Azusa

＃Abt me﹕

　🍮﹒ @𝘼zυsα. ＞＜　｜　she ⠀ her.   🍫 　｜　🎸﹒infp-t ˳ ◜ 　　 dollgender　・　ambiamorous　・　sapphic lover

　ⓘ common themes of stalking, toxic love, and obsession .ᐟ

i love the thought of someone being so obsessed and selfish with me to the point they'd resort to manipulating and guilt-tripping me. like, imagine them finding out i've been hurting myself, and instead of being gentle, they get all possessive and unhinged:

pov: you’re a insecure yandere.

you know… i don’t know what i’d do if you said you didn’t like me. i’m not even sure i could handle that. you still like me, right? i’m not some kind of burden to you, am i? you really do enjoy my presence? i get scared sometimes, scared that i’m too much or not enough or just… wrong in all the ways that matter.

i’m sorry i’m not perfect. i know i’m not always good, not always easy, but i’m trying so hard. i’m trying because it’s you. because you make me want to be better, softer, more careful. every effort i make, i make it with you in mind, hoping you’ll notice it even if it’s small.

please see that. please see me. think of me the way i think of you. appreciate the parts of me that reach for you. love me back, even just a little. i don’t need perfection, i just need to know i matter to you.

please just look at me. look at me the way i look at you so i can finally feel like i matter. let me be the one who fills your thoughts, the one who lives under your skin in that warm, addictive way that makes you crave me even when you shouldn’t. let me slip deeper into you, into every quiet part of your mind, until you think of me without meaning to. i don’t need to consume you, just let me stay, let me inside you, let me be the name your heart stumbles over when you’re tired or lonely or reaching for something familiar. i just want to belong to you in a way that feels permanent.

i want to be drowned in your attention, covered in it, wrapped up so tight in you that there’s no room left for doubt. i want to be gentle, i want to be better, i want to learn how to be someone you’re proud to hold. just tell me how. tell me what you need from me and i’ll shape myself around it, i’ll take every rough edge i have and soften it just for you. mold me into whatever version of me you want, i don’t care what it takes, as long as it’s you doing the shaping.

i’m not too much. i’m not toxic or cruel or anything you should run from. this is just love in its rawest, most unbearable form. it’s everything i have, every ounce of it, every drop that burns when it touches air. and you’ll take it, won’t you? you’ll take everything i have to give because no one else will ever love you like this. no one else could. i’d tear my chest open if it meant you’d see how real it is, how it throbs for you, how it’s always been for you. i don’t want half of you, i want all of you, the parts you hide, the ones you’re ashamed of, the pieces you give away too easily. give them back. give them to me.

i’m constantly torn between wanting to save you and wanting to ruin you. there’s the part of me that wants to cradle you until you stop trembling, whisper that everything’s okay, that you’ll never have to hurt again. but then there’s the other part; the one that wants to keep you close enough to suffocate, isolate you, break you down, and convince you that im the only one who can make it all feel better. i imagine the way your face would look when you finally understand that i could destroy you, but i won’t. not because i can’t, but because loving you this way feels worse, feels better. i want to be the reason you cry and the reason you stop. i want to be the only thing that matters until you can’t tell the difference between safety and captivity.

i feel like a creepy stalker and i wear that word like a sick little truth. you’re always in my head. i catch myself replaying the smallest scraps of you like they’re proof that you’re real: a picture, a voice note, the way you laugh at something dumb. it’s embarrassing and terrifying how constant it is. i tell myself i’ll stop, that i’ll make the thoughts smaller, but they keep coming back louder.

well it makes me nervous to think that someone from the past has found me again. are you sure you have the right person? ^_^’

if yes, then i’m curious to know who you are. i couldn’t think of anyone who’d like to interact with me after so long.

i want to be so close to you that it becomes a crime in my chest; to feel the warmth of your breath on my neck and not be able to stop trembling. sometimes i picture us side by side and i’m the kind of person who just leans in and never lets go, who counts the rise and fall of you like a prayer. you sleeping looks like a secret i want to learn. the slack of your jaw, the little twitch when you dream, the tiny noises that prove you’re real. and i’d watch you for hours just to be near that quiet, to be the one who knows every small thing that happens when you’re not watching.

i hate the moments where everything just collapses inside me. my heart drops, my chest feels heavy, and it’s like all the warmth i was holding onto gets ripped away in an instant. i was doing fine. happy, even! but then i saw that, and now i can’t stop thinking about it no matter how much i want to.

i don’t actually want to hate you. i swear i don’t. but god, sometimes i want to. i want to hate you just to make the feelings stop, just to stop caring so much. it’s so exhausting to be this dependent on someone this much, to have every little thing tied to you, to let something so small ruin an entire night. i don’t want to feel this way. i don’t want you to have this kind of hold over me.