is anyone there at all?

“Tree trimming and pizza? You know the way to my heart! I’m Nicolette by the way,”

“I know, I’m a regular ladies man. ‘s Nice to meet you, Nicolette. My name’s Sutter. And I’m a complete Christmas enthusiast, if you couldn’t tell.”

“What ever make you happy darling, I suppose. Even if it’ll cost ya… Might you need some help decorating all these trees?”

“Trees. Christmas trees make me happy. Money well spent, honestly. I wanna get every minute of use of these trees, so I can’t waste a day on not having one. Help, yea, probably. Is this you volunteering? Decorating sessions come with free pizza, if that persuades you.” 

“You do you. Don’t worry about what others deem ‘too early’. You’ll probably get one cheaper now than last minute, too, because people won’t have a choice but to buy them no matter how expensive they are when they’ve waited too long, so they’ll raise the prices.”

“That’s my logic, too. I’ll get it for a steal, and I mean, I’m gonna buy multiple this season anyway so I might as well get my money’s worth.”

“Hell yeah. I would rock the fuck out of those little turkey hats. But I won’t ride you too hard over the tree if you wrap a special present up for me. That seems pretty fair right?”

“Seriously? Great, I hope you’re not joking because I’m legit about to head out to buy us a pair. Honestly, you can ride me however you want. Whoa, wait, whoa. That came out wrong. I think I owe you a gift just for that alone.”

“I mean… it’s not even Thanksgiving but, hey. You do you.”

“I like to be ahead of the game. Besides, stores already have their Christmas stuff up, so like, if I buy now I get them at great prices. This is really all just smart shopping if you think about it.”

“I hate Christmas.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Life is a test, man. You’ve always got to be on your feet and ready for anything.  MacDaddy, hm? I’ll take it. Or I could give you my actual name but only if you give me yours.”

“That was deep, dude. I mean, I’ll call you MacDaddy if you want, we just might get looked at weird. People might think it’s a new kink. You know, like the whole Daddy kink. Only MacDaddy. That’s a level up. Deal, my name’s Sutter.”

“Oh yes. I told you it was nasty.. “”A health inspector isn;t going to do anything about two people getting it on in a portapotty, who does that?”

“I dunno, dude! Maybe the health inspector will come and shut the porto-potty down? That’s sick. I’m grossed out and that doesn’t happen often. I feel like we gotta’ do something. Maybe we should put an ‘out of service’ sign on it so no one goes in there. It could be contaminated.”

“I don’t think so, I’ve already started putting up Christmas lights everywhere.”

“Hell yea, that’s what I’m talking about. I feel like you’re gonna be my biggest rival in the Christmas decoration showdown. I think we should make a wager, here and now.”

“Juta  tad, it might go dry!”

“That’s why you buy multiple. Which I’m so down for, I fucking love Christmas Trees. Sorry, was that too intense? Honestly, I just love Christmas.”

“… you pass the test. And I’m sure your Charlie Brown MacGyver tree was absolutely adorable. If we’re comparing, though, I’m pretty sure I’ve been saving the planet since I was born – as in my birth saved the planet.”

“Nice, nice. I didn’t know I was being put to a test, I’m impressed by myself. Oh? Dude that was slick as fuck. What’s your name? MacDaddy? Was that weird of me to say? I dunno, man, you seem way too smooth.”

“Well that probably counts. Maybe if you threw some like turkey decorations or something on the tree it could pass for not being too eager.”

“Target has those turkey hats for like.. a dollar, I’d be down to wear one for a few outings to justify my tree obsession. If I bought you one, would you wear it too? We could be the Turkey-Two.”

“The home shopping network? If you want a tree this early, that’s where you’ll find one. But if you’re looking for an actual tree, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a while.”

“I was definitely looking for at least one real tree. I’d be down to get a few fake ones to put up in every room of the house, though. I wanna go all out this year. Just wait until you see pictures of my front lawn.”

“It’s much too soon for that shit.”

“You think? I mean, what about having multiple trees throughout the months of November and December? The more the merrier, you know?”

“What do you think? Would you feel right having a Christmas tree before it’s even Thanksgiving?”

“Hell yea, dude. Is that even a real question? I was asking in the hopes of getting an answer that would make me feel like I wasn’t the only one ready to smell pine needles.”

“They really came out of that portapotty together, mate. I wish I was lying.”

“Oh no. Oh my -- wh -- I think... I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. That can’t be sanitary. Should.. Should we call someone? Like the health inspector?”