Jilljillybean

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You will be remembered as a hero. ________

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Damian: your ears are infected, i'm going to have to put soy sauce in your ear canal to stop it from spreading.

Tim, hasn't slept in three days and drank nothing but whiskey for the past 24 hours: ...shit and that works?

Damian, completely seriously: yes. it's a natural disinfectant.

Tim: ....huh.

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Tim: so will it need stitches?

Damian, looking over a minor stab wound in the cave: no stitches, but i need to perform a mobility check to see if any muscles have been damaged.

Tim: what do i have to do for that?

Damian: standard procedure is trying to walk on your hands while blindfolded.

Tim: ...

Tim: seriously?

Damian: yes. but don't worry. I'll definitely make sure you don't go down the stairs.

Tim:

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Damian: a clear case of syphilis. i can prescribe you some anal medication to help with healing.

Tim, dead inside: it's a papercut, Damian.

Damian: i'm sorry, are YOU a doctor?

you play it while walking around with friends and if you see something and don't know what it is or wonder why its there, you stop and point and say Hey What Is That Thing. and everyone speculates about it. googling it is allowed but preferably after spending several minutes guessing or asking a passerby about it

weird structures, ambiguous signs, unfamiliar car modifications, anything that you can't immediately understand its function. eight times out of ten, someone in the group actually knows, and now you know!

a few examples from me and my friends the past few weeks: "why is there a piece of plywood sticking out of that pond in a way that looks intentional?" (its a ramp so squirrels that fall in to the pond can climb out) • "my boss keeps insisting i take a vacation of nine days or more, thats so specific" (you work at a bank, banks make employees take vacation in long chunks so if youre stealing or committing fraud, itll be more obvious) • "why does this brick wall have random wooden blocks in it" (theres actually several reasons why this could be but we asked and it was so you could nail stuff to the wall) • "most of these old factories we drive past have tinted windows, was that just for style?" (fun fact the factory owners realized that blue light keeps people awake, much like screen light does now, so they tinted the windows blue to keep workers alert and make them work longer hours)

Trevor Noah has a great tip, that when he craves ice cream at night he breaks it down into parts: I want something cold, I want something sweet. He drinks a glass of cold water then waits to see if he still has the ice cream craving. Usually he doesn’t.

So listening to your body isn’t “follow every urge” but “decompose the urge to discover the underlying need.”

If you always feel like getting cozy in bed you may be: cold, dehydrated, and/or malnourished (maybe a need for high calories that are bioaccessible…not processed).

If you do not feel tired at bedtime you may: need to eat dinner earlier because your body is still digesting, need to exercise or go outside more during the day, get the fuck off your screen for an hour so your brain can enter sleep mode.

Hope this helps someone.