I Don't Know Either

With this attachment style, there is a push and pull internally that you struggle with. You have this dire need and desire to be wanted by someone, to have someone, to be someone’s person, yet nothing terrifies you more. Nothing makes you more sick to your stomach, and nothing brings you more anxiety. 

There is a constant dilemma wavering over your head. Usually, one parent emotionally starved you through their non-verbal absence, they never met your needs, they never protected you, they never gave you the unconditional love you so desperately craved for, and quite frankly needed and deserved. And in most cases the other parent represented a constant rollercoaster of emotions. They were unpredictable, chaotic, abusive, but also loving, nurturing, and caring in some circumstances. They brought you the safety and took it away just as fast. Over and over again, “I’m here!” to “I left again” over and over again. Because of this you looked at your parents in fear instead of comfort. Instead of walking towards them for protection, you ran away in fear and confusion. This abandonment wound grew so deep you just started believing they wouldn’t come to you when you needed them the most, because they never did.

You started to believe that they wouldn’t give you the security or stability that you need. Both parents emotionally (sometimes physically) left, with no explanation or communication. Or in some other severe cases both or (one) parent abused or neglected you and your needs at a very young age, and so you grew up thinking that 'love' is a conditional circumstance, and it's not given, especially by the people you're supposed to hold close to. In short, they didn’t provide the emotional or physical support or security a parent should have brought or in a way that you needed.

You felt as if you weren’t enough for their love so why would anyone else in your life be different? Why would another soul bring you the security your own parents starved you from? How can you become vulnerable to someone who would just leave in the end? How do you show the darkest parts of yourself to another? How do you let the wall come down? You were taught that no one will be there when it does. And with all this fear, there is still a part of you that wants a home.

You want someone to hold you and give you the peace you never felt. You want someone to look at you with pure intentions, and with care. You want someone to put you first because no one in your life ever did. No one ever showed you that your feelings matter, or that you are worthy of the love you crave. You want a home, a safe, secure, stable home. And now you search for it. Everywhere. And when and if you do, you run.

The idea of someone else actually seeing you, and all your parts makes you insecure and afraid. Being vulnerable is terrifying, showing a part of yourself just means they will take that part from you, and leave. Because they always do. Yet still, you have this deep void. A deep void of wanting a connection, of wanting to be needed, and wanting to give. Now you may struggle emotionally and wither between being numb towards wanting a partnership to wanting nothing more. “What if the person I choose doesn’t choose me?” And this constant dilemma goes around and around your head. You feel as if no one is able to understand you, or love you in the way that you need. So instead, you fall for the people who naturally represent the abandonment wound that bleeds in you.

You fall for the one person that you know will leave, because that's what's most comfortable to you. It’s what’s most known in your eyes, it's deemed as what’s most ‘safe.’ The person you choose to give your heart to, is the same person you know that will abandon you. You already know how the story ends, so you naturally will choose someone who fits that absent character. They will never love you in the way that you long for, in the way that you search for, but that’s the type of love you only feel safe enough to accept. You’ll go in circles with this person, and you’ll constantly ask yourself “Why am I never good enough?” “Why can’t they just understand me for a second?” “Am I asking for too much?” “I’m never worth it, I’m not enough.” And the cycle repeats.

Or in some cases you find someone special, and the second they don’t represent your abandonment wound, the second they get too comfortable being with you, too comfortable with showing you their affection, their secure love, you run. This type of love is not common for you, nor does it feel safe enough to have, or to hold. Only until you heal that abandonment wound you have deep down, the only people in your life will just be a walking affirmation that says “You are not worth it.”

Ultimately, you crave to find the love you never received, but search for it in all the wrong people.

The people you choose are mirrors of everything you feel about yourself. You don’t think you deserve the safe love you yearn for. So when someone comes in, and they don’t represent the ‘safe’ mirror of being the person who will leave, nothing scares you more.

Because no major characters in the musical are cishet, and most of them are queer in the movie and cartoon, too, sorry not sorry, I don’t make the rules.

[I didn’t include every queer identity, because that would be impossible, but if you have a SAFE FOR WORK request (b**tl*bab*s DNI) send me an ask and I will do my best.]

And did I say b**tl*bab*s DNI? Because b**tl*bab*s DNI.

* Lesbian: “Great. You ghosts can have the attic to yourselves today until Adam shoos the bee out the window.” “I would have thought you liked them, Lydia.” “I actually don’t - what are you holding behind your back?” “Because you’re a les-bee-an!” “Why do you have so many bees?!” “These are the Kowalski-Smiths, and they’re my friends. Don’t be rude.“

* Bisexual: “Why did you take all the Otter Pops out of the freezer? If you eat all the purple ones again, Delia’s going to get mad.” “You know, Lyds, if we became popsicles, we’d have to have training wheels.” “Do you have brain freeze? I don’t even know where you’re going with this one.” “Because we’d be bi-cicles.” “Put the Otter Pops back in the damn freezer.”

* Gay: ”Beetlejuice, why did you fill my water bottle with this orange stuff?” ”Well, I’ll give you a hint: it’s not straight-orade.”

* Trans: “Why are you holding that flower pot? Beej, is that Barbara’s tomato seedling? Seriously, don’t break that, we worked really hard to make those sprout.” “No, no, this one’s ready to go out in the main garden. But you have to do it. Do you know why?” “I hate to ask: why?” “Because it’s a -“ “BECAUSE IT’S A TRANS-PLANT.” “Thanks, Babs. Uh, Barbara came up with that one.” “I could tell.”

* Queer: “Do Delia’s crystals ever speak to you?” ”No. I see why she likes them, I guess, but it’s not my -” “Because I figured their speech would be crystal queer.” ”…OK, I want to be mad, but that might be your best one yet.”

* Genderfluid: ”Lydia…you have to help me…my gender, it’s…” “Beej, you did this last week.” “…My gender is dehydrated. You’re…*cough* the only one who can -” “Help? Because I’m gender-fluid?” “Because you’re gender-fluid.”

* Agender: “Lyds, what do this planner and you doing an Australian accent have in common?” “I don’t know, BJ, what do that planner and me doing an Australian accent have in common?” “An agend-ah!” “Kids, I’m on a conference call. Go make your puns outside.”

Beetlejuice: Ah yes, the Cain instinct

Beetlejuice *on the roof*: bless you

Lawrence & Demon girl 

Torture:

- Whumpee is chained up outside in a blizzard. His layers might be enough to keep him from freezing to death…but the longer he’s out there, the less certain either he or whumper is that he’ll survive.

- Beaten and defeated by villain, hero is secured to a scarecrow pole half-naked in the sleet, unable to escape its relentless stinging.

- Whumper forces whumpee to do outside chores on the ice in bare feet.

- Whumper hurts whumpee, resulting in whumpee getting bloody, and forces him to wash himself off in icy water. Imagine red streaks trickling over watery shards of ice.

Magic/superpowers:

- Villain creates icicles to use as tiny blades to impale hero. Imagine hero bleeding as little spears of ice, like broken glass, pierce his body.

- Conversely, hero is the one who possesses deadly powers of snow and ice, and villain turns those powers against him.

- Whumper encases whumpee in ice as punishment.

- Villain literally makes hero’s blood run cold, by turning it into ice in his veins.

- Whumpee jolts awake, freezing cold; their room has become a snowy cave, thanks to whumper. And whumpee is locked inside.

- Villain uses his power to make hero feel like he’s freezing to death. Can hero fight it, when he knows it’s just in his head? Or is villain too powerful?

Illness/Fever:

- Caretaker has to travel through snow and ice to get the medicine that whumpee desperately needs, but doing so makes him sick too.

- Hero is on an expedition in the snow when he starts feeling ill; the group is far from where they need to be and hero has no choice but to press on with a mounting fever.

- Whumper is pursuing whumpee (non-human, maybe?) in the winter, not knowing that whumpee is impervious to cold; as whumper tramps through the cold and ice, getting sick, whumpee is getting away.

Environmental:

- Hero is on the run, but his hiding place gets snowed in. The catch? He already knows villain is following him.

- Whumpee gets caught outside in a blizzard so dense they end up lost, unable to find their way back through the snow and ice.

- Hero is out trying to find sidekick when an ice storm catches him off-guard; he has to stop and find shelter, not knowing that sidekick is also out, looking for him.

- Whumper lets whumpee go, and whumpee scoots; but the real whumper is still waiting for them: the dangerous Winter.

Comfort/fluff:

- Caretaker brings newly-rescued whumpee hot chocolate while whumpee sits by caretaker’s living room window, watching the snow fall.

- Hero and sidekick are coming back from a job, when it starts to snow heavily. They have a snowball fight.

- The picturesque snowfall softens whumper enough that they give whumpee a thick blanket; for the first time in a while, whumpee is warm enough.

—when whumpee is sick (especially if they have a fever) so caretaker wraps them in a blanket and carries them to bed. bonus points for feverish mumbling and reassuring forehead kisses

—during a rescue, when whumpee is too weak to run

—after whumpee has been through some kind of traumatic event. they could be injured or just terrified, and they want nothing more than to curl up in the safety of caretaker’s arms and hide away from the pain

—when whumpee is unconscious or asleep and caretaker’s heart breaks a little at how peaceful they look

—after a nightmare. maybe caretaker is carrying whumpee to their own bed or the couch, murmuring soothingly as whumpee trembles

—touch starved whumpees completely melting into caretaker

—whumpee collapsing into caretaker’s arms <33333

—just the way caretaker carries them. the tenderness and worry, even in a moment of desperation. the way they cling to whumpee like they’re scared to let go, never dropping them or letting any more harm come to them, clutching them tighter and glaring at anyone who so much as looks at whumpee the wrong way. or just holding them to their chest and pressing gentle kisses to the top of their head, whispering into their hair, promising they’re going to be okay

—how whumpee reacts to being carried. the way they curl tightly to caretaker’s chest and cling to their shirt, or wrap their arms weakly around their neck. going limp in caretaker’s arms and trusting them to keep them safe, maybe even falling asleep. or just pressing their face into caretaker’s shoulder and crying, finally letting themselves break