the narrow shoulder

Starting by saying this isn’t a cry for help. I’m the most suicidal I’ve ever been 😔 for no other reason than this job search . Every day I do the same things and it’s been like that for years . I get through rounds of interviews for “ it was such a hard choice … we picked someone else” i’m out of plans really . I’m not interested in anything anymore . Truly the only thing keeping me here is cowardice, pride, and vanity i’m too much of a coward to violently take my own life, still thinking what nasty things ppl might say, and also thinking what if I accidentally survive. I don’t see a point in working to stay in a life that’s unfulfilling. I do not wish to live a life that I simply survive . Living and dying are literally the only choices . & this world hasn’t given me much to live for as of late .