For all those monstrous muses out there! Be cautious if you’re not comfortable with mentions of body horror, blood, and violence. There is also plenty of cursing in this meme. Special thanks to @vriisket for helping me come up with a lot of these!
“I, uh… I’m having a hard time believing you’re anything close to human.”
“Hey! Wanna see me shove a tentacle through someone’s eye socket?”
“I’m pretty sure human anatomy doesn’t work that way, but okay!”
“Oh, shit, dude! Nice horns! Can I touch them?”
“Have you come to destroy reality as I know it, or are you a benevolent kind of monstrosity?”
“What the FUCK is going on with your face?”
“Y’know what? I’m not even going to ask about all of the eyes.”
“How do you go to the bathroom?”
“Do those teeth serve ANY purpose?”
“Is that slime acidic?”
“If I touch you, will I die?”
“Dude! You can’t just go around, smashing your enemies into walls with those… those… Whatever those are!”
“I can devour my enemies whole, and I will.”
“Are… Are those…? Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“If I promise to worship you as the new all-powerful divine ruler of our worthless dimension, will you let me live?”
“Swear your loyalty to me, and you might just survive the end of the world.”
“Back in my home dimension, we used to eat planets and stars for fun!”
“Have you ever had to pick out the bony remains of some poor human who dared to question your authority from your teeth?”
“You’ve got me scared to even disagree with you on simple things, dude. Put those claws away!”
“Do you know what a shower is?”
“I eat hearts. Literally.”
“And what sort of unspeakable horror have I upset this time?”
“Do you melt when in direct contact with water?”
“Whoa! …Lovecraft would be proud.”
“Did I step into an H.R. Giger exhibit?”
“I don’t think I would really mind if you took over our world! I mean, you look pretty cool, and I don’t think you could do any worse than our current world leaders.”
“So… do you bleed? Like, at all?”
“I am sufficiently horrified and all you did was move three feet.”
“My blood looks like a rainbow!”
“Are you, perhaps, related to Cthulhu?”
“I’ve got several tusks here with your name on all of them.”
“I was born from human agony.”
“What? Did you think I would shift forms to look more like one of your species? Please!”
“Wait, so… You can shapeshift?”
“Why do you only have one eye?”
“That is some weird blood ya got there. Why isn’t it red?”
“Are you able to see more colors than humans?”
“Oh, shit! I didn’t think that stupid summoning spell would actually work!”
“How long have you been watching me from the shadows?”
“Please don’t eat me! I don’t have any nutritional value!”
“Do you know the secrets of the universe? If so, can you teach them to me?”
“I NEVER want to encounter you when you’re mad EVER again! That was disturbing on SO MANY levels!”
“Morality is stupid, and so are you if you think I’m gonna abide by human morals.”
“Okay, like… This question has been bothering me a lot lately. Do you eat people? Is that rude to ask?”
“WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY MOUTHS? WHAT’S THE POINT?!”
“I’m starting to think releasing you from your ancient prison was a mistake.”
“The more arms you have, the more hugs you can give! Right? Right?? That’s… That’s why you have so many arms, right?”
“Please eat our president. We don’t like him.”
“No, no, no! NO! I am SO not ready for another monster war!”
“Look what I can do with my hands!”
“Are all of those eyes really necessary? Like, really?”
“How did you fit through the door?”
“Are emotions just a human thing? Do you feel emotions?”
“That’s species-ist, pal.”
“It’s called aflehiba, but you humans wouldn’t understand.”
“From one monster to another… What the fuck?”
“FUCK OFF, JOHN! YOU’RE NOT EVEN TASTY!”
“Would it hurt you if I cut off one of your legs?”
“YOU FOOL! YOU’VE SUMMONED THE GREAT- are those marshmallows?”
“Aww, yeah! Monster party!”
“I never thought anyone could be the living embodiment of every paradox and optical illusion in existence until I met you. So, from the bottom of my heart, I just want to say… Go fuck yourself.”
“So does… does that always do that?”
“Humans and their stupid concepts of ‘good’ and ‘evil.’ Don’t they understand that their lifespans are too short to care about morals?”
“How long do you live? And how long is that in years?”
“Look… I know you’re not Satan, but, uh… Not today, Satan.”
“I accept you as our new god! …Please don’t eat me.”
“Not all monsters are bad, kiddo. I just happen to be one of the worst ones in existence!”
“What’s the deal with deals? Why do you want to make them so badly?”
“Nah, buddy! I don’t do contracts. My guardian always told me never to trust weird eldritch horrors offering contracts in dark, abandoned alley ways.”
“Can you even die?”
“Is that a tooth or a claw?”
“Can you tell me the exact time and date of my death?”
“I could kill you right now. I really could! So don’t test me.”
