sxnnettesz

the thought crossed yuma's mind immediately: the lower mood you've been in these past few days, your complaints about not feeling well. at first he assumed you were coming down with some sort of sickness, only to realize that it's been a few weeks since you've last complained to him about your monthly bleeding.

he left the bed, movements slow as he rubbed his eyes with both of his hands, footsteps leading him towards where he assumed you were — the bathroom. his sweatpants hung low on his waist, the waistband of his boxers peeking from underneath as he knocked on the door ever so gently, waiting for a response. he knocked again after a few seconds; a little louder this time, hearing you mumble something from the inside. he took it as a sign to go inside.

yuma opened the door slowly, the door making a small creek sound as he did so. he peeked his head first — curious eyes catching a glimpse of you inside the bathroom, his face immediately falling.

you were laying on the floor, curled up into a ball as your face contorted in an expression full of pain. your cheeks were stained with tears as you sobbed quietly, hands crossed around your stomach.

'oh, sweetheart.' yuma mumbled quietly, kneeling down next to you. his hands immediately found their way to your shoulders — massaging them gently with a comforting touch. 'is it the cramps again?'

you could only nod in response, not moving from your current position.

'did you take painkillers?' yuma asked. you nodded again. 'they didn't start working yet, did they?'

another nod.

yuma hummed quietly, thinking to himself for a minute.

'do you want to get back to bed?' he asked, voice quiet and soothing. 'i could carry you.'

this time, you shook your head in response — yuma's brows furrowing in slight confusion.

'the tiles are cold.' you mumbled quietly, voice barely audible as you remained in your curled up state, a small sob escaping your lips. 'it feels nice.'

yuma smiled at your words — eyes filled with adoration and worry, hands drawing gentle patterns along the exposed parts of your back, ones your tank top didn't cover. he wasn't going to leave you there waiting for the painkillers to start working; opting instead to lay down next to u, body encaging yours in a big, comforting hug, the warm sensation of his skin against yours providing a nice contrast to the cold bathroom tiles. although you didn't move or change your position, your body eased into his touch almost on instinct — muscles loosening and almost melting in his hold.

'the medicine will work soon, i promise.' he whispered, leaning in to plant a soft kiss to your cheek. 'i'll lay here with you till it passes, okay?'

he noticed the way your lips curved up just slightly, a weak smile appearing on your lips at his words.

'thank you.' you murmured, hand finding his in slow movements. 'i love you.'

'i love you too, sweetheart.' he said, planting another kiss to your temple. 'let's spend today in bed, hm? just us, cuddles, a movie and snacks. i have your favorite ones stored away for occasions like these.'

you squeezed his hand gently, nodding in response.

'can we order food, too?' you asked.

'of course.' yuma chuckled, head nuzzling in the crook of your neck. 'you can choose what we eat, too. as long as it doesn't hurt your stomach.'

he planted yet another kiss, this time to your neck, then another one to your shoulder. and with the soothing touch and comforting presence of yuma absorbing you from all around, you seemed to almost forget about the pain still building up in your lower stomach — letting yourself enjoy the moment as you focused on your boyfriend and just how lucky you were to have him.

'you're the best.' you mumbled quietly, closing your eyes as your back rested against his chest. yuma smiled.

'you deserve it and nothing less, sweetheart.'

perm taglist: @nichozzystuffs @woonhakfeet @haorangis @choco-scoups @littlegummystar @mxriitaesz @luvkeiiii @ikigaijo @7yataki @xionvlog

&team taglist: @starshuas @minhosimthings @makizdoll @ricewithjo @livelaughloveseventeen @solairemelo @pageraf

once you arrived at the camp, you fell in love with it immediately: the forest scenery and beautiful greenery surrounding it, the small, wooden houses sprawled all around, the chirping of flowers from high up in the trees. you couldn’t help but look around, completely enamored with the sights gracing your eyes, almost in a trance as you twirled in the spot you stood in, taking everything in. it looked like something you had only seen in books and cartoons before — and you were more than ready to make your time here just as interesting and adventurous as those you’ve read about or those you’ve seen on the tv screen. you just weren’t exactly sure how you’d go about it yet — but the moment you met yuma, you were sure that your time spent at the camp would be eventful. 

you noticed him on your first day, the moment you stepped inside the cafeteria — a frown on your face and one of your favorite plushies in your hand, an orange cat with white stripes you got for christmas after begging your parents for it all december. normally, you would’ve been happy walking with it, it was the plushie you were most attached to, after all; but the betrayal of your parents replacing all your packaged things with actually useful and important stuff made you grumpy the moment you opened your suitcase. that was, of course, until you sat right next to him and it just so turned out that he had the same exact plushie. same brand, same size, same attachment to the toy… just different colors. his was black with white socks and a gorgeous, white spot around its eye, while yours was orange with vibrant, pinkish ears and nose. 

he chuckled at your frown and how stupid you looked with it on your face. you giggled at the way his cat plushie resembled his own features. that alone was enough for your friendship to bloom — and for the most notorious and mischievous duo this camp has ever known to be born. 

everyone knew of you, from the new-coming camp counselors to the other children and their parents — they’ve heard about your shenanigans, about the pranks you’ve pulled on the adults during each year you’ve spent at the camp which somehow doubled in size every single time. it became almost a legend, a myth told by the older kids to the first timers when the sky dimmed into a shade of dark blue and the bonfire stood proudly, its warmth hitting their little faces as they sat around it. the tale of the two menaces was known to everyone and albeit dramatized, as kids have the tendency to do so, it left a lifelong impression on the camp and the kids attending it — so long that it has outlived both your and yuma’s days there. well, not quite — for when your age far exceeded the limitations set by the camp’s organizers, you decided the next best thing was to start working there every summer, starting the very moment you were old enough to do so.

and oh boy, was working with yuma fun.

both of you greatly enjoyed taking care of the kids: creating games to keep them entertained, making sure each and every one of them was having fun and being included in the activities. it came to you naturally, maybe because you’ve lived through these rules and duties from the other side all these years — you could’ve swore you had them memorized before they even presented you with the list on the first day of work. 

while yuma was the camp counselor which children would always claim to be the most fun one to play with, you were the more responsible, sensible one — always making sure nothing gets forgotten, providing the kids with advice and comfort whenever they were in a rather gloomy mood. truthfully, your dynamic hasn’t changed almost at all since you were kids: still as playful with each other, still willing to play little pranks on the children of the camp and giggling to yourselves when they worked out perfectly. but the air between you was different now. thicker, heavier somehow. and you knew more than well what the reason behind it was. 

summer camp was the one thing which connected you two, and with each passing year, each passing summer, the journey with this place has neared its end. endings, in your book, meant closing a chapter of your life and leaving it behind — everything once tied to it now a precious memory stored inside your brain like a catalogue of colorful photographs. endings meant change. they meant loss. and the last thing you wanted was to lose a certain man from your life: especially considering that whenever you looked back at your favorite moments of your existence, he was always there as the common denominator to all of them. 

the thought of possibly losing yuma scared you — it haunted you day and night, growing more intense and harder to ignore with each passing summer.

so on your last night of camp, while the children were long asleep, you went out to sit by the lake. 

a string of smoke escaped your lips, the cigarette resting loosely in your right hand as you looked out at the image in front of you — the midnight sky beautiful, dotted with little stars creating beautiful patterns everywhere you looked. the water was calm and steady; unmoved and stagnant like it always was, reflecting the imagery of the night sky on its surface. your hand moved up to your face once more, cigarette resting on your lips. a sigh escaped your lips before you inhaled the smoke once more, the tiny, orange light at the other end of it flickering aggressively. 

‘some example you’re setting for the kids.’ a voice came from behind you and you didn’t have to turn around to recognize who the teasing tone belonged to. 

yuma. 

his pink hair, a hot topic amongst the camp attendees, still looked vibrant even in the dim lighting as he approached you, snatching the cigarette from your hands and inhaling the smoke. you frowned at his actions; which only made him chuckle under his breath.

‘you have your own pack.’ you mumbled as he sat down next to you, the blanket which you had set for yourself big enough to fit two people on it. ‘and yet you continue to steal mine anyways.’

‘because then i get the reward of seeing you frown.’ he chuckled, nudging your shoulder with his as he handed you the cigarette back, earning yet another annoyed glare from you. ‘your annoyed face has to be one of my favorite sights.’ 

you didn’t know what you hated more — the fact that his words were making you flustered or the fact that you knew that he was saying nothing but the truth. 

the two of you sat in perfect silence after his words, another shared cigarette flying from hand to hand. the smoke filled up your lungs and left a nasty aftertaste in your mouth, but you’ve learned to tolerate it over time — it didn’t bother you as much anymore, certainly not the same as when you and yuma first tried them behind the camp counselors backs at your last year of camp. now, smoking has become a habit for both of you; not to the point of addiction, but more so serving as an unhealthy treat to indulge in on late nights or particularly stressful days. after all, you both shared the same belief: an occasional cigarette didn’t truly count. 

you looked up at the night sky and as it gazed down upon you, you couldn’t help but reminisce about all those previous summers, all the precious moments and memories of the past, all the nights you snuck out to gaze at the same moon, the same stars. 

they have heard everything — your silent cries, your laughter, your meaningless stories as you talked to yourself freely. not to be heard, not for someone to listen; but to let it out into the world and off of your heavy heart. the moon didn’t judge, after all. the stars didn’t ask meaningless questions or laughed at your fears and doubts. sometimes it was better to speak into the void than talk to people who would eventually misunderstand you. 

yuma wouldn’t. he always understood. but there were things you couldn’t tell him, either: and when those things hung heavy on your aching heart, you resorted to talking to yourself, mumbling little stories which were only listened to by the moon, the stars and the ever so tranquil waters of the lake.

‘anything going on in that pretty mind of yours?’ his words were barely above a whisper, eyes still focused on the night sky. ‘come on, humor me.’

silence took over for a moment more as you thought about his offer. a sigh left your lips — deep and heavy, as if there truly was something bothering you.

‘it’ll only bore you.’ you mumbled. yuma shook his head.

‘nothing you say ever bores me.’ 

you hesitated for a second.

‘it’ll be weird.’ you finally stated, voice small and unsure of what you planned on saying next. ‘spending a summer without this camp being a part of it.’

yuma’s smile faltered — his expression changing into a more serious one, eyes finally tearing away from the night sky and locking with yours for a split second. you immediately knew he understood what you meant from the look in his eyes; the dark brown orbs sparkling in that specific way you recognized only from your late night conversations, those you usually pretended didn’t take place the next day. those conversations always brought out the vulnerable sides in both of you, sides you had promised to keep only to yourselves. 

he exhaled, the smoke from his cigarette floating upwards into the night sky, swirling around in the cold air. 

‘you’re right.’ he said, fingers gently brushing yours as he handed you the cigarette, the contact electric despite its delicacy. you inhaled the smoke one last time before putting it out in the sand, leaving the bud there to throw it out later. yuma’s eyes carefully followed each of your actions; like a quiet cat observing what was happening around him. 

silence took over once more as the leaves rustled in the midnight wind. 

‘i’ll miss this.’ yuma mumbled, hands resting on both sides of his body as he sighed. his eyes flickered to you for just a second — so short that you hadn’t even noticed. ‘i’ll miss us. i’ll miss you.’

and suddenly, upon hearing him, all the words died in your throat for a good minute — the thought of him missing you has never once truly crossed your mind. maybe it was because, at the end of the day, you thought he didn't view this friendship with as much importance as you did. a foolish thought, truly; but your fragile mind loved playing tricks on you, and this was only one of many. but hearing it from him, without an ounce of hesitation in his voice, made something shift inside your brain.

'i'll miss you, too.' you said quietly, letting your confession linger in the air between you like the cigarette smoke which has now completely disappeared. 'and this camp. all of it.'

'well, it'll remain a happy memory, won't it?' he stated, straightening his back just a little. 'everything in life is meant to pass eventually, but we can still preserve the memory of it for as long as we exist.'

'since when have you become so-'

'intelligent and amazing?' yuma cut you off.

'performatively philosophical.' you corrected, a chuckle falling from his lips.

'i'm just saying the truth.' his voice was gentle and calm as he spoke, staring up at the sky. 'this chapter of our life's will pass, but that doesn't mean there aren't other beautiful things awaiting us in the future. it's not like i'll stop talking to you just because our journey with this camp is coming to an end.'

'but it'll be different.' you stated, seemingly deep in thought. yuma nodded.

'different doesn't have to mean worse.'

he was right, you thought. and yet the idea of losing this part of your life and going forward scared you still — with everything around you changing at such a rapid pace as you slowly entered the serious part of adulthood, losing the only thing that has been a constant for years upon years felt like a nightmare.

'there's something i've been meaning to tell you.' yuma mumbled after a moment of silence, your head immediately turning to face him, brows furrowed in slight confusion. 'it's nothing bad, i promise! quite the opposite, actually.'

'oh, really?' you said, curiosity taking over you as you awaited his revelation. 'what is it, then?'

'i'll be moving into a different city.' he stated simply, slight excitement in his voice. 'i'm taking my master's at a different university. your university, actually. which means-'

'you're moving to my city?'

'precisely.'

yuma was met with silence on your end — a fact both worrisome and confusing. maybe he expected a different reaction from you. maybe he expected fireworks and proclamations of joy, of complete and utter happiness. and yet what he got was silence; an oddly calming one, he had to admit, but it was still not what he anticipated.

his eyes caught sight of you in the corner of his vision, head turning your way just slightly to get a better look. there you sat — quietly, with your gaze focused on the tranquil waters of the lake, the softest of smiles gracing your face. and that alone was enough for him to know. you were happy. of course you were. but there was something else in your expression, a different feeling lingering in your eyes like a delicate sparkle only noticed by some. yuma didn't quite understand what it was; but it wasn't his place to interrogate you about it. to know that you were happy was enough for him to be satisfied, too.

'i'm glad.' you finally mumbled out, smile growing as your eyes met his for a couple of seconds. yuma felt his own lips curving up, too — the look of adoration in his eyes unmistakable as he laid his gaze upon you.

'well, i'm glad that you're glad, then.' he answered, a chuckle escaping his lips. he could feel there was something heaving on your chest still — something left unsaid, still hidden from him. but he knew not to pressure you to tell him; he knew you will eventually, when you're ready to share whatever it was you were still caging deep in your heart.

besides, yuma was guilty of it, too. how could he judge you for hiding something from him when he had kept all his true feelings for you locked away in the furthest depths of his aching heart for years?

he'd tell you when the time is right — and surely you'd do the same.

'have you thought of what you'd do?' you asked, the sound of your voice pulling him out of his thoughts. 'you know, next summer.'

'hm, not really.' he answered truthfully, hands resting on his sides. 'maybe i'll take the chance and travel somewhere.'

'i'm somehow not surprised.' you giggled, fixing the loose strands of your hair that had gotten on your face. 'you've been mentioning that since you were a kid. i don't think i'd be able to count all the times you've yapped my ear off about going on crazy adventures all around the world during lunch.'

'let's not discredit me now.' yuma huffed in pretend annoyance. 'i yapped your ear off about it all the time, not just lunch.'

'yeah. and annoyed me with it every single day.'

'i don't think asking multiple follow-up questions would count as being annoyed.' he mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. 'but sure.'

'okay, okay. don't go grumpy now.' you said, clearly amused by his antics. yuma felt you nudge his shoulder slightly in an almost playful manner, his smile appearing back on his face immediately. 'any ideas on where you'd like to travel first?'

'i have all the time in the world to plan it out.' he said. 'what about you, though? any plans for the future summers?'

you thought about it for a good minute.

'i don't think so.' you stated finally, voice quiet and unsure. 'i repressed that thought as much as possible until now.'

'well, wouldn't you like to travel, too?' yuma followed up with another question, curiosity taking the better of him. you nodded after a few seconds.

'probably, yeah.' you finally answered him, hands falling to your sides and resting on the blanket under you. 'i'd have to find someone who'd want to do it with me, though. definitely couldn't do it alone.'

'you could always travel with me, you know.'

'huh?'

'well, if you're not sick of me yet, that is.' yuma chuckled, head thrown back as he gazed up at the stars. 'would be nice to have someone familiar to travel the world with, wouldn't it?'

you could only nod in response. yuma was right, of course — to have something you knew, something familiar along with you on your travels was the best possible thing. a reminder that even in foreign places there's someone bringing you comfort, someone who knows you. and who better than the boy you had spent every summer with and quietly loved since day one?

'yeah, it would be lovely.' you finally answered, a smile gracing your lips. 'and for the record, i could never get sick of you.'

'right back at you, lovely.'

silence took over the lakeside, the quiet sounds of leaves rustling in the wind and small animals in the distance filling the scene as yuma's hand gently brushed yours — fingers grazing yours just slightly as he readjusted his seating position, instinctively moving closer to you. his palm was burning hot against yours, and yet the sensation felt comfortable. it felt right. so, despite your heart beating out of your chest, you let yourself enjoy this moment; head moving to rest against his arm, body leaning closer to his.

and in the quiet of the night, while the camp was sound asleep, love continued to grow and bloom — unsaid and not yet acknowledged, but oh so visible. there was no need to rush it, after all; you and yuma had all the time ahead of you to nourish it and let it grow outside the little cages you had hidden it in.

perm taglist: @nichozzystuffs @woonhakfeet @haorangis @choco-scoups @littlegummystar @mxriitaesz @luvkeiiii @ikigaijo @7yataki @xionvlog

&team taglist: @starshuas @minhosimthings @makizdoll @ricewithjo @livelaughloveseventeen @solairemelo @pageraf

once you arrived at the camp, you fell in love with it immediately: the forest scenery and beautiful greenery surrounding it, the small, wooden houses sprawled all around, the chirping of flowers from high up in the trees. you couldn’t help but look around, completely enamored with the sights gracing your eyes, almost in a trance as you twirled in the spot you stood in, taking everything in. it looked like something you had only seen in books and cartoons before — and you were more than ready to make your time here just as interesting and adventurous as those you’ve read about or those you’ve seen on the tv screen. you just weren’t exactly sure how you’d go about it yet — but the moment you met yuma, you were sure that your time spent at the camp would be eventful. 

you noticed him on your first day, the moment you stepped inside the cafeteria — a frown on your face and one of your favorite plushies in your hand, an orange cat with white stripes you got for christmas after begging your parents for it all december. normally, you would’ve been happy walking with it, it was the plushie you were most attached to, after all; but the betrayal of your parents replacing all your packaged things with actually useful and important stuff made you grumpy the moment you opened your suitcase. that was, of course, until you sat right next to him and it just so turned out that he had the same exact plushie. same brand, same size, same attachment to the toy… just different colors. his was black with white socks and a gorgeous, white spot around its eye, while yours was orange with vibrant, pinkish ears and nose. 

he chuckled at your frown and how stupid you looked with it on your face. you giggled at the way his cat plushie resembled his own features. that alone was enough for your friendship to bloom — and for the most notorious and mischievous duo this camp has ever known to be born. 

everyone knew of you, from the new-coming camp counselors to the other children and their parents — they’ve heard about your shenanigans, about the pranks you’ve pulled on the adults during each year you’ve spent at the camp which somehow doubled in size every single time. it became almost a legend, a myth told by the older kids to the first timers when the sky dimmed into a shade of dark blue and the bonfire stood proudly, its warmth hitting their little faces as they sat around it. the tale of the two menaces was known to everyone and albeit dramatized, as kids have the tendency to do so, it left a lifelong impression on the camp and the kids attending it — so long that it has outlived both your and yuma’s days there. well, not quite — for when your age far exceeded the limitations set by the camp’s organizers, you decided the next best thing was to start working there every summer, starting the very moment you were old enough to do so.

and oh boy, was working with yuma fun.

both of you greatly enjoyed taking care of the kids: creating games to keep them entertained, making sure each and every one of them was having fun and being included in the activities. it came to you naturally, maybe because you’ve lived through these rules and duties from the other side all these years — you could’ve swore you had them memorized before they even presented you with the list on the first day of work. 

while yuma was the camp counselor which children would always claim to be the most fun one to play with, you were the more responsible, sensible one — always making sure nothing gets forgotten, providing the kids with advice and comfort whenever they were in a rather gloomy mood. truthfully, your dynamic hasn’t changed almost at all since you were kids: still as playful with each other, still willing to play little pranks on the children of the camp and giggling to yourselves when they worked out perfectly. but the air between you was different now. thicker, heavier somehow. and you knew more than well what the reason behind it was. 

summer camp was the one thing which connected you two, and with each passing year, each passing summer, the journey with this place has neared its end. endings, in your book, meant closing a chapter of your life and leaving it behind — everything once tied to it now a precious memory stored inside your brain like a catalogue of colorful photographs. endings meant change. they meant loss. and the last thing you wanted was to lose a certain man from your life: especially considering that whenever you looked back at your favorite moments of your existence, he was always there as the common denominator to all of them. 

the thought of possibly losing yuma scared you — it haunted you day and night, growing more intense and harder to ignore with each passing summer.

so on your last night of camp, while the children were long asleep, you went out to sit by the lake. 

a string of smoke escaped your lips, the cigarette resting loosely in your right hand as you looked out at the image in front of you — the midnight sky beautiful, dotted with little stars creating beautiful patterns everywhere you looked. the water was calm and steady; unmoved and stagnant like it always was, reflecting the imagery of the night sky on its surface. your hand moved up to your face once more, cigarette resting on your lips. a sigh escaped your lips before you inhaled the smoke once more, the tiny, orange light at the other end of it flickering aggressively. 

‘some example you’re setting for the kids.’ a voice came from behind you and you didn’t have to turn around to recognize who the teasing tone belonged to. 

yuma. 

his pink hair, a hot topic amongst the camp attendees, still looked vibrant even in the dim lighting as he approached you, snatching the cigarette from your hands and inhaling the smoke. you frowned at his actions; which only made him chuckle under his breath.

‘you have your own pack.’ you mumbled as he sat down next to you, the blanket which you had set for yourself big enough to fit two people on it. ‘and yet you continue to steal mine anyways.’

‘because then i get the reward of seeing you frown.’ he chuckled, nudging your shoulder with his as he handed you the cigarette back, earning yet another annoyed glare from you. ‘your annoyed face has to be one of my favorite sights.’ 

you didn’t know what you hated more — the fact that his words were making you flustered or the fact that you knew that he was saying nothing but the truth. 

the two of you sat in perfect silence after his words, another shared cigarette flying from hand to hand. the smoke filled up your lungs and left a nasty aftertaste in your mouth, but you’ve learned to tolerate it over time — it didn’t bother you as much anymore, certainly not the same as when you and yuma first tried them behind the camp counselors backs at your last year of camp. now, smoking has become a habit for both of you; not to the point of addiction, but more so serving as an unhealthy treat to indulge in on late nights or particularly stressful days. after all, you both shared the same belief: an occasional cigarette didn’t truly count. 

you looked up at the night sky and as it gazed down upon you, you couldn’t help but reminisce about all those previous summers, all the precious moments and memories of the past, all the nights you snuck out to gaze at the same moon, the same stars. 

they have heard everything — your silent cries, your laughter, your meaningless stories as you talked to yourself freely. not to be heard, not for someone to listen; but to let it out into the world and off of your heavy heart. the moon didn’t judge, after all. the stars didn’t ask meaningless questions or laughed at your fears and doubts. sometimes it was better to speak into the void than talk to people who would eventually misunderstand you. 

yuma wouldn’t. he always understood. but there were things you couldn’t tell him, either: and when those things hung heavy on your aching heart, you resorted to talking to yourself, mumbling little stories which were only listened to by the moon, the stars and the ever so tranquil waters of the lake.

‘anything going on in that pretty mind of yours?’ his words were barely above a whisper, eyes still focused on the night sky. ‘come on, humor me.’

silence took over for a moment more as you thought about his offer. a sigh left your lips — deep and heavy, as if there truly was something bothering you.

‘it’ll only bore you.’ you mumbled. yuma shook his head.

‘nothing you say ever bores me.’ 

you hesitated for a second.

‘it’ll be weird.’ you finally stated, voice small and unsure of what you planned on saying next. ‘spending a summer without this camp being a part of it.’

yuma’s smile faltered — his expression changing into a more serious one, eyes finally tearing away from the night sky and locking with yours for a split second. you immediately knew he understood what you meant from the look in his eyes; the dark brown orbs sparkling in that specific way you recognized only from your late night conversations, those you usually pretended didn’t take place the next day. those conversations always brought out the vulnerable sides in both of you, sides you had promised to keep only to yourselves. 

he exhaled, the smoke from his cigarette floating upwards into the night sky, swirling around in the cold air. 

‘you’re right.’ he said, fingers gently brushing yours as he handed you the cigarette, the contact electric despite its delicacy. you inhaled the smoke one last time before putting it out in the sand, leaving the bud there to throw it out later. yuma’s eyes carefully followed each of your actions; like a quiet cat observing what was happening around him. 

silence took over once more as the leaves rustled in the midnight wind. 

‘i’ll miss this.’ yuma mumbled, hands resting on both sides of his body as he sighed. his eyes flickered to you for just a second — so short that you hadn’t even noticed. ‘i’ll miss us. i’ll miss you.’

and suddenly, upon hearing him, all the words died in your throat for a good minute — the thought of him missing you has never once truly crossed your mind. maybe it was because, at the end of the day, you thought he didn't view this friendship with as much importance as you did. a foolish thought, truly; but your fragile mind loved playing tricks on you, and this was only one of many. but hearing it from him, without an ounce of hesitation in his voice, made something shift inside your brain.

'i'll miss you, too.' you said quietly, letting your confession linger in the air between you like the cigarette smoke which has now completely disappeared. 'and this camp. all of it.'

'well, it'll remain a happy memory, won't it?' he stated, straightening his back just a little. 'everything in life is meant to pass eventually, but we can still preserve the memory of it for as long as we exist.'

'since when have you become so-'

'intelligent and amazing?' yuma cut you off.

'performatively philosophical.' you corrected, a chuckle falling from his lips.

'i'm just saying the truth.' his voice was gentle and calm as he spoke, staring up at the sky. 'this chapter of our life's will pass, but that doesn't mean there aren't other beautiful things awaiting us in the future. it's not like i'll stop talking to you just because our journey with this camp is coming to an end.'

'but it'll be different.' you stated, seemingly deep in thought. yuma nodded.

'different doesn't have to mean worse.'

he was right, you thought. and yet the idea of losing this part of your life and going forward scared you still — with everything around you changing at such a rapid pace as you slowly entered the serious part of adulthood, losing the only thing that has been a constant for years upon years felt like a nightmare.

'there's something i've been meaning to tell you.' yuma mumbled after a moment of silence, your head immediately turning to face him, brows furrowed in slight confusion. 'it's nothing bad, i promise! quite the opposite, actually.'

'oh, really?' you said, curiosity taking over you as you awaited his revelation. 'what is it, then?'

'i'll be moving into a different city.' he stated simply, slight excitement in his voice. 'i'm taking my master's at a different university. your university, actually. which means-'

'you're moving to my city?'

'precisely.'

yuma was met with silence on your end — a fact both worrisome and confusing. maybe he expected a different reaction from you. maybe he expected fireworks and proclamations of joy, of complete and utter happiness. and yet what he got was silence; an oddly calming one, he had to admit, but it was still not what he anticipated.

his eyes caught sight of you in the corner of his vision, head turning your way just slightly to get a better look. there you sat — quietly, with your gaze focused on the tranquil waters of the lake, the softest of smiles gracing your face. and that alone was enough for him to know. you were happy. of course you were. but there was something else in your expression, a different feeling lingering in your eyes like a delicate sparkle only noticed by some. yuma didn't quite understand what it was; but it wasn't his place to interrogate you about it. to know that you were happy was enough for him to be satisfied, too.

'i'm glad.' you finally mumbled out, smile growing as your eyes met his for a couple of seconds. yuma felt his own lips curving up, too — the look of adoration in his eyes unmistakable as he laid his gaze upon you.

'well, i'm glad that you're glad, then.' he answered, a chuckle escaping his lips. he could feel there was something heaving on your chest still — something left unsaid, still hidden from him. but he knew not to pressure you to tell him; he knew you will eventually, when you're ready to share whatever it was you were still caging deep in your heart.

besides, yuma was guilty of it, too. how could he judge you for hiding something from him when he had kept all his true feelings for you locked away in the furthest depths of his aching heart for years?

he'd tell you when the time is right — and surely you'd do the same.

'have you thought of what you'd do?' you asked, the sound of your voice pulling him out of his thoughts. 'you know, next summer.'

'hm, not really.' he answered truthfully, hands resting on his sides. 'maybe i'll take the chance and travel somewhere.'

'i'm somehow not surprised.' you giggled, fixing the loose strands of your hair that had gotten on your face. 'you've been mentioning that since you were a kid. i don't think i'd be able to count all the times you've yapped my ear off about going on crazy adventures all around the world during lunch.'

'let's not discredit me now.' yuma huffed in pretend annoyance. 'i yapped your ear off about it all the time, not just lunch.'

'yeah. and annoyed me with it every single day.'

'i don't think asking multiple follow-up questions would count as being annoyed.' he mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. 'but sure.'

'okay, okay. don't go grumpy now.' you said, clearly amused by his antics. yuma felt you nudge his shoulder slightly in an almost playful manner, his smile appearing back on his face immediately. 'any ideas on where you'd like to travel first?'

'i have all the time in the world to plan it out.' he said. 'what about you, though? any plans for the future summers?'

you thought about it for a good minute.

'i don't think so.' you stated finally, voice quiet and unsure. 'i repressed that thought as much as possible until now.'

'well, wouldn't you like to travel, too?' yuma followed up with another question, curiosity taking the better of him. you nodded after a few seconds.

'probably, yeah.' you finally answered him, hands falling to your sides and resting on the blanket under you. 'i'd have to find someone who'd want to do it with me, though. definitely couldn't do it alone.'

'you could always travel with me, you know.'

'huh?'

'well, if you're not sick of me yet, that is.' yuma chuckled, head thrown back as he gazed up at the stars. 'would be nice to have someone familiar to travel the world with, wouldn't it?'

you could only nod in response. yuma was right, of course — to have something you knew, something familiar along with you on your travels was the best possible thing. a reminder that even in foreign places there's someone bringing you comfort, someone who knows you. and who better than the boy you had spent every summer with and quietly loved since day one?

'yeah, it would be lovely.' you finally answered, a smile gracing your lips. 'and for the record, i could never get sick of you.'

'right back at you, lovely.'

silence took over the lakeside, the quiet sounds of leaves rustling in the wind and small animals in the distance filling the scene as yuma's hand gently brushed yours — fingers grazing yours just slightly as he readjusted his seating position, instinctively moving closer to you. his palm was burning hot against yours, and yet the sensation felt comfortable. it felt right. so, despite your heart beating out of your chest, you let yourself enjoy this moment; head moving to rest against his arm, body leaning closer to his.

and in the quiet of the night, while the camp was sound asleep, love continued to grow and bloom — unsaid and not yet acknowledged, but oh so visible. there was no need to rush it, after all; you and yuma had all the time ahead of you to nourish it and let it grow outside the little cages you had hidden it in.

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you visit busan alone during summer vacation.

there isn’t any particular reason behind the trip. with school out and a few weeks of freedom stretching ahead of you, you decide to spend two days away from seoul. busan seemed like a good choice, a train away from seoul yet a place different enough to feel like an adventure. what you forget to account for, however, is the blazing heat. the summer sun is mercilessa and by noon, the sidewalks practically radiate warmth, and even the sea breeze offers little relief.

after spending the morning wandering through the city, you find yourself searching for somewhere, anywhere, with air conditioning. that search eventually leads you to the aquarium. the building stands out against the bright afternoon sky, promising cool temperatures and shelter from the sweltering weather outside. honestly, at this point the marine life is just a bonus.

after buying a ticket, you step through the entrance and are immediately greeted by a rush of cold air. the difference is so dramatic that you sigh in relief. for the first time all day, you feel comfortable. with no schedule to follow and nowhere else you need to be, you begin making your way through the exhibits at your own pace, stopping whenever something catches your attention and lingering wherever you please. the soft blue glow of the tanks reflects across the floor, conversations blend into the distant hums of the filtration systems, and for a while, the outside world seems to disappear entirely.

somewhere between the angelfish exhibit and the tunnel aquarium, you find yourself stopping in front of a lionfish tank. the fish drifts lazily through the water, their striped body and venomous spines illuminated by the soft blue lights of the exhibit. you watch them for a moment before noticing someone else is already standing there.

a guy.

at first, you don’t pay much attention to him. plenty of people stop to admire the displays like you were. then you realize, he’s talking. not on the phone nor to a friend. just.. talking? “and people always think that lionfish are aggressive. like seriously? you’re super chill most of the time.” he says, eyes fixed on the tank. “like, look at yourself. do you look like you’re planning mass destruction?”

you glance around, nobody else seems to be with him. the guy continues without missing a beat, “actually, maybe don’t answer that.. you do look suspicious.” a pause. then he nods thoughtfully, as if the lionfish has offered a valid counterargument. you stare. because surely there is no way this guy is having a full conversation with a lionfish in the middle of an aquarium.

and yet, “okay that’s fair. sorry i judged you so quickly.” the lionfish swims past the glass, blissfully unaware of the accusations being thrown its way. the guy, however, seems completely invested in the discussion.

maybe you’re staring a little too obviously because the moment the guy glances away from the tank, his eyes land directly on you. and he freezes. you freeze too. for a few painful silent seconds, neither of you say anything. then his gaze flickers between you and the lionfish.

“oh.” a pause. “oh this isn’t what it looks like..” you raise an eyebrow, and unfortunately for him, that only seems to make him panic even more. 

“i mean– not that it looks bad. not that talking to fish is bad. i wasn’t talking to the fish exactly..” he winces, “okay i was talking to the fish.” your eyebrow rises higher, “i just really like marine life.”

for some reason, it sounds less like an explanation and more like a confession. the guy lets out a defeated sigh and drags a hand down his face, “wow. this is embarrassing..” despite yourself, you laugh. a faint shade of pink immediately appears on his cheeks. “judge me all you want..” the guy mutters, sulking away.

“no,” you say, still smiling “i’m just trying to figure out what kind of conversation you were having with a lionfish. his expression brightens up almost instantly, “a very important one, actually.” “oh?” “he’s being unfairly stereotyped.” you glance at the fish. the fish glances at neither of you. 

“i.. see..” “thank you. finally someone understands.” leehan speaks. “i didn’t say that.” “close enough.” A laugh escapes you before you can stop it. the guy grins. for someone who was moments away from disappearing into the aquarium floor from embarrassment, he recovers surprisingly quickly. 

“i’m donghyun by the way, you can call me leehan too.” he offers his hand. you accept his hand and tell him your name which somehow becomes the beginning of a conversation. one topic leads to another. the lionfish turns into marine animals, marine animals turn into favourite exhibits and before either of you realizes it, the two of you have wandered away from the tank entirely, continuing your conversation as though you’ve known each other for much longer than five minutes. 

for most people, the conversation would have ended at the lionfish tank and similarly, that’s what you expect too. it usually goes something like this: a few awkward minutes. polite smiles. then both people go their separate ways and never think about each other ever again. yet somehow, neither of you leave. instead you find yourself walking beside leehan as the two of you more towards the next exhibit, still talking about fish.

or rather, listening to him talk about fish. a lot.

you quickly learn that leehan knows an alarming amount about marine life. every tank becomes another opportunity for another fact. every species has its own lore. every creature seems to hold some kind of personal significance to him. at first, you think he’s a little strange. not in a bad way. just.. strange. 

the kind of person who speaks whatever enters his mind without filtering it first. the kind of person who gets genuinely excited over things more people would walk past without a second glance. you watch him crouch slightly in front of a tank of sea horses, pointing enthusiastically through the glass as he explains something you’ve already forgotten halfway through. 

the words blur together. what catches your attention instead is the way his face lights up. the way his eyes seem brighter when he’s talking about something he loves. the way he keeps glancing at you after every explanation, almost as if checking whether you’re still listening. and every time he does, you are. because despite yourself, you’re beginning to enjoy this. you don’t know exactly when it happens. maybe it’s somewhere between the neon tetras and corydoras exhibit. maybe it’s when he spends five minutes passionately defending the flowerhorn cichlid that most people find ugly. maybe it’s when he accidentally walks into a sign because he was too busy explaining something to notice where he was going.

whatever the reason, you eventually stop thinking of him as strange. instead, you start thinking he’s funny. endearing. easy to be around. the hours pass far more quickly than it should. the aquarium feels smaller somehow. each exhibit blends into the next as conversations branch into topics completely unrelated to marine life. school, family, favourite foods, places you’ve always wanted to visit, stories from childhood. 

the more you talk, the easier it becomes. the silence stops feeling awkward. the laughter comes naturally. and without realising it, you’re beginning to look for him whenever you stop in front of a display, instinctively wanting to know what he thinks before forming your own opinion. 

leehan notices this. he notices a lot of things. like how you always pause a little longer at the bigger tanks. how you tilt your head when you’re curious about something. how you laugh before trying to hide it horribly. but more than anything else, he notices that you listen. not the polite kind or listening nor the kind where someone’s simply waiting for their turn to speak. 

you actually listen. when he rambles, you ask questions. when he points out something, you look. and maybe that’s why it happens so quickly. because leehan doesn’t realize he’s falling for you until he’s already there. it sneaks up on him quietly. in the way he catches himself search for your reaction first. in he way every joke suddenly feels more rewarding if it makes you laugh. 

he doesn’t know much about love. but he knows this feeling. the feeling of wanting to keep talking to someone forever. the feeling of finding someone after years of searching and somehow feeling as you you’ve known them all along. the feeling of looking at a person and thinking, i hope this day doesn’t end. 

one of the last exhibits you visit is the touch pool. the moment you realize that leehan is dragging you to touch starfish, you freeze several feet away from the tank. “no.” leehan looks over, “no?” “no.” “they’re starfish.” “i know what they are..” “then what’s the problem?”

you stare suspiciously at the shallow pool. the starfish stare back. or at least you assume they do. “they look weird.” leehan lets out a laugh, “that’s ridiculous.” you cross your arms, “what’s ridiculous is how they look!” unfortunately for you, this only encourages him. a few minutes later, you’re standing at the edge of the torch pool while Leehan repeatedly insists that the starfish are harmless. 

“just one touch.” “no.” leehan chuckles, “you’ve survived talking to me, i promise the starfish are less dangerous.” eventually, through a combination of persistence, teasing, and your own curiosity, he manages to convince you. barely. you crouch beside the pool, staring at the nearest starfish as though it might suddenly spring to life and attack 

leehan snorts as he sees your finger trembling. you finger hovers above the starfish, then you immediately pull back. “nope. nuh uh.” leehan laughs, “come on.” you glare at him. he grins back. the worst part is that he’s clearly enjoying this. after a moment of hesitation, you finally force yourself to touch the starfish. the second your finger makes contact, your entire body tenses. the texture surprises you. it’s neither slimy nor hard, just strange. you quickly pull your hand away, “oh.” “oh?” “it wasn’t terrible.” “see?” 

you poke it again, then anther one. soon enough, your fear begins fading into curiosity. meanwhile, leehan has somehow acquired your digicam. you don’t notice until a camera shutter sounds and your head snaps up. “did you just take a picture of me?” another shutter. leehan beams, “you looked cute.” “delete it.” “no.” “leehan!–” click. another photo. 

“leehan!” “what?” he asks innocently, already taking another. you reach for your digicam but he lifts in higher, “you’ll thank me later.” “i absolutely will not!” yet despite your complaints, you can’t stop smiling and leehan notices. he notices the way your eyes brighten when you forget to be embarrassed. he notices the way your earlier fear completely disappeared. he notices how pretty your smile is.

so he keeps taking pictures. not because he thinks they’re particularly good. because honestly, most of them are burry and some are horribly timed. but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to stop. because every photo feels like proof that today actually happened. proof that he met you. proof that this isn’t some strange, perfect dream he’d wake up from tomorrow.

By the time the aquarium closes, they sky outside has begun turning shades of orange and pink, the transition feels unfair. one moment the two of you are wandering beneath blue-lit tanks and watching fish drift through the water. the next, an announcement echoes through the building, reminding visitors that the aquarium is closing for the day.

neither of you says much as the crowd slowly funnels towards the exit. it’s not because there’s nothing left to talk about. if anything, there is too much. too many unfinished conversations and too many stories left untold. and yet, for the first time all day, words seem inadequate.

the automatic doors slide open. warm summer air rushes forward and reality returns. you and leehan stop just outside the aquarium entrance, neither quite sure how to continue. the day is over– “are you hungry?” the question comes suddenly and you blink. “what?” leehan rubs the back of his neck, “i mean, we’ve been here for hours.” he gestures vaguely towards the aquarium, “people usually eat dinner at some point.” a small smile tugs your lips, “are you asking me out for a meal?”

leehan glances away for a second, palm rubbing the back of his neck, “yea.. i mean only if you want to..” you know he means it casually, at least that’s how he’s trying to make it sound. but there’s a hopeful edge to his voice that makes your chest feel strangely warm. you find yourself smiling before you’ve even decided on an answer. “okay.” the relief that flashes across his face is immediate, “really?” “yea.”

his eyes immediately turn into crescents, a grin spreading across his face so contagiously you had to look away. dinner ends up being simpler than you imagined, just a small restaurant tucked between larger buildings, chosen mostly because neither of you could agree on where to eat and both of you were too hungry to keep debating. 

the food is good. nothing extraordinary. years later, neither of you will remember exactly what you ordered. what you will remember is the conversation. the way one short story somehow led to ten long stories. the way laughter and snorts kept interrupting meals halfway through. at one point, leehan laughs so hard he chokes on his drink. you laugh even harder watching him. a few tables over, someone shoots the two of you an annoyed glare.

neither of you notices. or perhaps neither of you cares. hours earlier, he has been a complete weirdo of a stranger. now the idea feels impossible. not because you know everything about him, because you don’t, there are countless things left to learn. but somewhere throughout the day, familiarity has settles between you. comfort.  

eventually, however, the restaurant empties and the sky darkens. reality begins catching up once again. your hotel isn’t far and actually it is close enough to walk, so that’s what the two of you do. the city feels different at night, cooler and quieter. streetlights casts pools of golden light across the pavement while distant sounds from the beach drifts through the air. 

the two of you continue talking. about anything, everything and nothing at the same time. whatever allows the walk to last a little longer. then, far too soon, your hotel comes int view. beside you, leehan grows noticeably sulkier. the conversation slows, not because you’ve run out of things to say but because suddenly every world feels like a countdown. you stop near the entrance. neither of you moves and the bright hotel sign glows overhead. people pass behind him and the city continues on as though nothing important is happening. yet somehow, this feels important an neither of you can explain why. 

the silence continues to stretch, not in an awkward way but just reluctant. as though both of you are waiting for the other person to find a reason not to leave. you glance up at him and he meets your gaze. for a second, neither of you looks away. it’s a strange feeling. standing in front of someone you’ve known for less than a day yet already feeling as though saying goodbye matters far more than it should.

you don’t have a name for it. leehan doesn’t either. maybe because some feelings arrive before the words for them do. all either of you know is that when the moment finally comes to part ways, neither of you is quite ready. and neither of you wants to be the first person to leave.

eventually however, leehan glances toward the hotel entrance before looking back at you, “so, how long are you staying in Busan?” the question is innocent enough yet something about it makes your smile falter. “actually…” you hesitate, “i’m not..”

his brows furrow, “what do you mean? you shift your weight slightly, “i’m only here for summer vacation..” a small laugh escapes you, “i’m going back to seoul tomorrow morning.” the words settle heavily between you and for the first time all day, leehan doesn’t respond immediately. “oh.” just one word. 

you watch his expression carefully. the surprise is obvious. the disappointment even more so. neither of you had really thought beyond today. the aquarium. dinner. the walk. It had been easy to pretend there would always be another conversation waiting around the corner. another exhibit, another meal, another day. now suddenly, there isn’t. tomorrow has arrived too quickly. 

you look away first, “my train leaves tomorrow morning.” leehan stares at the pavement for a moment. then something seems to occur to him. “what station?” you tell him busan station. he nods once. then, before he can overthink it, the words tumble out, “i’ll bring you.”

you blink, “what?” “to the station..” he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly looking embarrassed. “i mean..” a nervous laugh escapes him, “if that’s okay.” for some reason, the offer makes your chest ache. not because it’s a grand gesture. it’s not. it’s simple. small. the kind of thing most people wouldn’t think about twice. 

a smile slowly spreads across your face, “i’d really love that.” the answer comes so quickly that Leehan’s eyes widen slightly. then he smiles too. a genuine one. the kind you’ve grown strangely fond of over the course of a single day. 

neither of you says anything. the sadness is still there. tomorrow still exists. the goodbye waiting at the station remains unavoidable. but suddenly, it feels a little farther away. not tonight, tomorrow. tomorrow can wait. for now, there is still one more meeting left between the two of you. and somehow, that makes leaving easier. 

the next day arrives far too quickly. when you step out of the hotel lobby with your suitcase rolling behind you. leehan is already there waiting. he’s standing near the entrance, hands shoved into his pockets, absentmindedly kicking at a crack in the pavement. the moment he notices you, his face brightens and suddenly, the morning doesn't quite feel so heavy.

“you’re early.” you say. “that’s because I didn’t want to be late.” you laugh slightly and leehan grins. he doesn’t mention the fact that he had arrived much earlier than necessary. Instead, he reaches for your suitcase.

The journey to the station feels strangely different from yesterday. the city is awake now, cars pass by, people hurry through the streets, life continues normally around you. yet both of you are painfully aware of where this walk ends. still, neither of you allows the conversation to die. you talk about anything you can think of. favourite songs, places you’ve never visited. childhood stories. future plans. every topic feels like an excuse to learn one more thing about the other person before time runs out.

before long, the station comes into view. and suddenly, there are no more streets left to walk. inside, announcements echo overhead as travelers rush between platforms. the atmosphere feels busy, people arriving and people leaving. you hate it immediately and leehan seems to feel the same. 

the closer the departure time gets, the quieter both of you become. eventually, you’re standing beside the platform with your suitcase between you. neither of you knows what to say. how do you properly say goodbye to someone you’ve only known for a day? how do you explain why it feels so much harder than it should?

the announcement for your train sounds through the station as your train pulls up to the platform. a knot forms in your chest. beside you, leehan looks down at the floor. then back at you, “hey.” you glance up. his smile is small and nervous. “we should stay in touch..”

the suggestion feels obvious. yet somehow neither of you had said it aloud until now. your expression softens immediately, “yea.” “like..” he rubs the back of his neck, “letters?” you blink, “letters?” a laugh escapes your lips, “who still writes letters?” “we can,” the answer comes without any hesitation.

you look at him for a moment, really look at him. the guy who talks to fishes, the guy who spent an entire day making you laugh, the guy standing here now an trying to keep you in his life. and suddenly, the idea doesn’t seem strange at all. instead, it feels perfect. a way to make sure this isn’t the end. a smile slowly spreads across your face. “okay.” leehan visibly relaxes and his grin returns instantly. the same one you’ve became hopelessly attached and fond of.

you exchange addresses. a station announcement echoes overhead. passengers finish boarding. your chest tightens. this is it. the goodbye you’ve both been avoiding since last night. the noise of the station fades into the background, people move around you and announcements continue overhead. yet somehow, all you can focus on is him. the guy you met less than twenty-four hours ago. 

the guy who talks to lionfish. the guy who made an entire day feel far too short. the guy you’re suddenly not ready to leave behind.

“write to me,” he says. his smile is there, but it looks fragile. like he’s trying very hard not to let his sadness show. you nod, “i will.” “and don’t take three months to reply.” a laugh escapes you as you roll your eyes. then, before you can stop yourself from overthinking it, you step forward. leehan blinks. you rise onto you tippy toes slightly and press a quick kiss against his cheek.

the world seems to stop and for one impossibly long second, neither of you moves. leehan freezes completely, his eyes widen and his brain appears to shut down. the realization hits you immediately afterward. you actually did that. heat rushes to your face. before either of you can say anything, the warning chime sounds. 

the train doors begin closing, your panic wins. you immediately turn and hurry onto the train. “wait–” the doors slide shut before leehan can finish. you barely make it aboard, breathless, embarrassed and suddenly very aware of what just happened. 

through the window, you see him standing on the platform. still somewhat frozen, one hand half-raised and cheeks visibly red as though his mind hasn’t caught up yet. the platform starts drifting away slowly as the train pulls out of the station. leehan finally snaps back to reality, a disbelieving laugh escapes him. he lifts a hand and waves. you wave back. neither of you notices the ridiculous smile spreading across your faces. the distance between you grows as the station disappears. and yet, for the first time since meeting, goodbye didn’t feel that frightening. because with a promise to write letters, it becomes something worth remembering.

the first letter arrives less than a week later. you find it waiting for you when you return home from school, your name written across the envelope. the sight alone makes you smile. for a while, the letters arrive faithfully, allowing your connection and feelings to continue despite the distance.

every envelope feels like a bridge between Busan and Seoul, carrying stories, memories and pieces of each other’s lives. you two write about school, family, dreams for the future and small moments you wish you could share in person.

however as the years pass by, life begins to demand more time from you two. school becomes more challenging, new responsibilities appear, friendships change, opportunities arise and the future gradually pulls you both in different directions. the letters still come but not as often. what was once a week becomes monthly, then every few months. every delayed reply comes with an apology and a promise to write back sooner.

and the gap continues to widen. neither of you meant for it to happen but it was simply life moving forward. eventually, one letter goes unanswered. then another. and before either of you realises it, the letters stop altogether.

years continue to pass. busan remains by the sea. seoul continues to rush forward. the older you grow, the more people you meet, and the faster you build lives separate from the summer that once meant everything.

sometimes, when he visits the aquarium, he’ll pause at the lionfish tank for no reason a moment longer than necessary.

sometimes, the sight of a train pulling away from a platform brings you back with flashes of blurred memories.

both of you remember the feeling of falling in love. not the details, not anymore. time is cruel that way.. it takes the memories apart piece by piece, carrying them away so slowly you never notice what has disappeared until it’s wiped away.

two years become three. then five. the letters are long gone, the paper has yellowed, been misplaced or thrown away during one of many moves. neither of you know what became of the other. neither of you know where life ultimately led the other person you once waited so eagerly to hear from.

yet sometimes, without warning, a familiar ache settles in your chest. you remember walking beside someone who made ordinary moments feel warmer. but time slowly erases the details. faces become a blurry mess, the exact curve of a smile disappears. then the color of their eyes. then the way their hair was styled. voices fade into silence or gibberish. names become harder to remember.

one day you realise you can no longer remember at all. only that there once was a name you repeated to yourself so often that it felt impossible to forget. but somehow, you did.

sometimes you wonder if the other remembers you as badly as you remember them. if somewhere, in another life, another version of the future they never shared, someone occasionally pauses at the sight of an aquarium and feels the same inexplicable ache.

you will never know. and perhaps that’s what makes the memory so achingly beautiful. because for one summer, out of all the summers they would ever experience, two strangers found each other. they fell in love. they promises they would never forget. and in the end, they forgot everything except that they once had. 

somewhere deep within them remains the faint outline of a person whose face they can no longer picture, whose voice they can no longer hear, whose name they can no longer recall. a stranger, and yet somehow, was the person who once meant a lot. 

all that remains is the memory of a summer and the feeling of being loved within it.

another summer, the afternoon rush spills through the seoul subway station, a steady flow of people moving in every direction. shoes tapping against the concrete, conversations blur together and train announcements echo through the station.

you climb the staircase towards the exit, focused only on getting home, halfway up, someone catches your eye. a stranger, a guy, descending the stairs. you don’t know why you look at him and neither does he. for the briefest moment, both of you stop. confusion flickers across his face. and a strange feeling of familiarity settles in your chest. 

you don’t recognize his face, you’ve never seen him before - at least that’s what your mind tells you. yet, his eyes lingers on yours. and suddenly.. blue light, aquarium glass, a lionfish, laughter, starfish, a camera flash, a train station, a promise. memories long buried beneath years of living surge to the surface without warning. it isn’t clear enough to understand but it is enough to make your chest ache. 

the words leave your lips before you can stop them.

“your name?”

divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more | network @berrybittynetwork

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The waves were calmly lapping at the shore the day Kyungmin first met you. The sun, which had been shining brightly earlier, was beginning to lose its intensity, even though it was still easy to get sunburned. He used to go for no particular reason, just to relax on the sand and take a dip. The truth was, he needed the cool touch of the water against his skin so often that it was impossible for him to hate the sea. No matter how much he got sunburned, walking along the shore was one of his favorite activities.

That time, however, his mother had urged him to take his little brother, Seungwoo, to the beach with him. The boy was acting like a little monster, and his mother seemed so exhausted from her last shift that Kyungmin finally agreed, albeit reluctantly. Little did he know then that it would turn out to be one of the best decisions he’d made so far. Even if it would hurt later.

Seungwoo had insisted on bringing the ball despite the wind, and there they were, the two of them playing a sort of volleyball (to give what they were doing a name). The truth was that his brother couldn’t hit a single shot, and even Kyungmin—who was extremely good at sports—missed more often than he’d care to admit. On one of those passes that would have made any coach want to throw themselves on the ground and cry, the ball flew off (as was to be expected).

What Kyungmin didn't know was how the wind would blow so hard that the ball would fly far away—so far that he'd have to run to catch it.

“Seungwoo, don’t move from here, okay?!” he shouted, breaking into a run after her when he saw the ball take a running start. “If anyone asks you anything, tell them your older brother is really strong and trains a lot!”

The straw-haired boy didn’t hear him, but his brother nodded firmly, determined to do exactly that.

You could say Kyungmin spent a while chasing after the red-and-white ball that soared through the sky like a bird. It was only a few minutes, really, but it gave him plenty of time to curse at anything that moved. Literally. Especially the wind. And the ball. Had he already mentioned the unbearable wind? Gosh.

But then, a miracle happened; the ball came to rest at the feet of a person. A girl with her hair tousled by the wind and her feet wet from the waves. She wasn’t wearing a swimsuit like the rest, but a pretty sky-blue dress and a cardigan. She wasn’t there to go swimming—that much was clear. Maybe she’d just come to watch the sea. Although, honestly, Kyungmin didn’t think any of this the moment he first saw you, but only after some time had passed and he kept replaying that scene over and over in his head.

You looked down at the ground then and blinked, snapping out of your daydream. “What’s this?” was the first thing that crossed your mind. You bent down to pick it up with your hands and look for its owner, but you didn’t even have time to do that before you saw that light brown head of hair jogging after her. He was relatively short compared to some of the boys you’d seen on your way to class, and his hair was lighter than those you knew as well. However, he really looked like he’d just run a marathon.

You picked up the ball anyway. It was soft and squishy. It had been a long time since you’d held a beach ball.

“S-sorry…” He apologized for bothering you, crouching down and clutching his knees. To be honest, you found it kind of funny. The beach wasn’t even that big to get that tired, but that very fact let your imagination run wild to faraway places. Maybe he was coming from one of those places in the stories your father used to tell you when you were little. But you quickly snapped back to reality, since it seemed rude to leave him hanging without a response.

“It’s okay.” You smiled warmly. “It really is windy out here.”

Kyungmin lifted his head, still gasping for breath. It was hard to believe he trained every day. “Yeah, it really is.” He nodded, agreeing with you.

You snorted with laughter. Then Kyungmin took a few seconds to look at you closely. You looked like you’d stepped right out of a fairy tale, with your dress fluttering in the wind and your serene smile. It was as if your body were here, but your mind were in the farthest reaches of history. Though that’s nonsense, he thought to himself. You didn’t notice either how his gaze lingered on you just a little longer.

“Here, it’s yours, isn’t it?” you said, holding out the ball to him.

“Huh?” he asked, distracted.

You raised an eyebrow, blinking once, twice, three times. “The ball. It’s yours, isn’t it?” You repeated the question, gesturing with your hands to emphasize the ball.

“Oh! Yeah!” He nodded, his cheeks flushing. “Um, thanks.” He bowed his head in a gesture of gratitude.

You smiled. “No problem, no problem. It’s pretty.”

He tried to smile back, but all he could manage was a nervous grin. “Thanks. My little brother picked it out.”

He added, though then he mentally slapped himself. Why was he telling a stranger that? It probably didn’t matter much to you at all. If Seungwoo had been there, he would’ve already given him a weird look and told him to get lost. And…

“Oh my gosh, Seungwoo!” he blurted out, covering his mouth in surprise. He’d left his eight-year-old brother alone, and if he told his mom about it, he could kiss his time at the beach goodbye. And his video game console, too. Two things she couldn’t live without. He gave a quick bow, muttered a quick apology, and ran back to where he’d left him.

Luckily, the little guy was fine—or so you found out later. He’d just managed to make Kyungmin look silly in front of a woman, who simply laughed at his “my brother is really strong and trains a lot” when she asked his name.

Soon they had to head back, as dinnertime was approaching and Seungwoo got tired easily. However, Kyungmin was left with a nagging feeling in his stomach—as if something were missing. Or even as if something were about to return.

Something that, for some reason, made him feel excited and a little uneasy. At the time, he chalked it up to the vacation that had already begun. Even if he would later realize that wasn’t the case.

That it had nothing to do with vacation, but with a bittersweet fate—one to which he’d been condemned ever since he met you.

—

The wind was blowing hard again that afternoon. It had only been a couple of days since he’d come with Seungwoo, and his mother seemed happier. Kyungmin figured that afternoon without his brother—that little devil—had done him a world of good, and that made him happy. Even if he didn’t want—no matter how much he loved him—to bring him back to the beach by himself. Not after making a fool of him in front of that lady…

Now he was the one sitting near the shore, farther away than last time, and his feet brushed against the water as it ebbed and flowed in its own little rhythm. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to just let the waves carry him away and end up at the bottom of the sea. Would the emptiness he felt when he was alone disappear then? Or could he continue to ignore it all?

Maybe that’s why he liked the beach. Because the beach forced him to remember. It forced him to remember that everything was much bigger than it seemed, and also all those moments when he was happy with her. The laughter, the tears, the nighttime escapades with his father and brother… they reminded him that all of that had a purpose. He’d spent so much time there—a large part of his childhood, too—that the smell of salt water didn’t just mean the sea. It meant feeling. Something Kyungmin had been struggling with lately.

So, it was while wandering the far reaches of your mind that you came across him. It wasn’t intentional—not at all. Even though you’d been watching him for a while, ever since he’d arrived at the arena and sprawled out on the floor with his headphones on. Okay, put that way, you sounded a bit like a stalker, but… it had been a long time since you’d talked to someone your age, and you’d been looking forward to it. You just wanted to experience that joy again. Just this once. It wouldn’t hurt, right? The doctor had already told you that you needed more friends your age. It was better than thinking about going to the ocean and… stop breathing.

Taking a deep breath and puffing out your chest, you ventured to sit down next to him.

“Be brave, (Name)!” you thought to yourself, determined to say two coherent words.

“There hey,” you greeted him, though you accidentally mixed up the words.

Great—your coherence hadn’t lasted long at all.

Luckily, Kyungmin had the music cranked up and hadn’t heard anything other than someone plopping down next to him. That meant you had another chance to make a good impression. You hugged your knees as the guy paused the music and took off his headphones. He looked at you with a big question mark in his head. He knew who you were—of course he did; his memory wasn’t that bad. Pretty girls, and especially the ones you make a fool of yourself in front of, aren’t usually easy to forget.

“Mm?” he said, his big, bright eyes wide.

“I said ‘Hi,’” you greeted him, smiling, as if you’d done everything right from the start. “You’re the guy from the other day, right? Is it… Seungwoo okay? That was his name, wasn’t it? How you ran off shouting his name…”

Taken by surprise, he blushed all the way to his ears with embarrassment. Seungwoo, I’m going to kill you—no more strawberry ice cream for you, he thought. And even though he was an older brother who was very proud of his little ones, he wasn’t quite so proud of what he sometimes had to do for them… Like running after a ball like a mad dog.

“Yeah…” he nodded, scratching the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile. “It’s okay, don’t worry about him. He’s a little kid, but he’s strong.”

You laughed, picturing a chubby kid with a baby face. “I’m glad to hear that.” Silence.

“By the way, what’s your name? I’m (name).” You laughed nervously.

“Oh, my name is Kyungmin.” He smiled awkwardly. Silence again. It was pretty awkward.

Kyungmin nodded repeatedly with a smile that perfectly captured the feeling of “what the hell am I doing here.” An awkward silence settled between the two of you, and you felt a strange urge to talk to him. It was strange because that didn’t usually happen to you; even though your life was full of incredibly awkward silences, you never felt like you had to keep talking. Until then.

There’s always a first time for everything, you thought to yourself.

“What were you listening to?” you asked, pointing to your ears—referring to his headphones, which were now hanging around his neck. “It seemed like you were in another world.”

“Oh!” He opened his eyes, a little surprised; it was the first time anyone other than his mother had asked him that. A soft blush began to spread across his cheeks, since it wasn’t exactly a song he’d want to admit to listening to in a situation like this. “It’s ‘Daisies’ by Justin Bieber.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Justin Bieber?”

Kyungmin prayed that this wouldn’t make you look at him funny and call him a weirdo. Not because of anything specific he’d noticed about you, just that high school had taught him that sort of thing.

However, he had nothing to worry about because you didn’t have the faintest idea who that guy was. And who could blame you? You only listened to ABBA, Girls’ Generation and the Beatles, after all… It had been a long time since anyone had brought CDs to your room (and you didn’t have a cell phone either), so you weren’t up to date in the slightest.

“Yeah…?”

“It’s the first time I’ve heard of him.”

Now it was the guy’s turn to be amazed. “No… You don’t know who he is? Seriously? You’ve never heard ‘Baby’ or ‘Beauty and a Beat’?!” He bombarded you with questions, getting closer and closer to you.

You widened your eyes and frowned slightly. “Um… no?”

“Woah. That’s incredible.”

Anyone else would have felt discouraged by his reaction, but you were used to not knowing things, so it didn’t bother you in the least. In fact, it just made you even more curious. And Kyungmin, far from being put off, looked at you with sparkling eyes, as if he were opening up a whole new world to you.

“Who is he?” you asked.

“Justin Bieber is a singer. Canadian, I think. He’s like one of the top five global artists these days, which is why I was so surprised earlier. You have to listen to him—he’s amazing. I don’t like his latest stuff as much now, but at first… well. ‘Boyfriend’ is one of the best songs in the world,” he said, while you listened intently. It felt good, you thought. It felt good to be listened to.

You watched intently as he untangled his headphones again and searched eagerly on his phone.

“What are you looking for?” you asked curiously, and without meaning to, you found yourself staring at the guy. You’d always liked people who were passionate about things. Maybe because you didn’t have anything to be passionate about. Well, except for ABBA and overthinking.

“I’m going to play you the song. You don’t mind, do you?” he added, suddenly stopping what he was doing. He didn’t know if that would make you uncomfortable. If high school had taught him anything, it was that everyone had their own boundaries—and some people were very intolerant of them.

“A-Ah! Not at all!” you denied, looking down at the floor, self-conscious.

Kyungmin smiled then, holding an earbud out to you. “Get ready to enter the wonderful world of Justin Bieber’s music.”

You laughed a little and agreed, putting it in your ear. The next few hours were a blast. Every so often, Kyungmin would play you more new songs, and if you didn’t know the artist (which was the case 99.9% of the time), he didn’t look at you like you were a fish out of water. He’d just told you that a wonderful world of intellectual orgasms awaited you. It was fun. It had been a long time since anyone had laughed with you.

As “Suddenly” by I.O.I. played in your left earbud and the bridge came to an end, you thought about just how random all of this had been. A few hours ago, you were tired of your life. As a matter of fact, you’d been told a few days earlier that you only had a few months left to live—if that. The doctors didn’t care about you anymore because you were beyond saving. You sighed. How awful it was to think that. You’d simply be just another person dying in a hospital, and soon your parents would forbid you from going to the beach if they found out. Just a few hours ago, you’d only wanted to end it all much sooner. Dying at sea had always seemed magical to you. Even if, when the moment came, your feet had refused to move forward and you’d ended up lying on the sand.

And suddenly (never has that phrase been more fitting), as you spun around and sank into a somewhat curious despair, you spotted the boy sitting on the shore. You approached him out of pure… instinct. It must have been fate, your grandmother would have said many years ago. Suddenly, for a moment, you didn’t want to drown until you stopped breathing. It made you feel good. At ease. You smiled.

You decided you liked Kyungmin. With him, you could forget for a little while everything that was going on in your mind. And that made you happy. Very happy. Maybe because, deep down, you didn’t really want to die either. Because, deep down, it terrified you. And he was the only one who didn’t know that; he was the only one who didn’t treat you like you were sick.

The song ended then, and Kyungmin looked at you. “Did you like it? It’s not one of my favorites by I.O.I., but my friend Youngjae loves it, so I thought maybe it was more your style…”

“I love it. It’s one of the best songs of today.” You nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs-up.

Your smile was etched into his memory. You looked happy. Genuinely happy. And that made him happy, too. “I’m glad.”

You let out a soft laugh and handed him back the earbud he’d so kindly lent you. The sound of the waves flooded your ears once more, replacing the music. “I have to go now, but will I see you again tomorrow?”

Kyungmin blinked slowly, surprised. “Already?”

You nodded. “It’s late, it’s already getting dark. They’ll worry about me,” you said, pointing at the sunset. You had to be back by a decent hour or your parents would get suspicious.

He pouted and reluctantly got up from the sand. “Oh well…”

You looked down for a second, and a silly laugh escaped your lips when you saw his abandoned puppy face. “Pff, don’t be so sorry. We’ll see each other tomorrow! I promise,” you assured him, even though promising to live one more day in your condition was complicated.

“Pinky promise?” he asked, holding out his pinky finger to you.

You looked at the finger in front of you.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, sweetheart,” your father’s voice echoed in your head. It came from a memory, from when you were still a little girl.

A knot formed in your stomach. You didn’t know if you could keep that promise. However, with him right there in front of you… You didn’t want to say no to him. So you linked your pinky with his.

“Mhm! You have to teach me more songs after all.” You smiled, and Kyungmin followed suit, laughing a little.

Promises were meant to be kept—you knew that—and you were going to keep this one. Definitely.

(Needless to say, that night you were afraid to fall asleep, but at the same time, you wanted to do just that—so you could wake up the next day and be with him again.)

—--

You survived.

It was afternoon, and the doctors—who had always been known for their compassion toward you—also let you go out that afternoon to the beach below the hospital. Seulgi, the cardiologist in charge of supervising you, always gave you a little leeway because she knew that otherwise you’d go completely crazy. However, the condition was that no one should find out about your escapades. Least of all your parents, who had always been so overprotective for fear that at any moment you might simply… disappear. That’s why, as far as they were concerned, you were still in therapy.

That afternoon, Kyungmin showed up right after lunch and thought he was going to die from the heat. Couldn’t the sun hide for a little while? He found you in the shade of a random palm tree on that beach.

“Hey! Kyungmin!” You greeted him, waving casually. You weren’t wearing a swimsuit that day either, even though Kyungmin would swear it was the hottest day of the whole summer (though he said that every day).

“Oh! HI (NAME)!!” he exclaimed, heading toward you as you made room for him beside you in the shade.

He plopped down on the sand as if he were just another grain of sand (even though he weighed more than one) and let out an “Ouch!” when a little stick pricked his butt, causing him to jump up suddenly. Laughter gushed out of your mouth, because his little yelp had amused you so much.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Of course, man. That’s nothing to me,” he put on a brave face. You’d figured out, in that brief time you’d spent together, that Kyungmin liked to do that—to puff out his chest and act like everything was fine when clearly the skewer had hurt him (albeit only a little).

You let out a little chuckle. “Aha.”

The rest of the time, you spent talking. That time, Kyungmin had brought you some food. They were random snacks he’d found at his house, according to him.

Your favorite of them all was the puffed rice he’d brought, wrapped in green and yellow. It had been so long since you’d eaten that… the last time was with your father, on that very same beach, a few years ago. Before they diagnosed your illness and everything started to go wrong in your parents’ eyes. You didn’t even know if the doctor would let you eat it, but you also knew she’d turn a blind eye if she found anything unusual in your medical tests (unless it was very serious, of course). One way or another, they still tasted like salt water and laughter. They tasted like that memory.

You’d always found it funny how memories worked. Maybe because you’d always wanted to be remembered, just as you remembered your father in the puffed rice or your grandmother in the seagulls. Maybe because being remembered in the little things was the most beautiful thing that could happen to anyone.

Kyungmin noticed the pensive look on your face, but he figured maybe you just needed some space. Or maybe you were like that because you were about to die from the heat. Seriously, how could you possibly wear so many layers? He was roasting just from looking at you…

However, the sun eventually set, and with it, the scorching heat.

That day, you ended up at the swings on the beach. Swinging back and forth like little kids, while you laughed. Because that’s how memories were made. And in your world, where everything could end at any moment, every moment counted.

“I’m so happy I found you, Kyungmin,” you murmured in the darkness, at the starting point where your paths parted and you each had to go home.

“Me too,” he nodded, his cheeks flushed. He didn’t even know anymore if it was from sunburn or maybe something else. However, since he’d just met you, he didn’t want to pry any further. It’s too soon, he thought; we have the whole summer ahead of us.

When you got home, you found yourself wishing you could relive that day over and over again. But even more than that, you wished you could experience the next one.

Don’t think it was much different for him. Kyungmin came home with his jaw aching from smiling so much, and his family teased him about how tired he was when he got back from the beach—lately, much more so than usual. They hinted that he might have found a summer romance. He, of course, denied everything, but he couldn’t forget your nostalgic smile, your melodious laughter, and the way you conveyed… peace, in a way. Like the beach.

That day, when he went to sleep, he thought he’d finally made a friend.

—

The notes of a guitar echoed across the beach. Once you stopped to listen for a while, they formed a song that Kyungmin had told you he loved. 24/7 365, you thought you remembered. He’d also told you that he knew how to play it on the guitar—that he’d learned from a guy a little older than him. Jihoon, was his name? Gosh, you had a terrible memory.

However, you knew the second you heard it that it was that song because of the lyrics the guy with the guitar started singing. From the voice and the song, it couldn’t be anyone other than Kyungmin.

“I love you, 24/7 3-6-5...” His voice caressed the notes in a way that made your heart beat a little faster than you were used to. He sang really well. Too well.

You soon spotted him, sitting under what had become your usual lifesaving palm tree. At least it was cloudy that day, so you wouldn’t have to put on sunscreen every five minutes to avoid getting sunburned. He was focused yet relaxed at the same time, swaying from side to side to the beat of the music.

You found it amusing, even though it felt like you were witnessing a moment too unique to actually be part of it. Instead of saying hello, as you usually did, you waited for the song to end, swaying to the beat with your body. You hadn’t realized until then just how much music could convey in a couple of chords—or how much it could bring people together. Watching Kyungmin like that, holding the guitar calmly and singing from the heart, you knew right away that this was his passion. You also knew he’d go far.

That thought left a bittersweet taste in your mouth. You wouldn’t make it like he did. You couldn’t even consider it. You didn’t have the time. And yet, seeing him succeed would make you happy, wherever you were.

“Fulfill your dreams for me, Kyungmin,” was the exact thought that ran through your head. Something you’d ask for later on, too.

The last notes of the song rang out, and then you knew it was time to say goodbye.

“Kyungma, hi.” You waved with a smile, moving closer to him.

“Oh! Hi, (name).” He gave you a bright smile and stepped aside.

You knew right away that it was going to be a great afternoon. Maybe because you now felt that Kyungmin had shared a little piece of himself with you. You talked a lot—for a change—about whatever came to mind. Like whether bottle caps were collectible or not, or whether it was better to have a camel or a dromedary. And in the end, when the light grew dim and the sky was adorned with pastel colors, the guy ended up playing two songs that sounded familiar to you from before you met him. You’d asked him to play one, and he’d decided to play the other on his own.

You had to admit that “I Have A Dream” sounded noticeably different, but it had its own charm. Maybe it was also just that the song was a great one, no matter who sang it. Although with Kyungmin’s melodious voice, the truth was that everything sounded good, as if Agnetha herself were singing it—only with a more masculine voice.

After that, he played a softer song that sounded incredible on the guitar. He didn’t sing that one. He let you do it, since you’d surprised him by recognizing it.

It was “Remember me” from a movie you’d seen with your mother many, many years ago—like practically everything else. Ironically, it reminded you of that little girl who saw it for the first time, clutching her pillow tightly and crying without really knowing why.

“Until you are in my arms again, remember me…” You sang awkwardly, but in such a sweet way that Kyungmin’s heart seemed to shrink. That song always made him cry.

And so, amid the guitar’s notes, the gentle tears streaming down Kyungmin’s face (which he hid so you wouldn’t see them), and the soft melody of your voice, time slipped through your fingers, bringing your day to a close.

—

The days passed, and the nights grew longer and longer as you waited for the next afternoon to see each other again. And so, every day was different. Every day that added to the passing of time was one more moment you spent without thinking about death, one more day when you just wanted to live a little longer. You often felt that way: you didn’t want those moments together to end. You just wanted to make it last longer. Maybe because those moments were too precious. Or maybe because of the uncertainty of not waking up the next day.

That particular day, Kyungmin kept asking you all sorts of questions. You suspected he’d read an article in that magazine the nurses always consulted—about questions to ask to make someone fall in love with you.

“(Name), what’s your favorite color?” he asked, tilting his head as the sun shone on him. It was also horribly hot that day, and he’d been asking random questions for quite a while already.

“My favorite color…?” It took you a moment to think about it; you’d never really thought about it before. However, looking straight into his chocolate-colored eyes, you answered with the first color that came to mind: “Brown.”

The boy furrowed his brow, puzzled. “Brown?” His tone made you snort with laughter.

“Yeah…? Why? Is something wrong?” You raised an eyebrow.

“No, nothing. Mine is orange.” He nodded. You nodded back.

“Nice color.”

“Thanks.”

In front of you, dusk was falling, and the sun was finally starting to stop scorching people. Silence settled between the two of you, as the wind ruffled your hair and the soft murmur of the music—which this time you’d been allowed to choose from your limited musical repertoire—mingled with the sound of the waves, and the scenery was wonderful. Though it didn’t last long, of course. Because above all else, Kyungmin was a restless soul.

“If you could turn into an animal, what would you be?” He pressed on.

“What would I be?” You furrowed your brow, looking at him strangely. “A seagull, so I could fly away from you. Why all these questions?”

“Hey! I just want to get to know you better.” He pouted. But then you rested your cheek on the palm of your hand, batting your eyelashes rapidly and giving him that look of someone who’s super, mega interested. “Why a seagull?”

You sighed with a half-smile, shaking your head. Letting the last notes of “Genie” fade as you handed him the earbud, you got up from the sand that was digging into your butt. You’d been sitting there for a long time. You spent all day sitting or lying down at the hospital and at home; you didn’t want to do that during the only hours they let you walk around—unsupervised—outside your four wooden walls.

“Come on, I’ll show you,” you said with a smile, and then you ran toward the ocean, leaving your spot in the shade behind.

Just because you felt like it.

You laughed really hard at that. It had been so long since you’d done something like that…

“Hey! Wait!” he protested, scrambling to his feet and running after you, until he ended up right at the water’s edge.

You were already halfway in, your dress wet up to just above your knees, randomly splashing water and playing with it. Laughter came easily—so easily, in fact, that Kyungmin ended up cracking up with you too.

You spent a little while longer like that, splashing water at each other and letting out little shouts of “You’ll get yours!” or “That’s not fair!” that echoed all over the beach. Thank goodness it was practically deserted, the boy thought. Although he didn’t actually think that at the time—only later, when, in the privacy of his room, he was drifting off to sleep with a smile.

You ended up soaking wet, with water everywhere. His T-shirt looked like it had been thrown into the washing machine, and your dress was just as wet. Kyungmin ended up taking his off because of the cold and the wind, but you (who wasn’t wearing a swimsuit underneath either) decided to keep yours on. In a way, it made you feel a little more… alive. A feeling you wanted to keep experiencing.

A flock of birds flew overhead, adorning the cotton-candy-colored sky that hung above you. You lifted your head just to watch them. They were beautiful.

And right beside you, Kyungmin was looking at you. You seemed so absorbed in a few simple birds that you even looked like you were from another planet to him. Although he had to admit that not knowing who Justin Bieber was—now that was truly alien…

“Hey, you still haven’t told me why you wanted to be a seagull,” he asked gently when things quieted down.

Your gaze drifted to his silhouette. Maybe it was weird that you hadn’t noticed until then, but it was true that Kyungmin was pretty handsome. Like, a lot. A lot, a lot.

“I thought you’d have figured it out by now, you dummy,” you said, chuckling. He seemed offended, but didn’t say anything (in case you decided not to tell him again). “Birds are the universal symbol of freedom—that’s what the books say. And seagulls are always on these beaches. Someday I’d like to have the same freedom they do. To soar through the skies and see the sea better, not from five meters away… Besides, they’re always with other seagulls. It would feel good to be part of a group. That’s why I think it’s a good animal to be reincarnated as—don’t you think?” You gave her a little smile at the end.

That didn’t make things any easier. Of all the things you could have said to him, he certainly wasn’t expecting that. It was a bit sad, he thought. Because even though you’d ended with a smile, your gaze was wistful—the look of someone who could never experience it—that freedom, that sense of belonging—even at an age as young as yours. Kyungmin’s mother had always told him not to rush into growing up, that he had plenty of time to do whatever he wanted. Yet you’d said it as if you didn’t have that time. As if you were going to die tomorrow, she thought to herself, though she didn’t voice the joke because suddenly, even in her mind, it became too real. It couldn’t be, though. She shook her head, trying to shake off all those thoughts. She didn’t want to jinx it.

“Oh, okay. Maybe.” He nodded.

You let out a breathless laugh. “It’s clear you don’t really agree,” you said, resting your head on your arms, which were wrapped around your legs.

He laughed, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s not that…” he denied.

“What animal would you like to be?” you asked him in return.

“Me?” he asked, pointing at himself and forming a perfect circle with his lips. “Hmm, I think a meerkat would be cool. They’re really cool. They also live in colonies, you know? They take this whole living in society thing very seriously.” He nodded, laughing a little.

There was a moment of silence.

You smiled, and looking up at the sky, you remarked, “It’s weird, this whole thing about wanting to fit in, don’t you think?”

Kyungmin followed your gaze, looking at the horizon with increasing clarity.

“Mhm,” he nodded. All the possible memories of high school flashed through his mind—a place where he’d never felt entirely welcome. “You see.”

And yet, there, next to you, Kyungmin felt for the first time like he was part of something. Part of that hidden little beach. Part of something beautiful with you. He smiled—grateful to have met you.

Time passed, and it was time to go home. Even if “home” was starting to feel a little more like that beach than the building itself. You walked along the sand, and as soon as you left the beach, Kyungmin spent the whole walk humming “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer—a song he’d told you he’d been playing on repeat lately. You liked it, but Kyungmin loved it. You were intertwining your pinkies, as you’d gotten used to doing. It reminded you of a gentle promise—one you made to Kyungmin every time you left. Or maybe, one you were asking of him without him really knowing it: to be remembered.

Suddenly, he stopped humming and turned toward you quickly, his heart beating just as fast as it always did when he was with you. “Oh! I forgot to ask you! (Name), what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?”

You blinked, raising your eyebrows. That had caught you by surprise.

“Ice cream? I don’t know,” you replied.

“You don’t know?!” he asked, his voice a mix of surprise and disbelief. “(Name), that’s just criminal. It’s one thing not to know who BIGBANG is, but you’ve got to have an ice cream flavor you like better than the others…”

You frowned. “Is it really that important? I just don’t remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the ice cream shop,” you admitted. Ever since they told you about your illness, of course. Once your parents found out, they started getting scared of even ice cream (even though Dr. Seulgi had emphasized that you could eat almost anything).

Kyungmin put his hands to his head. “No way, no way. Wait for me here tomorrow too, okay? Don’t go all the way onto the beach.”

You tilted your head, not quite sure where he was going with this. “What are we going to do?”

“You’ll see. Be a seagull and go with the flow a little, (Name). Trust me, I know some of the best ice cream shops in town!” He nodded, giving you a thumbs-up.

Your face perfectly captured the phrase “What on earth am I doing here?” As if you were completely baffled. For a moment, Kyungmin even feared he’d upset you and that you wouldn’t be able to react anymore or something.

However, you burst out laughing. Once you started laughing, you couldn’t stop, and you even started crying from laughing so hard. Now he was the one who wasn’t quite sure how to react.

“Sorry,” you apologized between bursts of laughter once you’d caught your breath a little. “It’s just that it made me laugh—sorry.”

The laughter continued for a little while longer, and Kyungmin wasn’t sure in the end whether to join in or not (though a soft chuckle did escape you simply because yours was so contagious).

—

“Kyungminnn,” he heard a woman’s voice call out to him. It had woken him from his sleep. Could it be you? It would be incredible if it were you, he thought. Although if it really were you, it would be more like a dream come true. A lazy smile spread across his lips. Ah… what a wonderful dream.

“Kyungmin-ah.” The voice called out to him again, even though Kyungmin was already too lost in his thoughts as he pretended to sleep a little longer—hoping to dream about it. However, the person calling out to him wasn’t too pleased that he hadn’t woken up.

“KYUNGMIN-AHHHH!” She exclaimed. That scream certainly echoed throughout the room and made the boy jump up in a start, startled.

“AH! AH! WHAT’S GOING ON? WHO’S ROBBING US?” he asked, startled. That is, until he turned his head—because the person he saw wasn’t you (certainly not), but his mother. She was wearing her “I’m-on-duty-today-don’t-bother-me” T-shirt and had her hair in a ponytail, with a few strands sticking out carelessly.

“Ah, Mom. You scared me!” he protested, clutching his chest.

“You’re finally awake! You sleep more than your cousin Shinyu, really,” she teased him. “Come on, come have breakfast. Or rather, lunch, because you’ve been sleeping since who knows when.”

Kyungmin frowned. He wasn’t very happy about being woken up from his dream with you. He wanted to stay in his world of cotton candy and sweets, while you laughed and hugged him tight.

Maybe getting married, having two kids, five puppies, and a hamster… all in a dream, of course.

Okay… now that he thought about it, he sounded like one of those crazy lovers from the movies his mother used to like. A soft blush spread across his cheeks. Oh no… let’s not go there, he thought to himself.

Falling in love, of course, wasn’t one of his favorite pastimes. Not at all. But “falling in love” was still a very strong phrase. Maybe… it was more accurate to say he liked you—judging by how his heart started beating faster when he saw you and how, in less than a month, you’d become one of his favorite people. He liked you way too much. Okay, maybe he was in love. But just a little bit. Really.

We have time, he thought to himself. Plenty of time. School doesn’t start for a few more months.

Even if, in reality, the problem wasn’t exactly school.

He sat down reluctantly in the chair at the dining room table, having already grabbed his glass of milk. All around him, Seungwoo was running around with a toy airplane in his hand. He was playing, but he was also making too much noise for a Kyungmin who had just woken up.

“What about Dongwha?” the boy asked about his other brother, as he sipped some milk.

“He left early with Wonwoo to go to the beach. He told me they wanted to build sandcastles,” his mother replied, as she polished a Superman mug—Seungwoo’s favorite. “By the way, Kyungmin,” she called out once she was done with it. “Will you take your brother to the fair for me? I’m working this afternoon and can’t take him myself...”

“Today? But—Mom, I already have plans today…” he complained.

“Kyungmin, please. Please, please. Pretty please. I’d really appreciate it,” she urged, giving him puppy-dog eyes. Seeing that he was still undecided, she added, “I’m sure your friend would love for you to take her away from that beach for a day. You’ll have a great time at the fair—you’ll see.”

The boy sighed, scratching the back of his neck. It wasn’t as if he could say no to her—she was still his mother, and he knew how hard she worked to take good care of them. Especially when his father was away on business (which was all the time). Besides, she was really scary when she got angry. “All right…” he nodded.

His mother smiled warmly and walked around the table to give him a hug and a couple of kisses on the top of his head. “Thanks, sweetheart. I can’t wait to meet that little girl.”

Kyungmin’s cheeks flushed at the very thought. “Mom!”

She just laughed, amused. Kids sure grow up fast.

—

The wind began to blow strongly that afternoon, even though there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The starry sky would be beautiful tonight, you thought. You’d had to pull some strings to make your parents think you were going to spend the afternoon with Seulgi, the doctor, and Andrew, a nurse who’d been taking care of you since you were a little kid.

The things I do for you, Kyungmin, you thought, as you hopped a little on your heels waiting for him under the sun. You were a little nervous, yes. It was your first time in a long time visiting a place other than school, your house, the beach, or the hospital. Although that sounds like a lot of places, the truth is it wasn’t much at all. You were afraid you’d forgotten how to act like a normal person. And yet, the fact that you were with Kyungmin also put you at ease. Because it was him. And with him, you felt safer than anywhere else. Maybe you were getting a bit more fond of him than you actually wanted to, you thought, recalling his cute smile. Maybe you were even starting to love him. Who knew.

“Hey, (Name)!” you heard from behind. It was Kyungmin’s unmistakable voice calling out to you.

You turned to look at him and wave back, but what you certainly didn’t expect was the sight of Kyungmin’s little brother behind him. Seungwoo, dressed in green and white, was holding his older brother’s hand, stumbling along. To be honest, it was way funnier than you expected. He was so cute! You’d always wanted a little brother, and Seungwoo was the definition of a little dumpling.

“Kyungmin!” you greeted him, smiling. “Oh, and hi, Seungwoo,” you waved.

“My mom asked me to take him to the fair—is that okay with you? I know another ice cream shop around here, if you want. But if not, we’ll just have to meet up another day… I’m sorry.” He apologized, scratching the back of his neck.

“No way,” you said, waving your hand, and added with a smile, “I still want that ice cream.”

Kyungmin let out a soft laugh, and his brother looked at him, frowning. Was that really his Kyungmin? This version of his brother seemed calmer, less sullen. More lively, even. Like the sea. Nothing like he was at home, that’s for sure.

“Do you want some ice cream, too, Seungwoo?” You crouched down a little, tilting your head.

He seemed to take a deep breath, and in a little boy’s voice he said, “My older brother told me to say that he’s really strong and trains a lot.”

You blinked slowly.

Huh?

Sure, you didn’t socialize much, but it was clear that wasn’t an answer to your question. It certainly wasn’t in the socializing guide Seulgi had given you after you told her you’d made a friend.

Kyungmin, sitting across from you, turned as red as a tomato. He cleared his throat and, with a nervous smile, said, “Should we get going? I don’t want us to be late… haha…” You let out a laugh. It was going to be a really fun afternoon.

“Seungwoo!” he muttered. “What did we say about saying that to every person who walks by?”

“Did we say anything about that, hyung?” he asked, a big question mark on his face.

Kyungmin looked at him, a little indignant. His brothers hardly ever listened to him… He sighed, running his hand over his face like a weary father.

—

Once there, Seungwoo started asking to ride every attraction he could, and since he couldn’t go alone, Kyungmin went with him everywhere. And you, amid Kyungmin’s apologetic smiles, ended up joining in—even if you had a hard time on some rides, others turned out to be a wonderful experience. Plus, you’d even won a little camera for Seungwoo in a dart game! He’d been so happy that it made all the money you’d spent worth it.

The truth was that, despite the bad experiences, you felt happy. It was your first time at a fair like that. The lights from the booths illuminated the streets as it began to get dark. It was a festive, joyful atmosphere. Away from the secret beach. It was… comforting in a way. A reminder that happiness existed outside that place, too. And maybe it existed because you were with him. A thought that, honestly, had just made you want to laugh.

During a break to use the restroom, Kyungmin approached you as you sat on the back of a greenish bench, gazing at the darkening sky. In front of you were nothing but food stalls selling dishes you’d never tasted in your life and games you didn’t recognize at all. Everything seemed so new, so fascinating… You knew the adrenaline rush you were feeling wasn’t good for your heart, but… the truth was, you just wanted to keep going. Keep going with the clumsy, daring little Seungwoo. And, of course, keep going with your beloved Kyungmin.

“Sorry for bringing Seungwoo…” He apologized again, coming over to you once he’d made sure Seungwoo had gone into the bathroom safely.

You shook your head. “It’s nothing, really,” you repeated. “Kyungmin, I already told you everything’s fine. Seungwoo is like a little sugar cookie. He’s too cute.” You smiled. Kyungmin laughed at the comparison.

“If you say so…” He didn’t seem entirely convinced, but a smile still graced his face. He sat down next to you, resting his feet on the actual seat of the bench. “Do you want to go get some ice cream later? My mom just called and said that a friend of my brother’s mom can watch him for a while.”

“Oh!” you said. “Is Seungwoo very sociable?” you asked.

Kyungmin seemed to think about it for a moment. “I don’t know about sociable, but he definitely has a couple of friends.”

“Well, that’s already more friends than I have…” you retorted with a hint of sarcasm, laughing at yourself. You seemed resigned to it. As if you could never have any. The truth was, you’d always wanted to have friends, but it had never been easy for you. That’s why you’d always assumed you were fine on your own. There wasn’t anyone else to hang out with anyway.

Kyungmin frowned. “What are you talking about? You’ve got me, silly,” he corrected you, giving you a gentle nudge. “I’m your friend.” He smiled.

It was true. Maybe you were being silly. You had him, after all. Kyungmin. Your days of being alone were over thanks to him. Thanks to Kyungmin, who had pulled you out of the darkness. You would be grateful for that for as long as you could in your short life.

Deep inside, you felt tears beginning to well up in your eyes.

How much you would miss him on the other side.

“Huh?! Are you crying?!” he asked, startled. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry!” he apologized, waving his hands frantically. He wasn’t sure how to react.

You laughed at him, but the tears kept flowing. You shook your head. “I’m just so happy to have met you, silly,” you admitted.

Kyungmin looked into your eyes. That had truly touched his heart. His eyes began to well up too, and his lip started to tremble.

“Shh,” he said, pulling you close to his shoulder. You knew he was doing it so you wouldn’t see him cry. He’d confessed to you earlier, between songs, that he really didn’t like it when people saw him like that. “I’m really glad I met you, too.”

A gentle smile blossomed on your lips. You loved being with him so much.

—

Once you’d left Seungwoo with his friend, it was time to go get ice cream. At some point—you couldn’t quite remember when—you’d ended up holding hands with Kyungmin. Fingers intertwined and your heart racing, but always with a smile on your face. You’d given up on the idea of love a long time ago, but at that moment, there was no other word that better captured what you were feeling. You didn’t want to overthink it, either. You were just there. There, with the person who made you happiest. There, with your first — and best— friend.

You wandered through the streets of the park where the fair was being held and soon arrived at the ice cream shop that Kyungmin had been so excited to take you to. And why lie—you were a little excited too. Just a little.

They had every flavor imaginable: from basic vanilla to beer ice cream (the first time either of you had ever seen that, by the way) with all kinds of different scoops and cones. Kyungmin went for chocolate, which he’d told you was his favorite.

Your attention, however, was caught by a radioactive blue ice cream. “What’s that?” you asked, tugging on his hand and pointing at the ice cream with your other hand.

“That? It says ‘Smurf ice cream’— you know, those little characters from TV who live in mushrooms.” He read it out loud for you, as if you didn’t know how to do it yourself.

You frowned. “I know that, man. I can read. But what does it taste like?”

Kyungmin frowned, trying to remember something. “I haven’t tried it, but my other little brother, Donghwa, used to love it when he was little.”

“It looks good,” you said. Now you wanted to try it.

The guy raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It looks like it has 4,279 chemicals in it and is toxic,” he warned you. You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Kyungmin,” you said, giving him a nudge, at which point he had to stifle a laugh so as not to look weird in front of the clerk.

He ended up paying after an intense debate over who should do it (neither of you wanted to), and you got your Smurf ice cream, so everyone was happy.

When you took the first spoonful, the scene playing in your mind was, exactly, a rainbow with cotton candy and dolphins leaping out of the sea.

“OMG! This is so good, Kyungmin!!” you exclaimed, licking your scoop of ice cream again. It tasted like sugar, yes. But you loved it.

Kyungmin burst out laughing. “Only you would like those ice creams which are a tragedy for a true gourmet.”

You frowned. “Stop trying to sound intellectual and just eat. This is food of the gods, my goodness.”

Kyungmin laughed again, and, intertwining your hands once more, you walked back to where you’d been, wandering around the different stalls. Everything was beautiful; with the sun hiding behind the mountain, it all looked like something out of a fairy tale. As you were walking, you happened to pass by a Ferris wheel. It was small, but tall enough to see the sea from there. Suddenly, you really, really wanted to ride it. So much.

“Kyungmin, can we go up there?” you asked, pointing at the Ferris wheel.

He seemed convinced in an instant, because he nodded faster than lightning.

“Let’s go!” he exclaimed, pulling you along. Laughter escaped your lips as you ran after him.

The views from up there were, of course, wonderful. Below you, the streetlights twinkled like little stars, as if each one had its own story. The sea stretched out in the distance, colored this time in a dark shade—like the sky—and that night it seemed to be perfectly calm. Just like you.

You were sitting next to Kyungmin, who was letting out soft “ohh”s and “woah”s at the views. It was all so beautiful—once again.

“Thank goodness we came here,” you thought, squeezing Kyungmin’s hand a little tighter. You wanted to feel him there, above the beating of your heart. Above all, you wanted to take in as much of him—and of the moment—as you could. Because you were afraid of forgetting. As much as you were afraid of being forgotten.

What lay beyond death? You didn’t know. Many people had thought long and hard about it. Very, very long. They had come up with different stories—too many and too different. However, if after death you encountered this feeling again—that inner peace—you knew there would be no problem. Because you liked what you were feeling. You liked the sensation of his fingers against your skin. You liked how Kyungmin’s tousled hair looked on him, and you liked even more how those big, fawn-like eyes looked at you, because you knew you looked at him the same way.

You could have died that day, but the truth was that you wanted to keep living. Living alongside Kyungmin.

You wondered then why fate had to be so cruel. Why had the universe let you experience something as wonderful as being with him, only to take him away from you? Why? It was unfair. And yet, it was something to be grateful for. Because at the end of the day, it had given you a taste of life—something you could never deny. Ever.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, noticing you seemed a little distracted just as you were about to get off the Ferris wheel. That look in his eyes again—the one he gave when he was looking at someone he loved with all his heart.

“Thank you,” you replied simply.

I love you, was what you never got to say.

He tilted his head. “For what?”

“For today. For every day. Thank you, Kyungmin.” Your eyes welled up again.

The boy frowned. “Why are you talking like you’re going to die tomorrow, (Name)?” he blurted out without thinking.

Your stomach churned. You shrugged, with a strange smile—even a nostalgic one. “Who knows. I hope not, though.”

Silence. A laugh finally escaped your lips—a knowing one, even though Kyungmin wasn’t quite sure how true that statement really was. At that moment, however, he didn’t care. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. He just wanted it to go on and on; for it to last forever. To be happy for the rest of your lives.

“Thanks to you, (Name),” he whispered, as you were heading back home. He held both your hands tightly, stopping you in your tracks. “Thank you.” And after that, he gave you a hug—awkward, but yours. Only yours.

I love you. To the stars and back, he thought for the first time, surprising even himself.

But he kept it to himself. He didn’t say anything, because there, in your arms, he was already as comfortable as he could possibly be. He didn’t need anything else.

He’d have more time. More time to tell you that he loved you. More time to tell you how glad he was to have met you. More time to be together. So much more.

That night, when you went to sleep, a ridiculous thought lingered in your mind for quite a while.

“If I died today, at least I’d be at peace.”

And that, for some reason, made you feel more alive than ever. (Even if, deep down in your heart, guilt was beginning to gnaw at you for not telling Kyungmin the whole truth. Maybe it was time.)

—

A few days later, Kyungmin found you sitting on one of the swings at the beach. Yes, it was strange that a beach as deserted as that one would have what you might call a mini-park on it, but stranger things had happened to certain people, so he didn’t question it. It was later than usual that time, since you’d stayed a little longer with your guitar.

You were swaying gently back and forth on the swing. You had a strange look on your face—a mixture of sadness, nostalgia, and despair. Kyungmin wondered then what could have happened to you. What was going on inside that little head of yours?

“(Name)?” he asked, tilting his head. He approached slowly when he saw that you were still staring off into space.

“(Name),” he called again, stopping the swing for a moment to hold your hands in his. They were cold. You must have been waiting outside for a long time. Because on that very day, the sun had decided to hide, leaving them with a cloudy day.

You blinked, snapping out of your reverie. “Oh, Kyungmin. Hi,” you said, forcing a smile. He noticed—of course he did.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, concerned. He moved closer to you.

You pursed your lips. “Yeah, I just had a fight at home.”

“A fight?”

You nodded. “Nothing too serious. It’s just that… if they find out I’m here today, they’ll roast me alive and coat me in batter.” You let out a wry laugh.

Huh?

“Hm?” Kyungmin wasn’t quite catching everything you were trying to tell him.

“Nothing,” you smiled, getting up and letting yourself fall into his arms. The hug lasted longer than usual, and while you were in his arms, you felt like you could breathe again. It always happened to you. Kyungmin was like your lifeline. You knew it all too well. “Let’s just stay like this a little longer, okay?”

The guy didn’t like all that secrecy, but he agreed. He agreed because it was you, and because he’d had a bad day, too. That’s why he’d hidden away to play the guitar and lost track of time.

“I don’t know what happened, but I promise it’ll work out,” he whispered, stroking your back. He kissed the top of your head.

You took a deep breath, even though the air came out in gasps—as if you’d been crying earlier. “I don’t know if there’s a solution, Kyungmin. I really don’t know,” you murmured.

When you’re sick, every day counts, you thought. You didn’t know if you’d even be alive the next day to figure it out.

That day, death was something you feared. Not something you didn’t expect or rejected. There, resting your head on Kyungmin’s shoulder, you knew you didn’t want to sleep. That you were terribly afraid. That day, arguing with your parents, you’d also been afraid. Afraid they’d discover your little secret and never let you come back. Ever again.

You took a deep breath, even though the air came out in gasps—as if you’d been crying beforehand. “I don’t know if there’s a solution, Kyungmin. I really don’t know,” you murmured.

You were afraid of dying and never seeing all the people you loved again.

Maybe if you told Kyungmin—who had become your most trusted confidant—you’d be happier. But you were also afraid he’d turn out like your parents. That he’d treat you like someone fragile, someone who can’t do anything.

“Kyungmin,” you murmured.

“Mhm,” he replied.

“Stay with me a little longer, please. Promise me that even if the storm comes, you’ll stay with me. Just a little longer.” You asked, hugging him tighter. You were being selfish; you knew it. You knew it well. But maybe… maybe you just wanted to be remembered. Maybe you just wanted to be someone else—someone important in his life. Just as he was in yours. Your only escape.

He nodded. He didn’t know why you’d been feeling this way—so nostalgic—lately. But he just wanted to hold you in his arms a little longer, so he didn’t protest.

That afternoon, you stayed like that, embracing each other on the sand, counting stars and laughing softly. It felt good. It felt incredible. Kyungmin gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek as he said goodbye, to the sound of the cicadas singing. You, with your heart in your hand, kissed him on the mouth. He, flustered, blushed all the way to his ears while you laughed at him (even though you weren’t much different from him).

“Thank you,” you whispered. “Thank you again.” He smiled—one of those smiles that radiate nothing but love and understanding—and gave you another gentle, awkward kiss on the lips. A kiss that made you smile like a fool all the way home.

That was the only day you didn’t say, “See you tomorrow.” It wasn’t on purpose; it just didn’t occur to you.

Maybe fate had something in store for you two. Something that wasn’t all that pleasant. But that night, you just replayed the kiss over and over in your mind, remembering Kyungmin’s sparkling eyes and his nervous laugh. You remembered how he came up to you and whispered, “You’re very special to me, (Name), really.”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. So much so that, since you couldn’t sleep, you got up and wrote him a letter. The next day you’d finally tell him how you felt, you thought. No more putting it off. No more fear. Who knew how much more time you had?

You poured everything you felt into that letter, hoping to clear your thoughts, and once you were done, you felt satisfied. Ready. The next day would be a great day, you decided. It would be the day you’d finally become a couple.

“I love you, Kyungmin,” you murmured in the darkness of the night, tucked in up to your chin. It was the first time you’d said it out loud, but somehow, it felt good. It felt right.

—

The next day, Kyungmin didn’t find you on the beach. Nor the day after that. Nor the day after that day. You had simply disappeared. Like the seagulls that migrate during the cold seasons to warmer places.

—

Kyungmin was starting to think that you’d grown tired of him. Why else wouldn’t you come? Maybe he’d rushed things with the kiss, or with all the things he’d said to you—how much he loved you without actually saying those exact words. Maybe he’d scared you off.

Lying there on the ground, he looked up at the sky, thinking over and over again about everything he’d done. He’d come every day, without fail, at the usual time. And yet, you were never there. Not anymore.

No matter how many walks he took—just to see if you were more on one side or the other—he couldn’t find you. In those moments, he hated not having asked for your phone number. If he had it, he could call you, hear your voice. Know that you were okay. But he had not asked for it.

Suddenly, something blocked his view and pulled his thoughts away. It was a little white kitten, peeking its head out. That reminded him of how you’d once told him that you loved kittens and had always wanted one.

“Meow?” it meowed. The boy let out a wry laugh.

Just what he needed—a cat reminding him of the one he’d loved and who’d abandoned him. Again.

“Meow,” the boy replied, not quite sure what he was saying.

“You’re Lee Kyungmin, right?” he heard another voice say behind him. It was deep and raspy, clearly that of an older man.

The younger man tensed up then and sat up straight in the blink of an eye. That’s when he was able to get a good look at him. The person standing before him had a somewhat unkempt beard and large dark circles under his eyes, but despite all that, he had a calm smile on his face. That was what reminded him a little of you.

I wish you were with me, he thought to himself, biting his lip.

“Yes, that’s me.” He nodded. “Lee Kyungmin, how can I help you?”

The man gave him a sad smile. “I’m (Name)’s father. I’m here because… because you’re the only thing I have left of my daughter, Kyungmin-ah.”

He blinked slowly.

Huh? The only thing he had left? What about (Name)?

Also, what a weird way of meeting the parents of the girl he liked.

“Oh. Um, nice to meet you. I’m sorry to be a little abrupt, but do you know where she is? She hasn’t been here in a long time…”

The man seemed to swallow hard. His eyes began to well up. However, he managed to hold back his tears and give you a reassuring smile.

“Son, there are many things you need to know. Follow me,” he asked. Kyungmin didn’t think twice, and the little white cat followed right behind them. It was about you what he was talking of, after all.

He walked confidently into the hospital. It was Kyungmin’s first time setting foot in that hospital, since he usually went to another one in the city whenever he got hurt. The walls were a strange shade of salmon, and as he made his way down the hallways filled with doctors and nurses, the color turned whitish. Some were rushing about, while others chatted casually as they went about their daily tasks. It was a normal day for them—or so it seemed.

Your father weaved through the crowd like a pro, occasionally greeting a couple of nurses he seemed to have known for a long time.

Kyungmin even thought he heard a soft “I’m sure they’ll save her” from a young nurse, at which your father lowered his gaze. The boy didn’t want to hear any more. Why had he brought him there? Was there… was there something to it? Something to do with you?

They finally reached a room. “247” was written on the sign above the door. The walls were wooden, and inside there was a large window overlooking the beach. There were freshly arranged flowers—which Kyungmin later learned were white tulips (your favorites)—and someone in the bed.

You.

Eyes closed, hair perfectly styled, and a hospital nightgown that looked especially good on you. You looked asleep. Sedated, even.

In a coma. That’s what your father told him later. That you were in a coma.

And for him, his whole world came crashing down.

How could that have happened?

Kyungmin hesitantly reached out to you, clasping your hand between his. You were cold, but warm enough for him to know you were still alive. He squeezed it, as if he believed you would wake up just by doing this—wake up, see him there, and then laugh in his face, just like you usually did. He wanted you to tell him this was all just a joke.

It couldn’t be true. You weren’t sick. You never had been. They would have told him. Kyungmin would have noticed.

Tears began to well up in his eyes. Because it seemed real. Too real. And your closed eyes, your relaxed expression, and your pale lips only confirmed it.

The man standing in front of him also gave you a look filled with love. Filled with pain.

“Kyungmin-ah, son, sit down,” your father murmured, gesturing with his hand for him to sit in the chair next to you.

He obeyed, never letting go of your hand. He swallowed hard.

“What… what happened to her?” he asked, his voice trembling. His whole body was shaking, too.

The man sighed. “I guess (Name) hadn’t told you. She didn’t really like to go around talking about this.” He let out a nostalgic smile. “She… had a terminal illness—a heart condition. Let’s just say… it doesn’t work very well. They diagnosed her years ago, when she was still a little girl. Two months ago, they told us her time was coming soon. That her heart would gradually stop pumping blood and…” His voice broke. “And that we’d lose her.”

The news hit the boy like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him.

What?, he thought.

His gaze turned to you, but you didn’t return it. Kyungmin thought about the fear you must have felt. About the urge to vanish from the world and, at the same time, to keep on living. Now he understood why you wanted so desperately to be a seagull. Why you wanted to fly a little longer. To escape those four walls that imprisoned you in an illness that came hand in hand with death. With the end.

He felt sorry for you. He felt awful. And now… what would he do without you? What would he do without those afternoons listening to music and more music, without those afternoons playing and laughing together?

What would he do now without his safe place? Without his space to be himself?

You were his everything. You’d become that in such a short time, like friends who come late in life but last for a lifetime. The best kind of friends, if you asked him. Not that he’d had many to begin with, either.

He didn’t expect to lose you like this.

All this time… thinking there would be time.

Thinking he could always do it tomorrow, when for you there might not be one at all.

He should have told you he loved you. He should have shouted it to you on the Ferris wheel. He should have held you in his arms one more time.

How would he live now without you? How would he manage? You were always there for him, and now… now you wouldn’t be anymore. Or maybe you would, but tied to a bed. Something he knew you would have hated.

The first tears rolled down his cheek, but this time he didn’t care if anyone saw him.

He’d lost you—what could be worse than that?

“Kyungmin-ah, I…” your father began again. The words caught in his throat, once more, just at the sight of you like that. “I came looking for you because I know she loved you,” he admitted.

Kyungmin’s heart stopped cold.

Excuse me? Had he heard correctly? Did she… love him?

He didn’t know if that made him feel bad or even worse. Maybe even more eager to throw herself out the window.

“The night before… she fell into a coma, she wrote this,” he continued, handing her a letter. It was small, folded several times, and the pages were yellowed. “That’s what led me to track you down. It seems she loved you very much. I just… wanted to thank you for making her happy.” Tears streamed down his face as well as he bowed. “Thank you for achieving something we didn’t quite know how to achieve.”

Kyungmin held the piece of paper in his trembling hands, his gaze filled with despair as he looked at your father. “But sir, this…” He swallowed hard. A sob threatened to escape his throat. He just wanted to bury his head in his arms, to cry, cry, and cry. However, with what little willpower he had left, he stood tall. He didn’t let go of your hand for a moment. Perhaps because if he did, he’d feel that everything would be lost.

“The doctors have decided to keep her this way for another month,” he continued, lifting his head now. “Until her heart stops beating completely. Seulgi, her cardiologist, told me they’ll do everything possible to save her.”

Kyungmin looked at the floor, then at you.

Damn it.

Your father walked slowly toward the door, as if he didn’t want to part from you. To let you go. You really seemed like his greatest treasure.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Kyungmin-ah,” he murmured slowly, and with a soft click, he closed the door behind him.

That was when all his emotions came crashing down on him. Tears welled up in his throat, and as he sobbed and sobbed, he buried his head in his arms, which were resting on your belly.

He had lost you.

He had lost you too soon, too quickly. He just wanted to have been with you. Much, much longer.

And yet… there was still some hope of making new memories. A very small chance to believe in. If you believe, you create. You create a reality, a future. And in that moment, all Kyungmin could have was faith. Faith that you’d recover. Faith that you’d see the light again. Faith that you’d keep your promise—to see each other one more day. Faith that he could hold you, kiss you, and tell you how much he loved you once more. This time with words.

He wanted it so badly that he was willing to believe. He would believe anything as long as you opened your eyes again.

As long as you could smile at him and call him a fool one more time.

As long as he could hold a warm hand one more time.

—

Ever since then, Kyungmin came to visit you every day. Absolutely every single day. He’d come, bring you fresh flowers, talk to the nurses to see how you were doing, sing to you, tell you stories… Everyone at the hospital looked at him with pity, but Kyungmin didn’t care. He only loved you.

His only hope was to have you back. Someday. And the promise of “someday” was precisely what kept him coming back. It was what kept him buying the same flowers at the same flower shop, usually accompanied by the little white cat from the beach. He’d named him Tao, just because he’d gotten that vibe from him. He was always there. He was like… a comforting presence that reminded him of you. As if it were you who stayed everyday with him, just as a cat.

Summer passed quickly, and with it, the heat waves, the time at the beach, and time itself. Even though school had started, Kyungmin still found time between tutoring and classes to come see you and tell you about his day. Then, he’d intertwine your increasingly cold fingers with his as he told you how Youngjae had fallen in a very comical way while they were training for a very important competition.

And when he thought no one was watching, he’d let a couple of tears fall, asking the universe to let you wake up.

As the cold weather set in, Kyungmin started wearing scarves and warm clothes. He came every day and asked Andrew, your nurse, if they’d noticed you were cold or if you’d moved at any point. The boy always shook his head and gave him one of his sad smiles. Just because he knew how much Kyungmin wanted you to open your eyes again.

No other teenager would have put up with it as long as he did, the nurse thought.

On Christmas Day, his mother accompanied him along with his two younger brothers after she had insisted so strongly on seeing you. She wanted to see the girl who had caused such a stir in her son’s life. Even if you were in that condition.

They had argued about it, shouting so loudly that neither of his two little brothers understood, but in the end, Kyungmin gave in. He just wanted to spend Christmas with you. The rest, he had decided, didn’t matter to him anymore.

Your parents were already there when they arrived. Your mother was holding your hand in hers while your father carved a piece of lamb.

“Oh, Kyungmin-ah, son, how are you?” your mother asked, smiling slightly as he opened the door and poked his head in. With each passing day, she seemed to age a little more.

The boy gave them a weary smile, like someone who holds onto hope in his heart and fights against those who don’t.

“We’re getting by, Mrs. Shin. We’re still here,” he replied. “I’ve brought my family; I hope they don’t bother you guys.”

Your father shook his head, waving his hand. “Not at all, not at all. The more, the merrier. Besides, you’re part of our family now, too.” He smiled, his wrinkles deepening.

Kyungmin swallowed hard. His smile widened a bit. “Thank you, sir.”

The afternoon was normally quiet, but that room where you were sleeping filled with laughter and delicious food. Deep down, the boy had wished you’d wake up then, because that way you’d experience the love of everyone there. He hoped that way you’d realize you didn’t have to be a seagull to be happy. That happiness was sometimes closer than you expected.

However, that day you didn’t open your eyes. You didn’t even move.

Kyungmin tried not to let his disappointment show, but on the way home, when his mother put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, he let a couple of tears fall from his eyes.

He missed you.

He wished he could have told you sooner how much he loved you.

When Seungwoo asked him later at home why you were like that—not moving or laughing like you used to—Kyungmin didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a kid as young as him? He let his mother handle it while he escaped to his room.

You were in limbo, he replied inwardly. Although more like outside of it.

That thought hurt him, no matter how much he wanted to hide it.

If only fate weren’t so cruel.

—

The warmth returned, the cherry trees began to bloom, and the school year was coming to an end. It was spring again. The seagulls were returning from their long journey, and Kyungmin hoped you would, too. The teacher’s increasingly boring lectures prompted him to look out the window. Sometimes he thought about what he was going to eat later, other times about the ducks, and other times he wondered what would happen if you were sitting next to him then. He wondered if you’d be absentmindedly playing with your pencil like the girl sitting next to him, or if, on the contrary, you’d be paying attention to everything the teacher said. He bet you’d be just like him. Looking out the window and thinking about the philosophical things you always thought about.

He wished you were there to tell him all your thoughts. He wished you could have lived a normal life.

He wished.

—

With the arrival of summer, everything started to feel more nostalgic. It was, after all, the time when he’d met you. The time when he’d decided to get myself into that whole mess. The time when he’d fallen head over heels for you—all because of a beach ball. And even if I were back in that moment with you, Kyungmin wouldn’t have changed a thing. No, because you’d been a wonderful experience. And he still loved you.

Maybe that’s why he still hadn’t read the letter your father had given him some time ago. Maybe he wanted to wait for you to tell him in person.

Maybe.

That day, Kyungmin couldn’t stop by the hospital because he had to urgently turn in a final paper. He planned to tell you everything the next day, hold your hand, and talk and talk about how your professor was a pain in the neck and how glad he was not to have to see his face again for a few months. Maybe he’d even bring his guitar and sing a little for you, as a celebration.

That was the plan. Really.

What he didn’t expect was to arrive at the hospital the next day, ask about you, and have everyone look down. He didn’t expect to walk down the hallways, with a sense of foreboding in his chest, and see that your name was no longer on your room. And, of course, he didn’t expect to walk through the door and find that you weren’t in bed.

You weren’t sleeping.

You weren’t awake either—your father would have told him.

And the fact that you weren’t there… could only mean one thing: you were gone.

You had left. Once and for all.

Tears welled up in his eyes and soon streamed down his cheeks like a waterfall.

It couldn’t be.

It couldn’t be.

You had to wake up. You’d promised him you’d always be with him. That you’d see each other the next day, every day. You’d promised him that.

You couldn’t… you couldn’t just disappear like that. You couldn’t.

Why hadn’t they been able to save you? Why had he been so useless? Why?

He fell to his knees on the floor, forgetting to close the door behind him. He no longer cared if anyone saw him crying. You weren’t here. There was no one to smile for.

The sobs came quickly, followed by desperate pounding on the floor. His whole body was shaking. Tremendingly. Like someone who was freezing—freezing, in this case, because of a broken heart.

“Why?” he kept repeating in his mind.

He remembered the afternoons spent laughing, splashing around. Having a good time together. Playing the guitar or just vibing to the music. He remembered the soft touch of your lips on his.

When had he gotten there? When had he lost you like that? Because you’d been there before, right there with him; and suddenly, you weren’t. You would never laugh again, nor would you ever have the chance to. You’d vanished completely from his life. Because all that remained of you was a couple of wilted flowers and a neatly made bed. A bed where you’d once been.

Kyungmin cried and cried and cried. What else could a teenager like him do?

He didn’t want to think, because the tightness in his chest grew worse every time he thought about how he’d lost you forever. His heart was being squeezed, and his chest ached. It hurt too much. He wanted to scream, to let it all out like crazy, but his voice got lost somewhere between his mouth and his throat.

If only you’d had more time, if only… if only he hadn’t been such a coward and had made the most of every moment, maybe he’d feel better now. Better with him, or better with you. Because he would have given you something to be happy about.

He wished you’d stayed with him, just a little longer.

He just wished.

—

The funeral was held at three. There weren’t many people there. According to what your parents had told him, you didn’t have many friends. Everyone there was family. Beloved family, it seemed. But Kyungmin didn’t give a damn who was there or who wasn’t. He didn’t care anymore.

The one who should have been there was you. Not them.

The ceremony went by quickly. Too quickly. Because when he saw you in that wooden coffin, he realized that, indeed, you were gone. He realized you’d never be back. This time for real. It wasn’t a dream; there were no more chances. You were just… gone.

And it hurt him so much that no one felt the same way he did. That no one seemed to be truly devastated like he was. It hurt him to think that the pain he felt was all his own, because he knew you deserved more. That you deserved the whole world.

Kyungmin leaned on his mother’s shoulder while your father said a few words in your honor. By the second word, his voice cracked, and your mother started to cry too. Kyungmin followed suit—why lie?—burying his head in his mother’s chest and sobbing from time to time.

He’d known you for so long, and yet for such a short time… But he already missed you.

I just wished you’d come out of the coffin and tell him that all of this had been a joke. Even Kyungmin had thought about getting out his guitar and playing “I Have a Dream” for you so you’d come out of it.

But once we were there, at the funeral home, it all felt so real…

When your father finished speaking, it was time for Kyungmin to come out. He walked awkwardly toward the podium and, in front of that small crowd, began to speak, holding back his tears as best he could:

“Hello. I’m Lee Kyungmin. (Name) was very special to me. She still is. Today, just about 96 hours after she left, I already miss her.” He sallowed hard. “I met (Name) at the beach, on a day just like this one a year ago. Exactly like today. A terrible wind was blowing, and my brother’s ball flew right up to her feet. Looking back on it, I must have seemed a little strange to her, but I can say that to me, she was one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen. She still is.” Your father’s sob echoed throughout the room, even as he smiled at Kyungmin with all the kindness in his heart. “That’s why, instead of continuing with words—which I’m not good at—I’d like to follow up with a song I played for her one of the first times we met.” He continued, sitting up straight in his chair, guitar in hand, as the first chord echoed throughout the room. “It’s called ‘Remember Me,’” he whispered into the microphone.

From there, the first notes, followed by the first lines, began to play. Because Kyungmin, with teary eyes, was the one playing them.

Because he knew how much you wanted to be remembered.

And maybe you weren’t there to see it, but once he reunited with you (a long time from now), he’d tell you how everyone in the room sang along with him for that minute and a half.

How voices broke halfway through the song, and how those who hadn’t cried until then let a single tear fall.

He’d tell you how, that day, everyone remembered you. And how, in the days that followed, Kyungmin would remember you. All of them. Even when he least expected it, you’d be with him. He knew it when he played that song. He knew it when people offered their condolences. He knew it when your ashes were scattered into the sea, on that tiny beach where you’d first met. His favorite spot.

Your spot. And yours alone.

————————————————————

The boy strummed a few chords on his guitar, accompanied only by Tao, who was asleep at his feet. That day, he’d just read your letter. He’d cried, yes. Only the universe knew how much.

Only you, him, and the universe would know what it said, too. Kyungmin snorted.

Seagulls flew overhead, on their way to other beaches to visit. One in particular caught his attention. A tiny one, surrounded by the rest, that seemed to be having a little more trouble flying. It must be a chick, he thought.

A smile escaped his lips. He found it amusing to think of you.

“Have a safe trip, (Name),” he whispered. “I hope you find the freedom you’re looking for.”

© jellyluvsjihoon 2026. do not copy or repost. ask to translate. (cr for the dividers to @strangergraphics)

---

The waves were calmly lapping at the shore the day Kyungmin first met you. The sun, which had been shining brightly earlier, was beginning to lose its intensity, even though it was still easy to get sunburned. He used to go for no particular reason, just to relax on the sand and take a dip. The truth was, he needed the cool touch of the water against his skin so often that it was impossible for him to hate the sea. No matter how much he got sunburned, walking along the shore was one of his favorite activities.

That time, however, his mother had urged him to take his little brother, Seungwoo, to the beach with him. The boy was acting like a little monster, and his mother seemed so exhausted from her last shift that Kyungmin finally agreed, albeit reluctantly. Little did he know then that it would turn out to be one of the best decisions he’d made so far. Even if it would hurt later.

Seungwoo had insisted on bringing the ball despite the wind, and there they were, the two of them playing a sort of volleyball (to give what they were doing a name). The truth was that his brother couldn’t hit a single shot, and even Kyungmin—who was extremely good at sports—missed more often than he’d care to admit. On one of those passes that would have made any coach want to throw themselves on the ground and cry, the ball flew off (as was to be expected).

What Kyungmin didn't know was how the wind would blow so hard that the ball would fly far away—so far that he'd have to run to catch it.

“Seungwoo, don’t move from here, okay?!” he shouted, breaking into a run after her when he saw the ball take a running start. “If anyone asks you anything, tell them your older brother is really strong and trains a lot!”

The straw-haired boy didn’t hear him, but his brother nodded firmly, determined to do exactly that.

You could say Kyungmin spent a while chasing after the red-and-white ball that soared through the sky like a bird. It was only a few minutes, really, but it gave him plenty of time to curse at anything that moved. Literally. Especially the wind. And the ball. Had he already mentioned the unbearable wind? Gosh.

But then, a miracle happened; the ball came to rest at the feet of a person. A girl with her hair tousled by the wind and her feet wet from the waves. She wasn’t wearing a swimsuit like the rest, but a pretty sky-blue dress and a cardigan. She wasn’t there to go swimming—that much was clear. Maybe she’d just come to watch the sea. Although, honestly, Kyungmin didn’t think any of this the moment he first saw you, but only after some time had passed and he kept replaying that scene over and over in his head.

You looked down at the ground then and blinked, snapping out of your daydream. “What’s this?” was the first thing that crossed your mind. You bent down to pick it up with your hands and look for its owner, but you didn’t even have time to do that before you saw that light brown head of hair jogging after her. He was relatively short compared to some of the boys you’d seen on your way to class, and his hair was lighter than those you knew as well. However, he really looked like he’d just run a marathon.

You picked up the ball anyway. It was soft and squishy. It had been a long time since you’d held a beach ball.

“S-sorry…” He apologized for bothering you, crouching down and clutching his knees. To be honest, you found it kind of funny. The beach wasn’t even that big to get that tired, but that very fact let your imagination run wild to faraway places. Maybe he was coming from one of those places in the stories your father used to tell you when you were little. But you quickly snapped back to reality, since it seemed rude to leave him hanging without a response.

“It’s okay.” You smiled warmly. “It really is windy out here.”

Kyungmin lifted his head, still gasping for breath. It was hard to believe he trained every day. “Yeah, it really is.” He nodded, agreeing with you.

You snorted with laughter. Then Kyungmin took a few seconds to look at you closely. You looked like you’d stepped right out of a fairy tale, with your dress fluttering in the wind and your serene smile. It was as if your body were here, but your mind were in the farthest reaches of history. Though that’s nonsense, he thought to himself. You didn’t notice either how his gaze lingered on you just a little longer.

“Here, it’s yours, isn’t it?” you said, holding out the ball to him.

“Huh?” he asked, distracted.

You raised an eyebrow, blinking once, twice, three times. “The ball. It’s yours, isn’t it?” You repeated the question, gesturing with your hands to emphasize the ball.

“Oh! Yeah!” He nodded, his cheeks flushing. “Um, thanks.” He bowed his head in a gesture of gratitude.

You smiled. “No problem, no problem. It’s pretty.”

He tried to smile back, but all he could manage was a nervous grin. “Thanks. My little brother picked it out.”

He added, though then he mentally slapped himself. Why was he telling a stranger that? It probably didn’t matter much to you at all. If Seungwoo had been there, he would’ve already given him a weird look and told him to get lost. And…

“Oh my gosh, Seungwoo!” he blurted out, covering his mouth in surprise. He’d left his eight-year-old brother alone, and if he told his mom about it, he could kiss his time at the beach goodbye. And his video game console, too. Two things she couldn’t live without. He gave a quick bow, muttered a quick apology, and ran back to where he’d left him.

Luckily, the little guy was fine—or so you found out later. He’d just managed to make Kyungmin look silly in front of a woman, who simply laughed at his “my brother is really strong and trains a lot” when she asked his name.

Soon they had to head back, as dinnertime was approaching and Seungwoo got tired easily. However, Kyungmin was left with a nagging feeling in his stomach—as if something were missing. Or even as if something were about to return.

Something that, for some reason, made him feel excited and a little uneasy. At the time, he chalked it up to the vacation that had already begun. Even if he would later realize that wasn’t the case.

That it had nothing to do with vacation, but with a bittersweet fate—one to which he’d been condemned ever since he met you.

—

The wind was blowing hard again that afternoon. It had only been a couple of days since he’d come with Seungwoo, and his mother seemed happier. Kyungmin figured that afternoon without his brother—that little devil—had done him a world of good, and that made him happy. Even if he didn’t want—no matter how much he loved him—to bring him back to the beach by himself. Not after making a fool of him in front of that lady…

Now he was the one sitting near the shore, farther away than last time, and his feet brushed against the water as it ebbed and flowed in its own little rhythm. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to just let the waves carry him away and end up at the bottom of the sea. Would the emptiness he felt when he was alone disappear then? Or could he continue to ignore it all?

Maybe that’s why he liked the beach. Because the beach forced him to remember. It forced him to remember that everything was much bigger than it seemed, and also all those moments when he was happy with her. The laughter, the tears, the nighttime escapades with his father and brother… they reminded him that all of that had a purpose. He’d spent so much time there—a large part of his childhood, too—that the smell of salt water didn’t just mean the sea. It meant feeling. Something Kyungmin had been struggling with lately.

So, it was while wandering the far reaches of your mind that you came across him. It wasn’t intentional—not at all. Even though you’d been watching him for a while, ever since he’d arrived at the arena and sprawled out on the floor with his headphones on. Okay, put that way, you sounded a bit like a stalker, but… it had been a long time since you’d talked to someone your age, and you’d been looking forward to it. You just wanted to experience that joy again. Just this once. It wouldn’t hurt, right? The doctor had already told you that you needed more friends your age. It was better than thinking about going to the ocean and… stop breathing.

Taking a deep breath and puffing out your chest, you ventured to sit down next to him.

“Be brave, (Name)!” you thought to yourself, determined to say two coherent words.

“There hey,” you greeted him, though you accidentally mixed up the words.

Great—your coherence hadn’t lasted long at all.

Luckily, Kyungmin had the music cranked up and hadn’t heard anything other than someone plopping down next to him. That meant you had another chance to make a good impression. You hugged your knees as the guy paused the music and took off his headphones. He looked at you with a big question mark in his head. He knew who you were—of course he did; his memory wasn’t that bad. Pretty girls, and especially the ones you make a fool of yourself in front of, aren’t usually easy to forget.

“Mm?” he said, his big, bright eyes wide.

“I said ‘Hi,’” you greeted him, smiling, as if you’d done everything right from the start. “You’re the guy from the other day, right? Is it… Seungwoo okay? That was his name, wasn’t it? How you ran off shouting his name…”

Taken by surprise, he blushed all the way to his ears with embarrassment. Seungwoo, I’m going to kill you—no more strawberry ice cream for you, he thought. And even though he was an older brother who was very proud of his little ones, he wasn’t quite so proud of what he sometimes had to do for them… Like running after a ball like a mad dog.

“Yeah…” he nodded, scratching the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile. “It’s okay, don’t worry about him. He’s a little kid, but he’s strong.”

You laughed, picturing a chubby kid with a baby face. “I’m glad to hear that.” Silence.

“By the way, what’s your name? I’m (name).” You laughed nervously.

“Oh, my name is Kyungmin.” He smiled awkwardly. Silence again. It was pretty awkward.

Kyungmin nodded repeatedly with a smile that perfectly captured the feeling of “what the hell am I doing here.” An awkward silence settled between the two of you, and you felt a strange urge to talk to him. It was strange because that didn’t usually happen to you; even though your life was full of incredibly awkward silences, you never felt like you had to keep talking. Until then.

There’s always a first time for everything, you thought to yourself.

“What were you listening to?” you asked, pointing to your ears—referring to his headphones, which were now hanging around his neck. “It seemed like you were in another world.”

“Oh!” He opened his eyes, a little surprised; it was the first time anyone other than his mother had asked him that. A soft blush began to spread across his cheeks, since it wasn’t exactly a song he’d want to admit to listening to in a situation like this. “It’s ‘Daisies’ by Justin Bieber.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Justin Bieber?”

Kyungmin prayed that this wouldn’t make you look at him funny and call him a weirdo. Not because of anything specific he’d noticed about you, just that high school had taught him that sort of thing.

However, he had nothing to worry about because you didn’t have the faintest idea who that guy was. And who could blame you? You only listened to ABBA, Girls’ Generation and the Beatles, after all… It had been a long time since anyone had brought CDs to your room (and you didn’t have a cell phone either), so you weren’t up to date in the slightest.

“Yeah…?”

“It’s the first time I’ve heard of him.”

Now it was the guy’s turn to be amazed. “No… You don’t know who he is? Seriously? You’ve never heard ‘Baby’ or ‘Beauty and a Beat’?!” He bombarded you with questions, getting closer and closer to you.

You widened your eyes and frowned slightly. “Um… no?”

“Woah. That’s incredible.”

Anyone else would have felt discouraged by his reaction, but you were used to not knowing things, so it didn’t bother you in the least. In fact, it just made you even more curious. And Kyungmin, far from being put off, looked at you with sparkling eyes, as if he were opening up a whole new world to you.

“Who is he?” you asked.

“Justin Bieber is a singer. Canadian, I think. He’s like one of the top five global artists these days, which is why I was so surprised earlier. You have to listen to him—he’s amazing. I don’t like his latest stuff as much now, but at first… well. ‘Boyfriend’ is one of the best songs in the world,” he said, while you listened intently. It felt good, you thought. It felt good to be listened to.

You watched intently as he untangled his headphones again and searched eagerly on his phone.

“What are you looking for?” you asked curiously, and without meaning to, you found yourself staring at the guy. You’d always liked people who were passionate about things. Maybe because you didn’t have anything to be passionate about. Well, except for ABBA and overthinking.

“I’m going to play you the song. You don’t mind, do you?” he added, suddenly stopping what he was doing. He didn’t know if that would make you uncomfortable. If high school had taught him anything, it was that everyone had their own boundaries—and some people were very intolerant of them.

“A-Ah! Not at all!” you denied, looking down at the floor, self-conscious.

Kyungmin smiled then, holding an earbud out to you. “Get ready to enter the wonderful world of Justin Bieber’s music.”

You laughed a little and agreed, putting it in your ear. The next few hours were a blast. Every so often, Kyungmin would play you more new songs, and if you didn’t know the artist (which was the case 99.9% of the time), he didn’t look at you like you were a fish out of water. He’d just told you that a wonderful world of intellectual orgasms awaited you. It was fun. It had been a long time since anyone had laughed with you.

As “Suddenly” by I.O.I. played in your left earbud and the bridge came to an end, you thought about just how random all of this had been. A few hours ago, you were tired of your life. As a matter of fact, you’d been told a few days earlier that you only had a few months left to live—if that. The doctors didn’t care about you anymore because you were beyond saving. You sighed. How awful it was to think that. You’d simply be just another person dying in a hospital, and soon your parents would forbid you from going to the beach if they found out. Just a few hours ago, you’d only wanted to end it all much sooner. Dying at sea had always seemed magical to you. Even if, when the moment came, your feet had refused to move forward and you’d ended up lying on the sand.

And suddenly (never has that phrase been more fitting), as you spun around and sank into a somewhat curious despair, you spotted the boy sitting on the shore. You approached him out of pure… instinct. It must have been fate, your grandmother would have said many years ago. Suddenly, for a moment, you didn’t want to drown until you stopped breathing. It made you feel good. At ease. You smiled.

You decided you liked Kyungmin. With him, you could forget for a little while everything that was going on in your mind. And that made you happy. Very happy. Maybe because, deep down, you didn’t really want to die either. Because, deep down, it terrified you. And he was the only one who didn’t know that; he was the only one who didn’t treat you like you were sick.

The song ended then, and Kyungmin looked at you. “Did you like it? It’s not one of my favorites by I.O.I., but my friend Youngjae loves it, so I thought maybe it was more your style…”

“I love it. It’s one of the best songs of today.” You nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs-up.

Your smile was etched into his memory. You looked happy. Genuinely happy. And that made him happy, too. “I’m glad.”

You let out a soft laugh and handed him back the earbud he’d so kindly lent you. The sound of the waves flooded your ears once more, replacing the music. “I have to go now, but will I see you again tomorrow?”

Kyungmin blinked slowly, surprised. “Already?”

You nodded. “It’s late, it’s already getting dark. They’ll worry about me,” you said, pointing at the sunset. You had to be back by a decent hour or your parents would get suspicious.

He pouted and reluctantly got up from the sand. “Oh well…”

You looked down for a second, and a silly laugh escaped your lips when you saw his abandoned puppy face. “Pff, don’t be so sorry. We’ll see each other tomorrow! I promise,” you assured him, even though promising to live one more day in your condition was complicated.

“Pinky promise?” he asked, holding out his pinky finger to you.

You looked at the finger in front of you.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, sweetheart,” your father’s voice echoed in your head. It came from a memory, from when you were still a little girl.

A knot formed in your stomach. You didn’t know if you could keep that promise. However, with him right there in front of you… You didn’t want to say no to him. So you linked your pinky with his.

“Mhm! You have to teach me more songs after all.” You smiled, and Kyungmin followed suit, laughing a little.

Promises were meant to be kept—you knew that—and you were going to keep this one. Definitely.

(Needless to say, that night you were afraid to fall asleep, but at the same time, you wanted to do just that—so you could wake up the next day and be with him again.)

—--

You survived.

It was afternoon, and the doctors—who had always been known for their compassion toward you—also let you go out that afternoon to the beach below the hospital. Seulgi, the cardiologist in charge of supervising you, always gave you a little leeway because she knew that otherwise you’d go completely crazy. However, the condition was that no one should find out about your escapades. Least of all your parents, who had always been so overprotective for fear that at any moment you might simply… disappear. That’s why, as far as they were concerned, you were still in therapy.

That afternoon, Kyungmin showed up right after lunch and thought he was going to die from the heat. Couldn’t the sun hide for a little while? He found you in the shade of a random palm tree on that beach.

“Hey! Kyungmin!” You greeted him, waving casually. You weren’t wearing a swimsuit that day either, even though Kyungmin would swear it was the hottest day of the whole summer (though he said that every day).

“Oh! HI (NAME)!!” he exclaimed, heading toward you as you made room for him beside you in the shade.

He plopped down on the sand as if he were just another grain of sand (even though he weighed more than one) and let out an “Ouch!” when a little stick pricked his butt, causing him to jump up suddenly. Laughter gushed out of your mouth, because his little yelp had amused you so much.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Of course, man. That’s nothing to me,” he put on a brave face. You’d figured out, in that brief time you’d spent together, that Kyungmin liked to do that—to puff out his chest and act like everything was fine when clearly the skewer had hurt him (albeit only a little).

You let out a little chuckle. “Aha.”

The rest of the time, you spent talking. That time, Kyungmin had brought you some food. They were random snacks he’d found at his house, according to him.

Your favorite of them all was the puffed rice he’d brought, wrapped in green and yellow. It had been so long since you’d eaten that… the last time was with your father, on that very same beach, a few years ago. Before they diagnosed your illness and everything started to go wrong in your parents’ eyes. You didn’t even know if the doctor would let you eat it, but you also knew she’d turn a blind eye if she found anything unusual in your medical tests (unless it was very serious, of course). One way or another, they still tasted like salt water and laughter. They tasted like that memory.

You’d always found it funny how memories worked. Maybe because you’d always wanted to be remembered, just as you remembered your father in the puffed rice or your grandmother in the seagulls. Maybe because being remembered in the little things was the most beautiful thing that could happen to anyone.

Kyungmin noticed the pensive look on your face, but he figured maybe you just needed some space. Or maybe you were like that because you were about to die from the heat. Seriously, how could you possibly wear so many layers? He was roasting just from looking at you…

However, the sun eventually set, and with it, the scorching heat.

That day, you ended up at the swings on the beach. Swinging back and forth like little kids, while you laughed. Because that’s how memories were made. And in your world, where everything could end at any moment, every moment counted.

“I’m so happy I found you, Kyungmin,” you murmured in the darkness, at the starting point where your paths parted and you each had to go home.

“Me too,” he nodded, his cheeks flushed. He didn’t even know anymore if it was from sunburn or maybe something else. However, since he’d just met you, he didn’t want to pry any further. It’s too soon, he thought; we have the whole summer ahead of us.

When you got home, you found yourself wishing you could relive that day over and over again. But even more than that, you wished you could experience the next one.

Don’t think it was much different for him. Kyungmin came home with his jaw aching from smiling so much, and his family teased him about how tired he was when he got back from the beach—lately, much more so than usual. They hinted that he might have found a summer romance. He, of course, denied everything, but he couldn’t forget your nostalgic smile, your melodious laughter, and the way you conveyed… peace, in a way. Like the beach.

That day, when he went to sleep, he thought he’d finally made a friend.

—

The notes of a guitar echoed across the beach. Once you stopped to listen for a while, they formed a song that Kyungmin had told you he loved. 24/7 365, you thought you remembered. He’d also told you that he knew how to play it on the guitar—that he’d learned from a guy a little older than him. Jihoon, was his name? Gosh, you had a terrible memory.

However, you knew the second you heard it that it was that song because of the lyrics the guy with the guitar started singing. From the voice and the song, it couldn’t be anyone other than Kyungmin.

“I love you, 24/7 3-6-5...” His voice caressed the notes in a way that made your heart beat a little faster than you were used to. He sang really well. Too well.

You soon spotted him, sitting under what had become your usual lifesaving palm tree. At least it was cloudy that day, so you wouldn’t have to put on sunscreen every five minutes to avoid getting sunburned. He was focused yet relaxed at the same time, swaying from side to side to the beat of the music.

You found it amusing, even though it felt like you were witnessing a moment too unique to actually be part of it. Instead of saying hello, as you usually did, you waited for the song to end, swaying to the beat with your body. You hadn’t realized until then just how much music could convey in a couple of chords—or how much it could bring people together. Watching Kyungmin like that, holding the guitar calmly and singing from the heart, you knew right away that this was his passion. You also knew he’d go far.

That thought left a bittersweet taste in your mouth. You wouldn’t make it like he did. You couldn’t even consider it. You didn’t have the time. And yet, seeing him succeed would make you happy, wherever you were.

“Fulfill your dreams for me, Kyungmin,” was the exact thought that ran through your head. Something you’d ask for later on, too.

The last notes of the song rang out, and then you knew it was time to say goodbye.

“Kyungma, hi.” You waved with a smile, moving closer to him.

“Oh! Hi, (name).” He gave you a bright smile and stepped aside.

You knew right away that it was going to be a great afternoon. Maybe because you now felt that Kyungmin had shared a little piece of himself with you. You talked a lot—for a change—about whatever came to mind. Like whether bottle caps were collectible or not, or whether it was better to have a camel or a dromedary. And in the end, when the light grew dim and the sky was adorned with pastel colors, the guy ended up playing two songs that sounded familiar to you from before you met him. You’d asked him to play one, and he’d decided to play the other on his own.

You had to admit that “I Have A Dream” sounded noticeably different, but it had its own charm. Maybe it was also just that the song was a great one, no matter who sang it. Although with Kyungmin’s melodious voice, the truth was that everything sounded good, as if Agnetha herself were singing it—only with a more masculine voice.

After that, he played a softer song that sounded incredible on the guitar. He didn’t sing that one. He let you do it, since you’d surprised him by recognizing it.

It was “Remember me” from a movie you’d seen with your mother many, many years ago—like practically everything else. Ironically, it reminded you of that little girl who saw it for the first time, clutching her pillow tightly and crying without really knowing why.

“Until you are in my arms again, remember me…” You sang awkwardly, but in such a sweet way that Kyungmin’s heart seemed to shrink. That song always made him cry.

And so, amid the guitar’s notes, the gentle tears streaming down Kyungmin’s face (which he hid so you wouldn’t see them), and the soft melody of your voice, time slipped through your fingers, bringing your day to a close.

—

The days passed, and the nights grew longer and longer as you waited for the next afternoon to see each other again. And so, every day was different. Every day that added to the passing of time was one more moment you spent without thinking about death, one more day when you just wanted to live a little longer. You often felt that way: you didn’t want those moments together to end. You just wanted to make it last longer. Maybe because those moments were too precious. Or maybe because of the uncertainty of not waking up the next day.

That particular day, Kyungmin kept asking you all sorts of questions. You suspected he’d read an article in that magazine the nurses always consulted—about questions to ask to make someone fall in love with you.

“(Name), what’s your favorite color?” he asked, tilting his head as the sun shone on him. It was also horribly hot that day, and he’d been asking random questions for quite a while already.

“My favorite color…?” It took you a moment to think about it; you’d never really thought about it before. However, looking straight into his chocolate-colored eyes, you answered with the first color that came to mind: “Brown.”

The boy furrowed his brow, puzzled. “Brown?” His tone made you snort with laughter.

“Yeah…? Why? Is something wrong?” You raised an eyebrow.

“No, nothing. Mine is orange.” He nodded. You nodded back.

“Nice color.”

“Thanks.”

In front of you, dusk was falling, and the sun was finally starting to stop scorching people. Silence settled between the two of you, as the wind ruffled your hair and the soft murmur of the music—which this time you’d been allowed to choose from your limited musical repertoire—mingled with the sound of the waves, and the scenery was wonderful. Though it didn’t last long, of course. Because above all else, Kyungmin was a restless soul.

“If you could turn into an animal, what would you be?” He pressed on.

“What would I be?” You furrowed your brow, looking at him strangely. “A seagull, so I could fly away from you. Why all these questions?”

“Hey! I just want to get to know you better.” He pouted. But then you rested your cheek on the palm of your hand, batting your eyelashes rapidly and giving him that look of someone who’s super, mega interested. “Why a seagull?”

You sighed with a half-smile, shaking your head. Letting the last notes of “Genie” fade as you handed him the earbud, you got up from the sand that was digging into your butt. You’d been sitting there for a long time. You spent all day sitting or lying down at the hospital and at home; you didn’t want to do that during the only hours they let you walk around—unsupervised—outside your four wooden walls.

“Come on, I’ll show you,” you said with a smile, and then you ran toward the ocean, leaving your spot in the shade behind.

Just because you felt like it.

You laughed really hard at that. It had been so long since you’d done something like that…

“Hey! Wait!” he protested, scrambling to his feet and running after you, until he ended up right at the water’s edge.

You were already halfway in, your dress wet up to just above your knees, randomly splashing water and playing with it. Laughter came easily—so easily, in fact, that Kyungmin ended up cracking up with you too.

You spent a little while longer like that, splashing water at each other and letting out little shouts of “You’ll get yours!” or “That’s not fair!” that echoed all over the beach. Thank goodness it was practically deserted, the boy thought. Although he didn’t actually think that at the time—only later, when, in the privacy of his room, he was drifting off to sleep with a smile.

You ended up soaking wet, with water everywhere. His T-shirt looked like it had been thrown into the washing machine, and your dress was just as wet. Kyungmin ended up taking his off because of the cold and the wind, but you (who wasn’t wearing a swimsuit underneath either) decided to keep yours on. In a way, it made you feel a little more… alive. A feeling you wanted to keep experiencing.

A flock of birds flew overhead, adorning the cotton-candy-colored sky that hung above you. You lifted your head just to watch them. They were beautiful.

And right beside you, Kyungmin was looking at you. You seemed so absorbed in a few simple birds that you even looked like you were from another planet to him. Although he had to admit that not knowing who Justin Bieber was—now that was truly alien…

“Hey, you still haven’t told me why you wanted to be a seagull,” he asked gently when things quieted down.

Your gaze drifted to his silhouette. Maybe it was weird that you hadn’t noticed until then, but it was true that Kyungmin was pretty handsome. Like, a lot. A lot, a lot.

“I thought you’d have figured it out by now, you dummy,” you said, chuckling. He seemed offended, but didn’t say anything (in case you decided not to tell him again). “Birds are the universal symbol of freedom—that’s what the books say. And seagulls are always on these beaches. Someday I’d like to have the same freedom they do. To soar through the skies and see the sea better, not from five meters away… Besides, they’re always with other seagulls. It would feel good to be part of a group. That’s why I think it’s a good animal to be reincarnated as—don’t you think?” You gave her a little smile at the end.

That didn’t make things any easier. Of all the things you could have said to him, he certainly wasn’t expecting that. It was a bit sad, he thought. Because even though you’d ended with a smile, your gaze was wistful—the look of someone who could never experience it—that freedom, that sense of belonging—even at an age as young as yours. Kyungmin’s mother had always told him not to rush into growing up, that he had plenty of time to do whatever he wanted. Yet you’d said it as if you didn’t have that time. As if you were going to die tomorrow, she thought to herself, though she didn’t voice the joke because suddenly, even in her mind, it became too real. It couldn’t be, though. She shook her head, trying to shake off all those thoughts. She didn’t want to jinx it.

“Oh, okay. Maybe.” He nodded.

You let out a breathless laugh. “It’s clear you don’t really agree,” you said, resting your head on your arms, which were wrapped around your legs.

He laughed, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s not that…” he denied.

“What animal would you like to be?” you asked him in return.

“Me?” he asked, pointing at himself and forming a perfect circle with his lips. “Hmm, I think a meerkat would be cool. They’re really cool. They also live in colonies, you know? They take this whole living in society thing very seriously.” He nodded, laughing a little.

There was a moment of silence.

You smiled, and looking up at the sky, you remarked, “It’s weird, this whole thing about wanting to fit in, don’t you think?”

Kyungmin followed your gaze, looking at the horizon with increasing clarity.

“Mhm,” he nodded. All the possible memories of high school flashed through his mind—a place where he’d never felt entirely welcome. “You see.”

And yet, there, next to you, Kyungmin felt for the first time like he was part of something. Part of that hidden little beach. Part of something beautiful with you. He smiled—grateful to have met you.

Time passed, and it was time to go home. Even if “home” was starting to feel a little more like that beach than the building itself. You walked along the sand, and as soon as you left the beach, Kyungmin spent the whole walk humming “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer—a song he’d told you he’d been playing on repeat lately. You liked it, but Kyungmin loved it. You were intertwining your pinkies, as you’d gotten used to doing. It reminded you of a gentle promise—one you made to Kyungmin every time you left. Or maybe, one you were asking of him without him really knowing it: to be remembered.

Suddenly, he stopped humming and turned toward you quickly, his heart beating just as fast as it always did when he was with you. “Oh! I forgot to ask you! (Name), what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?”

You blinked, raising your eyebrows. That had caught you by surprise.

“Ice cream? I don’t know,” you replied.

“You don’t know?!” he asked, his voice a mix of surprise and disbelief. “(Name), that’s just criminal. It’s one thing not to know who BIGBANG is, but you’ve got to have an ice cream flavor you like better than the others…”

You frowned. “Is it really that important? I just don’t remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the ice cream shop,” you admitted. Ever since they told you about your illness, of course. Once your parents found out, they started getting scared of even ice cream (even though Dr. Seulgi had emphasized that you could eat almost anything).

Kyungmin put his hands to his head. “No way, no way. Wait for me here tomorrow too, okay? Don’t go all the way onto the beach.”

You tilted your head, not quite sure where he was going with this. “What are we going to do?”

“You’ll see. Be a seagull and go with the flow a little, (Name). Trust me, I know some of the best ice cream shops in town!” He nodded, giving you a thumbs-up.

Your face perfectly captured the phrase “What on earth am I doing here?” As if you were completely baffled. For a moment, Kyungmin even feared he’d upset you and that you wouldn’t be able to react anymore or something.

However, you burst out laughing. Once you started laughing, you couldn’t stop, and you even started crying from laughing so hard. Now he was the one who wasn’t quite sure how to react.

“Sorry,” you apologized between bursts of laughter once you’d caught your breath a little. “It’s just that it made me laugh—sorry.”

The laughter continued for a little while longer, and Kyungmin wasn’t sure in the end whether to join in or not (though a soft chuckle did escape you simply because yours was so contagious).

—

“Kyungminnn,” he heard a woman’s voice call out to him. It had woken him from his sleep. Could it be you? It would be incredible if it were you, he thought. Although if it really were you, it would be more like a dream come true. A lazy smile spread across his lips. Ah… what a wonderful dream.

“Kyungmin-ah.” The voice called out to him again, even though Kyungmin was already too lost in his thoughts as he pretended to sleep a little longer—hoping to dream about it. However, the person calling out to him wasn’t too pleased that he hadn’t woken up.

“KYUNGMIN-AHHHH!” She exclaimed. That scream certainly echoed throughout the room and made the boy jump up in a start, startled.

“AH! AH! WHAT’S GOING ON? WHO’S ROBBING US?” he asked, startled. That is, until he turned his head—because the person he saw wasn’t you (certainly not), but his mother. She was wearing her “I’m-on-duty-today-don’t-bother-me” T-shirt and had her hair in a ponytail, with a few strands sticking out carelessly.

“Ah, Mom. You scared me!” he protested, clutching his chest.

“You’re finally awake! You sleep more than your cousin Shinyu, really,” she teased him. “Come on, come have breakfast. Or rather, lunch, because you’ve been sleeping since who knows when.”

Kyungmin frowned. He wasn’t very happy about being woken up from his dream with you. He wanted to stay in his world of cotton candy and sweets, while you laughed and hugged him tight.

Maybe getting married, having two kids, five puppies, and a hamster… all in a dream, of course.

Okay… now that he thought about it, he sounded like one of those crazy lovers from the movies his mother used to like. A soft blush spread across his cheeks. Oh no… let’s not go there, he thought to himself.

Falling in love, of course, wasn’t one of his favorite pastimes. Not at all. But “falling in love” was still a very strong phrase. Maybe… it was more accurate to say he liked you—judging by how his heart started beating faster when he saw you and how, in less than a month, you’d become one of his favorite people. He liked you way too much. Okay, maybe he was in love. But just a little bit. Really.

We have time, he thought to himself. Plenty of time. School doesn’t start for a few more months.

Even if, in reality, the problem wasn’t exactly school.

He sat down reluctantly in the chair at the dining room table, having already grabbed his glass of milk. All around him, Seungwoo was running around with a toy airplane in his hand. He was playing, but he was also making too much noise for a Kyungmin who had just woken up.

“What about Dongwha?” the boy asked about his other brother, as he sipped some milk.

“He left early with Wonwoo to go to the beach. He told me they wanted to build sandcastles,” his mother replied, as she polished a Superman mug—Seungwoo’s favorite. “By the way, Kyungmin,” she called out once she was done with it. “Will you take your brother to the fair for me? I’m working this afternoon and can’t take him myself...”

“Today? But—Mom, I already have plans today…” he complained.

“Kyungmin, please. Please, please. Pretty please. I’d really appreciate it,” she urged, giving him puppy-dog eyes. Seeing that he was still undecided, she added, “I’m sure your friend would love for you to take her away from that beach for a day. You’ll have a great time at the fair—you’ll see.”

The boy sighed, scratching the back of his neck. It wasn’t as if he could say no to her—she was still his mother, and he knew how hard she worked to take good care of them. Especially when his father was away on business (which was all the time). Besides, she was really scary when she got angry. “All right…” he nodded.

His mother smiled warmly and walked around the table to give him a hug and a couple of kisses on the top of his head. “Thanks, sweetheart. I can’t wait to meet that little girl.”

Kyungmin’s cheeks flushed at the very thought. “Mom!”

She just laughed, amused. Kids sure grow up fast.

—

The wind began to blow strongly that afternoon, even though there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The starry sky would be beautiful tonight, you thought. You’d had to pull some strings to make your parents think you were going to spend the afternoon with Seulgi, the doctor, and Andrew, a nurse who’d been taking care of you since you were a little kid.

The things I do for you, Kyungmin, you thought, as you hopped a little on your heels waiting for him under the sun. You were a little nervous, yes. It was your first time in a long time visiting a place other than school, your house, the beach, or the hospital. Although that sounds like a lot of places, the truth is it wasn’t much at all. You were afraid you’d forgotten how to act like a normal person. And yet, the fact that you were with Kyungmin also put you at ease. Because it was him. And with him, you felt safer than anywhere else. Maybe you were getting a bit more fond of him than you actually wanted to, you thought, recalling his cute smile. Maybe you were even starting to love him. Who knew.

“Hey, (Name)!” you heard from behind. It was Kyungmin’s unmistakable voice calling out to you.

You turned to look at him and wave back, but what you certainly didn’t expect was the sight of Kyungmin’s little brother behind him. Seungwoo, dressed in green and white, was holding his older brother’s hand, stumbling along. To be honest, it was way funnier than you expected. He was so cute! You’d always wanted a little brother, and Seungwoo was the definition of a little dumpling.

“Kyungmin!” you greeted him, smiling. “Oh, and hi, Seungwoo,” you waved.

“My mom asked me to take him to the fair—is that okay with you? I know another ice cream shop around here, if you want. But if not, we’ll just have to meet up another day… I’m sorry.” He apologized, scratching the back of his neck.

“No way,” you said, waving your hand, and added with a smile, “I still want that ice cream.”

Kyungmin let out a soft laugh, and his brother looked at him, frowning. Was that really his Kyungmin? This version of his brother seemed calmer, less sullen. More lively, even. Like the sea. Nothing like he was at home, that’s for sure.

“Do you want some ice cream, too, Seungwoo?” You crouched down a little, tilting your head.

He seemed to take a deep breath, and in a little boy’s voice he said, “My older brother told me to say that he’s really strong and trains a lot.”

You blinked slowly.

Huh?

Sure, you didn’t socialize much, but it was clear that wasn’t an answer to your question. It certainly wasn’t in the socializing guide Seulgi had given you after you told her you’d made a friend.

Kyungmin, sitting across from you, turned as red as a tomato. He cleared his throat and, with a nervous smile, said, “Should we get going? I don’t want us to be late… haha…” You let out a laugh. It was going to be a really fun afternoon.

“Seungwoo!” he muttered. “What did we say about saying that to every person who walks by?”

“Did we say anything about that, hyung?” he asked, a big question mark on his face.

Kyungmin looked at him, a little indignant. His brothers hardly ever listened to him… He sighed, running his hand over his face like a weary father.

—

Once there, Seungwoo started asking to ride every attraction he could, and since he couldn’t go alone, Kyungmin went with him everywhere. And you, amid Kyungmin’s apologetic smiles, ended up joining in—even if you had a hard time on some rides, others turned out to be a wonderful experience. Plus, you’d even won a little camera for Seungwoo in a dart game! He’d been so happy that it made all the money you’d spent worth it.

The truth was that, despite the bad experiences, you felt happy. It was your first time at a fair like that. The lights from the booths illuminated the streets as it began to get dark. It was a festive, joyful atmosphere. Away from the secret beach. It was… comforting in a way. A reminder that happiness existed outside that place, too. And maybe it existed because you were with him. A thought that, honestly, had just made you want to laugh.

During a break to use the restroom, Kyungmin approached you as you sat on the back of a greenish bench, gazing at the darkening sky. In front of you were nothing but food stalls selling dishes you’d never tasted in your life and games you didn’t recognize at all. Everything seemed so new, so fascinating… You knew the adrenaline rush you were feeling wasn’t good for your heart, but… the truth was, you just wanted to keep going. Keep going with the clumsy, daring little Seungwoo. And, of course, keep going with your beloved Kyungmin.

“Sorry for bringing Seungwoo…” He apologized again, coming over to you once he’d made sure Seungwoo had gone into the bathroom safely.

You shook your head. “It’s nothing, really,” you repeated. “Kyungmin, I already told you everything’s fine. Seungwoo is like a little sugar cookie. He’s too cute.” You smiled. Kyungmin laughed at the comparison.

“If you say so…” He didn’t seem entirely convinced, but a smile still graced his face. He sat down next to you, resting his feet on the actual seat of the bench. “Do you want to go get some ice cream later? My mom just called and said that a friend of my brother’s mom can watch him for a while.”

“Oh!” you said. “Is Seungwoo very sociable?” you asked.

Kyungmin seemed to think about it for a moment. “I don’t know about sociable, but he definitely has a couple of friends.”

“Well, that’s already more friends than I have…” you retorted with a hint of sarcasm, laughing at yourself. You seemed resigned to it. As if you could never have any. The truth was, you’d always wanted to have friends, but it had never been easy for you. That’s why you’d always assumed you were fine on your own. There wasn’t anyone else to hang out with anyway.

Kyungmin frowned. “What are you talking about? You’ve got me, silly,” he corrected you, giving you a gentle nudge. “I’m your friend.” He smiled.

It was true. Maybe you were being silly. You had him, after all. Kyungmin. Your days of being alone were over thanks to him. Thanks to Kyungmin, who had pulled you out of the darkness. You would be grateful for that for as long as you could in your short life.

Deep inside, you felt tears beginning to well up in your eyes.

How much you would miss him on the other side.

“Huh?! Are you crying?!” he asked, startled. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry!” he apologized, waving his hands frantically. He wasn’t sure how to react.

You laughed at him, but the tears kept flowing. You shook your head. “I’m just so happy to have met you, silly,” you admitted.

Kyungmin looked into your eyes. That had truly touched his heart. His eyes began to well up too, and his lip started to tremble.

“Shh,” he said, pulling you close to his shoulder. You knew he was doing it so you wouldn’t see him cry. He’d confessed to you earlier, between songs, that he really didn’t like it when people saw him like that. “I’m really glad I met you, too.”

A gentle smile blossomed on your lips. You loved being with him so much.

—

Once you’d left Seungwoo with his friend, it was time to go get ice cream. At some point—you couldn’t quite remember when—you’d ended up holding hands with Kyungmin. Fingers intertwined and your heart racing, but always with a smile on your face. You’d given up on the idea of love a long time ago, but at that moment, there was no other word that better captured what you were feeling. You didn’t want to overthink it, either. You were just there. There, with the person who made you happiest. There, with your first — and best— friend.

You wandered through the streets of the park where the fair was being held and soon arrived at the ice cream shop that Kyungmin had been so excited to take you to. And why lie—you were a little excited too. Just a little.

They had every flavor imaginable: from basic vanilla to beer ice cream (the first time either of you had ever seen that, by the way) with all kinds of different scoops and cones. Kyungmin went for chocolate, which he’d told you was his favorite.

Your attention, however, was caught by a radioactive blue ice cream. “What’s that?” you asked, tugging on his hand and pointing at the ice cream with your other hand.

“That? It says ‘Smurf ice cream’— you know, those little characters from TV who live in mushrooms.” He read it out loud for you, as if you didn’t know how to do it yourself.

You frowned. “I know that, man. I can read. But what does it taste like?”

Kyungmin frowned, trying to remember something. “I haven’t tried it, but my other little brother, Donghwa, used to love it when he was little.”

“It looks good,” you said. Now you wanted to try it.

The guy raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It looks like it has 4,279 chemicals in it and is toxic,” he warned you. You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Kyungmin,” you said, giving him a nudge, at which point he had to stifle a laugh so as not to look weird in front of the clerk.

He ended up paying after an intense debate over who should do it (neither of you wanted to), and you got your Smurf ice cream, so everyone was happy.

When you took the first spoonful, the scene playing in your mind was, exactly, a rainbow with cotton candy and dolphins leaping out of the sea.

“OMG! This is so good, Kyungmin!!” you exclaimed, licking your scoop of ice cream again. It tasted like sugar, yes. But you loved it.

Kyungmin burst out laughing. “Only you would like those ice creams which are a tragedy for a true gourmet.”

You frowned. “Stop trying to sound intellectual and just eat. This is food of the gods, my goodness.”

Kyungmin laughed again, and, intertwining your hands once more, you walked back to where you’d been, wandering around the different stalls. Everything was beautiful; with the sun hiding behind the mountain, it all looked like something out of a fairy tale. As you were walking, you happened to pass by a Ferris wheel. It was small, but tall enough to see the sea from there. Suddenly, you really, really wanted to ride it. So much.

“Kyungmin, can we go up there?” you asked, pointing at the Ferris wheel.

He seemed convinced in an instant, because he nodded faster than lightning.

“Let’s go!” he exclaimed, pulling you along. Laughter escaped your lips as you ran after him.

The views from up there were, of course, wonderful. Below you, the streetlights twinkled like little stars, as if each one had its own story. The sea stretched out in the distance, colored this time in a dark shade—like the sky—and that night it seemed to be perfectly calm. Just like you.

You were sitting next to Kyungmin, who was letting out soft “ohh”s and “woah”s at the views. It was all so beautiful—once again.

“Thank goodness we came here,” you thought, squeezing Kyungmin’s hand a little tighter. You wanted to feel him there, above the beating of your heart. Above all, you wanted to take in as much of him—and of the moment—as you could. Because you were afraid of forgetting. As much as you were afraid of being forgotten.

What lay beyond death? You didn’t know. Many people had thought long and hard about it. Very, very long. They had come up with different stories—too many and too different. However, if after death you encountered this feeling again—that inner peace—you knew there would be no problem. Because you liked what you were feeling. You liked the sensation of his fingers against your skin. You liked how Kyungmin’s tousled hair looked on him, and you liked even more how those big, fawn-like eyes looked at you, because you knew you looked at him the same way.

You could have died that day, but the truth was that you wanted to keep living. Living alongside Kyungmin.

You wondered then why fate had to be so cruel. Why had the universe let you experience something as wonderful as being with him, only to take him away from you? Why? It was unfair. And yet, it was something to be grateful for. Because at the end of the day, it had given you a taste of life—something you could never deny. Ever.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, noticing you seemed a little distracted just as you were about to get off the Ferris wheel. That look in his eyes again—the one he gave when he was looking at someone he loved with all his heart.

“Thank you,” you replied simply.

I love you, was what you never got to say.

He tilted his head. “For what?”

“For today. For every day. Thank you, Kyungmin.” Your eyes welled up again.

The boy frowned. “Why are you talking like you’re going to die tomorrow, (Name)?” he blurted out without thinking.

Your stomach churned. You shrugged, with a strange smile—even a nostalgic one. “Who knows. I hope not, though.”

Silence. A laugh finally escaped your lips—a knowing one, even though Kyungmin wasn’t quite sure how true that statement really was. At that moment, however, he didn’t care. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. He just wanted it to go on and on; for it to last forever. To be happy for the rest of your lives.

“Thanks to you, (Name),” he whispered, as you were heading back home. He held both your hands tightly, stopping you in your tracks. “Thank you.” And after that, he gave you a hug—awkward, but yours. Only yours.

I love you. To the stars and back, he thought for the first time, surprising even himself.

But he kept it to himself. He didn’t say anything, because there, in your arms, he was already as comfortable as he could possibly be. He didn’t need anything else.

He’d have more time. More time to tell you that he loved you. More time to tell you how glad he was to have met you. More time to be together. So much more.

That night, when you went to sleep, a ridiculous thought lingered in your mind for quite a while.

“If I died today, at least I’d be at peace.”

And that, for some reason, made you feel more alive than ever. (Even if, deep down in your heart, guilt was beginning to gnaw at you for not telling Kyungmin the whole truth. Maybe it was time.)

—

A few days later, Kyungmin found you sitting on one of the swings at the beach. Yes, it was strange that a beach as deserted as that one would have what you might call a mini-park on it, but stranger things had happened to certain people, so he didn’t question it. It was later than usual that time, since you’d stayed a little longer with your guitar.

You were swaying gently back and forth on the swing. You had a strange look on your face—a mixture of sadness, nostalgia, and despair. Kyungmin wondered then what could have happened to you. What was going on inside that little head of yours?

“(Name)?” he asked, tilting his head. He approached slowly when he saw that you were still staring off into space.

“(Name),” he called again, stopping the swing for a moment to hold your hands in his. They were cold. You must have been waiting outside for a long time. Because on that very day, the sun had decided to hide, leaving them with a cloudy day.

You blinked, snapping out of your reverie. “Oh, Kyungmin. Hi,” you said, forcing a smile. He noticed—of course he did.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, concerned. He moved closer to you.

You pursed your lips. “Yeah, I just had a fight at home.”

“A fight?”

You nodded. “Nothing too serious. It’s just that… if they find out I’m here today, they’ll roast me alive and coat me in batter.” You let out a wry laugh.

Huh?

“Hm?” Kyungmin wasn’t quite catching everything you were trying to tell him.

“Nothing,” you smiled, getting up and letting yourself fall into his arms. The hug lasted longer than usual, and while you were in his arms, you felt like you could breathe again. It always happened to you. Kyungmin was like your lifeline. You knew it all too well. “Let’s just stay like this a little longer, okay?”

The guy didn’t like all that secrecy, but he agreed. He agreed because it was you, and because he’d had a bad day, too. That’s why he’d hidden away to play the guitar and lost track of time.

“I don’t know what happened, but I promise it’ll work out,” he whispered, stroking your back. He kissed the top of your head.

You took a deep breath, even though the air came out in gasps—as if you’d been crying earlier. “I don’t know if there’s a solution, Kyungmin. I really don’t know,” you murmured.

When you’re sick, every day counts, you thought. You didn’t know if you’d even be alive the next day to figure it out.

That day, death was something you feared. Not something you didn’t expect or rejected. There, resting your head on Kyungmin’s shoulder, you knew you didn’t want to sleep. That you were terribly afraid. That day, arguing with your parents, you’d also been afraid. Afraid they’d discover your little secret and never let you come back. Ever again.

You took a deep breath, even though the air came out in gasps—as if you’d been crying beforehand. “I don’t know if there’s a solution, Kyungmin. I really don’t know,” you murmured.

You were afraid of dying and never seeing all the people you loved again.

Maybe if you told Kyungmin—who had become your most trusted confidant—you’d be happier. But you were also afraid he’d turn out like your parents. That he’d treat you like someone fragile, someone who can’t do anything.

“Kyungmin,” you murmured.

“Mhm,” he replied.

“Stay with me a little longer, please. Promise me that even if the storm comes, you’ll stay with me. Just a little longer.” You asked, hugging him tighter. You were being selfish; you knew it. You knew it well. But maybe… maybe you just wanted to be remembered. Maybe you just wanted to be someone else—someone important in his life. Just as he was in yours. Your only escape.

He nodded. He didn’t know why you’d been feeling this way—so nostalgic—lately. But he just wanted to hold you in his arms a little longer, so he didn’t protest.

That afternoon, you stayed like that, embracing each other on the sand, counting stars and laughing softly. It felt good. It felt incredible. Kyungmin gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek as he said goodbye, to the sound of the cicadas singing. You, with your heart in your hand, kissed him on the mouth. He, flustered, blushed all the way to his ears while you laughed at him (even though you weren’t much different from him).

“Thank you,” you whispered. “Thank you again.” He smiled—one of those smiles that radiate nothing but love and understanding—and gave you another gentle, awkward kiss on the lips. A kiss that made you smile like a fool all the way home.

That was the only day you didn’t say, “See you tomorrow.” It wasn’t on purpose; it just didn’t occur to you.

Maybe fate had something in store for you two. Something that wasn’t all that pleasant. But that night, you just replayed the kiss over and over in your mind, remembering Kyungmin’s sparkling eyes and his nervous laugh. You remembered how he came up to you and whispered, “You’re very special to me, (Name), really.”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. So much so that, since you couldn’t sleep, you got up and wrote him a letter. The next day you’d finally tell him how you felt, you thought. No more putting it off. No more fear. Who knew how much more time you had?

You poured everything you felt into that letter, hoping to clear your thoughts, and once you were done, you felt satisfied. Ready. The next day would be a great day, you decided. It would be the day you’d finally become a couple.

“I love you, Kyungmin,” you murmured in the darkness of the night, tucked in up to your chin. It was the first time you’d said it out loud, but somehow, it felt good. It felt right.

—

The next day, Kyungmin didn’t find you on the beach. Nor the day after that. Nor the day after that day. You had simply disappeared. Like the seagulls that migrate during the cold seasons to warmer places.

—

Kyungmin was starting to think that you’d grown tired of him. Why else wouldn’t you come? Maybe he’d rushed things with the kiss, or with all the things he’d said to you—how much he loved you without actually saying those exact words. Maybe he’d scared you off.

Lying there on the ground, he looked up at the sky, thinking over and over again about everything he’d done. He’d come every day, without fail, at the usual time. And yet, you were never there. Not anymore.

No matter how many walks he took—just to see if you were more on one side or the other—he couldn’t find you. In those moments, he hated not having asked for your phone number. If he had it, he could call you, hear your voice. Know that you were okay. But he had not asked for it.

Suddenly, something blocked his view and pulled his thoughts away. It was a little white kitten, peeking its head out. That reminded him of how you’d once told him that you loved kittens and had always wanted one.

“Meow?” it meowed. The boy let out a wry laugh.

Just what he needed—a cat reminding him of the one he’d loved and who’d abandoned him. Again.

“Meow,” the boy replied, not quite sure what he was saying.

“You’re Lee Kyungmin, right?” he heard another voice say behind him. It was deep and raspy, clearly that of an older man.

The younger man tensed up then and sat up straight in the blink of an eye. That’s when he was able to get a good look at him. The person standing before him had a somewhat unkempt beard and large dark circles under his eyes, but despite all that, he had a calm smile on his face. That was what reminded him a little of you.

I wish you were with me, he thought to himself, biting his lip.

“Yes, that’s me.” He nodded. “Lee Kyungmin, how can I help you?”

The man gave him a sad smile. “I’m (Name)’s father. I’m here because… because you’re the only thing I have left of my daughter, Kyungmin-ah.”

He blinked slowly.

Huh? The only thing he had left? What about (Name)?

Also, what a weird way of meeting the parents of the girl he liked.

“Oh. Um, nice to meet you. I’m sorry to be a little abrupt, but do you know where she is? She hasn’t been here in a long time…”

The man seemed to swallow hard. His eyes began to well up. However, he managed to hold back his tears and give you a reassuring smile.

“Son, there are many things you need to know. Follow me,” he asked. Kyungmin didn’t think twice, and the little white cat followed right behind them. It was about you what he was talking of, after all.

He walked confidently into the hospital. It was Kyungmin’s first time setting foot in that hospital, since he usually went to another one in the city whenever he got hurt. The walls were a strange shade of salmon, and as he made his way down the hallways filled with doctors and nurses, the color turned whitish. Some were rushing about, while others chatted casually as they went about their daily tasks. It was a normal day for them—or so it seemed.

Your father weaved through the crowd like a pro, occasionally greeting a couple of nurses he seemed to have known for a long time.

Kyungmin even thought he heard a soft “I’m sure they’ll save her” from a young nurse, at which your father lowered his gaze. The boy didn’t want to hear any more. Why had he brought him there? Was there… was there something to it? Something to do with you?

They finally reached a room. “247” was written on the sign above the door. The walls were wooden, and inside there was a large window overlooking the beach. There were freshly arranged flowers—which Kyungmin later learned were white tulips (your favorites)—and someone in the bed.

You.

Eyes closed, hair perfectly styled, and a hospital nightgown that looked especially good on you. You looked asleep. Sedated, even.

In a coma. That’s what your father told him later. That you were in a coma.

And for him, his whole world came crashing down.

How could that have happened?

Kyungmin hesitantly reached out to you, clasping your hand between his. You were cold, but warm enough for him to know you were still alive. He squeezed it, as if he believed you would wake up just by doing this—wake up, see him there, and then laugh in his face, just like you usually did. He wanted you to tell him this was all just a joke.

It couldn’t be true. You weren’t sick. You never had been. They would have told him. Kyungmin would have noticed.

Tears began to well up in his eyes. Because it seemed real. Too real. And your closed eyes, your relaxed expression, and your pale lips only confirmed it.

The man standing in front of him also gave you a look filled with love. Filled with pain.

“Kyungmin-ah, son, sit down,” your father murmured, gesturing with his hand for him to sit in the chair next to you.

He obeyed, never letting go of your hand. He swallowed hard.

“What… what happened to her?” he asked, his voice trembling. His whole body was shaking, too.

The man sighed. “I guess (Name) hadn’t told you. She didn’t really like to go around talking about this.” He let out a nostalgic smile. “She… had a terminal illness—a heart condition. Let’s just say… it doesn’t work very well. They diagnosed her years ago, when she was still a little girl. Two months ago, they told us her time was coming soon. That her heart would gradually stop pumping blood and…” His voice broke. “And that we’d lose her.”

The news hit the boy like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him.

What?, he thought.

His gaze turned to you, but you didn’t return it. Kyungmin thought about the fear you must have felt. About the urge to vanish from the world and, at the same time, to keep on living. Now he understood why you wanted so desperately to be a seagull. Why you wanted to fly a little longer. To escape those four walls that imprisoned you in an illness that came hand in hand with death. With the end.

He felt sorry for you. He felt awful. And now… what would he do without you? What would he do without those afternoons listening to music and more music, without those afternoons playing and laughing together?

What would he do now without his safe place? Without his space to be himself?

You were his everything. You’d become that in such a short time, like friends who come late in life but last for a lifetime. The best kind of friends, if you asked him. Not that he’d had many to begin with, either.

He didn’t expect to lose you like this.

All this time… thinking there would be time.

Thinking he could always do it tomorrow, when for you there might not be one at all.

He should have told you he loved you. He should have shouted it to you on the Ferris wheel. He should have held you in his arms one more time.

How would he live now without you? How would he manage? You were always there for him, and now… now you wouldn’t be anymore. Or maybe you would, but tied to a bed. Something he knew you would have hated.

The first tears rolled down his cheek, but this time he didn’t care if anyone saw him.

He’d lost you—what could be worse than that?

“Kyungmin-ah, I…” your father began again. The words caught in his throat, once more, just at the sight of you like that. “I came looking for you because I know she loved you,” he admitted.

Kyungmin’s heart stopped cold.

Excuse me? Had he heard correctly? Did she… love him?

He didn’t know if that made him feel bad or even worse. Maybe even more eager to throw herself out the window.

“The night before… she fell into a coma, she wrote this,” he continued, handing her a letter. It was small, folded several times, and the pages were yellowed. “That’s what led me to track you down. It seems she loved you very much. I just… wanted to thank you for making her happy.” Tears streamed down his face as well as he bowed. “Thank you for achieving something we didn’t quite know how to achieve.”

Kyungmin held the piece of paper in his trembling hands, his gaze filled with despair as he looked at your father. “But sir, this…” He swallowed hard. A sob threatened to escape his throat. He just wanted to bury his head in his arms, to cry, cry, and cry. However, with what little willpower he had left, he stood tall. He didn’t let go of your hand for a moment. Perhaps because if he did, he’d feel that everything would be lost.

“The doctors have decided to keep her this way for another month,” he continued, lifting his head now. “Until her heart stops beating completely. Seulgi, her cardiologist, told me they’ll do everything possible to save her.”

Kyungmin looked at the floor, then at you.

Damn it.

Your father walked slowly toward the door, as if he didn’t want to part from you. To let you go. You really seemed like his greatest treasure.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Kyungmin-ah,” he murmured slowly, and with a soft click, he closed the door behind him.

That was when all his emotions came crashing down on him. Tears welled up in his throat, and as he sobbed and sobbed, he buried his head in his arms, which were resting on your belly.

He had lost you.

He had lost you too soon, too quickly. He just wanted to have been with you. Much, much longer.

And yet… there was still some hope of making new memories. A very small chance to believe in. If you believe, you create. You create a reality, a future. And in that moment, all Kyungmin could have was faith. Faith that you’d recover. Faith that you’d see the light again. Faith that you’d keep your promise—to see each other one more day. Faith that he could hold you, kiss you, and tell you how much he loved you once more. This time with words.

He wanted it so badly that he was willing to believe. He would believe anything as long as you opened your eyes again.

As long as you could smile at him and call him a fool one more time.

As long as he could hold a warm hand one more time.

—

Ever since then, Kyungmin came to visit you every day. Absolutely every single day. He’d come, bring you fresh flowers, talk to the nurses to see how you were doing, sing to you, tell you stories… Everyone at the hospital looked at him with pity, but Kyungmin didn’t care. He only loved you.

His only hope was to have you back. Someday. And the promise of “someday” was precisely what kept him coming back. It was what kept him buying the same flowers at the same flower shop, usually accompanied by the little white cat from the beach. He’d named him Tao, just because he’d gotten that vibe from him. He was always there. He was like… a comforting presence that reminded him of you. As if it were you who stayed everyday with him, just as a cat.

Summer passed quickly, and with it, the heat waves, the time at the beach, and time itself. Even though school had started, Kyungmin still found time between tutoring and classes to come see you and tell you about his day. Then, he’d intertwine your increasingly cold fingers with his as he told you how Youngjae had fallen in a very comical way while they were training for a very important competition.

And when he thought no one was watching, he’d let a couple of tears fall, asking the universe to let you wake up.

As the cold weather set in, Kyungmin started wearing scarves and warm clothes. He came every day and asked Andrew, your nurse, if they’d noticed you were cold or if you’d moved at any point. The boy always shook his head and gave him one of his sad smiles. Just because he knew how much Kyungmin wanted you to open your eyes again.

No other teenager would have put up with it as long as he did, the nurse thought.

On Christmas Day, his mother accompanied him along with his two younger brothers after she had insisted so strongly on seeing you. She wanted to see the girl who had caused such a stir in her son’s life. Even if you were in that condition.

They had argued about it, shouting so loudly that neither of his two little brothers understood, but in the end, Kyungmin gave in. He just wanted to spend Christmas with you. The rest, he had decided, didn’t matter to him anymore.

Your parents were already there when they arrived. Your mother was holding your hand in hers while your father carved a piece of lamb.

“Oh, Kyungmin-ah, son, how are you?” your mother asked, smiling slightly as he opened the door and poked his head in. With each passing day, she seemed to age a little more.

The boy gave them a weary smile, like someone who holds onto hope in his heart and fights against those who don’t.

“We’re getting by, Mrs. Shin. We’re still here,” he replied. “I’ve brought my family; I hope they don’t bother you guys.”

Your father shook his head, waving his hand. “Not at all, not at all. The more, the merrier. Besides, you’re part of our family now, too.” He smiled, his wrinkles deepening.

Kyungmin swallowed hard. His smile widened a bit. “Thank you, sir.”

The afternoon was normally quiet, but that room where you were sleeping filled with laughter and delicious food. Deep down, the boy had wished you’d wake up then, because that way you’d experience the love of everyone there. He hoped that way you’d realize you didn’t have to be a seagull to be happy. That happiness was sometimes closer than you expected.

However, that day you didn’t open your eyes. You didn’t even move.

Kyungmin tried not to let his disappointment show, but on the way home, when his mother put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, he let a couple of tears fall from his eyes.

He missed you.

He wished he could have told you sooner how much he loved you.

When Seungwoo asked him later at home why you were like that—not moving or laughing like you used to—Kyungmin didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a kid as young as him? He let his mother handle it while he escaped to his room.

You were in limbo, he replied inwardly. Although more like outside of it.

That thought hurt him, no matter how much he wanted to hide it.

If only fate weren’t so cruel.

—

The warmth returned, the cherry trees began to bloom, and the school year was coming to an end. It was spring again. The seagulls were returning from their long journey, and Kyungmin hoped you would, too. The teacher’s increasingly boring lectures prompted him to look out the window. Sometimes he thought about what he was going to eat later, other times about the ducks, and other times he wondered what would happen if you were sitting next to him then. He wondered if you’d be absentmindedly playing with your pencil like the girl sitting next to him, or if, on the contrary, you’d be paying attention to everything the teacher said. He bet you’d be just like him. Looking out the window and thinking about the philosophical things you always thought about.

He wished you were there to tell him all your thoughts. He wished you could have lived a normal life.

He wished.

—

With the arrival of summer, everything started to feel more nostalgic. It was, after all, the time when he’d met you. The time when he’d decided to get myself into that whole mess. The time when he’d fallen head over heels for you—all because of a beach ball. And even if I were back in that moment with you, Kyungmin wouldn’t have changed a thing. No, because you’d been a wonderful experience. And he still loved you.

Maybe that’s why he still hadn’t read the letter your father had given him some time ago. Maybe he wanted to wait for you to tell him in person.

Maybe.

That day, Kyungmin couldn’t stop by the hospital because he had to urgently turn in a final paper. He planned to tell you everything the next day, hold your hand, and talk and talk about how your professor was a pain in the neck and how glad he was not to have to see his face again for a few months. Maybe he’d even bring his guitar and sing a little for you, as a celebration.

That was the plan. Really.

What he didn’t expect was to arrive at the hospital the next day, ask about you, and have everyone look down. He didn’t expect to walk down the hallways, with a sense of foreboding in his chest, and see that your name was no longer on your room. And, of course, he didn’t expect to walk through the door and find that you weren’t in bed.

You weren’t sleeping.

You weren’t awake either—your father would have told him.

And the fact that you weren’t there… could only mean one thing: you were gone.

You had left. Once and for all.

Tears welled up in his eyes and soon streamed down his cheeks like a waterfall.

It couldn’t be.

It couldn’t be.

You had to wake up. You’d promised him you’d always be with him. That you’d see each other the next day, every day. You’d promised him that.

You couldn’t… you couldn’t just disappear like that. You couldn’t.

Why hadn’t they been able to save you? Why had he been so useless? Why?

He fell to his knees on the floor, forgetting to close the door behind him. He no longer cared if anyone saw him crying. You weren’t here. There was no one to smile for.

The sobs came quickly, followed by desperate pounding on the floor. His whole body was shaking. Tremendingly. Like someone who was freezing—freezing, in this case, because of a broken heart.

“Why?” he kept repeating in his mind.

He remembered the afternoons spent laughing, splashing around. Having a good time together. Playing the guitar or just vibing to the music. He remembered the soft touch of your lips on his.

When had he gotten there? When had he lost you like that? Because you’d been there before, right there with him; and suddenly, you weren’t. You would never laugh again, nor would you ever have the chance to. You’d vanished completely from his life. Because all that remained of you was a couple of wilted flowers and a neatly made bed. A bed where you’d once been.

Kyungmin cried and cried and cried. What else could a teenager like him do?

He didn’t want to think, because the tightness in his chest grew worse every time he thought about how he’d lost you forever. His heart was being squeezed, and his chest ached. It hurt too much. He wanted to scream, to let it all out like crazy, but his voice got lost somewhere between his mouth and his throat.

If only you’d had more time, if only… if only he hadn’t been such a coward and had made the most of every moment, maybe he’d feel better now. Better with him, or better with you. Because he would have given you something to be happy about.

He wished you’d stayed with him, just a little longer.

He just wished.

—

The funeral was held at three. There weren’t many people there. According to what your parents had told him, you didn’t have many friends. Everyone there was family. Beloved family, it seemed. But Kyungmin didn’t give a damn who was there or who wasn’t. He didn’t care anymore.

The one who should have been there was you. Not them.

The ceremony went by quickly. Too quickly. Because when he saw you in that wooden coffin, he realized that, indeed, you were gone. He realized you’d never be back. This time for real. It wasn’t a dream; there were no more chances. You were just… gone.

And it hurt him so much that no one felt the same way he did. That no one seemed to be truly devastated like he was. It hurt him to think that the pain he felt was all his own, because he knew you deserved more. That you deserved the whole world.

Kyungmin leaned on his mother’s shoulder while your father said a few words in your honor. By the second word, his voice cracked, and your mother started to cry too. Kyungmin followed suit—why lie?—burying his head in his mother’s chest and sobbing from time to time.

He’d known you for so long, and yet for such a short time… But he already missed you.

I just wished you’d come out of the coffin and tell him that all of this had been a joke. Even Kyungmin had thought about getting out his guitar and playing “I Have a Dream” for you so you’d come out of it.

But once we were there, at the funeral home, it all felt so real…

When your father finished speaking, it was time for Kyungmin to come out. He walked awkwardly toward the podium and, in front of that small crowd, began to speak, holding back his tears as best he could:

“Hello. I’m Lee Kyungmin. (Name) was very special to me. She still is. Today, just about 96 hours after she left, I already miss her.” He sallowed hard. “I met (Name) at the beach, on a day just like this one a year ago. Exactly like today. A terrible wind was blowing, and my brother’s ball flew right up to her feet. Looking back on it, I must have seemed a little strange to her, but I can say that to me, she was one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen. She still is.” Your father’s sob echoed throughout the room, even as he smiled at Kyungmin with all the kindness in his heart. “That’s why, instead of continuing with words—which I’m not good at—I’d like to follow up with a song I played for her one of the first times we met.” He continued, sitting up straight in his chair, guitar in hand, as the first chord echoed throughout the room. “It’s called ‘Remember Me,’” he whispered into the microphone.

From there, the first notes, followed by the first lines, began to play. Because Kyungmin, with teary eyes, was the one playing them.

Because he knew how much you wanted to be remembered.

And maybe you weren’t there to see it, but once he reunited with you (a long time from now), he’d tell you how everyone in the room sang along with him for that minute and a half.

How voices broke halfway through the song, and how those who hadn’t cried until then let a single tear fall.

He’d tell you how, that day, everyone remembered you. And how, in the days that followed, Kyungmin would remember you. All of them. Even when he least expected it, you’d be with him. He knew it when he played that song. He knew it when people offered their condolences. He knew it when your ashes were scattered into the sea, on that tiny beach where you’d first met. His favorite spot.

Your spot. And yours alone.

————————————————————

The boy strummed a few chords on his guitar, accompanied only by Tao, who was asleep at his feet. That day, he’d just read your letter. He’d cried, yes. Only the universe knew how much.

Only you, him, and the universe would know what it said, too. Kyungmin snorted.

Seagulls flew overhead, on their way to other beaches to visit. One in particular caught his attention. A tiny one, surrounded by the rest, that seemed to be having a little more trouble flying. It must be a chick, he thought.

A smile escaped his lips. He found it amusing to think of you.

“Have a safe trip, (Name),” he whispered. “I hope you find the freedom you’re looking for.”

© jellyluvsjihoon 2026. do not copy or repost. ask to translate. (cr for the dividers to @strangergraphics)