Super Isaiah

I don't do a lot of poetry but I just have been working on this for a bit. It uses gendered terminology to express the experience because I didn't want to make the poem explicitly abolitionist, I want anyone who has experienced what it's like to not fit the roles placed on them to be able to understand the poem.

- Thank you ^^

- I've never worn my dresses to church as I try to avoid being too controversial, church is a place for Jesus it's not about me so I'm okay not being too fem there, that said i post the outfits I do wear to church, usually a bow in my hair and long cardigans of pastel colors, and I get compliments at church from many folks there! I'm sure a decent chunk wouldn't mind skirts/dresses but for the few that would I opt not to, cause church isn't the place for me to push to hard against social convention.

- Sometimes, and as I've mentioned before, when someone calls me ma'am/she etc. I enjoy it because due to culture's effect on my brain, I subconsciously associate female-gendered terminology as meaning pretty, soft, nurturing, etc. So, it's less that I have gender identification as a woman (again, gender nihilist here) and more that it feels like they're complimenting me lol.

- Well I'm a caregiver so i do laundry/dishes/cleaning/etc. all the time for work, but I also do that stuff at home oftentimes (even though most of those are my sisters chores). Ideally I would like to be a stay at home parent & homemaker someday.

It is what it is, thanks though.

I have admitted it in the past, and I freely will again. Yeah it would be nice if I was the opposite sex, I wouldn't have to deal with any of the crap I deal with now for being the way I am as a male... Such as these asks.

The thing is I don't believe in/support gender. I just want to be myself and not engage in that system.

I relate way more to the description of Pisces than I do to the description of Aquarius (the star sign of my birthdate)... But why would I go and change my star sign to identify as Pisces if I think astrology is bullcrap to begin with?

Yes I relate way more to the social construct of "girl" than the social construct of "boy" but if I think that's all bullcrap anyway, why would I bother? Why pretend I have some deep innate "gender identity" when instead I can just be honest and say I don't do that.

I'm not going to deny or get defensive about this subject, I'm an open book here. I don't feel like I need to hide anything about my experience of gender.

What you folks ultimately have to realize is that this isn't a "she's a trans girl and doesn't realize it yet" situation. I'm well aware that, and don't deny that, if I agreed with y'all's beliefs on gender, I'd consider myself a girl within that. But I don't agree with your view on gender. To me, gender is arbitrary and physiological sex is real but unimportant. I'm not giving either any more room in my life than they've already taken due to me having to exist in gendered society

I will always support you folks having the right to call yourself whatever you want but you need to accept that I just don't do gender identity. For me, identity is just identity.

And even if it would make socializing easier I'm not gonna pretend I have some internal sense of gender when I don't.

Like I don’t necessarily agree with EVERYTHING you say but good god im sorry you have to deal with this bullshit

Message from a fellow gnc guy

Never agree with everything someone says. If you can't find anything you disagree with someone on, there's a problem lol

Never said they were, they just make me happy and feel like I'm expressing myself! If they were something that was universally seen as "good" everyone would would be wearing it, and that'd be boring.

I'd rather express myself and how I enjoy looking, having joy and confidence dressing how I want to dress, than look "good".

I'd rather smile in some cheesy dress & blouse I found at goodwill than frown in some stunning high quality suit or other outfit that isn't me.

I also don't have a ton of money, and finding stuff that are styles I enjoy that fit me is tough, so most of my outfits are at the mercy of what I can find in thrift stores.

- "so masculine that you're confident enough to wear a dress!" (No thanks I'm not feminine to be masculine lol)

- femboy/"sissy" fetish (oh boy, being objectified and treated like my femininity is a gimmick or degrading, on top of the creepy sexualization)

- "trans girl in denial" (way to patronize and try to invalidate my entire life perspective and feelings regarding gender)

It's like, needing to acknowledge and appreciate the role these games have had in my life, but be holding on loose enough that it won't destroy me if things go in an unideal direction for me

this is kind of turning into a vent but while i really think most of the stuff for galsei is being misinterpreted (voucher scene especially -- blue and pink are kris' colors, trans flag is blue pink and white) i am worried that toby might see the fandom's hype over it and think "oh yeah... yeah this is a good idea!!!" ugh i hope it doesn't happen. it's a punch in the face for me too

The thing is, subtext-wise, I understand why Ralsei's arc resonates so much with trans folks because I myself deal with pretty intense gender dysphoria (it's much easier now that I'm not suppressing my interests outside when I'm around my dad) and it's been a very similar experience to Ralsei's arc in many ways.

But I think some people are confusing a character being highly relatable to trans folks as proof that that character must be trans. Plus as mentioned the character is just as relatable to people like me for the same reasons.

Obviously I think fan artists have the right to do what they want in that regard it just sucks for me it's like a punch in the face. It's like "here's the character that made you feel okay about wearing dresses and expressing fem as a male dressed in your favorite kind of princess dresses. Oh btw the character is a girl in this art".

It's like, a character being so perfectly resonant with the feelings and experience of your soul but then it's like 'actually you don't get to feel that way since you're not identifying as a woman'. If I wanted a girl character to relate to I'd watch Tangled lol. (or really, any story with a feminine girl that has audhd vibes)

I just came across your blog while scrolling through the Ralsei tag!

I totally get where you're coming from with your feelings about trans Ralsei- people are giving you a hard time over nothing, looks like! You're clearly very respectful towards everyone and are happy when they're happy...

Anyway, I myself am SUPER happy at the prospect of trans Ralsei being a thing, but I also would find myself somewhat sad if it ended up being so binary in execution. I want Ralsei, ideally, to be someone who's more genderfluid/gender ambivalent in execution with this arc, ultimately feeling free to call themselves whatever they want at any given time, and wear whatever they want at any given time with both treated with a similar lack of gravity to trying on different hats... but we'll just have to see, I suppose!

But although I obviously can't speak to all of your experiences as though they are my own, I just wanted to say I relate to and was emotionally moved by your posts about how gender is treated in an ideal world. I identify myself as non-binary for convenience, but I am often sad that we are all imprisoned in a world of "2 main genders and 3rd other gender" mentality. I'm tired of being made aware of my otherness every time I am around others- cis or otherwise. I just want to exist as me and be defined by more than my physicality, but we're in a world where people boil us down to our appearance out of convenience. Heck, half of the time (and since I was a child- I never grew out of it!) I wish I was just a cute or cool non-human creature thing, like Ralsei! I just don't have interest in this gender stuff outside of subverting it at any given opportunity, and feel like I'll always be trapped in my body by merit of knowing how I'm perceived by everyone around me who's also trapped in this gender-endorsing world. The idea that people are genuinely empowered by their gender at times is a wild concept to me- I emotionally can't fathom it, but I'm happy for them when they attempt to explain it to me, I suppose. I only feel empowered when I am away from any gendered situation and am able to feel like something else entirely.

Sorry for rambling- keep on being you, whatever that is! I don't care- I just care about your personhood! I wish everyone else also didn't care, but I suppose we can't have power over that, despite how much sense it'd make, huh? :')

I love your pretty dresses! Take care!

People give me a hard time because I am admittedly often annoying about my special interests. Speaking of being annoying about interests, here's my biggest issue with gender fluid Ralsei: Do you know how how people often imagine/depict it?

They'll depict it as Ralsei in a butler outfit = "boy Ralsei", Ralsei in dress = "girl Ralsei".

Seems kind of neo-gender essentialist, no?

Not trying to disrespect your view on it. I'm just saying that's why I don't like it. And also why I don't like a lot of this stuff, because even if the theory has other evidence, it feels like ultimately there is this sense of "dresses and feminine expression are for girls" that come along with it.

That's really my perspective on social gender as a whole lol. It all feels really reductive to the human experience. It feels like a harmful system, honestly.

Anyway I agree with wanting to be non-human. It's a common thing for autistic people lol. I want to be either a sheep, a bunny, or a sea slug. Perhaps a sea bunny.

I appreciate you being chill. While I won't ever be considering myself through the lens of gender identity, I can understand why people do cause it would make social engagement easier.