I'm always this nice.

Actually I do not feel snug as a bug in a rug I feel uptight as a mite in a fight

everyone wants masc carpenter trade until his rough calloused handjob sands your thing down small and smooth as a river stone

Just saw a bird with a worm on my fence. 6:30 pm. sometimes the late-goers win

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

These wonderful people have a single braincell to share but unfortunately none of them are using it

it's always "why do you pace so much" and never "how was the pacing was the pacing fun"

we need to find the beating heart of The Job Market and we need to plunge a holy gleaming blade into it. its the only way to be free

Walking tents are always fun, but the pants are what killed me. Then, fresh off that death, GIRAFFE.

when you compliment or thank someone for being such a good friend to you and they hit you with the "i'm going to totally betray your trust soon and you're making it really difficult not to feel conflicted about it" stare 😂😂

the thing is you gotta milk these relationships for all they're worth because when you're a dog that's going to be euthanised soon in someone's eyes there's almost nothing they won't do for you however ☝️ you may struggle to get them to put aside their ethical hangups to have sex with you. in case you were wondering.