WARNING: light angst, idiots in love, cringe behavior.
The author's native language isn't English. Sorry for any possible mistakes.
SUMMARY: A girl has been texting a mysterious online friend for months, unaware that the stranger who keeps staring at her on the bus every morning is the same person.
Seoul was suffocating from the heat. The July air was thick and sticky, like syrup, and even the shadows cast by the high-rise buildings offered no escape from the scorching heat. The bus, crawling through the morning streets of Hongdae, reeked of sweat, fried oil, and strangers perfume. The air conditioning was barely working, and the only relief came from the open windows, through which hot wind blew in, but it only stirred the stale air without bringing any coolness.
Y/N sat by the window somewhere in the back. Headphones in her ears played some indie playlist, but she barely heard it. All her attention was fixed on her phone screen. She gripped it so tightly her knuckles turned white.
She was texting him. The one she only knew as @.matchaa_minto. They'd met six months ago in a fandom chat. First, funny memes, then long late-night conversations, then it became something she couldn't go a day without. Moka. That's what she called him, was the perfect conversationalist. He understood her from half a word, listened attentively without interrupting, to her complaints about professors and sleepless nights over term papers. He knew she was afraid of thunderstorms, that her favorite cartoon was "Adventure Time" and that she dyed her hair purple because she'd once bought that dye by accident and fell in love with the reflection in the mirror. And he wrote her things that made everything inside her turn upside down.
Yesterday, she was complaining about another pointless art history test, and he wrote:
@.matchaa_minto: "You know, you're like a warm light in a window, visible from afar. Just thinking about you warms my heart. You simply exist, and that's enough to make my day better."
She reread that message about twenty times. Her heart was pounding at an incredible speed. She wanted to reply with something witty, but instead, it came out..
@.Y/N: "You're too sweet. You're gonna give me diabetes lmao"
@.matchaa_minto: "You're the one who makes me this way."
And at that moment, sitting in that stuffy, fume-filled bus, she realized it for good. She was head over heels in love with a person she'd never seen. With a face she'd made up herself.In the real world, on that same bus, there was another person..Moka. The real Moka. Y/N saw her every day. Every morning, exactly at 8:10 AM, she'd get on the bus at the Hongdae station stop. Small, with dark hair tied in a messy ponytail, and huge eyes that were always fixed on the floor. She always looked tired, as if she hadn't slept in days. Sometimes there were dark circles under her eyes, and Y/N knew it was because of training. Everyone knew trainees live in hell. But that wasn't the point. The point was that Moka was constantly staring at her. Every morning. Every single day. She'd sit in the seat next to her if it was free, or stand nearby if it wasn't. And she'd stare. Without looking away. So intently, so intensely, that Y/N would get goosebumps running down her spine. And they weren't the kind of goosebumps you get from pleasant excitement. They were goosebumps of fear and irritation. She felt like she was under a microscope, like an exhibit in a museum. And that gaze... it was too heavy for such a fragile-looking girl. It was terrifying.
One day, Y/N, unable to take it anymore, called her friend on the bus and, without any shame, said loudly enough for Moka to definitely hear:
"Can you imagine, this weird girl is staring at me again. She's such a creep. She just stands there and gawks at me like I'm an alien. It makes me so uncomfortable. What does she even want from me?!"
She said it on purpose. She wanted Moka to hear and stop this whole circus. She heard.
Moka blushed deeply and, turning to the window, stopped looking at her. But her glances, thrown furtively, were full of bewilderment and confusion. This irritated Y/N even more. The only place where Y/N could breathe freely was her phone. Her correspondence with @.matchaa_minto.
Today was a special day. The day she'd been waiting for three whole months. They'd agreed to meet. Matchaa_minto had written to her yesterday:
@.matchaa_minto: "Hey, Y/N? I want to meet. Let's meet tomorrow at six. At that coffee shop near your university. I'll be waiting. Please come."
And she agreed without hesitation, because she wanted it more than anything in the world. She wanted to see him.
Y/N spent a long time choosing what to wear. She settled on a light blue dress that matched her purple hair perfectly. She wanted to look perfect.
That day on the bus, Moka was staring at her with particular desperation. As if she wanted to say something but couldn't. As if she was deciding something for herself... Y/N caught her gaze and demonstratively turned away to the window. "Idiot," she thought to herself.
The coffee shop was small but very cozy. The smell of freshly ground coffee mixed with the aroma of vanilla and pastries. Y/N loved this place and visited it daily.She arrived ten minutes early. Her heart was pounding like crazy. She nervously fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, pacing back and forth in front of the entrance, peeking through the windows. And then she saw Moka. The girl was sitting at a table by the window. She wore a plain white t-shirt and jeans. Her hair was down, falling in soft waves over her shoulders. She was staring blankly at one spot and nervously twisting a paper napkin in her hands. Two cups of caramel latte sat on the table.
Y/N froze. Suddenly, the world around her collapsed.She couldn't believe her eyes. It was her. MOKA FOR GOD'S SAKE. And she was Matchaa_minto. Her gentle, understanding, perfect internet friend.She walked into the coffee shop. The door chime jingled, announcing her arrival. Moka looked up and their eyes met. Y/N saw Moka go pale. Saw the despair in her eyes. She tried to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat.
"Y/N..." Moka breathed out. It wasn't a question.
"It's you?" Y/N's voice trembled. "Matchaa_minto? It's you?"
Moka was silent. She just looked at her with such pain, such pleading, that Y/N's insides dropped. And then she understood. All these months. All the warm words. All the "good nights." All the confessions. All of it was said by her. The one she was afraid of. The one she ran from every morning. But she loved her! She loved her words. She loved her soul. She'd fallen in love with a person she'd never seen, and now that person was trapped in the body of that same "creep" from the bus.
"No" Y/N whispered, backing away. "No, not you. Please. Anyone but you." She turned and ran out of the coffee shop, nearly knocking over a waiter. She ran down the street, not looking where she was going, tears streaming down her cheeks, smearing her mascara. She ran until she had no strength left. She ducked into some alley, crouched down against a wall, and sobbed out loud.
Moka remained sitting at the table. She stared at the cooling lattes and felt the world shatter into a million pieces. She wanted to run after her. To scream that it wasn't like that. That she was afraid of her down to her very bones because she was too beautiful. But the girl just sat there in silence. She knew she'd ruined everything.
At home, Y/N locked herself in her room, collapsed onto her bed, and cried into her pillow. She hated Moka. If she were the Moka Y/N knew, she would have fallen in love with her at first sight. She was already in love. But this fear... this disgust... they overshadowed everything.
Her phone vibrated. She picked it up, sobbing.
@.matchaa_minto: "Y/N, please. Let me explain. You misunderstood everything..."
@.matchaa_minto: "I was just terribly shy. I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't know how to approach you. You're too beautiful, Y/N. I was afraid you'd push me away."
@.matchaa_minto: "Please don't leave. You're my whole world. I don't want to lose you. I... I won't survive this."
She read it and threw her phone against the wall. A minute later, she picked it up, checked if the screen was cracked, and, still sobbing, started typing.
@.Y/N: "You're an idiot! You're just a damn idiot! How could you stay silent?! Did you think I'd guess?! Did you think I'm a psychic?! I thought you were the one!"
@.Y/N: "I hate you! I HATE YOU!"
@.Y/N: "You have no idea what I'm feeling!"
She was typing. Again and again and again.
@.matchaa_minto: "You're right. I'm an idiot. I should have told you. But I couldn't. I was scared. I know how stupid that sounds... I was afraid you'd see me and be disappointed. That I wouldn't be like I am online. I ruined everything myself. I'm truly sorry. Please, Y/N, let me make it right. Give me a chance."
@.matchaa_minto: "Please..."
Y/N stared at the screen. The tears had dried, leaving salty trails on her face. She felt emptiness in her heart. She loved Moka. She truly loved her. And she hated her. She walked to the mirror, looked at her tear-streaked face, and realized she didn't want to lose her. She wanted to give her a chance. She wanted to understand. She wanted to try.
She sat back on the bed and picked up her phone. Her fingers were trembling.
@.Y/N: "You know what. Tomorrow. At eight in the morning. At our stop. You'll walk me to the coffee shop and buy. Me. A caramel. Latte. And, maybe, I'll forgive you. Maybe. If you stop being an idiot and be the Moka I know. Just don't you dare hide behind a screen."
@.matchaa_minto: "Okay! You have no idea how happy I am. Good night, Y/N."
Y/N put her phone on the nightstand, turned on her side, and closed her eyes. Tomorrow would be a new day. And, perhaps, everything would work out. She desperately wanted to believe it, because, despite the pain, despite the resentment, she still loved her.
GUYS U CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT MY NEW WORK WILL BE ABOUT... Maybe I'll break my promises.. but I'll try not to do that.
While I was writing this work, Weezer's Go Away was playing in my head. I think it fits haha
Requests are open and you can ask me to write something!