Skeleton Flowers In My Heart

Just alcohol in my system to calm my demons

The skies always know my own mood. Such grayness and while it starts to rain, I cry too

I didn’t eat much today.. just a loaf of bread at night plus a headache… I don’t know what is happening to me…

Maybe I should go to therapy. I’m losing my mind and thinking of dying everyday. My eyelids are so red from crying so much. I never felt so badly damaged in my life. I feel useless and alone. I have no one but myself. I feel like running away. Along the way in my life I made so many mistakes and miss opportunities that now I’m just realizing that maybe it could of been better for me. I feel dead inside. I don’t feel happy just getting worse. I don’t want to talk to anyone about my own thoughts because all ever get is everything is gonna be okay speech. No body knows how much my mental health is killing me. How I’m draining everyday with people I live with. All I ever think about is dying. Will it be the best solution to leave this world and go see my angels up there. Ooh how I pray and beg to see the light of some change. Only that can happen if I ever try to change something. I’m tired and exhausted. All I ever want is to scream in agony so someone can hear me

After being up at 2am, I’ve seen somethings that hurt my heart and to the point that I really needed to do it. While he is happy now with someone new, I’ve decided barely now after 2 fucking years from this stupid 4 month relationship I had with this fucking idiot. I finally blocked him. If me waiting on him to do the deed himself it’s not gonna do justice because he doesn’t care whether I am his friend on Facebook or not. As many times he said this and that and me being an idiot not saying or doing anything. I did what I had to do. To take the trash myself. I’ve been holding onto something that isn’t worth caring or even carrying it in my heart. I was suffering mostly for a stupid old fart who don’t even know how to care. He made me feel worthless and stupid to think about a future with him when his days are almost coming to an end. I was a minor inconvenience to him and it hurts to be honest. To be left out in the cold and just be used to boost your fucking ego when you are the worst person ever. I honestly wish you are happy now and you treat her better than when you were with me. Because I was just nothing honestly. I want to apologize to myself mostly for caring and having a heart for a person like you. It is a gift to you that I said my own goodbyes and never would you talk to me or see me again. Nor you are ever going to hear my voice. I know my worth and I don’t want to be mad or feel sorry for myself for having a bit of love for you when you never had any love for me. It feels like a second heartbreak but I will get through with this because I deserve my own happy ending as well

Ive been holding onto so much lately that I want to just yell at the top of my lungs. To my friend, I know you are here and I know you are a person who doesn’t give two shits about what other say about you. But your such a user tbh. I feel like I’m such a dumb bitch for being to nice and supportive of you through everything and look what I get in the end. Being used for my kindness. How I feel like I’m drained from my energy and all of that just drained me out. I feel alone and I know everyone has their life whatever. But I feel like I’m kicked out of the curb like I was nothing. I feel like I wasted so much on people that I feel so vulnerable. My whole self feels nothing. I feel like I’m nothing. I hate feeling and blaming people but I’m tired of people using my own kindness over and over again till they drained it out of me and kick me out. Like what bitch I really am for being such a good fucking friend. That’s why I deserve such fucking bad luck and being punish for everything just because of my own good heart. I’m done being people little fucking puppet. That’s why my strings are pulled constantly because I got use to not saying No…

Alcohol.. The only thing that can numb me from my feelings and my problems

Don’t you hate it when the time you want to cry is at work. Nothing bad happen to me but I just feel too emotional at the moment…🥴

Hate having caffeine withdrawals as much as I love Starbucks hate having the symptoms of it. My body is prone to it and it feels like an never ending anxiety Feeling so panicky. I wish I was anxiety free my life would of been so much easier for me