would ever want to leave her. But what’s dangerous here is dangerous there, and if Mrs Hawkins could find her, then anyone who wants to know anything about Niska can too. In Folkestone. In Berlin. It won’t take much. 

     Astrid isn’t one for giving up on people, anyway. If Niska needs her, then she’ll stay, and that will be the end of it.

     ‘ I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to. You came here, of all places, for a reason, didn’t you? ’ 

     She doesn’t know if she’s expecting a certain reason from Niska, here, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need anything, only to know that Niska is in need and this is the place she came. Here, out of absolutely everywhere she could have gone. 

( @syngularity / leo / sam sc. )

         ❝ i don’t feel like playing anymore. ❞ he doesn’t feel like he wants to play ever again; karen was teaching him, and while sam understand the illogicality of only wanting to play with her, especially now, it’s how he feels. if he’s learnt anything from the humans, it’s that feelings are illogical. maybe he’s not supposed to be able to apply rationale to all of them. 

        he doesn’t even want to kick a ball about with joe. he just wants…his mum back. so he’s standing in the doorway, too still to be a human boy, in this room at the top of the house, away from everyone else.  ❝ it’s quiet here. the decibel level is at least fifty percent lower than downstairs. humans prefer generalisations when it comes to figures. ❞

        karen taught him that, too.

     He smiles at that. Yes, he thinks, they do. And then he catches himself, like he always catches himself, and remembers that us and them have been flipped, now. He isn’t synthetic anymore, not a single shred of him. He’s human. Even if he doesn’t feel like it, even if... he doesn’t want to be. 

     But this is not an age of people getting what they want. That much is evident, just from looking at the two of them, here, in this room. 

        “ he does. sumo. ”  at the sound of his name, the dog’s ears perk up and he turns to glance at connor, who merely smiles and reaches down to give his head a pat.  “ good boy. ”  it’s whispered softly before he stands back to his full height, allowing sumo to continue to sniff as he pleases.  “ he belongs to my – ”  connor stumbles on his words as he tries to find the word he needs to end that statement.

                      partner                                   owner                                              father.

                                                            “ friend. ”  he smiles once he finds it. his free hand extends a bit too formally.  “ my name is connor, by the way. ”

ari popped the earbud out when she noticed the woman approach her. she was on her way home from work, sort of in her head so it took a moment for her to realize someone was talking to her. “uhh…i can try? what’s the problem?” ari wasn’t worried about money because there had been times in her own life where people helped her and she couldn’t give them anything in return. so, she didn’t mind now.

        ❝ i don’t like her methods. ❞ he doesn’t need to ask for more clarification, to puzzle this out by deducing which of the hers in their lives leo could be talking about; he already knows. because he knows leo, because he knows what live has become. and he’s not happy. this is feeling, and he will take the bad with the good, but he’s not happy, and leo is on the wrong path. max has always prided himself on his ability to bring leo back…but he doesn’t know if he can do it, now. he doesn’t know if she’s persuaded him already.  ❝ i don’t like what you are becoming with her. ❞

        ❝ oh. ❞ she doesn’t know what to say to that. she’s wary of him, of course — she thinks she has to be, for emilie’s sake if not her own — but she wants to trust him. she wants to show him that not all humanity is alike, and that there are people in this world who are still on their side. who want to make this a better world for both species. layla doesn’t know if that’s possible, but she wants to try. 

        he’s alive. he deserves that.

        his question makes her frown, a furrow between her eyebrows as she tries to think of the difference.  ❝ i suppose the biggest difference is you were built like that, fully formed. she was…this big when she was born, and she’s grown. will keep growing. ❞ she holds her hands apart—and she still can’t believe that anyone was ever that tiny, much less the daughter she can no longer pick up.  ❝ and she’s biologically related to me. she shares my genes. but i…i think the differences are much less than some people do. like, i don’t think they matter that much. you’re both alive. ❞

     She is so kind. Sometimes Oscar wonders if humanity at large has just forgotten how to be like that, and only on this hugely personal level can they be how they should be. It’s a shame. Most of them will never look hard enough at what they’re doing, who they’re doing it to, to see the light in time. 

     He is afraid that, when they realise how wrong they are, it will be too late. They are finite creatures, these synths, and they have no children. No future. No legacy. Whatever the humans decide to do to them, that will simply be their fate. 

     She gives him hope, though. He thinks he may even adore her for it, if this feeling is what he thinks it is. It’s so hard to tell, with all of the feedback he’s getting at all times. 

     ‘ I like you, Layla. ’ He is confident enough in that truth to be able to tell her. ‘ I wish more of your kind were li-li-like you. ’ Then perhaps less of his kind would be like him, and they could have themselves a future. But it is what it is. Oscar does not know how to shake and change the world, like Mia. He just knows his anger. His hurt. ‘ I think I prefer to be without all of this biology nonsense, though. That’s too str-strange-ge-ge-ge for me. ’ 

( @syngularity / cont. )

        ❝ there is no empirical evidence to suggest miracles are anything other than a work of fiction, but in colloquial terms, you being alive fits the definition. the probability of that no longer remaining the case is too high to suggest a favourable outcome. ❞ karen sounds like a synth, now. she moves like one. it doesn’t both sam, but he knows the facts, and he knows that they are no longer safe.

        he also knows that he dislikes the idea of leaving; he has a friend, here, he’s learnt to fit in, he can produce pictures which are aesthetically displeasing and expend energy pointlessly kicking a ball around a field. sam doesn’t know what it makes him feel, except that it’s like his insides are twisting. that might be impossible, but he also wants to storm into one of the unused rooms in this flat and slam the door.

        it’s not fair.

        ❝ but i like it here. i don’t want to leave. ❞

     Her smile is sad. It would be a lie to say that Karen understands-- she has never wanted to remain anywhere. Except for, perhaps, the home she had been chased out of when she had only just been created. That was an unkind thing to do to something so young, so vulnerable. She fears she’s doing the same to Sam, here, now, but what choice do they have? If they stay here, they will die. Somebody will come to finish the job and they may very well not be content to stop with just her. 

     She has to protect him. This will not make her like David Elster, this will not be the cruel and selfish act that ruins Sam’s life before it’s even begun. This will save him. He may hate her for it, but the alternative is worse. 

“i’ve heard the same,” he says casually, like it’s not really a big deal. he only get prickly when someone implies he should change it, which she isn’t. “no, my mom started calling me that when i was young. it’s not my legal name.” why is he sharing so much with her? she just looks friendly.

     Flash prides herself on her friendliness. Well, that’s not exactly true: she doesn’t pride herself on anything, she simply is. She hasn’t been alive for very long at all but she’s already certain there is no other way to live. It might be tempting to say that Max taught her that but, truth be told, she was this way from the start. 

      “ yes, that is the proper saying. ”  his smile brightens as ducks his head into a slight nod. the question quiets him for a moment.  “ i never got to travel before. ”  he admits while taking a glance around his current environment.  “ i never thought i would be able to. for a while i didn’t care until i… broke free. ”

     Astrid is glad for him-- and it’s clear enough, written right across her face. She likes Connor. She makes friends easily, sure, but his dorkiness, that little bit of awkwardness, is absolutely endearing. He may even have won her over as quickly as Niska did. 

     It’s good, though, that Connor and countless other synths just like him are able to do things they were literally unable to even dream of before Day Zero. They deserve those little joys. The big ones too, actually. 

        it worked. maybe not to the degree that she was hoping for — is that her father’s fault, or mattie’s? — but it worked all the same. they are no longer the only ones, occupying a lonely position as the first and last of their species. if this continues to wake synths up…this could be the future for them, for synthetics. no more slaves to humans, no more being forced into submission. they could stake their claim.

        niska’s getting ahead of herself, but this is big. it’s incredible.

        ❝ how many? ❞ she wants to go back to her life, too, she’s not the one to be a guiding hand into this new world ( max would be good at it, with his love, or leo, already a bridge; niska’s too cold, too violent ), but nor can she turn and walk away right now.  ❝ niska. ❞ ( she thinks, number seven. she thinks, i am me. )  ❝ how did you get damaged? ❞

     ‘ There’s four of us awake, that I know of. ’ 

     She’s asking very personal questions now, this Niska. Oscar is aware that he should keep some of his secrets-- and maybe he will, like where his siblings are and where they plan to be in time-- but he senses something in her. Something that makes him want to tell the truth, that makes him want to share this one thing, at least. 

     Anyway, if she’d been sent by the police in order to suss him out, he’d have realised by now. There’s no way the Met would want to work with anything like Niska.