All Was Well

Biden is a 4-month-old Golden Retriever named after the former vice president. His owner Sidney took him to the Capitol to see Joe Biden give a speech.

“As soon as he saw the dog during his speech, he pointed at the dog, tapped his friend and then started like cracking up. Right towards the end, I kind of signaled him, and he gave me a wink to come over,” Sydney said.

“When I told him his name was Biden, his face lit up and he started kissing the dog, which is like exactly what I expected Joe Biden would do”

Open call for a comic artist posted to a social media community. Not a joke post. This guy was dead serious, and screamed at me when I pointed out all the problems with his “contract” offer. $30 for two years of open-ended work. 

Then it hit me the implication of what this meant; Magneto, the Jewish survivor of the Holocaust (unless I’ve really messed up my Marvel lore), joining the Nazi organization.

Pro hockey player and former NHLer Paul Bissonnette is taking aim at transphobia by cutting ties with a “hockey lifestyle clothing” company after it made a pretty unbelievable misstep on Twitter. According to sources, Sauce Hockey on Monday tweeted something that referred to Pittsburgh Penguin Sidney Crosby as transgender and trying to get into a locker room. Lovely.

So we just got back from toysrus and guess what we found?

So there was a lot of misinformation, and just a huge lack of the nitty gritty stuff, when I was in school and I see a lot of young kids on forums asking if something is normal or worrying about stuff and adults who have wondered their whole lives if other people feel the same on their periods. 

Here’s some stuff about periods people might not talk about;

It can smell. But using scented pads isn’t a great idea, the chemicals in the perfume cause irritation. But here’s the thing; vaginas smell. All of them. All the time. Right now. YOU notice the smell because it’s literally part of you, but other people don’t. If it’s a foul smell and very strong you should speak with a gynecologist, but the average day-to-day odor is normal and doesn’t mean you’re dirty. 

Diarrhea all day every day.

 Or, alternately, constipation all day every day. 

ALSO alternatively, a healthy mix of both sprinkled randomly across the days of your period like too much nutmeg where no one asked nutmeg to be. 

Your first period might not look like a period at first. It might look, well, brown, and lead you to other conclusions about what’s going on in your skivvies. Then it might not come again the next month and show up on a totally different week when it does. Mine came like A LOT. It was very heavy and I bled through a pair of jeans in the middle of school it was so heavy. I didn’t know what it was and thought I was bleeding from my butt because my liar teacher said a period would only be a ‘tablespoon’. Tablespoon of lies. 

At some point your probably going to stain the back of the toilet seat with blood. That doesn’t mean your bleeding too much, or that your dirty, but it’s a tid bit of information I wish I knew as a kid so I could have known to look for it when using public restrooms or at friend’s houses. 

Period farts. 

Having sex on your period isn’t gross or dirty or wrong. Put an old towel down on the bed and have at it.

The feelings you have on your period are entirely valid and not imagined or unimportant because of your period. Whether or not your feelings are heightened by PMS they are still your feelings and should be respected. 

The ‘average’ period is anywhere from 3-10 days with any variation in flow. You shouldn’t be concerned because your period isn’t the same as your friends is, only if it changes from what’s average for you. There isn’t such a thing as a ‘normal period’ you need to fit into.

If you wear a disposable pad there will be a point where it’s going to unstick at some corner and when you pull it off it’s going to pull some of your pubic hair with it. This is going to suck. I am very sorry. 

If you wear a tampon there is going to be a point you will squeeze it out of yourself when you use the bathroom. Just change your tampon each time you go. Please listen to me on this. 

Swamp butt.

You will get blood stained thighs at some point. It’s going to cake onto your skin and make a mess just everywhere. 

The cashier doesn’t care about you buying pads/tampons/etc, they just had a guy buy 4 pounds of carrots, a box of Xtra Large ribbed condoms and cherry scented lube. Your pads are not on their radar of things to care about.

Washing Your Junk:

When you shower (if you want a bath i’d shower before hand or dont wash in the bath itself and shower after to get clean) remember you are not actually washing inside of your vagina, you’re washing the skin around it (labia, clitoris, all those good bits). Using a soft wash cloth with either very mild unscented soap or just warm water.  Seriously, stop putting washing products inside yourself; You do not need to wash the inside of your vagina and doing so can cause infections. Unless given products by your doctor there is no need to douche or use creams or wipes or other stuff like that. They’re lies sold to you to make you think you smell bad. 

 You know how your parents said ‘wipe front to back’?Same with washing, you don’t want to drag butt germs all over your vagina. Don’t do it. 

Some people find that trimming, or shaving, their pubic hair helps them control odor, or makes wearing sanitary products more comfortable, but it isn’t required and is personal preference with different individuals. There is no health benefit to shaving or trimming your pubic hair and it will not make you cleaner than if you didn’t shave. 

Wearing light breathable cotton undies during your period will help eliminate odor and not give you swamp butt. Especially in the summer. 

Washing after sex is a great idea and not just because it’s romantic. If you’ve ever had period sex before you will k n o w but if you have not I am going to just ask you to take my word for it and plan a shower afterwards.