Wingss.

You waited for the worst.

“Get her dressed, the party will be starting soon.” Yunho sneers, not waiting for a response as he makes his way to the door. 

Frustrated tears pool into your eyes, watching his back as he walks. He never spares you a glance, never bothering with the chaos he leaves behind. As his back disappears, a throat clears; your eyes snapping, looking for the source. Ready to let your anger pour and unleash, the need to get it out was overwhelming.

Your eyes meet the ones of your bodyguard’s, Jungkook’s. His big eyes solemn, as he holds your gaze, wishing he didn’t witness what has happened. His hair brushes into his eyes as he looks at you, expression unreadable; and before you can question him, he bows and walks briskly out the door. 

Not giving it much thought, you glance at your maid who looks at you with sympathy. You give her a sad smile of your own, wishing for the unreachable.

The ballroom is alive with music and lively chatter, many couples dancing and mingling. You glance at Yunho, a crowd around him hanging to his every word. The tangy taste of champagne slides down your throat, but it gives you no relief. 

You hate these occasions, where you have to pretend what you weren’t, that you weren’t in a loveless marriage. You much prefer being in your garden or in the library reading about the world, that you yearn to be in and explore. 

The king turns and cocks his head, taking you in before a wicked smile paints his lips. He holds out his hand, staring at you expectantly. A challenging gleam shines in his eyes, a twisted game playing in his head. 

“Come, darling.” He coos in a sickeningly sweet tone, and you grit your teeth together. He knows he hasn’t given you much of an option, and he’s thriving off of it. Leaving you no choices always gives him satisfaction, giving his sadistic side a thrill. But you were never one to take it without dishing it as well, so you plaster a smile, one as convincing as his own.

You daintily place your hand in his and he pulls you tightly against him. The crowd scrutinizes you, while the women look at you with slight distaste that isn’t blatantly obvious.

After all, you were their queen.

They immediately bow as your husband continues his conversation, and you give a pretty smile back. 

“Ah, Your Majesty, you look as beautiful as ever.” The man next to Yunho gives you a bow and a sweet smile, a genuine one finding its way to your lips.

“Mr. Jung, a pleasure to see you as always. I hope you and your wife are full of blessings.” He beams at you and continues to tell you about his wife, you envy the love and respect in his voice. Nevertheless, you keep a soft smile plastered on your lips. Not long after that your eyes eventually wander and catch the eyes of Jungkook’s, his unreadable as he nods at you.

You are shaken from your daze, and Mr. Jung looks slightly uncomfortably at your husband. A hand squeezes your waist in warning, you glance and Yunho and he gives you a tense smile. “Darling, Hoseok was telling us how his wife and him are expecting a child.” His hand is heavy on your waist, anchoring you to where you are now. Never forgetting where you are and the whispers and troubles that come with it.

“Congratulations! What a blessing for you both!” You give Mr. Jung a pearly smile and he bows, he looks at your husband nervously, waiting in a tense silence.

“Thank you, your Highness. Blessings to you both as well.” Yunho’s smile falters at Hoseok, before he pats the lord on the back and returns back to his facade. The air is thick, with the unsaid words. He hums and nods in gratitude.

No one spoke, what was left unsaid was louder than the chatter around you. Blood rushes to your head and your chest constricts, white specs clouds your vision. Your lungs no longer take in the oxygen, everything fading to the background. You need to leave.

Now.

Yunho looks down, coming to realize what was happening. He cocks his head, a vicious glint in his eyes. The iron grip on your waist turns tighter, it’s a warning to stay put. The walls begin to close and you find it hard to breathe, Gods why were they so cruel to you?

“You will have to bring your wife to see me, I would love to help her plan her baby shower. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the powder room.” You wheeze, they start to bow as you turn your body to bolt. A hand reaches out for yours, your husband stares at you with malice and disgust. 

You yank your hand away and briskly walk to the exit as fast as you can without making a scene. Your hands come to the wall a few feet outside the banquet hall and you lean into it; the air doesn’t seem to enter your lungs, leaving them burning, aching, shrinking. You kneel and start to count.

One, two, three.

You had to get as far away as possible.

It had been a while since you had a panic attack, they became less frequent, because over the years you’ve come to learn to live with them. The constant conversations and expectations of you to complete your duties were bringing them to the surface, it gave you no peace.

You get up panting, looking everywhere and nowhere. Somewhere to hide and escape from this dreaded place and circumstances. It didn’t matter where you went, you started sprinting down the hall. Fuck all, and fuck the heels on your feet.

“Your Highness, please!” A voice bellowed, slightly panicked, you didn’t give a damn who it was. You kept running aimlessly down the hall and didn’t stop for a single thing. A hand abruptly grabs yours, pulling you into a secluded hallway. Turning to face the person, you yank your hand away, ready to unleash the pent up frustration at the person who dared touch you. The desperation to leave far greater than the consequences of what your actions could’ve caused. None of it mattered to you, the panic clouded everything leaving the ends of your vision tinged in black spots. There was no going back to how things were, you had to face what you needed to let go.

Doe eyes met yours and his chest was heaving, dread etched all on his face as he caught his breath. “Please,” Jungkook motions are the chair near you, “take a seat, you need to calm down.”

You couldn’t believe this, your mind reeling, yearning. You shake your head violently, pulling your arm away from him before he reaches again more aggressively and desperately. You looked for options, anything. 

“I need fresh air, please.” Your chest heaved up and down, lungs still having a mind of its own and not allowing you to get a proper breath.  You look deeply into the eyes of your body guard’s, trying to plead with your eyes. Jungkook purses his lips, scrutinizes you as uncertainty swirls around him. You try to give him what you hope is a reassuring smile, which probably resembles a grimace. 

He sighs and glances at a balcony before looking into your eyes, authority and caution in his irises. “Alright your Highness, there’s a balcony. We can get fresh air there, you will be able to catch your breath there.” He gently grabs your elbow and leads you to the French doors opening them before pushing you both in quickly.

The breeze instantly hits, you immediately start to take deep breaths, thanking the air that is entering your lungs selfishly. He leans on the door, silently watching you, feeling some relief too. He feels like he can finally breathe himself and he watches you softly, and feeling at ease seeing you gain some composure. 

“Thank you..” you whisper into the winds and your eyes flutter close, he stares at you in awe. He feels the ends of his lips quirk up.

He can do this, he can let himself loosen up. While your eyes are closed and no one there to witness it. 

Just this once, Jungkook. Gods, did he love to torture himself, so selfish.

Just this once he wants to abandon his inner conscience and be selfish, what was wrong with being selfish? But he always feels guilt in the pit of his stomach when thinking of such a thing. He was never allowed the luxury of thinking of himself, for himself. Something many people took for granted and so carelessly did with it what they pleased.

But you, you were made of the same. You know the agony it is of not having something for one’s self. You know just as much of it as he does.

One of the same.

Coming back to the current situation, he hums and looks past you to take in the view, two stories up and overseeing a beautiful garden. The very garden he ran around as a kid, playing cops and robbers with the king. 

Of course he was the robber.

Soft whispers of the wind sing through his hair, tousling it and brushing it in his eyes. He pushes it back and tenses, coming to realize your eyes were trained on him. An involuntary shiver ran down his spine at the intensity of your gaze. You had an ability to turn him into putty, to do as you pleased with him, always.

He tried, of course he tried. He tried to not let your stare smoulder through his defenses, he tried so hard to forget you and your allures. But alas, he could not forget your eyes on his skin, no matter how much he wishes to the Gods. It was always impossible to forget, at least when it came to your heated gaze and fiery temper. He should know better, should know not to want something he can never have.

“It wasn’t a problem, your Highness. Are you feeling better?” 

You throw your head back and smile at the stars, unknowingly allowing Jungkook to drink in the column of your neck. He traces it before he moves his gaze back to the garden, his hand tightening around the railing. He pleaded for someone, to the Gods, wishing he had more self control than he had at the moment, his fingers flexing as he held himself back from reaching out to you.

“Yes, thank you Jungkook. This has made a world of a difference.” You give him a small shy smile, oblivious to his inner turmoil. He bows his head, keeping his eyes away from you.

For a moment you forget, the hostile environment revolving around you always, and why you so desperately needed this moment. 

Until it comes back.

The smiles fade from your lips, as does it on his. The air tense, heavy on your limbs. 

“You know,” you look sadly out to the horizon, longingly at the gate separating you from everything. You glance at the stars, whispering your secrets to them. “I feel at peace in this moment, but I yearn for more. To be as far from here as possible.” 

Jungkook stiffens, ice invading his limbs and spine as he stares at you wordlessly. His hand comes off the ledge and observes you wearily, he doesn’t say a word. 

He can’t be a part of this conversation, he is the king's most trusted knight. The one selected to look after the queen, an honor in itself. His loyalty to the king has never been questioned. 

But why is he questioning so many things today?

“I don’t believe it is a good thing to think like this, your highness..” He murmurs looking around, making sure no one is around the doors before he puts his steely gaze back on you. You meet his eyes, his so unreadable, so hard to understand. You tense and give him a cold smile, trying not to snarl at him.

“Forgive me, how foolish of me to think of that. Please take me to my room, and give me whereabouts to the king.” You spit out, leaving no room for denial. You pass him quickly, careful to not touch him as you open the door on your own accord. 

How foolish, ____. You think to yourself no longer able to face Jungkook, he will give you up the moment the king asks him to.

Jungkook looks at you solemnly and bows as he starts walking you to your chambers. A dark pit in his stomach, he searched for words to reassure you, but he can’t seem to say them. 

This whole night is leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He follows you silently to your chambers, feeling more out of place than he has ever. This wasn’t right, he had always felt at peace with what the king had thought, but this, this, it never felt right to him. Ever. It never felt right to him how close the king keeps you, sometimes to the point where it was overbearing. He watches as you pull the doors and enter without sparing him a glance. No goodbye and it ached him. He took his time as he walked back to the ballroom, he dreaded talking to the king, knowing full well of the simmering anger that grew in him.

The morning is quiet as you stay in bed, dreading having to get up to face people and the duties you have to endure. Of having to face him. Your maid, Lucia, comes in and gives you a beaming smile. “Good morning, your Majesty,” she bows to you and you groan, pulling the covers closer to your body. 

“Lucia,” you start to get up slowly and pinch her cheek, “for the last time, please call me ___. There is no one here so there is no need to be formal, and I would feel much more comfortable if you did.” Lucia smiles at you before nodding and motioning you to the bathroom to start your morning routine.

After you are dressed, you begin to make your way to the dining room where your husband is having his breakfast. You count the steps as you reach the room, one, two. Yunho is sitting at the end of the table, he doesn't bother looking at you when you take a seat next to him, he continues to sip his tea.

You don’t bother to greet him, there is never a need for fake friendliness. You tried, early in the marriage, naive to him who at the time was a prince. He was slightly less cold than who he was now, but he was not the type of man you wished you married. You gave it your all at first, your heart and soul, but he would budge and never tried to make something you were both forced into to work.

“___, I see you couldn’t bother to come back to the party.” He puts the cup down as he finally looks at you heavily. “No, no, no. You had to send Jungkook to relay and give a shit excuse.” He lets out a humorless chuckle. You see from the corner of your eye Jungkook tense, frozen.

You grit your teeth together, you always hated his condescending tone, he stared at you with as much distaste.You hum, not bothering to give him an answer, instead allowing the silence to stretch between you. You calmly bring the cup of tea to your lips, looking in defiance at him and raising a slow eyebrow.

He bellows out a laugh before pushing away from the table with hands. “You are not fit to be queen, I don't know what father saw in such a low lady as you.” He smirks cockily, walking away slowly; you slam your hands on the table as you get up to face him.

Red, everything was red, it bubbles through you and seeps into your limbs. It settles in your stomach. It felt as if the fires from hell settled themselves in your gut, you had had enough of his games.

“Do not bring your father into this, tainting such a good man’s name.” You spit aggressively and jut your chin to look him dead in the eye. He ticks and is coming full force into your space, he lowers his head and brings his face close to yours. There is no sound other than his heavy breathing, it fills the silence and surrounds you both. He continues to look at you menacingly, you refuse to look away from his gaze.

Yunho pulls away abruptly, running a hand through his perfectly combed hair. “You,” he looks at you with a quiet anger deep in him, resentment. “You are unfit to be the mother of my children, the heirs to this throne.” He mutters quietly and you flinch, reeling back and staring at him motionlessly. It steals the air from your lungs, and leaves you aching.

You push his body away before taking in the sadistic gleam in his eyes, he enjoys seeing you at your ends wit. You look behind him and see the despair in Jungkook’s face as he stands to the side hopelessly. 

Shame, embarrassment flood into you. How right is he? You wanted to crumble, but you couldn’t. You were queen, and you had your own will and fire. You couldn’t let yourself be beaten. No, he isn’t right. You raise your head to meet his gaze, and bare your teeth at him. No, he was the problem.

“On the contrary, your highness,” you mock, his eyes set on fire.”It is you who is unfit to be king.” He looks stunned, before it turns into blinding rage. You’ve heard the whispers, the gossip of how he came to have a claim to the throne, how unprepared he was for it. How much he failed his father and never could meet his expectations. He looks at you and growls, you smirk in victory. You were ready. You’re ready for this, no matter what the outcome is. Before he can do anything, Jungkook reaches you and slightly pushes you to the side.

“I will take the queen back to her chambers, your majesty.” He bows deeply to your husband and turns to you quickly. There are no emotions as he motions for you to continue walking. You shake your head, fire and fight still tinged in your blood. You wanted it, craved it. He grips your elbow firmly and drags you out the doors before you have time to react.

As you round the corridor, Jungkook turns to you halting his pace to tower over you in his full height. “Are you out of your mind?!” He bellows, chest heaving as he stares down at you as if you grew two heads. He scoffs in disbelief, running his hand over his face. “You can’t say things like that, your highness. Think of the consequences before speaking of such a thing.” He was panting by the end of his outburst, Gods, does she not understand?! 

The things that could happen? He wanted to shake the sense into her, it was dangerous, she failed to understand the problems this could lead to. 

He didn’t realize how close your faces were, you were looking at him through your lashes. Eyes steely on his own. Without a second thought, you turn, no longer listening to your bodyguard. There is no point trying to get him to understand, he would never see it any other but the way of his king’s. 

As you rounded the corner to your chambers, you turn to give Jungkook a look of warning. His steps falter, giving away his hesitation as he looks at you and around the halls. His eyebrows crease and he comes to a halt in front of you.

“Thank you, sir Jeon.” His spine straightens automatically at the sound of his formal title, he stares at you in disbelief as you look at him callously. “But I will be on my way from here, thank you.” You turn, not giving him a chance to refuse. You didn't want him seeing you grab a satchel for the necessary items to get as far away as you possibly could from here. He would've told the king right away if he saw your motives. 

Fuck all. You were going to leave right away, you have had enough. 

Walking into your room, you grab the essential and jewelry you could sell to get to a safe place. Finally, you were going to something you yearned and craved to do. Once you grab everything, you slowly open your door to peek out. No guards were stationed around your room, you glanced around in confusion. 

Odd.

However, you weren't going to waste the opportunity to slip by easier. You start down the hallways quietly, keeping your ears open for the slightest sound. Turning the hallway to get to the stable, you hear a giggle in front of you. You duck quickly and see a maid flirting with a knight, you put your hand over your mouth to keep from making any noise. They slip quietly into an empty room, and you allow yourself a sigh of relief. 

Gods, you are so close.

You could not give up, you had to keep trying. This was going to be the only opportunity you were going to be given. Finally getting to the door to enter the garden, you see the stables a couple of meters away. You can't be relieved as of yet, couldn't allow yourself to relax until you were galloping away from the castle. When you see there is no one at the stable, you sprint to the horses grabbing your favorite, Cloud. She is beautiful with her creamy white hair, and as sweet as they could come; she always knew when you were in need of comfort. She stomps her foot excitedly as she sees you make your way to grab your saddle and fetch her some water quickly. 

Once the saddle and leading rope are on and secured, you put your hand and she nuzzles her head into it. You bring your face close to hers and sigh softly. “Hi beautiful,” you whisper and she snorts nuzzling closer to you. “We’re leaving, my sweet. To a place where you and I can both roam and that is all we’ll need.” You promise her and slowly grab the rope as you lead her to the quieter part of the castle. The side entrance was not as heavily guarded as the others, it still had a few, but not many that could stop you if you play the cards right.

You can make it, __. You will.

You get on her back as the entrance comes into view, sliding your hood over your face as two guards notice you and scrutinize you from afar. “Halt, ma’am.” You come to a stall as they near, shielding your face. As soon as they are close enough, you tug on the leash and Cloud starts into a sprint forcing the guards to move out of the way. They scream and start to run after you before quickly giving up realizing they are not a match for the speed of your horse. You will Cloud to go faster, as you gallop across the bridge. 

You only have a few minutes before the guards reach the castle to announce the incident, and alert the king. It would only be a minute after that when they realize you are gone as well. You had to make the most out of the time you were given, you lightly whip the leash for Cloud to take off faster, you needed as much distance as you could before it was too late. You make a quick beeline to the woods once across and don't dare look back to hear the shouts of the soldiers getting ready to leave the castle.

Sunshine filters through the trees as you rush through the forest, you don't allow yourself to admire the scenery. Adrenaline still pumping through your veins, you couldn’t let up for a second because you know what will await you if you slip and ruin your chances. This was it.

Your only chance.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of riding you came to a halt in a river. You get off Cloud and she immediately starts drinking water, you pat her mane and smile wistfully at her. “Don't worry love, just a little longer and we’ll find our way far away from here.” You start to walk slowly into the forest and lean on a tree, basking in the warm sun. You feel a feeling you haven't felt in what feels like a long time. Blissful happiness, it warms your limbs and loosens you up.

You start to make your way back to Cloud when you hear rustling in the bushes, before you can start to panic Jungkook appears before you putting his hand over your mouth. You stare at him in disbelief before thrashing around against him. Like hell were you going to go without a fight.

He lets you go before looking around for any other soldiers, finally turning to look at you at his full height. He crosses his arms and gives you an unamused look. Why? Why did he have to come, and so quickly? You start to look for a way to get to your horse before he steps into your vision.

“You would think you would take the hint, but yet here you are. Here to mock me and take me back to the lion's den?” You sneer and get into a defensive position, and he tilts his head and stares you before a smirk paints his pink petal lips. 

He couldn't help but find your defensive position adorable, you were no real threat. And if this was a different circumstance, he would teach you how to properly defend and fight, hell might even be proud of it. But you were the queen, and he was a mere knight. 

And you had run away. He thought solemnly, and he knew the hell that was waiting upon your arrival back at the palace.

“You,” His back straightened at the tone of your voice. “You are no better than my jailers, doing their bidding. Does it give you a thrill? To be the one to find the defiant queen and hand her to the king for the slaughter?” The smirk is wiped off his lips, and he looks at you with an unreadable expression. A dark silence passes by as he takes in your words, shame filling him to the brim; he holds your eyes as he mulls them over.

He hums softly and looks at the sky, his black mane shields his eyes away from you. He looks at you before allowing his facade to fall. The facade he holds around everyone. The mask he has especially with you.

“You know, I could have stopped you before you stepped outside to the stables. Before you left your room or when you grabbed that satchel.” He whispers and you stare at him in disbelief, he knew this entire time? You watched him under cautious eyes, asking silently what his motives could be. “Yet, here you are, outside the palace roaming the land.” He continues to look at you like you were a wounded deer, ready to bolt when the opportunity shows itself. 

“Why?” You say in a raspy voice, not believing him for a moment. He was the king’s longest friend, his most trusted knight. It makes no sense to you why he would allow you to leave and not warn Yunho, you were wary of his intentions.

Call it weakness. Jungkook thought to himself, wanting you to roam and have some type of freedom that you so desperately need. Call me weak for you.

Gods, he wanted to yell it, he wanted to show you, he wanted everything that you had to give. But he couldn't have it, no matter what he shouted or showed through his actions. It wasn't his to claim, nothing was in this life.

Instead he swallowed his love and shrugged softly before looking away from you to look around for guards. He was tempted, to let you leave and to allow you the life that you wanted. But he knew, he knew what he would do if he allowed you to leave. You were right about one thing, you would have been hunted and presented to slaughter if this went on any longer. If he allowed you to leave. What awaited you would be nothing compared to what would happen if you actually escaped and started a life of your own. Call him selfish, he needed you safe over your dreams and longing. At least that way he would be able to watch over you and not have to stand and watch the inevitable. He would not do that, he couldn't bare it. 

You crumbled, looking at the ground wishing it would swallow you up and spit you on the other side of the earth. You couldn't take it anymore, this sad, grey life that you led. To be helpless against the whole world, against Yunho. You let go of the last bit of strength and looked at Jungkook with tear-filled eyes, his own eyes betray him, they show the agony he feels for you. The hopelessness of the situation, the imminent result of this.

“Please,” You whisper as tears drop from your eyes and look at him in the eye, your vision blurring. “Please, I can't go back to that cage. I will not say you saw me, and I didn't see you. Just give me that small chance to get the hell away.” You were desperate, you had never been so close, it was on your fingertips. Barely there.

He sucks in a breath and brings his hands to his face, the sorrow too evident in his eyes and face. He could not allow you to see it, for then you would know. And there were things he needed to keep to himself, he could not let you know where his heart was and how tightly you had it clutched in your dainty littles hands; how it was bleeding at this very moment. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice cracks at the end, enough to have you brought out of your moment of despair to look at him. “But I can't, and you know I could not. If I were to it would be worse, and I can't allow that. Please.” He took a slow step to you and held his hand out for yours, waiting and pleading with his eyes.

You stare at his eyes, they were like pools full of emotion. How had you never seen them? They were full of emotions swirling, asking to be let out. They were on full display for the world to see, for you to see. How had you never noticed them? So full that there was no possible way he could hide it.

But his duty as a knight, was to be composed, trained to remain stoic and calm-headed. Just as his father trained him, drilled into him, made him.

But you aren’t calm headed! 

He screamed to himself, wanting nothing more than to run out of the throne room, maybe with you flung over his shoulders as he ran. Either way, he could not bare the circumstances and tension seeping through the cold room.

Yunho finally whips his head to you before striding towards your small figure, he loomed over you. Eyes held a sadistic light, anger, betrayal, maybe even a little bit of hurt. But like always, when you seem something human in him, he tries to squash it along with your hope. He lets the anger win.

A slap sounds and echoes through the room, your maids silently cry at the sight of him backhanding you. Lucia holds a hand to her mouth muffling a sob, though you can’t see her she tries to be strong for the other maids and for you. You don’t realize what he had just done to you, until your ears start to ring and you taste copper at the corner of your lip. He was careful not to let his rings cut through your skin. No no no, he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t leave a mark that would be questioned later by his lords, he could not let them have a clue on how little control he had over you.

Your hand comes to soothe the cheek as your tongue wipes the blood from your lip, you look into his eyes as his chest heaves and he looks almost animalistic. He does not move away from you, in fact he leans closer to you and you smell the liquor on his breath. Typical. 

“How many times will you fail your duty?” He blares before grabbing your shoulders and pulls you close to him, you feel his chest rise up and down as he glares at you with so much malice. Gods, he was always so angry.. and for the life of you, you could not understand why? 

For a second, you wonder, what it would’ve been like to be with his brother, who was the actual heir before he was killed. What would he have been like? Would he have loved you properly? Could he have been a person worthy of loving and would he have made you feel full and free? The prince was known to have been courageous and humbling. But could he have been when he had such a monster of a brother? You could not imagine, but then you think of their father, a sweet man, almost reminding of your own father. How could he have such a sadistic son? 

“___! Answer me damn it all!” He shakes you while you thrash against him, you were no match for strength. He shakes you like a doll, and you push on his shoulders. Everyone stares in horror as he pushes you against the wall and grabs your jaw, you stop fighting him and for the first time in the few pitiful years you’ve been married to him you feel fear pool into your limbs. You go still.

All that is heard is heavy breathing from you both as you are forced to stare at him in the eye, he tightens his hold on you. You refuse to make a sound, despite being scared shitless, you will not give him the satisfaction.

Jungkook watches hopelessly, tears pooled into his eyes and he willed himself to hold them back. He felt shame, anger, his fingers flexed on the handle. For a moment, just a moment, he contemplated what it would feel like to see the king’s head roll. To see the blood drip from his sword and to pull you away from the scene and this life, but like always, his duty won over will. He felt shame, so deep in his gut that it made it impossible for him to continue to watch the scene.

“Can you not see the worry you have caused, darling?” He spits out, eyes never straying from you as he brought his face closer, his breath fanning on your lips. You allow him to hold you there, no longer wanting to poke the bear. He has always yelled at you, but this was the first time he ever laid a hand on you. The very thought of him doing it again and no one stopping him sent a shiver down your body. 

“Forgive me, my love, I see how much trouble I have cause. I was not thinking of you, and it was selfish. Please forgive me.” You glare at him but keep your tone light, finally bring your hand over the wrist of the hand that was holding your face in place. He stares at you before an amused smile paints his lips. He finally pushes your face away and lets you go before walking back to the table that was left unturned. He leans on it and turns to you, eyes filled with a dark gleam and a promise.

“It’s okay sweetheart, of course I forgive you. You just caused so much worry in the castle. But I wouldn’t want you or anyone getting hurt looking for you, or do we? Your poor maids, among others, were so worried, it does not seem fair to do that to them. Does it?” He smiles coldly at you, ice pools into your limbs, your heart both sinks and stops. Your maids let out a sob, clutching each other, you turn and a tear escapes you. You could not let innocents be hurt because of your selfishness, your want of something. Maybe it was just never meant to be yours.

Others?

Who else would be harmed? Your eyes zone onto Jungkook, his posture was tense and his knuckles turned white clutching his sword. He refused to meet your eyes, and it dawned on you. He would be harmed as well, for being your bodyguard and having failed to make sure you stayed where you were told. Your stomach dropped as you look at your husband in horror, he smirks at your obvious fear. You walk towards him in slow steps, keeping your eyes on Jungkook, whereas he starts to turn to his side with his head hung low.

He felt nothing but shame, and grief, it churned in his stomach as he took in what was happening in front of him. He saw as you got close to your husband and grabbed his hand, his eyes went to your delicate hand and how much he longed to hold it in his own.

“Of course, I understand. It won’t happen again darling, please forgive me.” He sees you reach up to give him a kiss, and that’s where he could not bare to see it anymore. He turned slowly and walked towards the throne to await the king’s orders. He took his time, dreading having to turn again to see you pulled against the body of his king, the man who was once his friend a long time ago. 

You pull your eyes away from Yunho to glance at your bodyguard, the man you tried so desperately to get him to run away with you. His back faced you, tense as he walked slowly, but it did nothing to stop your longing. Of what? You were not sure, you just knew you craved, pined. His shoulders were tense, square and tired.

You close your eyes, you’ve never felt so alone.

What felt like weeks turned out to be days, you were sent to your chambers and could not step a foot out without many soldiers following your every move. Keeping their distance, but watching you with disdain. It was understanding, they could be found at fault for your actions. That's how the sadistic king would have it.

Their life, or your own.

So you have been in your chambers, that was the only place you didn’t have them watching you. Only your maids and your main bodyguard were allowed in.

Jungkook.

He had yet to come in the four days you were holed up, counting the time and days since that terrible event.

Unknowing to you, he had never left the doors side other than to go to the Yunho’s war chambers. After he would go straight to standing outside, full of agony and self-hatred deep in his bones. He was ashamed of how little he could do to protect you, next to nothing. He could not face you, to see you so caged and a bruise painted the faintest pink on your cheek. It made his blood boil and be filled with shame at the same time, always at turmoil with itself. Neither side giving in to the other, he was in hell in himself.

He walked slowly back from the war chamber, he stopped at his room to take a quick shower. He hadn’t been able to relax himself enough to give himself the luxury, he was always on edge leaving you alone with the other soldiers that had no loyalty ties to you. They did not have it for the king either, but they obeyed out of fear, and a scared man was dangerous.

He pulls his shirt off slowly, it sticks to him from the sweat that drenched the simple tunic. He walked slowly to the mirror and inspected the cut right under his eye, still red and angry. It added to the collection of his scars, accompanying the long faded on a little below on his cheek. Where his father disciplined him for speaking for anything other than his duties as a knight, the one time he spoke on his selfish reasons when he was younger. 

It straightened him out.

He lets the water fall on his broad shoulders, etched by the gods themselves. He knew he was a looker, by the way the maids and diplomat’s wives would silence themselves as he walked in. Sure his bed was warmed by another at times, including some of those wives, but it had never fulfilled the longing.

You, however, you looked at him almost so sinfully while keeping your face stoic, composed. He got a semi-hard at that very moment, you molten eyes heavy on him and it allowed him to see how pleasing to the eye he was for you. It had been the first time you had come to the kingdom from your own.

The ball was on full swing, you were the center of attention as the king at the time, Yunho’s father, announced your wedding to be. Many people scrutinized you to see what your worth as being the future queen, many men impressed and many women envious. You stood alone, waiting for the prince, the person you were betrothed to, to come and find you. You felt so lonely, and like a ray of light, two men appeared to be walking towards you. 

Both dressed very well, and your eyes drew to the handsome man with a stoic face, but it did nothing to take away from his beauty. He was exquisite, in a burgundy shirt and pants the color of soft vanilla. His hair wavy and parted to the side, showing his strong forehead. His neck long and adorned with silver, a little bit of collarbone peeking through his shirt. Gods, he was downright sinful looking. His veiny hands with a single ring, they were long and elegant. For a moment, you dreamed of what they feel like to have them curled in your heat. A pair of beautiful hands instead of your own, bringing you to  the edge of what would be euphoria. You blushed as they stopped in front of you, his dark coffee filled eyes found yours. You remained stoic even as the your slick juices wet your panties, your chest slightly rising more than normal.

He kept his eyes on you as he gave you a silent bow, eyes smouldering and so so sinful.

“Your highness, it is a pleasure to meet you, I present the crowned prince of the kingdom, Yunho. It is a honor to meet you.” His velvet voice exudes confidence and demanded attention to the god of the man. You finally looked to the prince and a twinge of disappointment passed through you, but you pulled a sweet smile onto your face. 

“It is a pleasure to meet my future bride and queen, the honor is mine.” He grabbed your hand and gave it a small kiss before letting it go and giving you a sweet smile. 

Despite the disappointment you felt, you had vowed to yourself to give the marriage all your effort. You just wish you felt something even remotely close to how you felt when you looked at the beautiful man next to him.

He groaned as he remembered the lustful gaze you watched him with, it made him proud, to be the man you got flustered over. It gave him a sliver of pride to see you had met his eyes before the prince himself. 

He turned the water to the cold temperature on, trying to get rid of the blood flow that is going straight to his cock. It was you, just the mere thoughts of you brought him the greatest orgasms. Right now, he couldn’t afford to give in to his temptations, he had to get back to you. To keep a watchful eye on you.

He walked out of the shower and started to put a new pair of clothes on, he brushed his hair back away with his fingers and grabbed his sword and strapped it to his waist. He made his way slowly to the opposite side of the castle with long quick strides. As he rounded the hallway, there were no guards posted at near the room. Dread pooled into his stomach as he looked around, fearing the worst.

Had you tried to escape again? Damn it all. He started running towards the throne room before he looked outside the window and saw you squaring on a soldier outside of your gardens. He started striding that was quickly to try to de escalate the situation.

  You were so tired of looking at the same walls, you wanted to feel the winds in your hair. Maybe there was one other place you could be alone. You started for the doors and pushed past the soldiers stationed outside, knowing they will follow you outside.

You walked through the doors leading outside trying to walked a few feet in front of the soldiers, fighting to get to your destination. You were finally at the edge of the garden when the soldier grabbed your arm, he did not grab it hard just enough for you to stop and started walking in stride with you. You yank your hand away and turn to him, he looked uncomfortable and out of place watching you.

“Leave at once, I want to be alone and I do not want to have to tell you again. Must I remind you that you are not allowed in this garden” You order, squaring your shoulder at him to look at him in the eye.

He looked around with uncertainty swimming in his pupils as he looked around for guidance. He was weighing his options. “Your grace, we have been ordered to-” 

“I have given you a order!” You roar, he slightly shrinks back at the sound of your voice, looking at the ground. You remind them of who their queen is, strong and filled with fire, ruthless when need be. Your words laid heavy on the air, weighing down and the soldiers held their breath. The soldier next to you watched you, each one of you scrutinizing the other, ready to pounce.

“Stand down, we know the rules. We are not to enter this area, I will stand guard. I guarantee she will be brought back to the castle.. or it will be my head.” Jungkook orders, his honeyed voice reaching your ear drums, you turn your head to him but he is looking at his fellow soldiers. It broke the tension in the air.. and in you.

The soldiers relax, leaving one by one leaving you and Jungkook alone in a heavy silence. You were at battle with yourself, feeling both at ease and unease in his presence after what had happened merely a few days ago.

His posture was rigid, leaving the air around them strained, it left you aching. You withheld the urge to reach for him, for someone you have finally seen other than your maids and other soldiers. He avoids looking at you, instead he watched the solders walk back into the castle.

“Jungkook-”

“Please, your highness, continue with your walk through your garden. I will make sure you are not disturbed.” He turned and bowed, his long mane shielding his eyes from you, to shield you from his shame and agony. As he came back to stand at his intimidating height, your eyes fell on the deep cut under his eye. You reach for his elbow and pull him deep into the garden.

Once far in you let him go and turn to face him, “My gods, Jungkook! What happened to your eye, did you get it taken care of?” You pull his face into your hands and bring him low for you to inspect it. He flinches at your soft hands drawing circles under it.

He pulls away as if burned, stepping away to lean on a tree bark. Jungkook contemplated whether he should tell you or keep it buried. He watches you as you slowly bring your hands down from where they held him, he held back the ache and longing of going back to where you held him so softly. He was waging war in himself, but your eyes plead him so softly. He could never help himself when it came to you.

Hell, he’s gone against enemies and never showed mercy. You, however, were a different story, he never won against you. He leans back and watches you lazily, “His majesty hit me and his ring cut me after I suggested something that was not my place.” He murmurs while keeping his eyes at the scenery behind you to keep from conveying his emotions in front of you. He laughs bitterly and stares at the grass beneath his feet. “It was my own stupidity, your highness. If you would please excuse me, I will be waiting for you at the edge.” He bowed and started to turn reluctantly towards the entrance.

He had to leave, soon. His control over himself was waning, his emotions spilling like an overflowed glass, slowly dripping over the edges. If he wasn’t careful, it would be too hard to return back to his neutral state. He had a duty, he had a role. Anything beyond that was not his in this world. Not you, not these feelings that felt ready to spill at any given moment. He was finding it hard to breathe around you lately without wanting to pull you in his embrace, give you everything you deserved. It was completely selfish of him, because in the end, he was nothing but a knight. Who held no power. And could never give you what you wanted and needed.

Hysteria filled your body seeing him turn and leave, maybe it was the fact that you had not seen anyone other than your maids and some guards, but you couldn’t face seeing him leave after what has happened.

You pull his sleeve to stop him, he halts but does not turn to face you. You fight the tears pooling at the edge of your eyes, you fight the need to beg him to stay. To keep you company in this fucked up moment and the days before. But you feel resentment as well, resenting him for showing face in the few days that followed after the incident. He left the maids and other soldiers to clean the mess that was left by the king afterwards. Like always.

“Please,” you let out shakily, closing your eyes trying to collect yourself to save some dignity. “Stay, sir Jeon.” You let go of his sleeve slowly, frightened he would take the opportunity to dash out and leave you to pick yourself up from the rejection from his as well. 

He turned slowly, eyes searching your own. The emotions stripped naked and bare for you to see come undone in those doe, honeyed eyes. All of it, tumbled down and crumbling into nothing. His facade, his barriers and walls, cracked and crumbled until all that was left was his bare, naked feelings. He was tired of it all, fighting against himself, he was exhausted.

You flinched and recoiled a little, pants coming out quickly as you held his unyielding eyes. So much swirling in those beautiful eyes, what color was brown anyway?

You slowly brought your hand to his face, careful of the deep cut under his eye. This time he made no move to escape, he closed his eye and gave in.

Just this once, Jungkook. His heart whispered softly, letting it echo and melt away his fears and he nudged into your hand softly. He knew how he felt, it vibrated in every single one of his bones. And deep down, he knew what you felt, he felt how your eyes unconsciously looked and followed him. He knew what you felt, even if you had yet come to complete realization of what you had for him.

“You know,’ he whispered while keeping his eyes on yours “He was not always like this, the king. There was a time where he would’ve given his life for anyone. He saved me, made me what I am, but he was thrown into this. The crown was never his-”

You hummed and caressed his cheek slowly before bringing your forehead to his and exhaling shakily. You did not care to think of the king. You just wanted to feel and breathe him in. Take everything you could, the things you deprived yourself of because of how hard you fought to never give in.

Just this once. You wanted to feel, wanted to know what it was like. To want and be wanted by another with so much warmth and fever.

“Jungkook, this is where we are. There are no excuses you can make, no matter if he saved you. He is who he is.” 

A bitter laugh passed through his lips, fanning across your own. He reached up and held your face in his hands, giving up whatever fight he had left in him to stop this. To keep himself from getting a little bit of what he wanted.

“I suppose you’re right, __” He murmured your name so softly. Without honorifics, without some dreaded title in front of it. His soft tone pooled in your stomach and you thanked the gods for gifting you the name you were endowed.

He held you close, not pushing his limit. Not going for anything more, because then he would not be able to pull himself back from free falling into it all.