in bloom

I used to have this irresistible sex appeal and now i don’t want anyone to touch me. I’ll lay in bed for an hour every night trying to cum before i give up and cry from frustration. How am i supposed to ever keep someone interested if i can’t offer sex? It used to be all i was. It’s all everyone wants me for. Now I’m useless

I desperately want a companion but every time i gain the confidence to hang out with someone it ends with them trying to stick their tongue down my throat and put their hands all over me. I panic and i leave their place or i hide in the bathroom until they take the hint and leave my apartment. It’s so beyond fucked up that I’m this dysfunctional and i can’t even let someone put their hands on me without feeling physically sick

I can’t figure it out. And i can’t afford therapy anymore. $300 a month out of pocket and i feel like it was going nowhere. I think i need to get off my medication. I just want to be who i used to be. I want to feel wanted and beautiful instead of a broken, pathetic girl that nobody wants