The Blepping Labrapotamus: A Field Guide.
The Blepping Labrapotamus (scientific name: Canis Moochus Gianormous) is a rare and fascinating species that roams the fields and back roads outside of Newberg, Oregon.
Although DNA tests are inconclusive, scientists theorize that the Blepping Labrapotamus is the descendant of an ancient Yellow Labrador/Hippopotamus hybrid, hence its name.
A gregarious and totally non-aggressive creature possessing long legs and a warm, wet tongue as big as a carwash sponge, the Blepping Labrapotamus uses its 6â reach to place its saucer-sized paws upon the shoulders of the UPS drivers from whom it extracts biscuits. The target of its affections, although completely unharmed, will typically be left with a mud-encrusted uniform, a face coated with slobber the consistency of clear Jello, and a coat pocket completely emptied of Milk Bones.
The Blepping Labrapotamus possesses speed and endurance that belies its enormous size, waddling gait and rotund girth. It will not hesitate to swim rivers, cross vineyards, and cover great distances in its pursuit of UPS trucks and their cargo of biscuits. It also possesses a unique survival instinct known as the âbegging faceâ that, combined with a heart-rending whimper, will elicit sympathy from even the most cynical of prey by fooling them into thinking that it is neglected and malnourished when in fact the exact opposite is true!
By Scott Hodges in Newberg, Oregon
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