i want to fucking kill myself

– Audrey Hepburn

— Learning.

burnt_breakfast

I miss you. I miss you so much that sometimes it feels hard to breathe. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be enough for you. I hope you know that I think about you every single day, always hoping that you’re doing okay. It kills me to not be a part of your life anymore. When people ask me about what happened between us I kind of just laugh and say it just wasn’t meant to be. I tell them that i am okay; I’ve moved on. But the truth is, I don’t think I ever will move on. It kills me to know that I care so much about you, that even after how much you hurt me I would still drop everything for you in a heartbeat if you needed me. I can’t even listen to Hitchiker anymore without it feeling like I’m suffocating. Literally everything I do reminds me of you. When there is news about sims, Demi or ND you’re the first one I want to tell… but I know I can’t do that anymore. It was funny how similar we were… we were soulmates, at least that’s what you used to say. I loved you so much that I didn’t even care about anything else. Having you by my side is the only thing that mattered. I used to think that maybe I could beat this, maybe life was worth living as long as it was with you. I guess that’s why they say not to make someone your everything…because once they’re gone, you have nothing. I know you don’t care about me anymore. It hurts because you’re so much happier without me and I’m so much happier with you. I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy… I just hate that your happiness has to be at my expense. I remember my roommate saying to me that once you and I started talking, she noticed I smiled more. I was happier. So many people said that to me, everyone thought that you were my cure because you made me want to be better. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I doubt you’ll even ever read this. But it wasn’t just me…. you were the one who gave up on us. Yes, I made mistakes too, but you were the one to end it. You never gave me the chance to be a better person. I was hurting and you used that against me. It wasn’t fair. I’m sure in the story you’ve told your friends and boyfriend about us, I seem like the bad one. That’s fine, you can tell them the things that I have said and done, but please don’t leave out the things that you did too. Neither of us are innocent. It was both of our faults. The only difference is that I would have fought to make things better between us, and you just wanted to give up… I still love you, and I really hope that you are okay.

- Moose Blood // It’s Too Much

ah shit, here we go again