????????

“damn” is such a simple, but appropriate way to sum it up, right? too little too late.

idk... I really liked him. It was amazing to hang out again, and connect, and laugh like we did. i remember i kept thinking “this is why i had such a big crush on him” and when he asked me to smoke with him, i kind of thought he was fucking with me. it didn’t hit me immediately, when he said he had a girlfriend. i knew. i think the “agreement” is probably bullshit he uses to justify himself. it doesn’t sound healthy, but who am I to judge? was kinda what I thought in the moment.

at my core, my animalistic fucking desire is to yell at my ex. it’s all i want to do, at any given moment. i don’t want to work things out, even. i don’t want to explain things and talk like adults. i literally just want to scream at him. all the time. today, while sick and still drunk from last night and in pain an in self-hatred mode, ALL i can think about is how much i want to yell at him.

I made shepards pie tonight

My heart is pounding..... tonight is probably The Night.

I just........... i'm having a hard time.