love, lexi

Ok so I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months (this was the year of heartbreak y’all I’m sick). I really loved this nigga. We went through the fucking wringer and I did everything I could. Gave him my absolute all. And he just couldn’t reciprocate. He wanted more himself but he didn’t do anything. He didn’t progress nor did he put in enough effort to try. I did everything for this man. He was a good person. He meant well.. But he couldn’t get his shit together, not even for me. That’s why I doubt he truly gave a fuck. Maybe he loved the idea of me, the convience of me... idk. But mark my words, I will never give so much of myself for so little in return.

I met him in the summer when I was working like crazy, then school started and everything was just too much. My stress levels were so high I was always going to doctors, I had two miscarriages, I was constantly worrying about him. But I loved him. I stuck it out even though I knew I was destroying myself in the process. And I believed he was worth it even when his own family said he wasn’t. I tried to be his family. I tried to love him into loving himself. Despite everything, I put him first every single time.

I’ve realized that persistent selflessness can and will destroy you. Ironic enough(since y’all know wassup), I took care of him. On some striaght vanilla shit. I worked like crazy and made sure he was EXTRA good. Hindsight is 20/20, I definitely went overboard but this was my first love. I did every and anything to make sure he was ok that I forgot about myself. I literally look like the shell of the person I used to be. I don’t even recongize myself..