Big Bad Wolf.
Writer: M Warnings: None part one |part two |part three|
It's been weeks since you last saw Dean, your wounds were healing nicely, the stitches coming out tomorrow, the worst thing you've gone through now was the itchiness from them. You and Sam were best buddies now, you felt closer to him than ever before, but you couldn't hide the hurt or betrayal when you heard another voice in the bunker that haunted your head and your dreams. There you stood at the entrance of the filing room, listening to the conversation with tears and fears coming back.
"Dean, I know you're in there." you heard Sam call out, his voice low but full of hurt.
"Oh, Sammy, this is me now. There's no changing that." Dean grinned, you knew he knew you were listening. He knew you were on the other side of that makeshift bookshelf that was holding empty filing boxes.
You heard Sam laugh as if it was a joke to him, "We'll see about that." Dean grunted but you had no idea why. You didn't hear punches hit. You stood there at the doorway, trying to figure out what Sam did to hurt Dean, then it hit you. Sam was trying to cure Dean. You gulped, backing away from the door then running to another room just to get away. Sam curing Dean? You both have tried to test it, both failing miserably at it. You stopped at the entrance to the study room, grabbing a chair to compose yourself from the fight or flight response that was boiling in you.
"Y/N. You're awake." You yelped in surprise, turning around to face who spoke to you.
"Sam. Uh, yeah." Sam stared at you, his head tilted to one side, you smiled weakly at him. You felt shaky, you felt betrayed. How could he bring him back here? How could Sam do this to you?
"Why would you bring him here and not tell me?" You whispered, turning back around to grab the chair. Tears sprung to your eyes, remembering the pain you went through with him. Sam sighed, walking closer to you. You gripped the chair, turning your knuckles white.
"Y/N, he's my brother. I have to save him."Â
You whipped around again to stare at the tall man, hot tears falling on your cheeks, "And you didn't tell me? Why?!" It came out as a yell rather than a question. Sam knew you were hurt, he knew you were scared. Your body shook in fear, from the quiet sobs that left you, feeling Sam wrap his arms around you, you couldn't help but melt into him.
"I'm sorry. I should've told you. Cas and I are trying to fix him." You missed Dean, you loved Dean, but the hurt and the pain he delivered to you made you hate him. You were scared of him, "We've been doing this for a few weeks." Sam continued.
A few weeks? You've been out of the hospital for a few weeks. You pushed him away softly, staring at him, "Did you... go back and get him... the day I was in the hospital?" You accused. You couldn't believe it happened any other way, you refused to. It didn't add up if he didn't. Sam was quiet, only a sigh came out as he stared you.
"Unbelievable." You huffed. Your feelings were everywhere, but right now you were pissed. Angry. You wanted to hit Sam for not telling you Dean was here. You had to leave, you needed to get away from him before you actually did hurt him. "I'm leaving." Sam's face fell. You stormed off to your room to pack your things. Where were you going? You had no one, and the only ones you did know were all kinds of messed up right now and you wanted no part of it when one lies to you.
"Y/N, wait-" Sam grabbed your arm to stop you, which only caused you to pull your arm out of his grasp, turning to look at him. Anger. Pure white anger was pouring out of you. No way you were staying. No amount of puppy eyes is going to stop you.
"No, Sam, you lied to me! Someone that physically and emotionally hurt me, is here! Under the same roof as me. And you brought him here?! You knew what he did to me, you found me!" You lifted your shirt to show your scars, still itchy, wincing when a stitch got hung on your shirt. "I'm still healing, Sam!" You put your shirt back down, and marched off. You didn't want to hear his response to that. You knew he fucked up, as did he. ------------------------------ You spent a couple weeks living in motels and in cars, checking your stitches. Living in cars and cheap motels wasn't all it was cracked up to be. You spent time thinking of how you left Sam to deal with his fucked up brother. You spent time thinking if you were Sam how you would've done the same for your brother, if you had any. You spent time thinking of what you went through, you had to get through before you went back. You had to come to terms with your pain before going back.
You were brought back to Earth as your phone rang. Sam. He's been calling what felt like everyday since you left. It wasn't everyday. It was only a couple times for a couple days. He gave up when you answered, drunk, and told him how you felt. Pissed off you didn't care about whose feelings your hurt. It needed to be said. You sighed, flicking the phone open to hear only a "He's human again." ------------------------------- Here you sat, Sam and Dean in front of you, you could hear the song. You could hear Dean singing to you. You could feel the blade digging into your skin. You winced, touching your stitches.
"Y/N.." Dean whispered. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, fear his eyes would turn black. Fear this was a joke and he wasn't human again, he wasn't himself. "I'm so sorry for the pain I did to you. I wasn't me." His attempt to rest his hand on yours was a mistake on his end. You pulled away much too fast, for either of you to understand. He knew he hurt you. He knew he fucked up. He knew all these things and wanted to fix it. You were scared to even look at him, to even be in the same room as him. You looked at Sam through your lashes. He was watching you with worry, sadness. Stuck between people he loves, his brother and a friend. He knew where you stood and how you felt, but he also knew how sorry Dean was to you.
"Please, let me fix this." Dean whispered again, pulling his hand back towards him. No words would come out. You had nothing to say. Speechless. What could you say? Oh, it's okay Dean, I totally understand! My trauma is all false! You couldn't justify that.Â
You inhaled. Finally you looked up at them both, first at Sam for some reassurance. He nodded. You exhaled. "Dean, I understand completely." You felt guilty. You felt like you just broke your own trust. You did understand, but you were scared. "I understand the mark did this to you. I understand it wasn't your choice to go dark, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm scared of you." You reached to touch your stitches on your stomach.Â
"I know, and I can't change that. I don't know how to fix this, but I'm trying." He meant it. You looked up at him and you knew he meant it. You stood out of your chair, staring at both of them as they stared at you with confusion. You wanted to show Dean the marks he gave you because he loved you. It was a mess of a situation. You didn't want to find out if he still had those same feelings, but demons do hold some truth to their words. You had to ask.
"Dean.." you hesitated, worried you couldn't let the words come out, you stared at Sam biting your lip waiting for some kind of courage to hit you, "Do you love me?â
It was quiet. He stared at you, his eyes burning. He knew what happened, he knew what he felt and what he said. He knows and you know it. You asked it again, this time with more aggression, you needed the answer. Sam sighed, watching the situation unfold in front of him. You couldn't look away from Dean.
"I-" he laughed, he didn't know how to answer, "Yes." You felt your body go cold with that. He was telling the truth. You felt your heart skip a beat, just for the fact that it's Dean saying he do love you. Sam quietly left the room. You felt the courage you had leave your body.Â
"Why would you do this?" you whispered through tears. You had pain to work through, he had issues to work through. You lifted your shirt to show what you meant, showing him the stitches on the front of you.
"Y/N.. I can feel your blood drip off my fingers every time I look at you, every time I look at my hands. I can't fix that, I can only ignore it. It burns me. I can feel the anger I had when I did that, I can hear your screams and that eats me up. Let me try to fix this with you. This is between me and you. Let us fix this." Dean, now standing up, begged for mercy. Begging for your forgiveness and you knew he meant it. You choked back a sob. You trusted Dean, you trusted Dean then and you still trust him now, whether that makes you stupid or not, you couldn't decide.Â
"Fine. Let's fix it." You didn't want to discuss what you feel when your daydreaming about what happened, you didn't want to discuss the night terrors that would wake you up, drenched in sweat and Sam running in because he heard you screaming.
Dean smiled his sweet smile, he knew nothing romantic would come out of this anytime soon, or at all. He didn't hold onto that hope, but he was happy to fix it with you. To fix the damages he had done to you and Sam. Sam was easier to forgive Dean, that's his brother after all. You, on the other hand, needed time, but you were willing to fix the issues you had at hand with him.












