forestgh0st

Chapter .24

Raegan watched as James held the test in his hands, his eyes scanning the result. Her heart pounded with anticipation, fearing what the outcome might be. The room felt heavy with tension, and she braced herself for what she was about to hear.

He turned to her. His mouth twitched as he thought of what to say. "Positive," he spoke simply.

Positive... Unable to bear the weight of the news, Raegan fell to her knees, her trembling hand releasing the glass of champagne, its contents spilling onto the floor. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision as a wave of emotions crashed over her. The reality of the situation hit hard, and her sobs escaped, uncontrollable and raw.

In that moment, James swiftly moved to her side, lowering himself to the floor and holding her in his arms. He cradled her gently, providing a safe haven amidst the chaos of her emotions. She leaned into his embrace, seeking solace and reassurance in his presence. As Raegan wept, James laid the test down, recognizing that there were no words that could alleviate the overwhelming feelings.

Raegan's voice trembled as she spoke the word she had feared and expected: "Positive." The weight of the situation settled upon them both, and James held her tighter, providing a sense of security amidst the swirling emotions.

With a mix of concern and curiosity, James asked, "What do you want to do?" His voice was gentle, his eyes searching hers for guidance.

Her gaze shifted towards the spilled glass of champagne, a symbol of their shattered hopes and dreams.

.....The sound of a blasting car horn woke her up as she laid sprawled out on the couch. On James' couch. Had she passed out from the news? She glanced around. No. No she didn't. It was a dream. An awful ultra-realistic nightmare to be exact.

The rekindled romance, the passionate moments—they were nothing but a cruel illusion. She bit her lip. She would have preferred to deal with the unwanted pregnancy than wake-up with nothing resolved.

She tossed the blanket off of her. The smell of James lingered on her borrowed clothes. It hurt more than it did before she got here.

"Morning," James greeted with a smile as he emerged from his bedroom, his messy blonde locks falling over his face just like in her dream. However, the dark circles under his eyes hinted at a restless night, mirroring Raegan's own unease.

     Raegan let out a sigh, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "I feel like I've already done this," she confessed.

A furrow formed on James' brow. "Is something bothering you?"

She shrugged. "I just had a dream where everything was okay. We'd done the hard part of opening up and I was—" she paused. He didn't need to know that part of the dream. "But now nothing has changed and it just kind of sucks again."

"Yeah, you kept me awake with your sleep talking," he laughed. "I assumed you were having a fairly in depth dream."

Raegan nodded. "How much did you hear?"

James laughed, "not much. You mumbled a lot. I was trying to eavesdrop but it wasn't easy."

"So," Raegan wrapped the blanket around herself again. "Where do we go from here?"

James sat beside her, his head resting on her shoulder. "Tell me about your dream," he suggested. "Maybe it'll help."

"I told you about Harry," she explained. "That he was like another Julian. How he degraded me last night and you comforted me and it just felt so easy. I guess it was too good to be true. Or too easy to be true."

   "How did I comfort you?" He asked. "So I can do it again."

"You held me tight making me feel safe and you listened," Raegan answered.

      James wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her close to him. "Now tell me. What did that Harry bastard do?"

Raegan couldn't help but laugh. "This is weird."

    "Tell me. I'm listening!" James matched her laughter.

"He held me in front of a mirror, naked and degraded my self-worth," Raegan confessed. "It was a moment where I felt completely exposed and vulnerable. And maybe, in his twisted mind, he justified it because you became a topic during... you know."

      "Now it's getting juicy," James teased, trying to keep the mood light.

Raegan's gaze softened, appreciating his effort to lighten the mood. "He had a quick temper. Each time he lashed out, he would later express regret, but it never stopped him from repeating the cycle."

"Thank you for telling me," James mumbled into her neck. "And for technically doing it twice."

     "I was pregnant in my dream too," she confessed, her voice carrying a hint of vulnerability.

James sat up abruptly, his eyes widening with surprise. "Was it mine?" he asked.

     Raegan chuckled softly, shaking her head. "No, it was Harry's," she clarified. "And trust me, it wasn't a pleasant experience. I had a meltdown over it. That part definitely made me grateful it was just a dream."

James's expression softened as he processed her words. "Because it was Harry's or do you not want kids altogether?" he inquired.

         Raegan took a moment to gather her thoughts before answering honestly. "To be completely honest, I have never wanted children, regardless of the father."

           "I'm not much for having kids either," James admitted. "It would be way too much work! Is there a reason you don't?"

"My parents," she admitted. "I guess we're opening up again," she laughed.

James held her closer again.

         "My parents weren't great role models when it came to parenting. My dad an obvious example. Having an affair and leaving, taking his favourite kid with him. I was too much for him. We never got on. He's probably the reason I used to chase men like him. Abusive and manipulative."

Raegan breathed out, feeling James squeeze her arm. "I thought it would be better once he left. Compared to him, I saw my mother as this angel. And maybe she was always just trying her best but-"

"But what?" James asked.

    "She became jealous of me. Any success I had she would undermine because she could never get herself together after the divorce. I was like a mirror of what could have been for her and she hated that.

She can be so kind but she can be so evil and cunning. I honestly grew up finding her more terrifying than my dad and she never even laid a hand on me."

"Can I ask about Sam?" James questioned, bringing up her younger sister.

       "We were close. We rarely argued or anything. But during my relationship with Julian, she always took his side when I tried to seek help. Maybe she thought it was normal living with dad but I resent her so much for it," she explained. "They're still close, her and Julian. My mum jokes about them getting married but it's not a joke when it's such a possibility. I'm fairly certain he slept with her when we were together."

    "Your mum told me she didn't know why you no longer spoke to Sam. I guess that was a lie," James said.

Raegan shrugged, leaning into James. "There's a chance she's still somewhat oblivious."

    "Ask me something," James suggested. "Anything about me that you want to know."

"Any shitty relationships? I mean aside for being dumped for Mr Bean," she couldn't help but laugh.

        James shook his head. "No, I've been fairly fortunate. Just wasn't right or career conflicts mostly. Maybe when I was in high school I had a slightly toxic relationship," he admitted. "When I started my first band I started dating this girl Alice and she was a little possessive but nothing too bad."

"You have to have some mess. Come on don't let me be the only train wreck," Raegan pleaded.

   "Okay, I had this friend..." he paused, "we'll call him Derek."

"Oh come on now, do I not even get a name after I told you about my childhood trauma?" Raegan questioned teasingly.

        "Fine, Mark," James rolled his eyes at her. "Do you also need a last name?"

"Maybe."

"Mark Chint," James shook his head. "Bloody Mark Chint. He was a dickhead that Mark Chint." James glanced at Raegan for a reaction. "He became my friend when I started getting noticed and sort of took advantage of that. Kind of made me feel shitty if I didn't take him places or spend my money on him. When I dropped him as a friend he tried to ruin my career but I think he got bored and stopped."

      "I've definitely had people in my life like that," Raegan sighed. "Fuck that Mark Chint!"

"Please don't fuck him," James teased. "I feel jealous enough that you slept with Harry."

"Really?" Raegan laughed. "Oh come on. It's not like you and Cassie—"

      James shook his head. "No, we didn't go all the way. We kept things casual, and she was seeing other people at the time anyway. I didn't want to use her like that."

"Now I feel guilty," Raegan frowned.

"Slut," James smirked.

“Oh shut up,” Raegan laughed.

James playfully tackled Raegan onto the couch, their laughter filling the room as they relished in the joy of being back in this familiar moment. But the atmosphere shifted as James gazed down at her, his expression turning serious.

"I've replayed that moment in the hospital countless times during these past few months," James confessed, his voice filled with sincerity. "I imagined all the different ways it could have unfolded."

Raegan's laughter faded, replaced by a gentle smile as she caressed his cheek. "It doesn't matter anymore," she reassured him, her touch conveying her affection and understanding.

"I even considered asking you to marry me," James continued, his voice tinged with a mix of vulnerability and determination. "You know, one of those scenarios where I felt the weight of almost losing you in the accident, and I couldn't bear the thought of not being your husband."

Raegan's eyes widened, a playful glint in her gaze. "You better not be about to propose to me, Acaster!"

James chuckled, his smirk dancing across his face. "I like it when you call me Acaster. But no," he said, sitting up and disentangling himself from their playful embrace. "Not right now. But one day. For now, I think we should take it slow. Get back into what we had.”

Chapter .23

Raegan sat down, clothed in James' favourite yellow sweater and a pair of his shorts. She grabbed the throw blanket that was draped over the couch and threw it over herself.

      James handed her a plate with a cinnamon roll sitting on top. As she took it, be sat beside her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Thank you," she smiled as she took a large bite.

            "Can I ask why you decided to turn up at my doorstep at one in the morning?" James asked, his voice laced with light-hearted laughter.

"Cassie," she answered.

      "Cassie?"

"She came by my house," she spoke. She paused for a moment. "I'm not sure how she got my address actually. But she told me to go to you and I tried to stop myself but everything in my mind told me to do what she says."

       "I'm glad," he smiled.

"Yeah," she took another bite. "Me too."

          As the night grew later, Raegan found herself lying on the couch, desperately trying to fall asleep. Despite James being in the other room, Harry's hurtful words continued to haunt her, weighing heavily on her mind. She felt mentally drained and overwhelmed by the lingering impact of their toxic fight.

          She contemplated whether she should venture into James' room. It had been seven long months since they had last shared a bed together. Things were different now. Uncertainty and hesitation filled her mind as she tossed the blanket over her head, seeking refuge from the moonlight that mercilessly kept her awake.

Beneath the blanket, the familiar scent of James filled her nose. It was a comforting scent. Like a blend of fresh linen with hints of something sweet. As she breathed it in she realised that despite the passage of time, Raegan was still deeply, undeniably in love with him.

     She mustered up the courage and quietly left the couch behind, leaving the blanket sprawled over its arm. Her footsteps led her to the open bedroom where James lay, seemingly asleep.

"James?" she whispered, hoping to catch a glimmer of wakefulness in his eyes.

Slowly, he stirred, his tousled blonde curls messily falling over his forehead. "Is everything alright?" he mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep.

With a reassuring nod, Raegan expressed her inner turmoil. "I just... I don't want to be alone right now. Can I...?" Her words trailed off, uncertainty lingering in the air as she gazed at his serene face. "You can say no."

            A gentle smile curved James' lips. "You don't have to ask. I did offer you the bed in the first place," he chuckled. "Come on," he beckoned, opening up the bedding for her to join him.

Raegan hesitated for a moment before she climbed into the bed beside James. As she settled in, finding comfort in the warmth of the covers, she felt his arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her closer.

            "James," she whispered, her voice laced with vulnerability, "do you... Do you think I'm disgusting?"

He was taken aback by the question, his eyes searching hers for understanding. "Why would you say something like that?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

Raegan took a deep breath. "Earlier tonight," she began, her voice barely above a whisper, "something happened with Harry. "We were..." she paused looking up at him. "We were, you know..." she paused again. "In the midst you came up. Specifically a text from you."

James smirked finding a little amusement in it.

"He freaked out and sort of lost it. There were a lot of things said but I can't get one particular part out if my head," she explained.

James held her tighter in his arms, "what?"

"He..." she bit her lip, attempting to hold back tears. "He held me in front of the mirror naked telling me this was my naked truth and that I'm disgusting and let people..." she couldn't even finish her sentence. Simply going silent.

           James held Raegan gently. As tears streamed down her face, he wiped them away with his thumb.

"Raegan, you are not disgusting," he said. "You are the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on, inside and out." His face inched closer to her's. His breath hitting her cheek. "And those seven months...," James continued, "There's a reason you were in my thoughts all that time, even when we were apart. It's because I care about you deeply, Raegan. You mean more to me than you could ever imagine."

  "I wish you never left. I wish I never let you," Raegan sobbed.

"I wish I never left you too," James confessed, his voice filled with regret. "Leaving was the biggest mistake I ever made, and I've regretted it every day since. I was lost without you, Raegan."

Morning arrived with a soft glow filtering through the curtains, casting a warm hue over the room. Raegan slowly stirred from her slumber, her face nuzzled against James' bare chest. As her eyes fluttered open, a gentle smile formed on her lips.

"Morning," James greeted, his voice still heavy with sleep. He tenderly stroked her hair, savoring the moment of tranquility.

Raegan giggled, the sound filling the air with a touch of lightness. The world felt different with James by her side, as if their connection had the power to heal the wounds of the past.

However, as the sweetness of the morning embraced them, Raegan's stomach suddenly churned, and a wave of nausea overwhelmed her. She broke away from James' embrace, her hand covering her mouth as she hurriedly made her way to the bathroom.

James joined her in the bathroom, tenderly holding her hair back as she hunched over the toilet. Concern lined his face as he watched her, his voice filled with worry.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle yet filled with genuine concern.

Raegan mustered a weak smile and shrugged, trying to downplay her discomfort. "I feel fine now, just a momentary blip, I suppose. Probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed," she replied, her voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty. She settled on the bathroom floor, reaching up to flush the toilet and regain some semblance of normalcy. "Sorry for interrupting the moment like this."

James couldn't help but smile. He chuckled softly and replied, "Well, you did disrupt the moment a little bit." He crouched down next to her. "But seriously, are you sure you're okay?."

"Mm," Raegan hummed softly, her fingers absently fiddling with the hem of James' sweater that she was wearing. However, her carefree expression quickly shifted to one of worry. Her face went pale, her eyes widening with a sudden realization. "Oh god," she gasped, her voice filled with apprehension. "I..."

James gently stroked her hair as he waited for her to continue.

Raegan turned towards him, burying her face in his arm. Her voice trembled with a mixture of fear and urgency. "Pinch me and tell me I'm having a bad dream, please," she pleaded.

"I thought getting back together would be considered a good dream," James teased.

"James..." her voice trembled with seriousness.

"What?"

Raegan took a deep breath, mustering the courage to share her fears. She lifted her head from his arm, her eyes locking with his. "I threw up yesterday morning too, and... I'm late."

James gazed into Raegan's eyes, his searching gaze filled with concern and curiosity. "I... I don't know what to say," he stammered, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and uncertainty. "You're... pregnant?"

Raegan's reaction was immediate. "Please, don't say that word again," she pleaded, her voice tinged with unease. She wrapped her arms around her legs, drawing herself into a protective embrace. "It's not a good thing," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

James felt a pang of worry as he watched her withdraw into herself. "Hey, hey," he whispered soothingly. "It's going to be okay. We'll figure this out."

Raegan glanced up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "I don't want kids," she confessed, her voice laced with vulnerability. "I don't know what to do."

James remained by her side, his touch offering a comforting reassurance. "You don't have to have a kid," James spoke softly. "You have options."

She nodded, "I know. I just didn't want to ever be in this position."

"It's Harry's?" James asked.

She nodded again, "yeah. More reason not to."

"Well," James breathed out. "Let's start by getting you a pregnancy test, then we can go from there."

"One day and I have more baggage," Raegan laughed, trying to find the humour in the situation.

"You're just so damn complicated Raegan," James matched her laughter.

Raegan kept her head down as they entered the chemist, her steps heavy with a mix of anxiety and shame. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was a situation she had never wanted or anticipated. Her mind raced with thoughts of judgment and disappointment, both from others and from herself.

James walked by her side. He reached out and gently squeezed her hand, offering reassurance without saying a word.

Inside the chemist, Raegan felt the weight of her unease intensify as she discreetly made her way to the family planning aisle. Avoiding eye contact with other shoppers, she silently selected a pregnancy test from the shelf, her fingers trembling slightly as she held onto the small box.

With a deep breath, Raegan approached the cashier, her gaze still averted, aware of the judgment she feared might be lingering in the stranger's eyes.

"Just this one, miss?" the cashier asked.

Raegan nodded, pulling out her credit card. As she went to hand it to her, James stepped in, taking charge and handing the cashier a twenty-pound note. "It's okay. I'll pay," he said.

As they left the chemist, Raegan clutched the paper bag containing the test. She was silently praying that it would be negative. She hated that she was so careless.

"We can go back to mine or yours?" James asked, his voice filled with gentle concern. "Wherever you feel most comfortable."

Raegan shrugged, her uncertainty evident. "Mine, I guess."

James wrapped his arm around her. "Everything will be okay whatever it says. If it's negative we can celebrate with your favourite champagne and if its positive we can drink our sorrows away with that same champagne and call a clinic to sort it out."

A faint smile appeared on Raegan's face, appreciating his attempt to lighten the heaviness of the situation. "Champagne sounds good," she replied softly. The thought of savouring a glass of bubbly, whether in celebration or solace, provided a small glimmer of hope amidst the uncertainty.

     As they arrived at Raegan's place, James couldn't help but make a lighthearted remark. "Wow, it looks exactly how it did seven months ago," he said, trying to ease the tension that hung in the air.

Raegan managed a small chuckle. "Yeah, not much has changed," she replied.

She retrieved the pregnancy test from the bag and excused herself to the bathroom, feeling the weight of the moment pressing upon her. Raegan just wanted to get it over with, to know for certain and confront whatever lay ahead.

  Inside the bathroom, she closed the door and took a deep breath. Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the box, following the instructions meticulously. With each passing second, her anxiety grew, and her heart raced in her chest.

Outside the bathroom, James couldn't sit still. He leaned against the wall, his ear pressed lightly against the door. "Rae, are you okay in there?" he asked.

          She replied with a shaky voice, "I'm fine, just give me a moment." Her words were strained, revealing the emotional turmoil she was experiencing.

"Do you need any help?" James asked.

Raegan laughed. "I believe I can handle the task of peeing on my own, Acaster," she replied, a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.

James chuckled. "I must admit, I do like it when you call me Acaster," he admitted.

"That's great, but right now I need silence if I'm going to do this. Go pour some champagne so we're ready."

She listened as James moved away from the door, towards the kitchen. She finished the task and set the test on the sink. She turned it upside down, not wanting to see the result.

       Exiting the bathroom, Raegan found James waiting for her, a glass of champagne in his hand. He extended it towards her, offering a small gesture of solace. "Do you want me to check it for you?" he asked, his voice filled with compassion.

A mixture of relief washed over her, and Raegan nodded in agreement. "Yes, please," she whispered.

James gently guided her closer, pulling her into an embrace, his arms offering a sense of security. As she closed her eyes, he picked up the test, "ew pee!" he teased. Raegan managed a weak smile, appreciating his attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

Chapter .22

She stood outside his apartment. She didn't know what the hell she was doing. The time on her phone now read midnight.

She could feel her heart beating through her chest as she lifted her hand to knock on the door. She didn't know if this was a bad idea. The entire taxi ride over she replayed every ending in her head. The good and the bad.

Her hand hovered in a tight fist, trembling in the icy air just inches away from the door. The cold seeped into her skin, numbing her fingers, yet she hesitated. Something inside her made her pull back, stepping away from the door as doubt and uncertainty flooded her mind.

"What am I doing?" She whispered to herself.

She sat down on the cold concrete stairs, looking at her phone, rereading her message in her head.

James. Seeing you today, it brought back a lot of unfinished conversations and thoughts. I wanted to talk more but it wasn't the right place and I don't think I was in the right mindset. Neither were you. I could see we both wanted to forget the last seven months and the people we are with now. We weren't thinking straight. At least I know I wasn't. I miss you. I miss you more than words could possibly express. But I'm with Harry. And I love Harry. He's good to me. We have history. I love you too. But I don't want this to be the end between us. We should talk in person. Figure out what we both want. Because I'd hate to not be friends with you, James Acaster.

Reading the message made her stomach churn, a wave of nausea washing over her. The words on the screen sounded desperate and distant, a reflection of her conflicted emotions. She realized sending that message was a mistake, a momentary lapse of judgment driven by her longing for him.

Standing up, she felt disoriented, unsure of whether to return to the door or retreat back home. It felt like a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside her, or perhaps it was a physical whirlwind spinning around her. As she took a step forward, the intensity of her nausea grew, threatening to overpower her. Desperately, she tried to hold it back, but her body betrayed her, and she couldn't fight it any longer. In an abrupt and uncontrollable surge, she vomited, her stomach emptying its contents onto the step she stood on.

The front porch lights flickered to life, illuminating the scene before her. Raegan's eyes widened as she took in the mess she had made. She sat down, feeling the weight of just simply standing take hold.

As the door swung open, revealing James standing there, his expression mirrored her surprise.

"Raegan?" James' voice was filled with concern as he took in the sight before him. He approached her, removing his coat and gently offering it to her.

"Hi," she mumbled, accepting the coat and wrapping it around herself for comfort.

James glanced down at the vomit-stained step, then back at Raegan, noticing her trembling body. "What are you doing out here?" he asked, his tone laced with worry.

"I don't know," she replied softly, her voice tinged with confusion and sadness.

Sitting down beside her, James tried to assess the situation. "Are you feeling sick?" he inquired, his gaze fixed on her.

She shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears. "Why did you leave me there?"

He raised an eyebrow, trying to understand her words. "At the party?" he asked.

Raegan shook her head once more, her voice barely above a whisper. "No. At the hospital."

She watched as James breathed out, his eye contact fading. "You know why."

"No," she clutched the coat tightly, her knuckles turning white. "You said you couldn't handle me hiding parts of my past from you, and then you just left without giving me a chance to explain. You abandoned me in that place, and I sought comfort from Harry, but he turned out to be just another Julian. And you never came back!" Tears streamed down her face, and she no longer made any effort to conceal her emotions.

James, momentarily sidetracked by her physical state, asked, "Why did you throw up?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, wiping away her tears. "Nerves, I guess."

He nodded, his concern evident as he regained eye contact with her. "You should come inside. Take a warm shower and have something to eat."

"So you can lecture me about how messy my life is and how it's too much for you to be a part of again?" Raegan retorted, her voice filled with a mix of pain and frustration.

"Come inside," James urged gently, his tone softening. "We can talk about it in the morning."

He took her hand, and she accepted, walking into his apartment. "Won't Cassie mind me being here?" she asked even though she knew the real answer.

"She told me what she told you," he sighed, his voice heavy with resignation. "She left hours ago, taking all of her things with her."

"I'm sorry," Raegan said, her voice filled with genuine remorse.

James shrugged, a mix of acceptance and relief crossing his face. "Don't be. She was right. There were no feelings left between us. We were both using each other,"

"I'm still sorry," Raegan insisted, wanting to convey her regret.

A soft smile graced James' lips as he looked at her. "How did everything go after the accident? I felt terrible for not checking in."

They walked together towards the bathroom, where James retrieved a towel from the clean clothes basket. Raegan followed closely behind him. "You should feel terrible," she chuckled lightly. "Physically, I recovered well. Mentally, not so much. I wasn't in a great place."

"I'm sorry," he apologized once again.

She shrugged. "Maybe I deserved it. I wasn't entirely fair to you."

        He turned on the shower, the sound of water filling the room. Handing Raegan the towel, James couldn't help but speak up. "That's not true," he mumbled. He turned to face her as the water heated up, his gaze searching hers. "You were still trying to figure it all out yourself. You thought not telling me would spare us both from unnecessary pain, right?"

She nodded. "Something like that," she admitted.

A small smile tugged at the corners of James' lips as he looked at her, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "Do you still like cinnamon rolls?" he asked, his smirk growing wider.

Her own smile matched his, a spark of warmth returning to her eyes. "They're my favourite!"

       "How about I go heat one up for you so by the time you're showered you can sit down and enjoy one?" James offered.

Raegan mustered a brief smile, though it faded almost instantly as her mind replayed the painful memories. She recalled the reflection of her naked body in the mirror, the harsh words hurled at her by Harry. She couldn't bring herself to face James, unable to hide her vulnerability any longer. "Actually," she mumbled, her gaze fixed on the floor. "Could you maybe stay in the bathroom with me? I don't want to be alone right now."

"Okay," James agreed, his voice gentle and understanding. "You're okay, aren't you?"

Raegan felt the urge to lie, to reassure him that everything was fine. But she couldn't bear to deceive him once again. She shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out."

                              As Raegan gathered herself, she took a deep breath and began undressing. James, respecting her privacy, turned away, his gaze fixed on a distant spot in the bathroom. She stepped in the shower, closing the curtain behind her.

The sound of the shower filled her ears, drowning out the noise of her thoughts. The warmth cascaded over her body, soothing her senses.

     Behind the veil of the shower curtain, she knew James was there, a steady presence leaning against it. It offered her a sense of comfort, a reminder that she wasn't alone.

A quiet moment passed, the mist rising, surrounding her with a gentle haze.

"If you don't mind me asking," James spoke up. "You said this Harry guy was another Julian. What do you mean by that."

Raegan let the water rush over her face, "he was really angry. He had a reason to be. I wasn't exactly in love with him in the slightest. But towards the end, he lost control of it I guess."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Only emotionally. But that's a conversation for another time. It only happened a few hours ago and it's still replaying in my head. I don't want to give that thought more power."

James went silent. Raegan observed his still shadow, feeling the weight of his remorse. "I hate that I hurt you like that. Leaving you when you needed someone the most."

Raegan pulled back the curtain slightly, peaking her head around, her eyes searching his face. "You could never hurt me like that, James."

James glanced back at her. The way he looked at her. It was as if they were together through those past seven months. "I've missed you," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"I've missed you too."

"You're so beautiful. Everything about you. I feel like I can't breathe when I'm around you because you take my breath away."

Raegan smiled at the contrast of his words compared to Harry's. "Did..." she began, her voice trailing off, uncertain of how to articulate her question. But before she could finish, she realized that it didn't matter. They were here, in this moment, and the past no longer held the same weight.

      James seemingly understanding what she was trying to say, pulled back the shower curtains. Removing his shirt before stepping in, pants still on. He wrapped his arms around her comfortingly, and rested his chin on her head.

"Thank you," she mumbled.

Chapter .21

As the taxi slowly moved through the busy city streets, Raegan sat in the backseat, her mind still consumed with thoughts of James. The desire to see him, to have a conversation about everything that went down, grew stronger with each passing moment. Determined to find a resolution, she pulled out her phone and opened her notes app.

She began drafting various messages, each one an attempt to articulate her feelings and arrange a meeting with James. She typed and deleted, rephrased and refined.

Finally, after countless revisions, Raegan settled on a message that captured her intentions. She read it aloud in whispers, allowing the words to resonate in the confined space of the taxi. Satisfied with her choice, she took a deep breath and pressed the send button, watching as her message vanished into the digital abyss.

As the taxi dropped her off, she walked up the many flights of stairs to her apartment. Opening it she was greeted by the same sight she awoke to. Harry stood in the middle of the living room, unabashedly naked.

"Since you were thinking about me," Harry smirked, standing in the middle of the living room, unabashedly naked.

Raegan looked him up and down. "What are you doing?" she asked.

      Harry, undeterred by her inquiry, responded provocatively, swaying his hips in a suggestive manner. "I'm here to bring your wildest fantasies to life," he flirted.

"Oh," she raised a brow. She couldn't help think back to her fantasy back at lunch. James... His fingers in her hair, his lips on hers, her body pressed against the bathroom wall...

"What do you say? You want to ride the Harry Express?"

She stood there for a moment. She could just give in. Maybe sex would help her come to reason. "The Harry Express?" she asked. "You're not serious are you?"

"Deadly," he winked, continuing to thrust the air.

Raegan's gaze remained unyielding as she surveyed the scene before her. The sight of Harry standing there in his naked form failed to elicit any sense of attraction or amusement. In fact, she felt a strong disinterest. Suppressing her true feelings, she mustered the words, "Can I get some coffee first?"

A frown etched across Harry's face, his disappointment evident. "Where is your sense of spontaneity?" he questioned, hoping to sway her decision.

Exhaling wearily, Raegan acknowledged his plea. "Okay," she acquiesced, her voice tinged with resignation. "I'll ride the Harry Express."

Harry charged towards her, sweeping her off her feet in a bridal embrace, and hastened towards her bedroom. With reckless abandon, he flung her onto the bed, swiftly discarding her beloved dress as though its significance held no weight to him. And perhaps, it truly didn't.

"Damn, you're incredibly sexy," he remarked, his smirk widening as his gaze lingered upon her now-exposed figure.

"Yeah, you too," she responded nonchalantly, her lack of enthusiasm evident in her tone.

"I'm going to make you scream my name relentlessly," he declared, his words dripping with confidence.

"Sure, sounds good," she replied.

He pressed his lips against her neck, and Raegan couldn't help but release a sharp breath as his body intertwined with hers. Although her heart held no desire for him, her physical responses betrayed her true emotions.

An involuntary moan escaped her lips as his hands ventured towards the area where her undergarments usually resided. Overwhelmed by his touch, she turned her head and caught sight of her reflection in the mirrored closet. Her own visage stared back at her, reflecting sickness and disgust. Self-loathing coursed through her veins.

"Damn, your body is smoking hot!" Harry growled in pleasure.

Raegan's eyes were drawn to her phone, which illuminated on the nightstand. Acting on impulse, she reached for it and checked the incoming message. It was from James.

"Are you serious right now?" Harry bellowed. "You're actually on your phone? Who or what could be more important than me?" Snatching the device from her hand, his expression transformed into one of cold indifference.

"I was just checking the time," she lied, desperately trying to conceal her true intentions.

"James?" he scoffed, his voice dripping with disdain. "Fuck you, Raegan! You heartless skank!"

"No, really," Raegan protested. "It's not what you think."

"Yeah, sure," Harry retorted mockingly. "That's why the message says, 'Hi Raegan, I'd love to see you again soon. It was good catching up today!' Did you even attend the benefit lunch, or was the real benefit meeting up with him?"

"Harry, don't be ridiculous. We simply exchanged pleasantries and discussed hanging out as friends," she persistently maintained her false narrative.

"So, if I were to check the message you sent, it would confirm your story?" he interrogated, searching her eyes for any sign of deception.

"I mean... yeah," she stuttered, her confidence stammering.

Frustrated, Harry flung the phone onto the pillow beside her. "Fuck you, you deceitful whore!"

"What the hell, Harry?" she exclaimed, sitting up and observing him as he hastily dressed.

"I should've listened to Zach. He warned me that you were nothing but a promiscuous city skank."

"Har—"

"And what does that stupid James Acaster offer that I don't, anyway?" he continued his argument. "Is it because he's a big-time comedian? News flash, Raegan, he's not even that funny!"

"Can we please have a civilized conversation about this?" Raegan pleaded.

"No," Harry persisted. "He abandoned you when you were vulnerable, and you still choose him?"

"It was more complicated than that. There were other factors involved," Raegan defended James.

"And here you are, defending him instead of our relationship..." Harry's voice trailed off.

Feeling vulnerable and exposed, Raegan slowly climbed out of the bed. "Harry, let's calm down and try to talk rationally about this."

"Look at you," he scanned her up and down. He grabbed her shoulders, forcing to look at her naked body in the mirror. "This is who you really are, stripped of all deception. Disgusting, isn't it? The naked truth of who you are."

"Fuck you," she cried.

"Oh, but I just did Raegan. I fucked you so good and you just let me. You just laid there like the dirty whore you are."

"Get out of my house," she mumbled.

"You're so unclean," he continued, still forcing her to look at herself. "The things I've seen you do."

"That's enough!" Raegan shouted, her voice trembling with anger and hurt. "Get out of my house right now!"

Harry's face contorted into a malicious smirk as he finally released his grip on her. "You can't handle the truth, can you? The truth about who you really are."

       "Why are you being like this?" she asked, pulling an old cardigan around her to shield herself.

Harry sighed, a mixture of frustration and sadness evident in his voice. He sat down, needing a moment to collect himself. "Why are you, Raegan?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. "Tell me this, was I ever your first choice?"

She hesitated, her gaze fixated on the floor. "I don't know," she admitted quietly, her voice tinged with regret. "I'm sorry."

A heavy silence hung in the air, the weight of their words and emotions filling the room. Raegan knew she had hurt him deeply, and the guilt washed over her.

"I didn't mean for it to be this way," she whispered, her voice filled with genuine remorse. "I thought I could find happiness, but I only caused pain."

       Harry's expression softened as he reached out to hold her hand. "Raegan, we've clearly both made mistakes," he said. "Maybe it's time we take a step back and reevaluate what we truly want and deserve. Because I know you don't want me and I know I deserve more than second choice."

    Raegan held onto the cardigan, her grip tightening as she absorbed Harry's words. "Maybe," she agreed softly, her voice tinged with sadness.

"I'm truly sorry for what I said," Harry apologized, his voice filled with genuine remorse. "You didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, no matter what happened between us. I crossed a line, and I deeply regret it. You're beautiful, Raegan, andtough you've got a lot of healing and learning to do, you're not a bad person."

    A bittersweet smile played on Raegan's lips as she listened to his words. "Thank you, Harry," she replied. "You're a wonderful person, but sometimes two souls just aren't meant to intertwine forever."

Harry nodded, "your invisible string isn't binding you to me. It's wrapped around someone else finger. It was all this time."

      Raegan took a deep breath, releasing the cardigan from her tight-fisted grasp. The thread of fate would guide her towards her true destination.

That night Raegan lay in bed awake. She wasn't even trying to sleep. She wanted to let her brain think. She needed to think about him. About James. She was too stubborn when they were together. She wanted to pretend like she didn't have problems so the baggage would be lighter but little did she know, deceit was heavier than past troubles. She had to be honest this time. Tell him all the nooks and crannies about her and Julian's past. The brutal falling out between her and Samantha that also played a big part in the Julian story. Her father. Even her mother who she hadn't quite yet admitted to herself had a story that needed telling.

She opened her phone. It was one in the morning. Sighing, she switched it back off and stared up at the ceiling.

As she began to close her eyes, the unexpected sound of the doorbell jolted Raegan from her thoughts. Letting out a tired sigh, she reluctantly climbed out of bed, throwing on an old hoodie to cover herself. It was already late at night, and she couldn't fathom who would be at her door at such an hour, except perhaps Harry if he had forgotten something.

Opening the door, she was surprised to find Cassie standing there, a distracted look on her face. Raegan's curiosity piqued as she met Cassie's gaze. "Cassie?" she questioned, her voice filled with surprise. "What brings you here?"

Cassie nervously bit her lip, her eyes darting around before focusing back on Raegan. "Look, James hasn't stopped talking about you all night," she confessed. "He's been asking me questions that I simply can't answer."

Raegan attempted to interject, but Cassie continued without giving her a chance. "Do you still love him?" Cassie asked, her voice tinged with a mix of concern and urgency. "Because if you do, maybe you should go to him."

Raegan furrowed her brows, taken aback by the unexpected proposition. "But it's the middle of the night," she responded.

Chapter .20

Seven months later...

The fresh, early spring breeze gently flowed through Raegan's room, coaxing her awake. With a contented sigh, she stretched and peeled the sheets off her body.

     Beside her, the man in her bed groaned playfully. "It's not morning already, is it?" he mumbled, his voice laced with reluctance. "Please tell me it's not!"

Raegan rolled her eyes, a warm smile gracing her lips. "Rise and shine, Harry," she teased, gently nudging him. "You have that important meeting in just an hour. Remember?"

     He let out a dazed chuckle, blinking away the remnants of sleep. "You're ruthless," he teased back, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"And I'm supposed to be at a benefit lunch in just two hours, so I need you to get out of bed and give me some space to get ready," she explained, her tone light but determined.

    "Boo!" he playfully protested, his laughter filling the room. "I still detest this city-girl workaholic version of you," he teased, pretending to pout.

Raegan rolled her eyes playfully, reaching over to give him a playful swat on the arm. "You love me just the way I am," she retorted, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Now, go on, get up and make yourself useful. I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

       He reluctantly rose from the bed, gathering his discarded uniform from the floor where it had been carelessly tossed after last night's events. As Harry dressed, Raegan caught a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror. A wave of conflicting emotions washed over her. She knew deep down that this wasn't how she should feel about her partner. Every time she truly looked at him, a mix of self-hatred and disgust churned in her stomach. It was an unsettling realization, one that she struggled to reconcile.

    Once dressed, Harry leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her cheek. "I'll see you tonight?" he asked, his voice filled with hope.

Raegan forced a smile, her mind weighed down by internal turmoil. "Yeah," she replied.

"Have fun at your lunch thing," Harry smiled, "don't drink too many mimosas!"

"I don't even like—" she shrugged it off, I'll try my best."

Raegan stood in front of the mirror, her reflection staring back at her with an unfamiliar face. The past seven months had taken a toll on her, physically and emotionally. As she began to get ready, she couldn't help but notice the changes in her appearance. Her once vibrant eyes now held a hint of sadness, her smile no longer reached her eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the weight of the past months weighing her down.

The mirror became a harsh reminder of the person she used to be, the person she had lost along the way. Each blemish and imperfection on her skin seemed to magnify, mocking her with its presence. She averted her gaze, unable to withstand the sight before her. The reflection felt like a stranger, someone she couldn't connect with anymore.

With a deep breath, Raegan pushed aside the negative thoughts and forced herself to continue getting ready. She applied her makeup with careful precision, trying to recreate the familiar features she once knew so well. But no matter how much effort she put into her appearance, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was wearing a mask.

Raegan slipped on her favorite pair of heels. As she stood up, her legs felt weaker than she remembered. Each step seemed to carry the weight of the past seven months.

She made her way out of her apartment complex. With a glance at her phone, she hailed a taxi and climbed into the backseat. As the car pulled away, she watched the familiar streets pass by, the cityscape transforming into a blur of buildings and people. Her mind drifted, lost in a sea of thoughts and emotions. The sound of the honking horns and sirens outside seemed distant, as if she was in her own little world.

She glanced at her phone once more, scrolling through the images in her camera roll. Her eyes settled on a photo of her and James, taken in happier times. A bittersweet smile tugged at her lips as she reminisced about the distant memory. After that fateful morning in the hospital, their once-close bond had started to unravel. Raegan, consumed by her pride, couldn't bring herself to acknowledge her own mistakes, while James, hurt and distant, chose to withdraw. It felt as if something intangible had shifted that night, forever altering the course of their relationship. The nurses said she was fortunate but it felt like a part of her died that night.

She spent most of her healing journey on her own. She stayed cooped up in her apartment not talking to anyone. Ed messaged her now and then but gave up trying after she didn't respond.

However, one month after the accident, Harry's call managed to break through her self-imposed solitude, and against her better judgment, she answered. Little did she know that this single decision would shape the course of the following months, leading her to wake up beside him now. Yet, instead of feeling contentment or gratitude, an overwhelming sense of resentment flooded her being. She couldn't help but loathe herself for being entangled with him, a sentiment that weighed heavy on her heart.

The taxi came to a halt, and the driver announced, "This is your stop." Raegan handed him the fare, stepped out of the vehicle, and took a moment to gather herself. She used to relish these types of lunches, finding joy in mingling with people from various industries. But now, all she longed for was the comfort of her own home.

Entering the bustling building, she was immediately greeted by the sight of champagne glasses being distributed abundantly. She reached out and took one, her gaze sweeping across the room. Amidst the crowd, her eyes caught sight of a familiar face engaged in conversation at the corner. It was Ed.

Instinctively, Raegan tried to veer away and avoid any encounter, but Ed's eyes met hers, and he swiftly made his way over. Dread washed over Raegan as she anticipated the forthcoming conversation.

"No way!" Ed exclaimed with a wide smile. "Raegan Collins, as if we're in the same room again!"

   Raegan managed a polite smile. "Yeah, it's quite a coincidence, isn't it?"

Curiosity filled Ed's eyes. "So, what have you been up to?"

     She nonchalantly shrugged, taking a seat at a nearby table. "Oh, you know, just work."

Ed's enthusiasm became evident. "It's like you disappeared off the face of the earth!"

   Raegan forced a half-hearted laugh. "Yeah, it feels that way sometimes."

"So, what else is new with you?" Ed inquired, his gaze momentarily shifting around the room as if expecting someone to appear. "Are you seeing anyone? What happened between you and James?"

    Raegan raised the glass of champagne to her lips, taking a sip before responding. Her voice carried a hint of detachment as she replied, "Yeah, I'm actually dating my high school sweetheart." Her smile lacked the genuine enthusiasm that typically accompanied such news.

Ed's response seemed more like a question than a statement. "Well, that's good."

    Raegan nodded, her expression somewhat ambiguous. "I guess."

Curiosity flickered in Ed's eyes as he continued probing, "And what about James?"

   She shrugged, a sense of uncertainty creeping into her demeanour. "I honestly don't know."

"He's here, you know?" Ed mentioned, his voice carrying a hint of intrigue. "He's with, um..." He paused, his eyes scanning the room for the person he was referring to.

Curiosity piqued, Raegan followed his gaze and spotted James with his arm draped around another girl's shoulder.

"Oh," she responded, her voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and indifference, and took another sip of her champagne.

Ed continued, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "He still talks about you all the time, you know."

   Raegan raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. "What does he say, exactly?"

Ed smirked. "You still like him, don't you?"

   She shrugged. "I wasn't the one to end things."

Ed looked confused by her response, his eyes gazing back to James. "By the way he talks about you, I didn't assume he ended it. If it's any benefit to you, he's still madly in love with you. It's not the same with Cassie. He doesn't smile like he did with you."

     As if his ears had been ringing, the sound of approaching footsteps caught Raegan's attention. She looked up and locked eyes with James, his expression unreadable, their gaze locked in an unspoken exchange.

"Raegan," he muttered, his voice filled with a mix of hesitation and familiarity. With a gulp, he turned to the woman by his side. "Uh, this is, uh..."

    "I'm Cassie," she introduced herself, extending her arm in a friendly gesture.

Raegan shook her hand, a polite smile on her face. Cassie was undeniably stunning. Her long, naturally platinum blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders, framing her perfectly sculpted cheekbones. Raegan couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

  "Raegan," she replied with a smile, a hint of warmth in her voice.

Cassie beamed at her. "That's such a cute name, isn't it, James?"

James nodded, his gaze shifting between the two women. "Yeah, it's cute."

Raegan smiled awkwardly, turning to Ed. "Cute," she muttered under her breath.

    "How are you?" James asked. "How's your leg and everything?"

Raegan pointed to her brow, indicating a faint scar. "I still have a little scar, but other than that, I'm fine."

   "Good," James replied, a genuine smile crossing his face. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Raegan was just telling me she's been dating her high school sweetheart," Ed chimed in, winking at Raegan playfully.

    Raegan forced a smile. "Yeah, Harry," she said softly, her emotions carefully concealed.

James nodded. "Harry. Huh."

   "Did you two used to date or something?" Cassie asked, pointing at Raegan and James. "Cause this is like so awkward."

"Yeah," Raegan sighed. "Something like that." She finished her champagne and set the glass down. "Actually, I should excuse myself and freshen up in the restroom. Then I'll mingle a bit." She turned her gaze to James. "It was good seeing you again, James."

                Raegan hurriedly made her way to the bathroom, hoping to find solace in its relative seclusion. As soon as she reached the sink and turned on the faucet to wash her hands, she felt a sudden surge of overwhelming emotions. The weight of the past seven months seemed to crash down on her all at once, and she could no longer hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes.

She leaned over the sink, her shoulders shaking as silent sobs escaped her. It felt as if a dam had burst, releasing a torrent of pent-up pain, frustration, and sadness. Each tear that fell carried with it the weight of her shattered dreams, the longing for the person she used to be, and the unresolved feelings that lingered deep within her.

The sounds of laughter and conversation from outside the bathroom door seemed distant and insignificant compared to the emotional turmoil raging inside Raegan. The reflection in the mirror no longer resembled the confident and vibrant woman she once knew. Instead, she saw a fragile and vulnerable version of herself, grappling with the aftermath of the accident and the complexities of her relationships.

        Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Raegan fought to regain her composure. She swiftly reached for some paper towels, gently dabbing under her eyes to avoid smudging her carefully applied makeup. The cool touch of the paper against her skin offered a brief respite from the overwhelming emotions that had consumed her just moments ago.

Discarding the used paper towel into the nearby bin, Raegan was startled when the bathroom door swung open, revealing Cassie stepping inside. Their eyes met in the mirror's reflection, and a sense of unease washed over Raegan.

     Cassie glanced at Raegan, her expression a mix of curiosity and concern. Uncertain of what to say, Raegan mustered a weak smile and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Hey," Cassie greeted softly. "Are you alright?"

Raegan forced a nod, her voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed, you know?"

Cassie smiled, "I totally get that. I get so nervous around so many people."

"Yeah," Raegan nodded.

            Cassie leaned in slightly, her voice filled with genuine curiosity. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but is your uneasiness really about the event? Or is it more about James?"

    Raegan turned to her, worried of Cassie's reaction. "I just haven't seen him since you know."

Cassie let out a soft sigh, reaching for her makeup bag in the mirror's reflection. "He talks about you quite a bit, you know. He even mentioned your name a couple of times... in bed."

"Oh," Raegan shuddered at that thought.

Cassie adjusted her makeup, her eyes meeting Raegan's in the mirror. "I'm like crazy jealous of you I won't lie. He certainly doesn't like me the way he loved you," she sighed.

     Raegan's heart sank, a mix of sympathy and guilt washing over her. "I'm sure he loves you, Cassie."

Cassie shook her head, a tinge of sadness in her eyes. "No, he doesn't. But it's okay. I've come to accept it. I know I'm not his soulmate, and I understand that I might be more of a rebound."

"I'm sure that's not true," Raegan tried to comfort her.

      Cassie paused her lipstick application, looking directly at Raegan. "No, it's the truth. And if you want to try to win him back, I won't stand in your way."

Raegan shrugged, "as I said before, I'm with Harry."

"The high school sweetheart," Cassie nodded. "And tell me, Raegan. Is Harry your soul mate or is he a rebound?"

     "He," Raegan paused. She glanced down at the sink contemplating her response when her feelings were numb. "I hate myself for being with him."

"I think that's how James feels with me," Cassie sighed. "Sometimes he's really sweet and loving but I think he's imagining I'm someone else in those moments. Other times he's just distant."

          "Why are you with him if you're convinced he doesn't love you?" Raegan inquired.

Cassie zipped up her make-up bag. "Well, maybe he's kind of a rebound for me too."

"Oh," Raegan nodded.

"Please don't pity me. Whatever he's using me for, I'm basically doing the same. So when I say you can fight for him, I mean it."

Raegan didn't know what to say in response as she watched Cassie walk out of the bathroom. She felt guilty. Like she caused this rift in their relationship. She felt even more guilty that she was genuinely considering cheating on Harry.

She leaned against the sink, her hands gripping the edges tightly as she wrestled with her conscience. How had she reached this point?

Raegan stepped back into the bustling venue, her gaze fixed on the food spread laid out before her. She needed a moment of reprieve from the whirlwind of emotions that had consumed her in the bathroom. Focusing on the task at hand, she grabbed a small plate and carefully selected some appetizers, hoping to find solace in the distraction of food.

As she moved through the crowd, she made a conscious effort to avoid eye contact, hoping to bypass any unwanted encounters with familiar faces from her past.

But fate seemed determined to test their resolve. “Raegan,” James spoke as he stood beside her, also grabbing a bite to eat. “So, genuinely, without worrying about the people around us, how are you doing?” he asked her.

She exhaled, feeling the weight of their shared history. "Why do you want to know?" she asked, her voice tinged with caution.

James frowned. “I'm doing awful,” he admitted. “I keep replaying that morning. I type out paragraphs wanting to reach out to you but nothing is good enough. I wasn't good enough.”

“I'm not doing this here,” Raegan said, refusing to make eye contact.

He looked at her, a mixture of longing and desperation in his eyes. "Why didn't you reach out?" he asked softly.

“James.”

“I miss you,” he admitted.

“James.”

“Let's not do this here,” she pleaded.

Raegan took a step back, creating some physical distance between them. Her gaze wandered around the venue, trying to find a distraction from the intensity of the moment. The room was filled with lively conversations, laughter, and clinking glasses, but all she could hear was the echoing ache in her heart.

Raegan found a secluded seat in a corner of the venue, a vantage point where she could discreetly observe James and Cassie. The sight of them together stung like a fresh wound, and she couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as they twirled around, their laughter filling the air. It was a painful reminder of what they once had, and what she so desperately wished to reclaim.

Her eyes welled up with tears, but she fought to keep them at bay. She knew she couldn't let her emotions consume her in this public setting. With a trembling hand, she reached into her bag and retrieved her phone.

Her fingers hesitated over the keys, her mind torn between the truth and the facade she had crafted. Finally, she made a decision. She unlocked her phone and began typing a message to Harry, a message she knew was far from genuine. "Hey, thinking about you x," she wrote, her fingers trembling with each keystroke. It was a lie, a feeble attempt to convince herself that she was content with her current situation. As she pressed send, a sense of emptiness washed over her.

As her gaze locked with James', a wave of mixed emotions washed over Raegan. In that fleeting moment, she could see the lingering pain and longing mirrored in his eyes, a reflection of the turmoil she herself felt. It was a silent acknowledgement of the unresolved emotions that still bound them together, despite their current circumstances.

Caught between the desire to leave and the curiosity that coerced her to stay, Raegan found herself torn.

Just as she contemplated making her escape, a waiter approached her, offering another glass of champagne. Without a second thought, she accepted the drink, the cool liquid providing a temporary distraction from the explosive thoughts swirling within her. She clutched the glass in her hand, the delicate bubbles filling the air with their effervescent whispers.

As the day wore on and the glasses of champagne continued to flow, Raegan found herself succumbing to the dangerous allure of the moment. With each sip, her inhibitions faded, leaving behind a craving for something more, something forbidden. The weight of her emotions and desires mingled with the intoxicating effects of alcohol, blurring the lines of reason and self-control. In her mind's eye, vivid and unapologetic, Raegan painted a seductive scene of clandestine intimacy. She envisioned taking James by his tie and sneaking into the bathroom. James pressing her against the wall, their bodies moulding together in a fiery embrace.

As the room gradually emptied and the atmosphere lightened, Raegan's gaze swept across the space, searching for a trace of James. Yet, he was nowhere to be found. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. With a subtle gesture, she finished the remnants of her drink.

Turning her attention to her phone, she unlocked the screen and discovered a new message awaiting her. It was from Harry. I read, “I've been thinking about you too... Well, between my sheets.”

Chapter .19

"Raegan," James uttered as he stepped into the room. His eyes widened as he took in her beaten and bruised appearance. "Are you... How do you feel?"

Raegan managed a weak laugh, wincing slightly from the pain it caused. "Like I've been hit by a car," she replied, her voice carrying a touch of humor amidst the discomfort.

A wave of emotions washed over James as he approached her bedside. "When your mum called, I felt like I couldn't breathe," he confessed, his voice laced with worry. "I had no idea if you were okay or not. Are you okay?" His eyes searched her face, searching for any signs of deeper pain or distress.

Raegan offered him a reassuring smile, "It hurts, but I'll be alright."

"Do you need me to do anything at all?" James asked. "I can get you anything, do anything."

Raegan shook her head, a grateful smile on her face as she finished the last spoonful of soup. "You being here is enough," she reassured him.

He gently took her hand in his, his touch offering a comforting reassurance. "And you know you can tell me anything, right?" James asked, his eyes searching hers.

Raegan nodded, "of course," she replied, her voice carrying a hint of hesitation. She sensed that there was something on James' mind.

    James smiled, but it lacked the usual warmth she was accustomed to. Raegan couldn't help but feel a pang of concern. She knew that smile, the one she herself wore when she felt hurt by someone.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. She bit her lip, hoping that her question wouldn't spark another argument.

"Mm," he hummed. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm in safe hands," she laughed as she pointed to all the medical equipment.

"That's not exactly—" he paused. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Raegan drew in a quick, sharp breath, aware that the conversation wasn't fully resolved and would resurface in the near future. "I love you," she said.

James's face lit up with a genuine smile, "I love you too," he replied, his words carrying a warmth that reached deep into Raegan's heart.

Raegan lay in the hospital bed, her body tired and sore, longing for the solace of sleep. The sterile environment around her seemed to amplify every sound—the distant beeping of monitors, the hushed conversations of nurses, the occasional shuffle of footsteps echoing through the hallways. The once soothing hum of activity had now become a bluster, relentlessly piercing through her weary mind.

Her eyelids grew heavy, but the pain medication that had initially lulled her into a drowsy state was wearing off, leaving her vulnerable to the discomfort that pulsed through her body. The ache in her leg intensified with every passing minute, as if mocking her attempts to find rest. She shifted in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position, but the pain persisted, throbbing beneath her skin.

Raegan closed her eyes tightly, hoping to shut out the distractions and drift into a peaceful sleep. Yet, her mind remained restless, swirling with a whirlwind of thoughts and worries. The accident replayed in her mind like a relentless loop, the fear and shock still palpable in her memory. She couldn't shake the nagging thoughts of what could have been, the what-ifs and the lingering anxieties about her recovery.

Raegan's mind was in disarray, entangled not only with the aftermath of the accident but also with the echoes of her mother's words. She knew dwelling on the past was neither productive nor healthy, but the mention of Julian and the memories of their tumultuous relationship resurfaced against her will.

Julian possessed a disarming charm that had once captivated her completely. He had a way of winning her over, of making her believe in the fairy tale they were living. But beneath the surface, she couldn't deny the manipulative undercurrents that tainted their connection. His anger would erupt like a storm, shattering the facade of charm. In moments of rage, he would hurl objects at her—plates, bottles, his phone, even his keys—inflicting both physical and emotional wounds. He would push her forcefully, against walls or even into the street.

The cycle was insidious. After each outburst, Julian would employ his charm once more, his words dripping with remorse and promises of change. And in her vulnerable state, she would find herself drawn back into his orbit, hoping against hope that things would truly be different this time.

As the night wore on, Raegan's restless state began to attract the attention of the attentive nursing staff. One nurse entered the room to perform a routine check-up.

"Hey there, Raegan," the nurse spoke in a calm and reassuring tone, pulling up a chair beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Raegan turned her attention towards the nurse, her eyes weary but appreciative. "I can't sleep. My body is aching."

The nurse nodded, understanding the challenges of trying to find comfort in the unfamiliarity of a hospital room. "I know it can be difficult to sleep in a new environment, especially when you're recovering from an accident. We'll do our best to make you as comfortable as possible."

She proceeded to check Raegan's vital signs, gently placing a thermometer under her tongue and wrapping the blood pressure cuff around her arm. With a reassuring smile, the nurse adjusted the pillows, attempting to find a more supportive position for Raegan's weary body.

"Let's also address your pain levels," the nurse said, pulling out a pain assessment scale. "On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being no pain and 10 being the worst pain imaginable, how would you rate your discomfort right now?"

"I'd say it's around a 6. It's a constant ache, especially in my leg and ribs."

"I understand. I'll make a note of that, and we'll make sure you receive appropriate pain management."

"Thank you," Raegan said, offering a grateful smile.

The nurse nodded, her caring demeanor evident. "You're welcome. We want to ensure you're as comfortable as possible. Another nurse will be here shortly to provide your pain medication along with some water and a light meal. Is there anything specific you'd like to eat or drink?"

Raegan considered for a moment. "Some water would be great, and maybe something light like a bowl of soup or a sandwich."

The nurse jotted down the request on her notepad, her pen gliding across the paper with a gentle scribble. "I'll make sure to pass that along to the team. We'll do our best to accommodate your preferences. Is there anything else I can assist you with right now?"

Raegan shook her head. "No, I think that's all for now. Thank you again."

Soon, the sound of approaching footsteps reached her ears, and a kind-faced nurse entered the room, carrying a tray with a small plate holding a salad sandwich, a cup of water, and a small container of pills. "Good evening, Raegan," the nurse greeted her softly. "I've brought your pain medication, a sandwich, and some water for you."

Raegan's eyes lit up as she sat up slightly. The nurse carefully placed the tray on the bedside table.

"I've provided your prescribed pain medication here," the nurse explained, showing Raegan the small container of pills. "Take them now and make sure you eat something to line your stomach."

"Thank you," Raegan replied. She took a moment to survey the sandwich—a colorful medley of fresh vegetables nestled between slices of bread.

"You're welcome, Raegan. If there's anything else you need or any questions you have, please don't hesitate to ask."

With a nod and a reassuring smile, the nurse left the room.

As the morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting a soft glow in the hospital room, Raegan slowly stirred from her light sleep. She blinked her eyes open, adjusting to the new day, only to be met with a racket of noise echoing through the corridors.

She pulled the thin bedding off of her body, ready to get out of the bed. But as she swung her legs over she remembered the fracture below her knee. She sighed, swinging them back into bed and under the covers.

"Good morning," a male nurse made his way in. He was bubbly and energetic, practically skipping into the room. "And how are we feeling—" he checked his clipboard, "Miss Collins."

Raegan managed a smile and replied, "I'm okay."

"You've got quite the character out there," the nurse chuckled. "I was just talking to him. He's even funnier in person than he is on TV!"

"James is here?" Raegan asked eagerly.

"Never left," the nurse assured her with a smile.

      Raegan's cheeks flushed crimson as she realized that James had stayed.

"So, how would you rate your pain level?" the nurse inquired.

"About a two. I have a slight headache and my leg is aching, but it's manageable," she replied. "Can I see James?"

    The nurse chuckled at her eagerness, "Of course, you'll get to see him in just a moment."

As the nurse finished taking her vitals, he turned his attention to the tray of food he had brought with him. He set it on the table beside Raegan's bed and uncovered the plate, revealing a small bowl of porridge. "Here's your breakfast," he announced cheerfully.

Raegan's stomach rumbled at the sight and aroma of the food. She thanked the nurse and eagerly began eating.

"So, shall I grab James?" the nurse asked.

“Yes please!”

The nurse, noticing Raegan's eagerness to see James, excused himself from the room for a moment. He returned shortly, accompanied by James.

"Hey there," James said softly as he approached her bedside. "How are you feeling?"

Raegan's eyes lit up at the sight of him. "Like a million bucks now that you're here," she teased, a playful glimmer in her eyes. "But seriously, thanks for staying with me all night, you simp!"

James chuckled and gave her a careful hug, being mindful of her injuries. "Simp? Not a chance," he replied, his voice filled with laughter. "I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving you alone. Besides, it's my duty as your personal 24/7 entertainment, right?"

Raegan let out a playful scoff. "Entertainment? More like a simp in shining armor," she teased. "But in all seriousness, thank you for being here. It means the world to me."

James grinned, his eyes filled with warmth. "You're worth it, Raegan. Always."

Raegan screwed up her face, masking her still-flushed cheeks. "Ew you simp!" she laughed.

James rolled his eyes, his cheeks now matching hers.

James settled himself on the chair next to Raegan's hospital bed, his eyes filled with concern. As she took another spoonful of porridge, he couldn't help but broach the topic that had been gnawing at him since last night. "Hey, Raegan, I couldn't help but overhear you arguing with your mum last night. Is everything alright?"

Raegan paused, her porridge-filled spoon balancing between her fingers mid-air. “Oh,” she laughed, “it was nothing.”

“It didn't sound like nothing. Is everything okay? I know you don't really talk about family much so I apologise if my concern is pushing on a boundary.”

Raegan shook her head, the spoon reaching her mouth. “Oh, it's just banter really,” she explained. “No bad blood or anything.” She looked at James knowing he wasn't so convinced. “She was just filled with adrenaline you know. Her only daughter getting hit by a car.”

James’ frown deepened. “So you’re an only child?”

Raegan nodded. “Yeah. Stopped at the best, which fortunately for them was first go.” James’ eye contact faded as he looked to the ground. “Mum told you didn't she?” she asked.

James nodded. “It's weird how little I actually know about you, Raegan.”

Raegan noticed the tension between them. “Sammy is barely my sister. We barely ever spoke or had anything to do with each other. I just didn't think it was necessary to bring up a past that I'm not even part of.”

“That’s not exactly what I heard,” James bit his lip in frustration.

A soft laugh escaped Raegan's lips, but it held a hint of bitterness. "That's my mum for you," she replied, her voice tinged with resignation. "She loves stirring the pot, creating drama where it doesn't exist."

"Raegan," James sighed, leaning back in his chair, his eyes searching hers. "Why aren't you being honest with me? I've heard bits and pieces about what really happened with Julian, about your relationship with your younger sister, and none of it came from you. And when I bring it up, you deny it. It isn't fair, Raegan."

“I'm always honest with you, James. There are just pieces of my life that's best left unspoken. I'm sure you get that,” Raegan defended herself.

But James shook his head, “no, I don't understand that. We’re in a relationship. We’re a team. How can we be if we’re hiding big parts of our lives from each other.”

“See, stirring the pot. Now there's unnecessary drama,” Raegan shook her head. “She always does this.”

James rose abruptly from his chair, his frustration evident in his voice and posture. "Raegan, it's not your mum who's creating drama here. It's you. She was just being honest, and you're the one who's lying and hiding things, making me feel foolish for asking."

Raegan's heart raced as she sat up, her eyes widening in disbelief. "James, what are you talking about? I'm not trying to make you feel foolish."

He took a step back, his expression filled with a mix of hurt and frustration. "Really? Because it certainly feels that way to me. Look, Raegan, I love you, and I care about you deeply, but maybe we need some space to figure things out. If you can't be honest with me about important matters like this, I don't know if I can continue in a relationship like that."

Her breath caught in her throat as he turned towards the door, ready to leave. "James," she pleaded, her voice trembling.

He paused, his hand on the doorknob, looking back at her. "I love you, okay?" he said, a bittersweet smile touching his lips. "But I need to reevaluate things. This side of you, the secrecy and evasion, it's making me uncertain."

Chapter .18

Raegan's eyes fluttered open, her senses slowly emerging from the depths of unconsciousness. The rhythmic beeping of medical equipment filled her ears. Confusion clouded her mind as she tried to piece together the fragments of her memory.

As her vision cleared, Raegan's gaze locked onto the figure standing beside her bed. A nurse, donned in crisp white scrubs, peered down at her with a clipboard clutched tightly in hand. The nurse's face remained impassive.

Frantically, Raegan tried to sit up, her body protesting against the exertion. The nurse's eyes widened with a mixture of surprise and concern as she gently pressed a hand against Raegan's shoulder, urging her to lie back down. "Please, stay calm," the nurse's voice was soothing yet tinged with an undercurrent of urgency. "You've been in an accident. You're in the hospital, and we're here to take care of you."

Raegan's heart raced. She scanned the room, taking in the sterile surroundings and the unfamiliar faces that flickered in and out of her line of sight. The beeping of the machines seemed to grow louder, echoing the frantic rhythm of her own heartbeat.

The nurse's gaze softened, a glimmer of empathy flickering in her eyes. "I understand that this is overwhelming, but we're here to help you. You sustained some injuries, nothing too serious, and the doctors are doing everything they can. You're in good hands."

The reassurance fell on deaf ears as fear and uncertainty clung to Raegan's psyche. Images of the accident flashed before her eyes, disjointed and fragmented. The taste of metal, the chilling coldness, and the absence of sensation all surged to the forefront of her mind, mingling with her racing thoughts.

"Where's James?" Raegan's voice trembled, her eyes darting around the sterile hospital room, searching for any sign of him. But the pain coursing through her body quickly reminded her of the extent of her injuries.

The nurse's gentle touch on her arm offered a semblance of ease. "You need to rest, Raegan," the nurse advised, her voice laced with compassion. "Your well-being is our priority, and your loved ones are right outside. Your mother and James are waiting for you."

As the nurse's words washed over her, Raegan's tense muscles gradually relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The cool sensation of the needle piercing her skin sent a soothing wave coursing through her veins, easing her pain and guiding her into a state of tranquility.

The hospital room took on a hazy quality, the edges of her consciousness blurring as the medication took effect. Colors seemed muted, and time itself seemed to stretch and twist, warping her perception. Raegan's eyelids grew heavy, her gaze fixed on the ceiling as her mind floated in an ocean of tranquillity.

James's phone rang, taking him out of his relaxed state. He hastily reached for it. As he glanced at the number, he groaned. Unknown number. "Hello?"he said answering the call.

"James?" she asked.

"That's me. Who is this?"

"James, it's Mrs. Collins. Raegan's mother," she began, her voice trembling with a mix of anxiety and worry. There was a weight to her words, and James felt his heart skip a beat. He braced himself, preparing for the news that would follow. "I need to tell you something," she continued, her voice quivering. "Raegan has been in an accident. It's... it's serious."

Hearing her words, James' eyes widened. Raegan had been in an accident, and her mother's trembling words conveyed the gravity of the situation. James felt a sudden surge of panic, his mind racing to comprehend the extent of her injuries.

He stood frozen for a moment, unable to process the flood of emotions overwhelming him. The world seemed to tilt on its axis, and the room closed in around him. With a deep breath, he gathered his composure, his determination taking hold. Raegan needed him now more than ever.

"What happened?" he managed to whisper, his voice barely audible.

Mrs. Collins took another deep breath before she continued, her voice filled with emotion. "There was a car crash. Raegan was involved. She's being taken to the hospital as we speak. I thought... I thought you should know."

"I'm on my way," James assured Mrs. Collins. The urgency in his tone mirrored the frantic pounding of his heart. Without hesitation, he grabbed his jacketas called an Uber, his thoughts consumed by the image of Raegan, hurt and in need of his support.

      The drive to the hospital was a blur, his mind a whirlwind of worry and prayers. Time seemed to stretch endlesslya he glanced out the window.

Finally, he arrived at the hospital, his heart pounding in his chest. As he rushed through the sliding doors, the antiseptic scent and the echoing sounds of bustling medical staff engulfed him.

A surge of relief washed over James as his gaze landed upon an older woman, her features bearing a resemblance to Raegan. With cautious steps, he approached her, taking in the weariness etched on her tear-stained face.

     His voice trembled with a mix of anxiety and hope as he spoke, "Excuse me, are you Mrs. Collins?"

The woman turned her weary eyes toward him, her expression a blend of sorrow and exhaustion. A flicker of recognition passed through her gaze as she nodded, her voice filled with a weariness that mirrored her appearance, "Yes, I am. Are you James?"

     James nodded, a knot forming in his throat as he struggled to keep his composure. "Yes, I'm James. How is she? Can I see her?"

Mrs. Collins reached out and gently placed a hand on his arm, her touch filled with a mix of sympathy and reassurance. "She's stable now. They're still running some tests, but she's resting. You can see her soon."

        Restlessly, he settled into a seat in the crowded waiting room, his fingers involuntarily fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Just moments ago, his mind had been occupied with thoughts of inviting Raegan out for breakfast in the morning. He was searching places nearby where she lived with the foods he knew she liked best.

    As he observed a patient being wheeled past, the screeching of the wheels echoed in his ears, sending waves of anxiety through his stomach. Despite Mrs. Collins' reassurance that Raegan was stable, an all consuming doubt crept into his thoughts, wondering if her words were merely an attempt to maintain his composure, shielding him from the full extent of the situation.

    He watched as Mrs. Collins sat down beside him. She didn't make eye contact, instead staring at the wall in front of them. "Damn drunk drivers," she cursed.

"Is that what happened?" James asked, still not completely sure on the situation.

She nodded, still maintaining a locked stare with the wall. "She must have been walking home when she was struck."

            James anxiously nibbled on his lower lip, his mind racing with concern. He had assumed Raegan was inside a vehicle during the accident, shielded by the safety of its structure. The realization that she had been walking, vulnerable and unprotected, sent a wave of sickness coursing through him. Trying to steady his trembling voice, he mustered the courage to ask, "If you don't mind me asking, how severe are her injuries?"

Mrs Collins turned to him with a faint but comforting smile. "It could have been a lot worse," she answered. "She needed a few stitched on her forehead, and a few on the back of her head. She also broke her leg but just a hairline fracture. It really could have been much worse. They're currently testing her now for any internal injuries."

They sat in an uneasy silence, both lost in their own thoughts. James felt the urge to ask more questions, but he didn't want to intrude or add any further burden to Mrs. Collins.

"She really likes you, you know?" Mrs Collins' smile widened. "Always James this, James that. She's worried she's not good enough for you but I told her that's stupid."

          "That is stupid," James agreed. "If anything, I wonder if I'm good enough for her. I mean, she's so beautiful and she's so smart."

Mrs. Collins chuckled softly. "Indeed, she is. Her sharp wit takes after her father, but those stunning looks, well, they come from me."

       James looked around, searching for any sign of a father figure. "Raegan never really mentioned her dad."

"There's not much to tell, I'm afraid," Mrs. Collins sighed. "He fell ill when she was young, and then he fell in love with his nurse and left us. We rarely hear from him these days. He gained custody of my youngest daughter, Samantha. Raegan and Samantha used to be close, but I don't think they've been in touch for a year or two now. I try not to pry."

        "I didn't even know she had a sister," James said, his frown deepening as he realized there was so much about Raegan he still didn't know. It stung a bit.

Mrs. Collins offered a comforting smile. "Don't take it to heart. I believe she prefers to keep it that way, to imagine she doesn't have a sister."

    "Did they have a falling out or something?" James inquired.

Mrs. Collins shrugged, her expression thoughtful. "Perhaps. Honestly, I try not to pry too much. I found itt's best to respect Raegan's boundaries when it comes to her relationships."

      As James nodded along, a nurse entered the room, making her way towards them. James observed the nurse's serious expression as she approached them, his heart racing. He tried to decipher her eyes, searching for any clue, but they remained devoid of emotion. Mrs. Collins acknowledged the nurse with a nod, her face a mix of hope and anxiety.

"Mrs. Collins?" the nurse questioned, her tone professional.

    "Yes, that's me," Mrs. Collins confirmed.

The nurse began to explain the extent of Raegan's injuries. "Raegan has no internal injuries, which is a relief. She has the injuries we discussed earlier, along with some bruising around her ribs. Given the impact of the car, she is incredibly fortunate."

        Mrs. Collins let out a sigh of relief, her tense shoulders relaxing slightly. "When can she be discharged?" she inquired.

The nurse paused, considering her response. "We would prefer to keep her overnight and into the following day for observation. The impact affected her chest and head, so it's crucial to closely monitor her for the next twenty-four hours and ensure there are no complications or internal bleeding."

      "Is she awake?" James inquired, his voice filled with concern.

The nurse nodded, her expression gentle. "Yes, she is awake, but she's still feeling drowsy. We administered a sedative, so she may be a bit disoriented and tired."

    James leaned forward, his eagerness evident. "Can we go in and see her?"

The nurse offered a reassuring smile. "Very soon. We just need to give her a little more time to fully regain her senses. Once she's more alert and comfortable, you'll be able to see her."

James shifted his gaze towards Raegan's mother, a hint of concern in his eyes. "Will anyone else be coming to see her?" he inquired.

      Mrs. Collins's face displayed a subtle frown. "I reached out to her father, but he didn't seem particularly concerned," she revealed.

"Asshole," James muttered under his breath.

    A nod of agreement came from Mrs. Collins. "Yes, that's probably one of the reasons why she chooses to pretend that part of her family doesn't exist," she admitted.

As they continued to converse, James couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions swirling inside him. The sight of Raegan lying in the hospital bed, battered and bruised, stirred a protective instinct within him. He wanted to be there for her, to support her through this challenging time. It was in moments like these that he realized how deeply he cared for her.

                              Mrs. Collins observed the range of emotions flickering across James' face. She placed a comforting hand on his arm. "You care for her, don't you?" she asked softly.

James nodded, "so much." He wanted to say so much more but his mind was blank at the worry of Raegan being hospitalised.

     "She's lucky to have someone like you. She needs someone who can take care of her without any bullshit," she mentioned. "I don't know if you have heard much about Julian."

"Unfortunately had the pleasure of meeting him," James sighed.

"She always spoke way too fondly of him for who he really was. She still does. I don't think she wants to admit the truth of that relationship."

"He was quite aggressive when I met him but she seemed quite shocked by that."

     Mrs. Collins nodded, acknowledging the situation. "I don't think Raegan would have been caught off guard. She's no stranger to hospital beds," she confessed, hinting at Raegan's past experiences.

James furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?" he pressed.

              Mrs. Collins let out a sigh, her gaze shifting slightly. "It's not my story to share. It's Raegan's story to tell," she replied, recognizing the need for respect and privacy.

"You have a very eager boyfriend waiting outside," one of the nurses remarked with a giggle as Raegan started to regain consciousness.

      "James is here?" she murmured, mustering the strength to sit up slightly.

The nurse hurried over, gently urging her to lay back down. "Yes, he's here, along with your mother," she reassured.

      Raegan's smile brightened. "Aw, they've come to visit little old me!"

"Now, are you feeling up to eating?" the nurse inquired. "We have a delicious pumpkin soup and a fresh sourdough dinner roll waiting for you!"

Raegan eagerly nodded. "I'm absolutely starving!"

"That's a great sign!" the nurse beamed. "Now, while your meal is being prepared, would you like me to discuss your injuries and what happened?"

Raegan nodded, her curiosity piqued. "I remember the car hitting me, but I felt fine afterwards."

"That was the adrenaline masking the pain," the nurse explained. "You were very fortunate, Miss Collins. Let's go over your injuries. Firstly, you have a hairline fracture in your right leg, just below the knee," she pointed to the X-ray displayed on the screen. "You'll need crutches for about three weeks at most."

"That's it?" Raegan asked, slightly surprised.

The nurse shook her head gently. "There's a little more. You sustained a significant impact to your head, resulting in four stitches above your eyebrow and three along your hairline," she described. "We also had to stitch up three small cuts under your ear on your neck, caused by the charm on your necklace. But don't worry, they are minor stitches. Additionally, you have some bruising around your ribs. The discoluration may appear severe, but we have confirmed that there is no bone or organ damage. As I said, you truly are lucky."

Raegan gently touched her face, tracing her fingertips along the area where the stitches were placed. "Theres also a little bruising under your right eye, but black eyes are very common in these situations and nothing to worry about," the nurse added.

Raegan nodded, "anything else?"

The nurse's expression brightened. "Actually, how would you feel about having a few visitors? You have two wonderful individuals waiting right outside, eager to see you."

A smile graced Raegan's lips as she nodded. "Yes, I would love to see them."

As the door to the hospital room swung open, Mrs. Collins entered with a mixture of relief and concern etched on her face. Her eyes welled up with tears, but she tried her best to hold them back, not wanting to alarm Raegan. Seeing her daughter lying in the hospital bed, Raegan's face still flushed with the effects of the medication, brought forth a bittersweet mix of emotions within her.

With a tender smile, Mrs. Collins approached the bedside and gently clasped Raegan's hand. "Oh, my brave girl," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "You scared me half to death, you know?"

Raegan, still under the influence of the sedative, smiled dreamily, oblivious to the gravity of the situation. She waved her hand in the air as if brushing away her mother's worries. "Hey, Mom. I'm okay," she slurred softly.

“Yes,” she laughed through tears, “Yes you are.”

"They're making me soup!" Raegan exclaimed, her words infused with a mix of excitement and childlike innocence.

Her mother's face softened. "You should have called me," she continued, her voice tinged with a hint of regret. "I would have been there to pick you up, to take care of you. You know that, don't you?"

A slight pout formed on Raegan's face as she shrugged, her drugged state blurring the lines of reasoning. "I just wanted to walk," she mumbled, her words carrying a touch of defiance.

Her mother let out a deep sigh. "And look where that got you," she said softly, her tone heavy with a mixture of disappointment and concern.

Raegan's brows furrowed, confusion clouding her dazed mind. "Why are you blaming me?" she asked.

“I'm not blaming you,” she expressed.

Raegan's voice rose, frustration evident in her tone. "Yes, you are!" she exclaimed. "It's just like last time I was here. Blah blah, you should have left when I told you to. Blah blah, if you had left, he wouldn't have thrown it at you."

“Thats not what I mean. You know that.”

“I just want my soup.”

"But you know I'm right," her mother continued. "If only you had listened to me and left when I told you to, you wouldn't have endured so much pain with him. And if you had called me, you wouldn't have been hit by that car."

Raegan's anger flared, her voice bellowing with pent-up emotions. "You can't even let me have the last word!" she exclaimed, her words tinged with resentment. "This is why Dad left!"

Her mother's eyes widened, hurt flickering across her face. "You take that back, Raegan Louise Collins!" she pleaded.

Just then, the nurse walked into the room, holding a tray with the promised soup. Sensing the tension in the air, she intervened with a gentle smile. "Alright, Raegan. It might be best for you to rest your beautiful voice and enjoy your soup," she suggested, trying to diffuse the situation. Turning to Mrs. Collins, she added, "And perhaps, Mum, you can wait outside for a moment until everyone has cooled down?"

Mrs. Collins nodded, her gaze filled with a mix of regret and concern. "Should I get James?" she asked, her voice softer now.

“Please,” Raegan mumbled as she picked up the metal spoon.

“You know she means well,” the nurse smiled. “She’s worried about you. She's scared and sometimes we don't think when we feel that way.”

Raegan shook her head, sipping at the lukewarm soup, “no she just gets like this sometimes. I swear at times she just sees me as the thing to blame for why my dad left and I probably just added to that fire from what I said.”

“Should I let James in or do you need a moment?” the nurse asked.

Chapter .17

Raegan laid down amongst the warm sheets, her phone still between her fingers. She'd never let another's words get to her, especially the words of a stranger. But there she laid in a pit of self pity.

      Raegan switched off her phone, feeling the weight of negative thoughts dissipate. In the dim bedroom, she turned off the bedside lamp, embracing the silence that allowed her doubts to resurface. The feeling of not being good enough lingered, making her question her place in James' life. She couldn't shake off the fear that she was a burden, a leech in his vibrant world.

She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, her mind replaying that night Julien made his way into her house. How he attacked James and her. As she reflected on everything that had happened, a sense of confusion washed over her. She couldn't understand why James would choose to stick around after witnessing the chaos Julien had brought into her life. Was it out of pity? Did he feel obligated to stay with her, even though she felt broken and damaged?

The doubts gnawed at her, making her wonder if she was simply a burden that James couldn't bring himself to let go of. Maybe he felt sorry for her and didn't want to abandon her in her time of need. The idea of being pitied was hard to swallow, and it fueled her feelings of insecurity.

      Raegan closed her eyes tightly, hoping to squeeze out the painful image that had haunted her thoughts.

Restless and unable to find solace in sleep, Raegan tossed and turned in her bed. As the hours ticked by, her mind became a battleground of insecurities and anxieties. She replayed every interaction, dissecting each word and gesture, searching for hidden meanings and signs of doubt. The weight of her doubts pressed upon her chest, making it difficult to breathe.

The silence of the night seemed to amplify her fears, and her imagination conjured up vivid scenarios of worst-case outcomes. She questioned her worthiness, wondering if she truly deserved someone as caring and supportive as James. Doubts cast shadows over her heart, making it difficult to see the love that had been freely given to her.

With each passing minute, exhaustion weighed heavily upon her, yet sleep remained elusive. The nagging voice of self-doubt persisted, reminding her of past mistakes and moments of weakness. It was as if her mind had become a vortex of insecurities, spinning her thoughts into an endless loop.

      Eventually, the first rays of dawn peeked through her window, signaling the arrival of a new day. She climbed out of her bed feeling fatigued and drained. She decided the best place for her to be right now was home—but not this home. She texted her mum, letting her know she would be visiting for the weekend.

On the train, Raegan plugged in her headphones, allowing the ambient sounds of her playlist to fill her ears. She switched her phone to airplane mode, disconnecting herself from the digital world. The haunting melody of "Liability" by Lorde started playing, its lyrics striking a chord with her current emotional state.

...They say, you're a little much for me. You're a liability. You're a little much for me. So they pull back, make other plans. I understand, I'm a liability. Get you wild, make you leave. I'm a little much for everyone...

She bit her lip attempting to hold back her emotions as they attempted to spill out yet let the song continue to play.

        Raegan gazed out of the train window, her eyes fixed on the changing scenery outside. The bustling cityscape gradually gave way to the serene countryside, as if the world itself was shifting gears. Tall buildings and crowded streets were replaced by rolling hills, dotted with trees and patches of vibrant green.

She watched as the urban chaos dissolved into a more tranquil and idyllic setting. The city noise faded into a gentle hum of nature, and the air seemed to grow cleaner with each passing mile. The landscape unfolded before her like a painting, with every stroke revealing the beauty of the natural world.

Stepping off the train, a rush of cool, refreshing air greeted Raegan. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and a sense of relief washed over her. In this new environment, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. She was determined to keep her phone on airplane mode, temporarily disconnecting herself from the demands of her daily life. All she longed for in that moment was to recapture the carefree spirit of her childhood, where worries and struggles were but distant echoes.

As she walked through the open space, Raegan couldn't help but feel a surge of nostalgia. The world seemed brighter and more vibrant, evoking memories of carefree days spent exploring and playing. The stresses and responsibilities that had weighed her down began to fade into the background, replaced by a yearning to reclaim the innocence and freedom of youth.

She reached her mother's house, ringing the doorbell. Almost instantly, the door opened, her mother smiling widely. She was greeted with the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. The scent of onion and garlic.

"Raegan!" Her mother beamed as she wrapped her arms around her. "I'm cooking up some pasta. You're just in time!"

"Great, cause I am starving," Raegan said as she stepped inside.

"So," her mother inquired, concern etched in her features. "Not that I'm not thrilled to have you here, but what brings you home? Is everything okay?"

Taking a seat at the familiar kitchen table, Raegan allowed her thoughts to drift back to her lingering uncertainties about James."My mind is just being a bitch."

Her mother raised an eyebrow, gently reminding her of their house rules. "Language, dear."

Apologizing for her slip, Raegan continued, "I made the mistake of letting some hurtful comments get under my skin. It's foolish, I know."

Her mother approached the table, placing a comforting hand on Raegan's. "Darling, people can be cruel. But their words don't define you. You're stronger than that."

"I know, it's just..." Raegan began, her voice trailing off as her mother placed a steaming bowl of pasta in front of her.

Her mother looked at her curiously, a concerned expression on her face. "How's James?" she asked, stirring the pasta sauce.

Raegan sighed, her fork twirling through the pasta. "Actually, that's kind of what those comments were about," she confessed. "It's just... James is, well, sort of a celebrity, and I can't help but feel like I'm just a leech. And it seems like I'm not the only one who thinks that."

Her mother's brow furrowed in surprise. "James thinks you're a leech?" she asked, her tone incredulous.

Raegan shook her head, taking a bite of pasta before responding. "No, not at all! James is amazing, practically perfect. That's the problem, though. I can't help but wonder if I deserve someone like him. I mean, who am I? Just some fortunate girl who happened to cross paths with him."

Her mother leaned closer, her gaze filled with empathy. "Raegan, listen to me. You are so much more than luck or chance. You deserve love and happiness, just like anyone else. James sees something in you, something special. Don't let doubt overshadow what you have."

"I'm the only one who's brought baggage and trouble to the relationship. And not just a little," Raegan sighed.

Her mother shook her head, a reassuring smile on her face. "But he didn't run away, did he? James likes you, Raegan. Why are you doubting that?"

Raegan shrugged, her brows furrowed. "I don't know, Mum. I guess it's just my own insecurities getting the best of me."

"Anyway, when am I meeting this James Aster?" Her mother's eyes sparkled with curiosity.

"Acaster, mum. Not Aster," Raegan laughed. "And I don't know. Whenever."

Her mother pulled out her phone. Raegan instantly knew she was most likely opening the calendar app. "Mum," she raised a brow, a slight growl to her voice.

"Mhmm," her mother smiled absentmindedly, "I'm free next week on Wednesday and Thursday."

"Mum!"

"Actually, if I swap my appointment around, I can do Tuesday too," she continued.

Raegan rolled her eyes as she took another large bite of her pasta. "I came over here because I'm not even sure I should be with him."

Silence filled the room. Her mother sat her phone down as if pondering her next move. "I love him," Raegan continued, "it feels like we were destined to be together, you know? But I also feel like I'm weighing him down."

    Yep room filled with a heavy weight. Her mother set her phone down, her expression thoughtful as she considered her response. "Why would you say that?" she simply asked

"You know why."

"Because some random spiteful girls in a bathroom said so?" her mother looked almost sickened in her daughter at that moment. "I raised you better than that, Raegan Collins. Who cares what they think?"

"Clearly I do. Raegan Collins."

"Don't be stupid!" her mother spat.

            Raegan looked down, her fork twirling aimlessly in her pasta. "It's not just their words," she muttered, her voice barely audible. "It's something that has lingered in the back of my mind, questioning if I'm good enough for him, if I'm just weighing him down."

"Raegan," her mother shook her head.

"I know. But that's why I came here. To get away from it all. From him, Julian, work. Sometimes it's all too much and I don't like to admit that but I feel so..."

"Overwhelmed?"

Raegan nodded, "overwhelmed, tired."

            Her mother sighed. Her harsh but loving mothering turning to one of simple comfort. "How about I whip up one of my famous banana milkshakes for you?" she offered.

Raegan smiled, "please!"

  "But," her mother continued, extending a shopping bag towards Raegan, "I need a small favor from you. I need some fresh bananas."

Raegan furrowed her brow, a hint of reluctance in her expression. "An errand?" she questioned, hesitating.

Her mother placed a reassuring hand on Raegan's arm. "Just a short walk to the grocery store," she encouraged. "It'll do you good to get some fresh air and stretch your legs. Besides, the change of scenery might help clear your mind."

Raegan took the bag with a sigh, "fine," she huffed.

"Twenty-seven years of age yet you still act as though you're fourteen," her mother laughed.

Raegan popped in her earphones and walked along the quiet countryside. It wasn't exactly a short walk. She glanced up ahead at the long road in front of her. She had good memories of this place. Her and her high school best friend, Gabriella used to take the tractor up this road, flaunting it at its top gear like typical country kids. She had changed so much since then.

          Glancing down at the dust swirling around her shiny leather loafers, Raegan couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between her present self and the girl she used to be.

As much as the country wasn't her cup of tea anymore, she relished in the nostalgia of it all.

       After what felt like the longest fifteen minutes of her life, she arrived at the local grocer. She certainly wasn't in London anymore. Everyone was sporting plaid button-down shirts, blue jeans, and dust-covered boots.

She reached out and grabbed a brown paper bag, carefully placing half a dozen bright yellow bananas inside. With the bag in hand, she made her way to the counter, her heart skipping a beat when she heard a familiar voice.

"Raegan Collins, what the hell are you doing in this neck of the woods?" a voice exclaimed.

    Raegan turned towards the source of the voice and her eyes lit up with recognition. "Harry Devlin," she said with a smile, "how long has it been?"

"Like ten years," he laughed, his eyes twinkling with nostalgia.

Harry was Raegan's first love. They had met back in eighth grade and had shared a whirlwind romance until the eleventh. As she looked at him now, she couldn't help but notice that he still possessed the same charm and handsomeness that had captivated her all those years ago. His tall frame, unshaven stubble, and dark curls that fell effortlessly around his ears. However, she couldn't help but compare him to James and realize that Harry was no longer the one who held her heart.

           "How long are you in town for?" Harry asked, breaking her reverie as he scanned the bananas.

"Heading back either tonight or in the morning," she replied, her gaze locked with his.

"You should stay for the night," Harry suggested, a deviant glimmer in his eyes. "Remember Zachary and Miles? We're throwing a little get-together at St. Johnson's, the pub just across the street. Just a few drinks and laughs. Come along! For old time's sake. I know there's still a country girl in there somewhere."

        Raegan hesitated, contemplating his invitation. She had come to this place to find solitude and reflect on her thoughts, not to dive into a night of revelry. But a part of her yearned for the nostalgia and the connection with her past. Finally, she let out a sigh and spoke, her voice tinged with uncertainty. "Maybe another time," she frowned, her fingers nervously gripping the bag of bananas.

"Come on, even just for an hour or two?" Harry persisted, his eyes pleading.

         Raegan sighed, realizing that a brief reunion wouldn't hurt. "Okay," she relented, her gaze meeting his. "What time does it start?"

A wide smile spread across Harry's face. "Eight," he replied.

"Okay," Raegan nodded, her resolve firming. "So, I'll be there."

Harry's smile widened as he winked. "Certainly," he said, his voice filled with anticipation. "You better believe it'll be worth your time."

        We took the bag and began to walk out of the store, placing her earphones back in.

Raegan handed the bag of bananas to her mother, who looked at her with a curious expression. "Feel better?" her mother asked, concern etched on her face.

She shrugged, her mind still lingering on the encounter with Harry. "I ran into Harry," she confessed, her voice tinged with a mix of nostalgia and uncertainty.

Her mother's eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, yeah, that's right," she said, nodding. "He's been running the grocer ever since his father passed away a few years back. I probably should have warned you about that."

Raegan waved off her mother's concern with a smile. "No, it's okay," she reassured her. "Actually, he invited me to a small party tonight. I told him I'd stop by for an hour or two."

Her mother's eyebrows rose in surprise. "A party? Well, that sounds interesting."

                Raegan nodded, her smile widening. "Yes, I think it could be fun. It's been a while since I've seen Harry and some of the others from our old gang."

As her mother began preparing the milkshake, Raegan's curiosity sparked, and she couldn't help but inquire about the current lives of Harry and their old friends. "So, what's been going on with Harry and the others? I didn't really get a chance to ask about their personal lives."

     Her mother shrugged, her hands expertly moving about the kitchen. "Well, Zach has ventured into plumbing. He's quite talented, you know. He actually came over not long ago to fix that pesky leaking shower tap. Always the reliable one. And do you remember Anita?"

Raegan nodded, memories flooding back. "The girl in the wheelchair, right?"

"Yes, that's her," her mother confirmed with a smile. "She recently got married! Found herself a wonderful partner in Dr. Newman's nephew."

Raegan's eyes widened with surprise. "Marcus Newman? Wow, I remember him."

Her mother nodded, her voice filled with pride. "Indeed, they make a lovely couple."

     Curiosity piqued, Raegan leaned closer, eager for more updates. "And what about Harry? What's he been up to?"

A mischievous glint danced in her mother's eyes as she answered, "Well, Harry has taken an interesting turn. He's been working at the grocer, but he's also been training to join the police force."

Raegan couldn't help but burst into laughter at the unexpected news. "Harry as a cop? That's something I never would have imagined."

          Her mother joined in the laughter, shaking her head. "I had a similar reaction, given his past misadventures. But he seems to have found a calling in law enforcement."

That night, Raegan slipped into a cozy coat, her hair pulled back into a simple ponytail. Uncertain about the dress code for the gathering, she opted for a casual yet stylish ensemble. As she prepared to leave, a thought crossed her mind, and she decided to switch her phone off aeroplane mode, curious to see if James had sent her any messages.

Opening her messages, she was greeted with a flood of ten messages from James. Her heart fluttered at the sight of the heart emojis and abundance of X's, a clear display of his affection. A warm smile spread across her face as she realized how lucky she was to have someone like James in her life. Taking a moment to bask in the sweet exchange, she powered off her phone once again, ready to immerse herself fully in the present moment and enjoy the company of her old friends.

Her mother kindly dropped her off outside the pub, the sounds of yelling and cheering permeating through the doors. Stepping out of the car, Raegan bid her farewell with a wave before making her way inside. As she entered the lively establishment, a familiar voice caught her attention.

"No way!" a higher-pitched voice exclaimed, accompanied by hurried footsteps.

Turning her head, Raegan spotted Brittany, another close friend from her school days. A warm smile crossed her lips as they embraced in a tight hug.

"Hi!" Raegan greeted her, feeling a sense of comfort in the familiarity.

"Please tell me you've run away from stinky old London?" Brittany quipped, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Chuckling, Raegan shook her head. "No way! I love it way too much over there. I'm just visiting for the night."

"That's a shame!" Brittany pouted playfully. "You belong here. I know you do!"

Raegan's gaze wandered around the pub, searching for the one who had invited her. Sensing her curiosity, Brittany chimed in, her voice laced with a suggestive tone.

"Looking for Harry?" she asked, her grin widening.

Nodding, Raegan replied, "Yeah, I'm only here for an hour or two, so I wanted to make sure I said hi since he invited me."

Brittany leaned in, her tone turning more serious. "He's still totally into you, you know. He talks about you all the time!"

A flicker of unease passed through Raegan's eyes as she understood the underlying intent behind her invitation. "I have a boyfriend," she asserted, her voice tinged with conviction.

Brittany shrugged nonchalantly. "But he's in London. This is your home. Plus, I can see it in your eyes—you're curious."

"No, I'm not. Actually, I think I should leave," Raegan firmly stated, a touch of disappointment in her voice.

Brittany's expression turned remorseful. "Wait! Shit! Sorry!" she muttered, realizing her mistake.

Turning back toward Brittany, Raegan softened her stance. "Look, I came here to reconnect with friends, not to throw my morals away."

"No, I totally get that. My bad," Brittany apologized sincerely. "I just thought wrong. But Harry is over by the bar if you want to say hi."

Raegan nodded appreciatively, acknowledging Brittany's gesture, and made her way toward the bar to greet Harry.

Raegan approached the crowded bar, scanning the room until her eyes landed on Harry. He was leaning against the counter, chatting with a group of friends, his smile infectious as always. She couldn't deny that seeing him brought back memories of their shared past, but she also knew that those memories belonged in a different time and place.

Taking a deep breath, Raegan mustered her courage and tapped Harry on the shoulder. He turned around, his eyes widening in surprise as he caught sight of her.

"Raegan!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine warmth. "I didn't think you'd actually come."

She offered him a small smile. "I said I'd stop by for a bit, didn't I?"

Harry's smile widened, and he pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm so glad you did!"

As they broke the embrace, Raegan studied Harry's face. Time had been kind to him, adding a touch of maturity to his features. Yet, despite the familiarity and the lingering connection between them, she knew deep down that her heart belonged to someone else.

"So, tell me, what have you been up to in that big city of yours?" Harry asked, genuine curiosity in his eyes.

Raegan paused for a moment, reflecting on the whirlwind of her life in the bustling metropolis. "Well, I've been working in marketing, actually running my own business now. It's been quite a journey, but I'm living my dream."

Harry's smile widened. "That's incredible. I always knew you had that spark in you."

She chuckled softly. "Thanks, Harry. And, um, I've also started seeing someone new. His name is James."

The mention of James seemed to pique Harry's interest. "James? Is he the same James you were on TV with?"

Raegan nodded, a mixture of pride and excitement evident on her face. "Yes, the very same. He's from a completely different world, and being a part of his life has been an amazing experience."

Harry's brows furrowed slightly, his expression shifting to a mix of curiosity and maybe even a tinge of longing. "I'm happy for you, Raegan. Truly. Sounds like you've found something special."

"Thank you," she smiled.

       "So, this James guy... Is he treating you right?" Harry asked with a suggestive tone, his voice laced with a hint of flirtation.

Raegan shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling her personal space invaded. She attempted to steer the conversation back to safer ground. "Yeah, he's really great. My mum told me you're joining the police force. How's that going?"

But Harry persisted, undeterred by her attempts to change the subject. His hand grazed hers intentionally as he reached for his glass, a touch that sent a shiver down her spine. "Great. I've always wondered what it would have been like if we stayed together, Raegan. Someone so adventurous and free-spirited."

     Feeling increasingly uneasy, Raegan took a small step back, creating some distance between them. She tried to respond firmly, yet politely. "Harry, you need to stop."

Harry's gaze lingered on her, his expression betraying a mix of disappointment and persistence. "I understand, Raegan, but can't blame a guy for trying, can you? You've always had this effect on me."

Raegan felt her discomfort grow, her instincts telling her that it was time to leave. She mustered up a smile, attempting to diffuse the tension. "Harry, it's been nice catching up, but I think I should head home now. Take care."

With those words, Raegan made a swift exit, feeling a sense of relief as the cool night air embraced her outside the pub. She decided to walk it off, wanting to get this night off her mind.

She walked along the dark country road, her footsteps unsteady as the effects of her two quick drinks began to take hold. The evening air felt cool against her flushed cheeks, adding to the light-headed sensation that enveloped her. Lost in her thoughts, she found herself instinctively balancing along the faded white line that marked the edge of the road, a playful act reminiscent of her carefree childhood.

     Her arms extended outward, mimicking the wings of a tightrope walker, she teetered and tottered with childlike grace. The painted line blurred beneath her unsteady feet, but she continued, finding a strange sense of solace in this simple act of balance. It was as if, for a fleeting moment, she could escape the complexities of her adult life and embrace the innocence and freedom of youth once more.

Suddenly, a blaring car horn pierced the night, jolting Raegan out of her daydreaming. She stumbled, her body lurching to the side as she turned to face the source of the noise. Panic flooded her senses as she saw the glaring headlights of a car, swerving out of control. Time seemed to slow down as she desperately tried to regain her balance, her heart pounding in her chest.

As the car got closer she regained her balance but it was too late. In an instant, her world descended into chaos. The collision sent her sprawling onto the unforgiving ground, her body crashing against the cold, dusty surface. The rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins masked the pain, leaving her momentarily numb. The symphony of chaos continued around her, the screeching of tires and the frantic shouts of the driver merging into a disorienting racket.

"Holy shit! I'm so sorry. I'm calling the ambulance!" the driver panicked.

"Honestly, I feel fine," she mumbled.

She noticed the worried expression on the man's face. Then her worry set in. She felt fine because she felt nothing and she struggled to make sense of her surroundings. The taste of metal lingered in her mouth, a metallic tang that permeated the air around her. She reached up to touch her neck, her fingers brushing against the cold, wet texture.

Chapter .16

Raegan woke up to the delightful aroma of syrup wafting through the air, accompanied by the sound of something sizzling in a pan. She turned her head and noticed the empty space beside her in the bed. A wide grin spread across her face as she directed her gaze towards the door, where she could hear James singing joyfully from the kitchen.

The past few days everything felt so peaceful. Not a peep from Julian. And now no need to keep her and James' relationship so secretive. It felt freeing.

Raegan rushed out of bed, quickly putting on her jacket to ward off the chill of the autumn air. She entered the kitchen to find James placing a burnt pancake on a plate.

"Oh, no," she chuckled, observing his efforts to salvage the pancake by scraping off the burnt parts.

"Enough with the jokes," he laughed along, "I'm having Bake Off flashbacks already!"

"How did you—" Raegan began to ask before getting cut off.

"Don't," he said as he held up his pointer finger, "don't even ask!"

Raegan walked closer to the stove and took charge of the situation. Grabbing a fresh pan and wiping it clean, she turned on the heat and let it warm up. "Here's how it's actually done, Acaster," she said, her tone playful yet confident. She poured the batter onto the pan, forming a perfect circle.

           James watched intently, his eyes fixed on Raegan's every move. She effortlessly flipped the pancake with a flick of her wrist, revealing a golden-brown perfection on the other side. It sizzled as it continued to cook.

"Now, this is how a pancake should look," she declared with a smirk. "No more burnt disasters."

"It wasn't that bad," James shook his head as he lifted his pancake from the plate.

"Really?" Raegan teased, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

James nodded confidently, a playful smile spreading across his face. "Now that the burnt bits have been removed, it looks no worse than yours."

Raegan couldn't help but chuckle at his remark. "Whatever makes you feel better about it," she replied, playfully rolling her eyes as she handed him the perfectly cooked pancake.

James took the pancake, taking a small bite as Raegan watched for his reaction.

"Mmm, this is amazing," he mumbled withis mouth full.

"You can thank my mum for that," she smiled, "she had me cooking before I could even walk."

James raised an eyebrow as he took another bite. "This is so fucking good, bheh-bheh!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah yeah," Raegan chuckled as she poured more pancake batter onto the hot pan. "I suppose anything that doesn't resemble a charred pancake would amaze you," she playfully remarked

As she playfully poked fun at him, James couldn't help but retaliate. With a mischievous grin, he scooped up a small piece of the burnt pancake and flicked it in her direction.

It landed on Raegan's cheek, leaving a tiny smudge. She blinked in surprise, her expression shifting from amusement to a mock glare. "Oh, you're asking for it now," she warned.

Without missing a beat, James leaned forward, seizing the opportunity. As Raegan scowled at him, he swiftly closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss.

As they broke the kiss, Raegan's mock glare had melted into a smile. She playfully nudged him. "You think you can get away with that just because you kissed me?"

James chuckled. "Well, it seemed like a fair trade for a burnt pancake smudge on your cheek. Besides, kissing you is always a good idea."

"It wasn't even a good kiss," she said as she broke eye contact, looking back at the sizzling pancake. "I mean, after all this time, you'd think you'd have it down."

"Please," James scoffed. "My lips make you weak at the knees."

Raegan continued to playfully challenge him, unable to resist pushing his buttons. She carefully placed the pancake on a plate, raising an eyebrow at him. "I disagree," she countered. "I've had better."

James pretended to be unfazed, a smug smile playing on his lips. "Ah, I see what you're doing," he remarked, seeing through her teasing. "You're baiting me to kiss you again. But I won't fall for it."

"Well," Raegan took a bite, "then that's your loss, isn't it?"

James leaned in closer, his warm breath grazing against Raegan's cheek as he whispered in her ear. Her heartbeat quickened, and she struggled to suppress a shiver that ran down her spine.

"Whatever makes you feel better about it," he whislered. His words lingered in the air, carrying a hint of intimacy.

"Don't use my words against me, Acaster," Raegan retorted, playfully raising an eyebrow at him as he made his way toward the couch.

James grinned mischievously, his eyes gleaming with a playful spark. "I do as I please, bheh-bheh," he replied, punctuating his response with a wink.

Raegan couldn't resist the opportunity to keep teasing James as he settled onto the couch. She followed him, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Closing the distance between them, she sat down beside him, their bodies touching.

With a playful twinkle in her eyes, she playfully draped her bare legs over his lap. She watched as James' eyes darted down to them. But she wasn't finished. She took another bite of her pancake, letting out an overtly suggestive moan, "so good!"

"Really?" James tried to hold back laughter.

She met his eyes, biting her lip as she also attempted to hold back her laughter.

Raegan playfully let a piece of her pancake slip from her hand, purposely allowing it to fall down her shirt. Her eyes never left James as her hand discreetly searched for the crumb hidden beneath her clothes.

"You're not serious?" he laughed again.

With a mixture of amusement and determination, James took the plate from Raegan's hands and set it carefully on the coffee table. He leaned in, his body partially hovering over hers, as his fingers retrieved the wandering piece of pancake that had found its way to her neck. A self-assured smirk formed on his lips. "You playing a dangerous game, Raegan," he remarked, his voice laced with a hint of seductive playfulness.

"Oh, look at you being all suave with your words," she quipped, relishing that look in his eyes.

James raised a brow before leaning his full weight over her, his lips gently brushing against her neck. "Admit I'm a good kisser," he whispered.

"Oh, absolutely not!" Raegan scoffed. "I wouldn't lie to you like that!"

"I'll make you say it."

At those words, Raegan's eyes went wide. She wasn't used to this side of James. Usually he was sweet and playful. Never was he so—

James' lips kissed below her ear sending Raegan's mind into a foggy haze. She felt a moan brew in her throat and she fought to keep it buried.

Raegan felt a surge of conflicting emotions as James pressed closer, his lips tantalizingly close to her neck. Part of her was desperate to give in to the passionate temptation of his kisses, but she resisted, determined not to surrender so easily.

She mustered her strength and gently pushed against James' chest, creating a small space between them. Their eyes locked, a silent challenge passing between them.

"You're playing a risky game," Raegan said, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I won't admit defeat."

A mischievous twinkle danced in James' eyes as he leaned back, a smirk playing on his lips. "Oh, I'm just getting started."

Raegan sat up, watching as James thought intently, staring back at her. "So, what's your plan?" she asked curiously.

James shrugged, "I don't need a plan."

"Your plan is you don't need a plan?"

James nodded as he stroked a strand of hair behind Raegan's ear. "You'll give in."

Raegan reached for her pancake, ignoring his advances. "Is that so?"

James didn't respond. Instead he leaned back against the couch, stretching out his long, thin legs. Raegan's eyes darted towards them as if they had a mind of their own.

James noticed her gaze lingering on his legs, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. "Something caught your attention?" he teased, his tone laced with amusement.

Raegan rolled her eyes, trying to maintain her composure. "Don't flatter yourself, Acaster."

She matched his posture, leaning against the couch, her legs elongated as she leaned them over the coffee table. She looked over at him, meeting his eyes. "Consider myself flattered," James smirked.

Raegan savored the taste of her pancake, her attention momentarily shifting to the television playing in the background. The monotonous morning news failed to captivate her interest, filled with trivial stories and forced laughter from the presenters. A headline about a traffic jam flashed across the screen, further contributing to her growing frustration.

Turning her gaze towards James, she discovered that he was already fixated on her. His eyes locked onto hers, a mixture of amusement and anticipation evident in his expression. Raegan and James exchanged a knowing glance, their shared desire intensifying with each passing moment. Without hesitation, they leaned closer to each other, succumbing to the allure of the playful game. James gently entwined his fingers in her hair, pulling her nearer to him, while their lips met in a passionate embrace.

Their tongues intertwined with an undeniable chemistry as the kiss deepened. She smirked to herself beneath him as she wondered how she always ended up in this position.

The kiss broke and James' eyes were dark. They spoke a million words yet none were readable to Raegan.

"James," she said as her lip dragged between his teeth.

"I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you too."

She smiled at him, feeling an immediate sense of comfort. It was remarkable how quickly they had become at ease with each other. Being around him felt like being home, even when home wasn't missing. His eyes held a twinkle, and the way his smile creased his under eyes was endearing. It was a comfortable feeling, but not in a boring way. It was a comfort that still carried an air of excitement and possibility.

"You're staring at me," James remarked with a wider smile. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"You," Raegan replied simply.

"Me?" he questioned, his curiosity piqued.

Raegan nodded, her expression playful. "Yeah, just thinking about how truly annoying you can be."

"Ha-ha," he rolled his eyes as he got up from the couch, making his way to the kitchen to tidy up.

Raegan's eyes followed James as he walked to the kitchen, a faint smile playing on her lips. Her eyes focused on the crease of his sweater, imagining how she had just had it bunched in her hands. Her eyes darted upward to his messy blonde locks, how her fingers had just grazed through them so carelessly.

As James started washing the pan, Raegan reached for the remote and turned up the volume of the television. The monotonous news droned on, failing to captivate her attention with its lack of excitement or intrigue.

Interrupting the silence, James's voice emerged from the kitchen. "I was thinking, we should visit Ed today."

Raegan's nod was accompanied by a casual response, her gaze still fixed on the screen. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

"It has been a while since we last saw Ed," James commented, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. "I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite to eat or having a drink with him." A playful chuckle escaped his lips as he recalled a particular memory. "And who knows, maybe we'll end up doing some tabletop dancing after a couple of gin martinis."

Raegan playfully narrowed her eyes at James. "Why do you always have to bring up my embarrassing moments?" she chuckled. "You know that wasn't my finest hour."

James grinned mischievously. "Oh, come on, Raegan. Don't be shy. Tell me, what were you singing again?"

Raegan's cheeks flushed, and she shook her head. "No, absolutely not. I refuse to relive that moment."

But James couldn't resist the opportunity for some good-natured teasing. He turned around, brandishing the sudsy spatula in his hand, and started singing at the top of his lungs, "Shake it off! Shake it off!"

"Stop!" Raegan laughed.

"And the players gonna play play play play play," he continued to sing.

        "Somehow Julien is looking better and better each day," she sighed as she threw the throw blanket over her head.

"Excuse me?" James exclaimed, faking shock with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Raegan removed the blanket from her face, locking eyes with James. "And to set the record straight, it wasn't even Shake It Off!"

James folded his arms, a playful anticipation in his expression as he waited for her explanation.

"It was Out Of The Woods," she clarified, a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Did you want me to start singing that instead?" James winked.

Raegan playfully tossed the blanket back over herself, muffling her voice. "No!" she exclaimed, her tone lighthearted.

James chuckled as he resumed his cleaning. "Good, because I must confess, I don't really know the lyrics," he admitted. "But let's get back on track. Ed, remember?"

Raegan peeked out from under the blanket, nodding in agreement. "No drinks," she clarified.

"Fair enough, but we're definitely getting some food, right?" James inquired.

Emerging from her cozy hiding spot, Raegan flashed a smile and nodded enthusiastically. "I'm absolutely craving Chinese!"

"So, Chinese food, no dirty martinis, no Taylor Swift songs, and yes to Ed?" James summarized their conversation.

Raegan shook her head in mock outrage. "I would never say no to Taylor Swift!" she retorted playfully.

James chuckled. "Alright, no drunken Taylor Swift singing then," he clarified, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"That's definitely a better plan," she agreed.

"Is it though? I mean, I enjoy watching you make a fool of yourself," James teased, making his way back to the couch.

Raegan responded with an eye roll. "Stop trying to be cute," she said, suppressing a smile. "Anyway, if we're going to meet Ed, you should be the one to call him."

James feigned surprise, placing a hand over his chest. "Me? Why me?"

Raegan smirked mischievously. "Because you're the one who suggested it. Besides, he's your friend."

James sighed dramatically. "Fine, I'll call him. But I'll be sure to tell him you said he's my friend but not yours."

"Don't put words in my mouth, Acaster!"

James pulled out his phone, his playful grin not fading. "They're your words, Raegan!"

That evening, they arrived at a nearby Chinese restaurant. It exuded a quaint charm, adorned with Chinese statues, figurines, and vibrant posters of dragons. The shelves were filled with trinkets and decorations, immersing the space in an atmosphere of Chinese culture. The three of them settled at a cozy table towards the back, enjoying the warm glow of red hanging lanterns overhead.

As they settled in, Ed couldn't help but voice his curiosity. His gaze shifted back and forth between Raegan and James. "So, I just want to know, when did this all start?" he inquired, his eyes filled with intrigue.

"It was probably your party," James shrugged nonchalantly.

Raegan shook her head, her expression thoughtful. "No, I'd say it started a little after that."

James lifted the menu, scanning its contents. "It just sort of happened gradually," he replied, his tone casual as he considered their dining options.

"And why didn't you tell me?" Ed asked. "Why did I only actually find out after the Julien incident?"

"I'm curious," Raegan twisted the conversation, "when did you realise?"

     Ed smirked, a knowing look in his eyes. "It was that time we got Indian food," he recalled. "I noticed James reaching for your thigh, and if that didn't make me realise you both spent every waking minute together and James wouldn't shut up about you!"

Raegan turned to James with blushing cheeks, "oh," she spoke quietly.

"But back to my question, why didn't you tell me?"

      Raegan shrugged, "I don't know. It was so soon after Julien and then we just kind of started enjoying the secrecy."

Ed turned his attention to James who was unusually quiet. "And is your answer the same?" Ed asked him.

     James nodded, his voice tinged with a hint of awkwardness. "Yeah, pretty much," he replied.

Ed's gaze shifted to the menu on the table, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "Well," he began, offering a warm smile, "I'm genuinely happy for both of you. You're a much better match than Julien ever was." He then turned to Raegan, his eyes filled with warmth. "And Raegan, you're a far better fit for James than Elise."

Raegan paused, her curiosity heightened. Who was this Elise that Ed had mentioned? It occurred to her that James hadn't delved much into his past dating experiences, and to be fair, neither had she, aside from the mention of Julien.

James nodded, "definitely," he mumbled.

     "Who's Elise?" Raegan couldn't resist the urge to seek answers.

Ed glanced at James with an apologetic expression. "Just a girl he used to date," Ed clarified. "Nothing too serious."

        James raised an eyebrow, contradicting Ed's statement. "It was serious for her," he interjected.

Curiosity sparked in Raegan's eyes as she leaned closer to James, eager to hear the details. "Tell me more," she urged, hoping to uncover some juicy gossip.

     James chuckled lightly, reminiscing about the past. "She was a lovely girl, but things took a turn," he began.

Ed chimed in, completing the story. "She became a little too obsessed and started stalking him," Ed revealed.

       "Pretty much," James confirmed, joining in the laughter as they shared the memory of this peculiar chapter in his dating history.

"Now that you mention it, I don't know much about your dating history beyond the girls you dated publicly," Raegan probed further.

Ed chuckled, realizing he had stirred up the conversation. "Sorry about that."

James shrugged, unfazed by the question. "There's not much to tell, really. Besides Elise, the most interesting part of my dating life was getting dumped for Mr. Bean, and you already know about that," he said with a playful smirk.

Ed interjected, adding a new name to the mix. "Maybe you should tell James about Scott," he suggested mischievously.

     Curious, James turned to Raegan, a questioning expression on his face. "Who's Scott?" he asked.

Raegan shot a playful glare at Ed. "You're such a dick!" she exclaimed, playfully teasing him.

      "Well?" James persisted, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Raegan sighed, contemplating whether to reveal her past dating experience. "Alright, fine. Before I dated Julien, I was seeing this guy named Scott. He was an architect, and I have to admit, his wealth was part of the attraction," she admitted, raising her hands in a defensive gesture. "Things were going well at first, but then the gifts he gave me started turning into straight-up cash. It was like I unknowingly became a... well, let's just say I was involved in something I didn't sign up for."

    "He thought you were a hooker?" James raised an incredulous eyebrow.

Raegan nodded, her glare still directed at Ed for bringing up the embarrassing memory. "I thought we were developing a genuine connection, but apparently he saw it as nothing more than paying for sex and a pretend relationship."

    "How long did it last?" James asked.

"Five months."

        The conversation gradually came to a halt as the trio focused their attention on the menu before them. Raegan perused the extensive list of Chinese dishes, her eyes lingering on the familiar favorites. Beside her, James scanned the options with equal interest, his finger tracing along the descriptions.

      "I think I'll go for the Kung Pao shrimp," James finally decided, a hint of excitement in his voice.

Raegan nodded approvingly. "Good choice. And I'll have the braised Kao Fu, please," she told the waiter, who jotted down their orders with a smile.

Ed chimed in, "I'll go for the chicken chow mein, and let's not forget some spring rolls for starters."

With the menus returned, Raegan's attention shifted to the captivating dragon painting adorning the restaurant wall. Its vibrant colors and intricate details held her gaze, momentarily transporting her to a world of mythical wonder. The ambiance of the place added to the overall charm, creating a cozy and inviting atmosphere.

James pulled Raegan closer, his arm enveloping her in a warm embrace. His sigh of contentment resonated through her, and she nestled comfortably against him. "I'm really glad you introduced us, Ed," James declared.

Ed smiled, "I mean, this wasn't my intent but I'll take the credit," he laughed.

           As the conversation settled into a comfortable rhythm, the waiter arrived at their table with glasses of water. Setting them down, he offered a polite smile before departing to attend to other guests. Raegan reached for her glass, taking a sip.  

Ed was engrossed in his phone. His focus seemed momentarily diverted from the lively banter at the table. Raegan glanced over at him, a playful smirk dancing on her lips. "Ed, are you still with us?" she quipped, raising an eyebrow. "Or have you fallen into the endless abyss of social media?"

Ed looked up, momentarily startled. "Oh, sorry," he chuckled sheepishly.

The aroma of Chinese delicacies began to fill the air. The waiter approached their table, carrying a tray laden with plates of steaming hot food. He skillfully distributed the dishes, placing them in the center of the table for everyone to share.

Raegan wasted no time in grabbing her chopsticks, eagerly digging into the delicious spread. She couldn't resist a taste of the crispy spring roll, the savory flavors dancing on her tongue. She savored each bite, relishing the delicate balance of flavors and textures.

As Raegan took another bite, a burst of savory fillings unexpectedly escaped from the spring roll, landing on her lap. Startled, she glanced down, her eyes widening in dismay at the greasy stain that now tarnished her jeans.

Reacting swiftly, James reached for a napkin, extending it to her. He was attempting to be sympathetic but couldn't conceal his laughter well.

“Thanks,” she sighed as she attempted to wipe it off. But her sigh only grew longer as the stain merely spread. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom and attempt to wipe this off,” she stated, looking back and forth between James and Ed.

Standing up from the table, she discreetly covered the embarrassing grease stain with her hand, concealing it from prying eyes. She made her way to the restroom.

Inside the bathroom stall, Raegan took a deep breath and assessed the situation. She grabbed a paper towel, wetting it with water from the sink, and began gently dabbing at the stubborn grease stain on her jeans. As she focused, the sound of voices from the neighboring stall caught her attention.

Two girls were engaged in a conversation, their words carrying through the thin walls. Raegan strained to listen, her curiosity piqued by their topic. It didn't take long for her heart to sink as their words hit her ears.

"Did you see James Acaster is in the restaurant?" one of the girls exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah, I noticed. But did you see who he's with? Some ugly bitch. Can't believe he's with her," the other girl replied disdainfully.

Raegan's heart skipped a beat, the words hitting her like a punch to the gut.

"He's so cute though," one of the girls remarked, her voice filled with infatuation.

The other girl responded with a malicious laugh. "I could show him what he truly deserves. He's worth more than being with some skanky cow."

Raegan caught a glimpse of herself in the fogged-up mirror, her reflection distorted by the lingering words of the girls in the neighboring stall. Their cruel remarks pierced through her, leaving behind a trail of discomfort and self-doubt.

“She dresses like such a whore too. You can tell where her motives lie,” they both laughed.

Feeling defeated in her attempts to remove the stain, Raegan abandoned her efforts and briskly exited the bathroom. The echoes of their laughter followed her, acting as a bitter reminder of their disdainful words. She refused to let their negativity consume her, pushing forward with determination, her head held high.

As Raegan settled back down beside James, he could sense a shift in her demeanor. Concern etched across his face, he leaned closer to her. "Any luck?" James inquired softly.

She shook her head, her gaze fixated on her plate. "No," she replied.

Sensing something wrong, James leaned in closer, his concern deepening. "You okay?" he asked.

Raegan mustered a smile, attempting to mask her true emotions. "I'm fine," she reassured him. "I just overheard a conversation I shouldn't have in the bathroom."

"Bathroom drama!" Ed interjected. "What's the gossip?"

Raegan sighed, her grip tightening around a spring roll. "Me," she replied.

“Alright, who said what and who do I have to yell at?” Ed asked.

Raegan mustered a smile, trying to downplay the impact of the hurtful comments. "It's nothing important, just some petty gossip. Let's not give it any more attention."

James nodded in agreement, sensing Raegan's discomfort. "You're right, it's not worth our time or energy. We're here to enjoy our meal."

Ed shrugged, still eager to defend Raegan. "Well, if anyone dares to mess with you, they'll have to answer to me. But for now, let's focus on the delicious food in front of us."

As the evening ended, Raegan found herself on her couch scrolling through her phone, looking at photos of James on Pinterest. What those girls had said had really struck a chord within her. Maybe she didn't deserve him. She clicked on a particular photo of him smiling widely on the set of Countdown. He was perfect. She was not. She had brought all the complications to the relationship. He hadn't brought one.

She exited the app and opened WhatsApp, sending James a message.

“Thinking about you x”

“Already? We were just together weirdo! Xx”

chapter .15

As the days passed, that morning became more intense in her mind. The feeling of his hands pushing her, his voice raised, the uncertainty in James' eyes as he watched her past come to life. She hadn't even spoken to him since that night. She hadn't spoken to anyone. She barely left her bed. Revelling in her own self-pity.

The world outside her bedroom seemed distant and insignificant as she surrendered to the weight of her emotions. The walls of her sanctuary enclosed her, offering a sense of solace amid the turmoil.

Her phone would buzz but she wouldn't answer. Even her doorbell rang but she stayed surrounded by her silk sheets. Summer had come to its end. The cool London air passed through her open window.

That night was a mess. A horrific, mentally straining mess. Her words caused Julien to leave, admitting defeat in his fight for love. James held her for hours, making sure she was okay. But the minute she pretended she was fine and he left. That's when the worst of it began. She would have felt more comfortable with Julien in the room instead of being surrounded by her own silence. She felt sick. Emotionally and physically. She knew he was a bad person but nothing like that. It terrified her. Her heart beat never resting.

Raegan stood up, wrapping an oversized sweater over her body. She slowly shuffled her feet to the kitchen, turning on the coffee pot. She glanced at the messy dishes, having no interest in cleaning them. It all felt too hard. Like just putting one foot in front of the other mustered all her day's energy.

As the coffee began to brew, there was another knock at the door. She slowly walked over, contemplating whether or not to answer it.

She gradually unlocked the door, turning the handle. Behind the door stood a solemn James. He was holding a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a bottle of her favourite wine.

"James," she mumbled through a deep exhale. She didn't expect him to show up for her after she ignored his pleas to help. But as a smile slowly emerged on her face, she knew she was grateful for his persistence.

He carefully set the ice cream and wine on the nearby table by the door, then pulled her into a gentle, comforting embrace. "You don't have to say a word if you don't want to," he whispered reassuringly.

She hugged him back as he closed the door with his foot. "I'm sorry," she uttered into his sweater.

"Why?"

She stepped back, escaping his embrace, "for Julien. For that entire morning."

He shook his head, a determined expression on his face. "No, absolutely not. You don't get to blame yourself for any of this. The only person who should be apologizing is him."

"I saw the look in your eyes," she admitted, sinking down onto the couch, her coffee forgotten. "I never expected my life to spiral into such chaos out of nowhere. I understand that dealing with a crazy ex can be overwhelming. If you feel the need to distance yourself, I won't hold it against you."

James sat down beside her, his tone firm. "Don't be ridiculous," he asserted.

"I'm just trying to be practical," she countered, pulling a throw blanket over her legs.

"No," James insisted, scooting closer to her. "I love you. And because I love you, I'm here to support you. Why would I even consider abandoning you in a time like this?"

Raegan locked eyes with him, realizing the truth in his words. Why would someone abandon her in a time of need? A slight frown creased her brow as she thought about the people from her past who had walked away when things got tough. "You know what?" she spoke softly. "I could really use some ice cream right now."

"Well," he responded, rising from the couch and making his way to the tub he had brought with him. "You're in luck. I remembered that this is your all-time favorite flavor." He held up the bottle of wine, a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes. "And this, my dear, I remembered is your favourite pinot gris."

Raegan's smile spread across her face, illuminated by the warmth of his gestures. It was a simple act, yet it spoke volumes of his love and respect for her.

He sat the tub down with two rather large spoons. "Ice cream always makes me feel better," he explained. "Happy, sad, angry, suicidal. It fixes everything. I looooove ice cream!"

Raegan dug her spoon in and took a small bite of the ice cream, savoring the familiar taste that brought a hint of comfort to her unsettled soul. However, as the comforting flavor faded away, she realized that her appetite wasn't nearly as big as she had expected.

James noticed the shift in her demeanor. Determined to bring a smile to her face, he playfully dipped the spoon into the tub of ice cream, scooping up an outrageously large portion. With a mischievous grin, he leaned closer and extended the spoon toward her mouth.

Raegan's brow raised, "what are you doing?" she laughed.

"That tiny little bite will not cut it, Raegan," he said, bringing the spoonful closer. "How is the ice cream going to work it's magic if you don't give it a chance?"

She sighed, giving in. "Fine. Just one more mouthful."

He smirked widely as she took the entirety of the spoonful in her mouth. "Better?" he asked.

"I have a brain freeze," she said with her mouth full.

James grinned widely, unable to hold back laughter. "Well, you shouldn't have had such a big bite!"

Raegan gave him a playful glare and replied, "You're the one who fed it to me!"

As the laughter subsided, Raegan found comfort in leaning against James. Her voice was soft and tender as she spoke, "Stay with me for a while, won't you?"

James smiled warmly and gently intertwined his fingers with hers. "I'll stay as long as you need me," he assured her, his voice filled with sincerity. "Even if that means forever."

A contented sigh escaped Raegan's lips as she nestled closer to him, her cheek resting against the cozy fabric of his sweater. "Forever sounds nice," she murmured.

"I was talking to Ed yesterday," James continued to speak. "I didn't even test to see if he knew about us or not. I was so worried about what happened with you I just blurted everything out."

"What did he say?" she asked.

"That he was glad I was there to make sure you were okay," he answered.

Raegan smiled, "I'm glad too."

"It was probably my fault though," James sighed, "I was definitely flirting with you on the show more than I should have been."

A playful smile played on Raegan's lips as she shrugged. "I have to confess, I quite enjoyed it."

"But I didn't think what that could affect with Julien seeing it," James tightened his grip around Raegan's hand. "I would have been more subtle."

"Like you said," Raegan squeezed back. "You can't blame yourself. The only one to blame is him."

"I should put the ice cream away before it melts," James mumbled to himself, his attention drifting away from the conversation.

"Sure," Raegan responded, sitting up and allowing him to get up.

She observed him as he moved with a slight heaviness in his steps, heading towards her kitchen. It suddenly struck her how little she had considered the impact of that unsettling morning on him. She felt a pang of guilt for her self-centeredness. Throughout this ordeal, she had been consumed by her own thoughts and emotions, failing to acknowledge the weight he also carried.

As the sound of the freezer door closing reached her ears, James turned around, locking eyes with her. A playful grin tugged at the corners of his lips, "what's that look about?" he questioned, clearly noticing her regretful and guilt-riddled expression.

Raegan shrugged, not saying a word. It wasn't that she didn't want to speak. She just didn't know the right words to say.

"Don't make me have to tackle you," he raised a brow as he walked back to the couch.

"Sorry," she apologised for not speaking.

James sat down, wrapping his arm around her. "Why are you apologising again?"

"I was just deep in thought. I guess I was so preoccupied by my own feelings after that night. I didn't even consider it had an effect on you too."

She felt James give a slight shrug, his presence reassuring against her body. "I was mostly worried about you," he admitted. "I couldn't help but imagine what could have happened if I hadn't been there. Whether things would have taken a better turn or if his anger would have intensified without anyone to intervene."

"I'm really glad you were there," she reassured him.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere. So please, don't push me away again. I want to be there for you. You don't need to protect me by isolating me," James expressed.

Raegan nodded, "what if he comes back?"

chapter .14

Raegan put her phone down and threw the covers over her head, "I think he knows," she mumbled against the pillow.

James jumped onto the bed, taking the covers off of her, "Ed? Because of me?"

She peeked out from under the covers, nodding in response. "Maybe, but it sounded as if he's known for a while. He didn't seem surprised at all," Raegan replied, her voice muffled by the pillow.

James let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Damn," he muttered, "and to think how much fun I was having sneaking around with you."

Raegan sat up, looking at him with a smile. "It was probably because of the show," she mentioned, grabbing her phone again, "you couldn't keep your eyes off of me."

"Neither could you," he retorted with a laugh, causing Raegan to playfully roll her eyes.

"End of an era," she laughed.

"Was he upset?" James asked.

"I don't think so," Raegan replied with a shake of her head.

Raegan was engrossed in scrolling through her emails on her phone, trying to catch up on the never-ending backlog of messages. James, on the other hand, was feeling neglected and was desperate for her attention. He kept reaching over and playfully tapping her arm to get her to look up from her phone. "Hey, are you listening to me?" he said with a grin.

Raegan barely looked up. "Yeah, I'm listening," she said absentmindedly.

But James knew better. He leaned in close and began to pepper her cheek with small kisses, trying to distract her from her phone.

"Stop it," Raegan giggled, squirming away from his playful advances.

But James persisted, nuzzling his face into her neck and inhaling her scent. "You smell so good," he murmured, finally succeeding in getting her to put down her phone and pay attention to him.

"You're so needy," she laughed.

"You are!" He teased back.

Raegan's phone buzzed again on the nightstand, and she reached out to grab it, but James had other ideas. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, tackling her with kisses. Raegan let out a laugh and tried to push him off, but he was persistent. "Come on, James," Raegan giggled, "let me check my phone."

"No way," James replied, planting a kiss on her cheek. "You're all mine right now."

Raegan fidgeted restlessly, feeling the urge to get things done despite their cozy and comfortable bed. "Are we really just going to lie in bed all day?" she asked James.

He raised his head from the pillow and looked at her. "Do you not want to?" he asked.

Raegan hesitated before shrugging. "Well, not really," she replied.

James turned to face Raegan, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Well, how about we make a deal? We stay in bed for a little while longer and then we'll get up and do something productive. How does that sound?" he suggested, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

Raegan considered his proposal for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Okay, deal. But only a little while longer," she warned playfully, snuggling up closer to him.

Another hour passed with Raegan and James still lying in bed, but now there was a sense of restlessness in the air. Raegan's mind kept wandering to all the things she could be doing, while James seemed content to stay in bed forever. Finally, Raegan couldn't take it anymore and slowly got up, her hair a mess from all the tossing and turning.

James noticed her movement and took her hand, pulling her towards him. "Where are you going?" he asked with a pout.

"I just need to move around a bit," Raegan explained, trying to free herself from his grasp.

James let her go, but followed her out of the room.

They wandered into the kitchen. Raegan switched on the kettle, pulling out a few ingredients to make a cup of tea.

Raegan leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. James quietly moved toward her, his hands gently wrapping around her waist. Nestling his head on top of hers.

With the kettle's whistle signaling the water was ready, Raegan turned to face James. Their eyes met. A soft smile graced her lips as she tenderly traced her fingers along his jawline.

Raegan carefully poured the hot water into two mugs, the steam rising in agile wisps. She added the tea bags, watching as the rich aroma infused the water. As she handed a warm mug to James, he accepted it, the ceramic cup cradled in his hands.

Taking a sip, his eyes met Raegan's. "I was serious about what I said." Confusion flickered across Raegan's face, a mixture of surprise and curiosity. She leaned against the counter, her gaze fixed on James, urging him to elaborate. "I meant it when I said that I'm falling in love with you."

She smiled, feeling the blush rise in her cheeks. "I believed you the first time," she laughed, trying to ease the serious nature of the conversation. She didn't expect to fall for someone else so fast but those three words were exactly how she felt too. "But, I'm falling in love with you too," she said, taking a sip of her tea.

"Of course you are," James teased, raising a brow. "I'm James Acaster. How could you not love me?"

Raegan shook her head, a smile playing at the corners of her lips, as she dismissed James's playful remark. She walked past him, leading the way into her living room, and settled herself on the couch. James followed closely behind.

"No comeback?" James chuckled as he took a seat beside her, his arm wrapping around her back.

"Is your ego taking a hit?" Raegan raised a brow watching as James' lips twitched at her response.

"Is my ego taking a hit?" he repeated. "Right, that's it!" He carefully set his own mug aside, then swiftly grabbed Raegan's, placing it next to his.

Before Raegan could say a thing, James lunged over her, his weight pinning her down into the throw pillows.

"Get off me, Acaster," she laughed, her eyes sparkling with amusement. As she looked up at him, a subtle blush colored her cheeks. She couldn't help but be captivated by his beauty. His tousled blonde locks, the gentle shadows beneath his eyes, and that radiant smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"Are you checking me out?" James teased, noticing how she was looking at him. "You know what, I think my ego is fine!"

"I was not checking you out," Raegan argued.

"Yeah you were. You think I'm sexy! It's the same look you gave me at Ed's birthday," James continued to tease.

Raegan rolled her eyes, trying to maintain her composure. "Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself, Acaster. It was just a momentary lapse of judgment."

James leaned in closer, his gaze locked with hers. "Just a momentary lapse of judgment? I think there's more to it than that. Admit it, you find me irresistible."

"Not a all."

"Oh?" James' face inched even closer to her's, "say that again without blushing. I dare you."

Just as Raegan was about to utter a response to James, the familiar sound of the doorbell echoed through the room. She felt a surge of vulnerability sweep over her as her gaze met James'. James slowly climbed off, Raegan noticing the shift in weight.

With a quick glance at her disheveled appearance in her pajamas, she silently hoped that the visitor at the door wouldn't be someone too judgmental.

As she turned the doorknob and swung the door open, her eyes widened in surprise. Standing before her was Julien.

Caught off guard by the unexpected visitor, Raegan stood frozen at the doorway, her mind racing to process the situation unfolding before her. A sense of vulnerability washed over her, and her gaze shifted towards James, who called out from the couch, "Who is it?"

"And who's that?" Julien's voice cut through the tension, his anger escalating as he recognized James' voice from within the apartment. His face contorted with a mix of surprise, disappointment, and rising frustration.

Raegan's heart sank at the realization that Julien had heard James. The secret she had tried so desperately to keep hidden was now exposed.

"Why are you here?" Raegan's voice trembled with a mix of frustration and confusion as she confronted Julien standing at her doorstep. Her teeth were tightly clenched, her eyes narrowing in an attempt to mask her vulnerability.

As Julien's impatience grew, he made a sudden, forceful attempt to push past Raegan and enter the apartment. Raegan's instincts kicked in, and she planted her feet firmly on the ground, and she shoved him back.

However, Julien's strength outweighed her resistance. With a quick shove, Raegan found herself forcefully pushed against the door frame, her back colliding with the surface.

The commotion caught James's attention. He swiftly stood up from the couch, and he made his way towards the door. "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?" James's voice boomed as he approached Julien, placing himself firmly between Raegan and him.

Julien's eyes narrowed, he scanned James from head to toe, his expression filled with disdain. "I knew it," he sneered. "I saw how you looked at her on your pathetic little show. You're utterly repulsive, and you—" Julien turned his attention to Raegan, his words laced with venom. "You're nothing but a promiscuous little slut, allowing him to get close to you."

"Hey!" James forcefully pushed Julien back, his voice laced with anger. "You don't get to speak to her like that!"

Julien sneered, undeterred. "Or what? What could you possibly do, Mr. Funny Man?"

Raegan stood her ground, her arms crossed in defiance. "Just leave. You know you're not welcome here."

"I'm not leaving until you take me back," Julien stubbornly protested.

Julien glanced back at James, his eyes filled with rage. "If you've laid a finger on her, I swear to God, I'll make you regret it. Do you understand me?"

The stench of alcohol emanated from Julien's breath as he took an aggressive step closer to Raegan. She instinctively put her arms out, trying to create some distance. "Julien, please listen. We broke up, and it's over. You need to move on."

Enraged, Julien pushed her back, hurling hurtful words at her. "Get your hands off me, you filthy whore!"

Raegan's heart pounded in her chest as she watched the escalating situation unfold before her eyes.

Unwilling to tolerate the harassment any longer, James reached for his phone, his voice firm. "If you don't leave right now, I'll call the police. This ends here."

Julien dismissed James' threat with a scoff. "So, have you two?" he asked, his tone filled with insinuation.

James glared at him, his voice laced with anger. "What does that matter to you? She's my girlfriend, not yours."

Julien let out a mocking laugh, as if he found the idea absurd. "Girlfriend? Please."

"Julien," Raegan pleaded, her voice barely a whisper. He turned his gaze toward her, his expression hardened. "If you care about me at all, you'd leave."

Julien's face contorted with defiance. "No," he replied stubbornly.

James stepped forward, his hand resting firmly on Raegan's shoulder. "It's not a question," he asserted, his tone unwavering. "She wants you to leave, so you need to leave."

Julien shook his head, his anger now directed at Ed. "This is Ed's doing, isn't it? I knew I couldn't trust that dickhead."

Raegan's frustration reached its peak, and she raised her voice. "Just get out!" she yelled.

"You used to love me. We did everything together. You told me one day we'd be married!" Julien retaliated.

"That's the past," Raegan declared, her words firm and resolute.

Julien strode further into her house, his gaze darting around as if searching for another target for his anger. Regrettably, his eyes fell upon the disheveled bed sheets and scattered clothes in the hallway. With a sneer on his face, he turned to face both James and Raegan.

Reacting swiftly, James tightly clasped onto Raegan, shielding her with his embrace. He extended his hand as Julien charged toward them, his voice booming. "Back the fuck off!" James bellowed.

In a swift motion, James pushed Raegan away, successfully evading Julien's fist that narrowly missed its target. Sensing an opportunity, Raegan seized James' phone from his pocket, her fingers deftly dialing the emergency number 999.

As the phone rang, Raegan's gaze shifted between Julien and James, sensing the tension in the air. She felt a mix of fear and unease in the presence of Julien, while finding solace and comfort in James' protective demeanor. The contrasting emotions overwhelmed her as she held onto the ringing phone, seeking a sense of security amidst the chaos.

"Enough!" James said, his tone commanding. "You need to leave. This is not how you handle things."

Julien's face contorted with a mix of anger and frustration. He took a step back, his eyes locked on Raegan for a brief moment. He noticed the phone in her hand, a voice on the line, repeating the words hello and are you there?

"Raegan," his voice softened, "please. I don't want us to be in this state of conflict, but I'm willing to fight for us. We have a connection that runs deep, and I believe we're meant to be together. You know it as well as I do."

She shook her head, her eyes looking straight through him at James.

Without uttering a single word, her eyes spoke volumes, revealing her true feelings to Julien. The hurt in his eyes was evident as he mustered the courage to ask the question that weighed heavily on his heart, "You don't love me?"

Meeting his gaze, Raegan mustered her own courage and replied with unwavering honesty, "No."

"Please," he begged, "I love you!"

Chapter .13

Raegan sat on her couch, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness. She glanced over at James who was sitting next to her, absentmindedly stroking his fingers through her hair. They were both waiting for the episode of Hypothetical they had filmed together to air. Raegan couldn't believe that she had been invited to be a guest on the show.

As the commercial break ended and the show began, Raegan took a sip of her wine, trying to calm her nerves. The familiar faces of the hosts appeared on the screen, introducing Raegan and others as guests for the episode. Raegan felt a jolt of excitement run through her as she saw herself and James on the screen.

"I don't usually watch myself on TV," James laughed, breaking Raegan's reverie. "In fact, I don't think I've ever watched an episode of Hypothetical."

Raegan raised an eyebrow in surprise. "But you're one of the hosts!"

James shrugged. "It's just a little weird, you know? Watching myself on screen. I always find something to criticize or nitpick. Plus it feels a little egotistical."

As Raegan continued to watch, she noticed what Lou noticed. James continuously glancing over at Raegan, getting completely distracted by her. It was more obvious than she thought.

"Whoops," James mumbled, noticing the same thing.

"Not exactly sly, Acaster," Raegan shook her head.

James and Raegan watched the show in comfortable silence, sipping their wine and occasionally laughing at the jokes. Raegan couldn't help but smile as she watched herself and James banter back and forth on the screen.

Raegan's eyes slowly opened, finding herself with her head resting on James' lap. She didn't want to move, enjoying the feeling of his fingers lightly running through her hair. She took a deep breath, trying to savour the moment as long as she could.

As she looked over at the TV, she realised that the show they were previously watching had ended, and now it was Murder She Wrote. She had missed half of the show.

She tried to keep her breathing steady, not wanting to let James know that she was awake. She just wanted to lie there, content with his touch and the sound of Angela Lansbury's voice in the background. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of James' legs under her head.

Raegan's lips twitched as she heard James chuckle at something said on the TV show. However, even the slightest movement of her mouth was enough to alert James that she was awake.

    "Sorry for putting you to sleep with my television presence," he teased her. "I didn't think it was that boring."

"It was," Raegan teased back, trying to hide her smile.

She rolled onto her back, gazing up at James. He arched an eyebrow, meeting her gaze.

Raegan slowly sat up, stretching her arms above her head. As she moved to get up, James wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. She rested her head on his chest, enjoying the warmth of his embrace.

"Hungry?" James asked, his voice muffled by her hair.

"Starving," Raegan replied through a yawn.

James looked at her quizzically, his eyebrows raised in question. "Go out or get takeout?" he asked.

Raegan paused for a moment, considering her options. She felt drained and sluggish, and the thought of leaving the comfort of her apartment seemed like an insurmountable challenge. "I don't want to move," she answered.

"So takeout?" James suggested, a playful grin spreading across his face.

Raegan's face lit up with a smile as she nodded vigorously. "Yes!" she exclaimed.

James leaned back on the couch and reached for his phone, his fingers tapping the screen as he navigated to the Uber Eats app. Raegan watched as he scrolled through the various options, her stomach grumbling in response to the tantalizing images of food displayed on the screen.

    "What are you in the mood for?" James asked, his eyes still focused on the screen.

"Hmm, I don't know," Raegan replied, scanning the options as well. "Maybe some sushi or Thai food?"

James nodded, "Sounds good. How about we order a little bit of both and share?"

Raegan smiled, "sounds perfect."

James tapped away at his phone, his thumb moving quickly as he added various dishes to their order. Raegan leaned in closer, her eyes following his movements as she picked out a few favorites of her own. Soon enough, they had a diverse spread of food on the way and settled back onto the couch to wait for its arrival.

      As they waited for their food to arrive, James started making ridiculous jokes, trying to make Raegan laugh. He knew she was still feeling a little groggy from the wine they had drunk earlier, and he wanted to keep her spirits up.

"So, what do you call a fake noodle?" James asked with a grin.

     Raegan looked at him skeptically. Her brow raised. "I don't know, what?"

"An impasta!" James exclaimed, his eyes crinkling with amusement.

      Raegan couldn't help but chuckle at the terrible joke. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

James grinned. "Why thank you, my idioticness is one of my best qualities."

      Raegan couldn't help but chuckle at James' quip. "I could tell," she said with a smirk.

James grinned mischievously. "Yeah, idiots are usually good at spotting other idiots!"

    Raegan playfully pushed him, "Oh, come on!"

"Hey, lucky for you, I find idiots extremely attractive. Sexy, actually," James teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

    Raegan rolled her eyes playfully, "Is that so?"

James nodded, "Oh, absolutely. And you're the most attractive idiot I've ever met."

     Raegan couldn't help but laugh at his playful banter.

As the doorbell rang, James sprang up from the couch, excitedly exclaiming, "our food is here!" Raegan smiled and remained seated, watching him intently as he strutted to the door. She couldn't help but admire his lanky, yet confident stride. As he opened the door, Raegan took another sip of her wine, enjoying the subtle sweetness and warmth of the drink.

   James returned to the couch carrying two steaming containers of food. Raegan's mouth watered at the sight of the delicious aromas wafting from the containers.

As he sat the food down, they both grabbed their plates and began to dig in.

"I like what we're doing," James said as he paced a few pieces of sushi on his plate.

Raegan took a bite out of her spring roll, speaking with her mouth full. "What do you mean?" she asked, attempting to cover her mouth.

"This," James answered, "us." He bit into his sushi, attempting to swallow quickly so he could continue. "Keeping it to ourselves. Just us enjoying us."

Raegan smiled, placing her hand on his thigh, "I am too."

James took a few moments to savor the taste of the sushi before speaking again. "It's like our little secret," he said, "no one else knows about us. We can just be ourselves around each other without any pressure or expectations from anyone else."

Raegan nodded in agreement, "It feels special, you know?"

"I definitely know," he said, "I like being with you, Raegan."

Raegan finished her third glass of wine and placed it on the coffee table along with all the half-eaten takeout. She leaned her head back against the couch and pulled the throw blanket up over the two of them. James grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers together, bringing it up to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

"Do you want to watch something else?" he asked her as another episode of Murder She Wrote began to play.

Raegan shook her head, "I don't mind."

     James grabbed the remote, turning up the volume on the TV. "Murder She Wrote is not exactly the most exciting thing to watch," he said.

"But you are," Raegan teased, snuggling closer to him.

James chuckled, "You're so cute."

               Raegan couldn't help but shiver as she felt James' fingers moving over her thigh under the blanket. She turned her head to look at him, and he met her gaze with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. His fingers continued to move, sending shivers through her body, and she bit her lip.

She leaned in closer to him, pressing her body against his as his fingers moved higher up her thigh. Her heart was racing, and she felt a warmth spreading through her body. She turned her attention back to the TV, trying to focus on the show, but her mind was consumed by James' touch.

As the episode ended, James turned to Raegan and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. She could taste soy sauce from the sushi on his lips as their tongues intertwined, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. Breaking the kiss, James whispered in her ear, "I can't keep my hands off you." Raegan smiled, her heart filled with warmth and desire.

"I don't mind," she smirked.

James smirked back, leaning back in. His lips gently brushed against hers. She closed her eyes, her lips parting as she leaned into him. The kiss was soft and gentle at first, but then James' hand moved to the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. Raegan let out a soft moan as the kiss intensified, her fingers tangling in James's hair. His tongue slid against hers as he deepened the kiss, pulling her onto him.

James and Raegan were lost in the heat of the moment, their kisses deepening and becoming more passionate. James' hands roamed freely over Raegan's body, tracing the curves of her back, and caressing her hips. Raegan felt her body responding to his touch, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Feeling emboldened, Raegan grabbed the hem of James' sweater, slowly pulling it up and over his head. She was greeted with the sight of his slender, toned torso. She smiled as her eyes scanned over his body. James grinned at her reaction, his hands moving to the hem of her hoodie. She felt slightly guilty. She had just told him she wanted to take the sexual aspects of this relationship slower. But as her eyes met his, she couldn't resist him. She needed him.

As Raegan straddled James' legs, their kisses continued to deepen, each one more intense than the last. Raegan felt her body responding to James' touch, as she pressed herself closer to him. She could feel his hands exploring every inch of her body, and it was driving her wild with desire. Suddenly, James broke the kiss, his eyes locking with Raegan's. "I want you," he whispered, his voice husky with desire. Raegan nodded, her heart racing as she leaned in to kiss him once more, their passion igniting once more.

James picked her up, her legs still around him, and carried her to her room. He kicked the door shut behind them and threw her onto the bed, causing her to laugh.

"You're ridiculous," she said, still catching her breath from the excitement.

     "Oh really?" James replied with a smile as he climbed onto the bed and hovered over her. He leaned down and kissed her passionately, his hands roaming over her body.

Raegan wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her as she deepened the kiss. She could feel his body pressing against hers, and she wanted him more than ever.

James continued to move his body against Raegan's as they kissed passionately. His hands roamed over her body, exploring every curve and crevice. As Raegan bit his lip, he let out a low groan. Breaking the kiss, James looked at Raegan with a smile. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

Raegan felt her cheeks flush as she looked back at him. "Stop it," she said, playfully pushing him away. "You're making me blush."

"I'm serious," James said, his voice full of sincerity.

The intensity of the kiss began to die down. The two of them lay down over each other, both shirtless. Raegan caught her breath turning to him. She wasn't sure if anything more was going to happen or if he'd truly listened to what she had said earlier that day.

"I don't know how I'm going to keep you a secret for much longer," James chuckled to himself. "Whilst I'm enjoying the secrecy, I really want to tell the world about how I made you mine."

Raegan glanced down at her bare chest feeling a sense of being on display. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it wasn't a feeling she could push aside. "I need to get a tan," she frowned, focusing on the paleness of her skin.

James let out a chuckle at her words. "You're saying that in front of me?" he teased, gesturing to his own bare chest.

Raegan rolled her eyes playfully, meeting his gaze. "Well, would you prefer I complain about something else?" she quipped.

James nodded with a grin, egging her on.

"Alright then," Raegan began.

But before she could continue, James quickly placed a hand over her mouth. "Shh!" he laughed. "I was just joking."

Raegan removed James' hand from her mouth and playfully bit his finger before pushing him away with a laugh. "You're such a dick," she said, shaking her head in amusement.

They got under the covers of her bed, wrapping their arms around each other. James pulled her close, kissing her forehead gently as he turned off the lamp beside the bed. The room was now engulfed in darkness except for the streetlights that shone through the window.

Raegan snuggled up against James, feeling safe and comfortable in his embrace. She traced the contours of his chest with her fingers, listening to the rhythm of his heart beating.

"Goodnight," she mumbled into his chest.

"Goodnight."

As the first rays of morning light filtered through the window, Raegan stirred from her slumber. She realized that James had his arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her close. The sound of the rain outside was soothing, but the thunder was beginning to rattle the windows.

Raegan turned her head slightly to see James' sleeping face. She smiled at how peaceful he looked, with his tousled hair and the hint of a smile on his lips. She decided to let him sleep a little longer and snuggled back into his arms.

But the sound of the rain became louder, and the thunder more intense. Raegan felt James stir beside her, and he opened his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light.

"Wow, that's some storm," James commented, as he gazed out the window at the rain pouring down.

Raegan nodded, "I know, it's crazy."

They laid there for a while longer, listening to the storm outside. James began to stroke Raegan's hair gently, and she closed her eyes, feeling comforted by his touch.

"I think we should stay in bed all day, what do you say?" James questioned.

Raegan laughed, "Sounds good to me."

She snuggled closer to his chest, the scent of his sweet cologne filled her nostrils. Unfortunately, it was so sweet her stomach audibly growled.

“That was louder than the thunder,” James laughed.

Raegan couldn't help but laugh at James' joke, "oh shoosh!," she said, her stomach rumbling again, “I’m hungry.”

"Sounds like it," James teased, “I can make you something delicious to eat."

Raegan smiled. "What do you have in mind?" she asked, still feeling the warmth of his embrace.

James leaned over to kiss her forehead before getting out of bed, "How about some scrambled eggs?"

Raegan's eyes lit up, "That sounds amazing," she said, watching him as he headed towards the kitchen.

As James cooked, Raegan listened to the sound of the rain outside. The scent of eggs and coffee filled her nose making her stomach rumble again. She sat up, throwing on an old shirt so her chest was no longer exposed.

When James returned with a tray of food, Raegan couldn't help but smile at the sight of the steaming fluffy eggs.

“Have I told you how in love with you I am?” Raegan grinned as he sat the tray down.

“Certainly not enough.”

Raegan dug in, savoring the delicious taste of the salted eggs. "You're such a good cook," she said between bites.

James smiled, "just never ask me to bake you anything.”

Raegan choked on her egg as she laughed, “I’ll be in charge of that then.”

They ate in silence, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. The rain continued to pour outside, creating a cozy atmosphere inside.

After they finished eating, James collected the tray and went to the kitchen to clean up. Raegan stayed in bed, feeling content and happy.

As she went to lie back down, her phone rang, and she checked the caller ID to see that it was Ed. "Good morning," she answered.

"I'm surprised you answered this early," Ed chuckled. "I saw you on the telly last night. We might have a new comedian on our hands!"

"Oh, come on now," Raegan playfully retorted. "What's up?"

As Ed began to speak, James walked back in singing a made-up tune about breakfast in bed. "Is that...?" Ed asked.

"I'm watching TV," Raegan quickly covered up, shooting James a warning look. "Shh, it's Ed,” she mouthed.

"Sure you are," Ed teased, not entirely convinced. "Anyway, can you work on a podcast episode today? We have a new one that needs editing by Thursday. Unless James already told you?"

"What?" Raegan questioned, focused on a particular J name.

"I'll send it over now," Ed continued. "And Raegan?"

"Yeah?" Raegan nervously looked at James.

Chapter .12

Raegan slowly opened her eyes, wincing at the sunlight streaming in through her window. As she turned over, she realized she wasn't alone in bed. James was lying next to her, naked. Panic set in as she tried to remember what had happened the night before. Her head was pounding with a headache and she couldn't recall a single thing.

She carefully slipped out of bed, trying not to disturb James. She grabbed her robe from the floor and put it on, tiptoeing out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. She filled a glass with water and took a few sips, hoping it would help clear her foggy mind. As she leaned against the counter, memories from the night before started to trickle back. The drinks, the laughter, the flirting, and then... nothing. The last thing she remembered was being at the bar with James and Nish.

Raegan's heart raced as she walked back to the bedroom. She stood at the foot of the bed, taking in the sight of James lying there, his chest rising and falling with each breath. His lower half completely exposed.

"James," she whispered, nudging him gently. "James, wake up."

James groaned, rolling over, now exposing his lower back side. Raegan grabbed the throw blanket at the end of her bed, draping it over him and letting him sleep for a little longer.

As she sat in the kitchen, another memory came back to her—the taste of alcohol on her tongue and the feeling of James' lips on hers. She couldn't remember the moment their clothes came off. She knew what it meant but she wasn't sure how to feel about it.

When Raegan returned to her bedroom, James was still asleep. She sat down on the edge of the bed. As if sensing her gaze, James stirred and opened his eyes. For a moment, they just looked at each other, unsure of what to say or do. Raegan cleared her throat and tried to sound casual. "Good morning."

"Morning," James replied, rubbing his eyes. He looked around the room and then down at himself, realizing that he was completely naked. He blushed, feeling embarrassed. "Did we?"

"I assume so," Raegan scratched the back of her neck.

James was trying to hold back a grin but failing terribly. "Do you remember any of it?"

"No," she shook her head. "I mean, I remember making out but then my mind is blank."

"Yeah, same," he laughed. James stood up, wrapping the blanket around his waist. "Is that okay?" He asked her.

"What?" She stood there perplexed.

"Us sleeping together?" He asked again, "I know we said we'd take it slow."

"I'm okay with it," she stepped towards him, tracing her hands down his chest. Suddenly she was back in that moment again. Her heart racing.

James cupped her face, letting go of the blanket around his waist. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, but as soon as she nodded, James closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a deep, hungry kiss. Raegan's thoughts were jumbled, her body reacting instinctively to his touch like muscle memory. Their tongues danced together, exploring each other's mouths with an intense passion. Time seemed to stand still as they lost themselves in each other, their desire for one another growing stronger with each passing second. Finally, they pulled away, their lips still tingling with the electricity of their kiss.

"For memories sake?" James asked.

"Okay," Raegan spoke breathlessly.

Raegan let her robe untie and fall off her shoulders, revealing her naked body to James. His eyes widened as he took in every curve and detail, admiring her beauty. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, reaching out to touch her skin. She shivered at his touch, feeling a rush of desire wash over her.

James took her hand as he sat down on the bed. Raegan toppled on top of him as he pulled her. The feeling felt so familiar, memories from last night resurfacing. "James'," her voice shook, "I think I'm falling in love with you."

James looked up at her with a mix of surprise and adoration. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. "I think I'm falling in love with you too," he whispered.

As their lips met once again, their bodies fused together, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle finally fitting into place. Raegan let out a soft, breathy moan as James moved on top of her, his body pressing into hers with a hunger that sent shivers down her spine. She could feel his muscles tensing and relaxing as he moved against her, his hands roaming over her body with a practiced ease.

The sensation was almost overwhelming.

Raegan and James laid together on the bed, both breathing heavily from their recent intimate moment. Raegan turned her head to look at James, only to find that he was already looking at her. She smiled, feeling a warmth spreading through her chest.

"That was amazing," Raegan said, looking back into James' eyes. He grinned, his eyes twinkling in the soft light of the morning sun that filtered through the window.

"Yeah, it was," James replied, reaching over to brush a strand of hair away from Raegan's face. She closed her eyes, savoring the touch of his fingers on her skin.

Raegan and James walked to the living room, their steps a little unsteady from their recent activities. They looked around to find their clothes strewn all over the floor. Raegan groaned, feeling a bit embarrassed at the mess they had made.

James chuckled, "Looks like we had a good time."

Raegan laughed, "Yeah, I can see that."

They quickly gathered their clothes and got dressed, both feeling a little awkward now that the intensity of the moment had passed. As Raegan threw on her shirt, she tried to ignore the throbbing headache that had settled in her temples.

"I'm going to make some coffee," she said, heading to the kitchen. James followed close behind.

Raegan put on the kettle and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. She leaned against the counter, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again, James was standing in front of her.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice soft.

Raegan nodded, "Yeah, just a headache."

James put a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. "Maybe you should lie down for a bit."

Raegan smiled, "I think I'll be okay after some caffeine."

She poured the hot water into the mug and added a spoonful of instant coffee. She leaned against the counter, taking a sip of the hot liquid. The warmth spread through her body, making her feel a little better.

Days had passed since that steamy night with James, yet Raegan found herself still caught up in the memories. She couldn't help but smile at the thought of their passionate encounter, and her mind would often wander back to that night, making it difficult to focus on even the most basic of tasks. Every time her phone rang or buzzed with a new message, she hoped it would be him, but each time it wasn't, she felt a twinge of disappointment. Raegan knew that she had to get a grip on her feelings and stop obsessing over him, but it was proving to be harder than she had expected.

Ed remained oblivious to their relationship, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to conceal. Raegan found herself on the verge of accidentally revealing their secret when she went out to dinner with him and he asked about what she had been up to recently. Still, the excitement of hiding a relationship was only getting better.

           Raegan stepped into the shower, feeling the warm water wash over her skin. The steam began to fill the small bathroom, fogging up the mirrors. Raegan reached for her body wash and lathered it up in her hands, the scent of cinnamon and vanilla filling the air. She tilted her head back and let the water wash over her face, feeling the droplets cascade down her neck and onto her shoulders. She couldn't remember the last time she had a day to herself, with no work commitments or plans with friends. She had decided to take the day off, just to relax and recharge.

Raegan stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a fluffy white towel. She wiped the steam from the mirror to reveal her reflection. Her hair was still damp and her skin was flushed from the hot water.

As she made her way to the kitchen, she couldn't resist humming along to the tune of a song stuck in her head. She turned on the stove and began making herself a pancake, the aroma of butter and syrup filling the air. She flipped the pancake with ease and waited for it to cook through.

As the pancake sizzled, Raegan turned on her music playlist, a song by The Cranberries filling the room. She swayed to the beat as she cooked, feeling carefree and happy. The lyrics spoke to her, the perfect backdrop to her morning.

Raegan tossed the pancake onto a plate and was about to add some syrup when her phone vibrated, startling her. She almost dropped the plate as she quickly grabbed her phone. It was a text from Ed.

He was asking if Raegan was excited about the episode of Hypothetical she starred in airing tonight. She had completely forgotten it was today. Her stomach dropped slightly as she remembered how Lou very easily picked up on James' feelings for her. She worried Ed, or even worse, Julien would also notice.

She texted back and sat down on her couch with her pancake.

Raegan savored the last bite of her pancake, relishing the warm, fluffy texture and the sweet taste of maple syrup. She rinsed the plate in the sink and dried it with a towel before heading to her bedroom to change. She picked out a comfortable pair of shorts and a white cotton t-shirt, slipping them on quickly.

Making her way to the balcony, Raegan grabbed a book and began to read. The sun was shining brightly, warming her skin and casting a golden glow across the city. The soft breeze carried the sounds of the city, distant car horns and the chatter of people passing by.

Raegan lost track of time as she read, completely absorbed in the book. When she finally looked up, she realized that the sun was already high in the sky. She closed the book, making her way back inside.

As she sat her book down on the coffee table, there was a knock at the door. She let out a frustrated sigh, not really wanting to deal with anyone today. But as she opened the door her frown quickly turned into a grin.

"Morning beautiful," James smirked, holding a brown paper bag and a coffee cup.

Reagan's grin got wider as the scent of coffee and cinnamon filled her nose, "what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I wanted to see you," he answered as he stepped in. He kissed her cheek, passing her the drink, "I couldn't get you off my mind."

Raegan took a sip of her coffee, relishing the warmth that spread through her body. She set the cup down on the table and gestured for James to sit beside her on the couch. He complied, still holding the brown paper bag in his hand.

"I'm really glad you decided to come over," she said, looking at him with a smile.

James smiled back, reaching for her hand. "I couldn't stay away," he said, his thumb rubbing gently against the back of her hand.

Raegan's heart fluttered at his touch. "I'm glad," she said, leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips. "So, what did you bring?" she asked, pulling away from him and nodding towards the brown bag in his hand.

James chuckled. "Just a cinnamon roll. I remember you said you like them," he said, opening the bag to reveal the largest cinnamon roll Raegan had ever seen.

Raegan's eyes widened in delight. "You remembered!" she exclaimed.

Raegan already felt quite full from the pancake, but she refused to let the roll cool down, choosing to eat it immediately.

James reached out and delicately stroked his fingers against Raegan's cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, feeling a warmth spread through her body. She could feel her heart racing and the butterflies in her stomach beginning to flutter wildly. She turned to face him and found herself lost in the intensity of his gaze.

"I can't stop thinking about the other night," James said softly, his hand still resting on her cheek.

Raegan's breath caught in her throat as she looked up at him. The heat between them was palpable, and she found herself leaning closer to him. His touch was gentle, but there was an underlying passion there that made her feel dizzy with desire.

Without thinking, Raegan reached up and grabbed James' hand, pulling it away from her cheek and entwining their fingers together. She could feel her pulse racing as he leaned in closer, his breath hot against her cheek. Their eyes met, and Raegan felt like she was falling into an endless abyss. She was completely lost in him, and nothing else mattered in that moment. But a knock at the door pulled her back to reality. She stood up to answer it, but James grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss. It was quick and sloppy, but it still made her heart skip a beat.

As Raegan pulled away from James, she saw the curiosity and confusion in his eyes. She smiled at him, knowing that he had just kissed her to keep her from answering the door.

Raegan walked over and answered the door to find the mailman standing on the other side. He handed her a stack of envelopes and packages, including a few bills and letters. She thanked him and closed the door, flipping through the mail as she walked back to the living room.

As she sat down on the couch next to James, he looked up at her with a curious expression. "Anything interesting?" he asked.

Raegan shook her head, a small frown forming on her face. "Just some bills and junk mail," she replied, setting the stack of envelopes down on the coffee table. "Nothing too exciting."

As Raegan lifted her coffee to her lips, James inched closer, his body pressing against hers. She could feel the warmth emanating from him as he whispered into her ear, causing a shiver to run down her spine. "I really want to finish that kiss," he murmured.

Raegan's heart raced as she turned to him, their faces now inches apart. The scent of his cologne mixed with the aroma of her coffee, creating a heady combination that made her head spin. She could feel the electricity coursing between them, her body responding to his closeness in a way that she couldn't control.

As James' lips lightly brushed against hers, Raegan couldn't help but let out a soft sigh. She placed her coffee down on the table as James leaned in, pressing his body against hers. She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer.

Their kiss deepened, becoming more intense as James' tongue scoured her mouth. Raegan's body trembled as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in even closer. She could feel his heartbeat through his chest, and it matched the rhythm of her own.

As the kiss intensified, Raegan abruptly pulled back, leaving James unaware of any issue. He began to trail his lips down her neck, but she pushed him away. She couldn't shake off the feeling that their relationship was solely based on sexual tension for him.

"What's wrong?" James asked, concern etched on his face.

Raegan bit her lip, unsure of how to express her concerns. "I don't want us to just be about this," she said, gesturing between them.

James frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I don't want us to just be about sex," Raegan explained, "I want there to be more to us than that."

James moved closer to her, "There is more to us than that," he said, "I care about you, Raegan. You're more to me than just a physical connection."

Raegan smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry for bringing it up, it's just sometimes with Julien I—"

James brushed his fingers through her hair, "don't apologise," he smiled, "how about we refrain from kissing for today and do something else?" he suggested, "maybe we could get some food or go for a walk or even watch a movie?"

Raegan grabbed her coffee, still feeling guilty for bringing it up, "a walk sounds nice."

James nodded.

"Let me just grab a jumper," Raegan stood up, walking towards her room.

Raegan and James were walking through the bustling city, hand in hand, enjoying each other's company. The sun was shining down on them, casting a warm glow on their faces. They had almost forgotten the fact that their relationship was still a secret as they laughed and chatted without a care in the world.

As they turned down another street, James squeezed Raegan's hand tighter. She looked up at him, and he smiled at her. "How did I get so lucky?" Raegan asked, feeling her heart swell with affection.

James looked down at her and grinned. "If only luck had anything to do with it, it's my irresistible charm that sealed the deal," he joked, causing Raegan to laugh.

James pulled Raegan into a nearby alleyway, away from the bustling city streets. Raegan's heart raced as she wondered what he had in mind. As they stood there, James began to speak, "I know I said no more kissing, but—" Before he could finish his sentence, Raegan stood on her tiptoes, pulling James in for a deep kiss.

As they broke apart, Raegan looked up at James, a coy smile on her lips. "I couldn't resist," she admitted.

Chapter .11

(Also I know the queen isn’t alive anymore but we’re just pretending this is prior to her death)

(Also strong fluff warning)

Raegan fidgeted nervously in the green room, her heart racing with anxiety. She couldn't believe she had actually agreed to go on the show. The thought of stepping out onto the stage and being filmed for millions of people made her feel sick to her stomach.

The room was dimly lit, with a large mirror taking up one wall. She avoided looking at her own reflection, afraid that she might see the fear in her eyes. Her palms were sweaty and her stomach was in knots. She tried to take deep breaths, but it only seemed to make her feel more lightheaded.

She couldn't change her mind now, not without letting the person who meant the most to her down. One of the other contestants walked in, Lou Sanders. "Hi," Lou waved to her, "I don't think we've met before."

Raegan nodded, "yeah, I'm Raegan," she greeted herself, "I'm one of James' friends. I usually edit his and Ed's podcast."

"Oh, that's cool!" Lou smiled, "so this is all very new to you!"

Raegan nodded again, "yeah. I'm kind of shitting myself right now."

"Don't be," Lou laughed, "it's a really chill show. If you're doing a bad job and embarrassing yourself it's still a good job."

Raegan laughed, agreeing with what she had said, "I'm just nervous seeing as I'm not exactly funny or for that matter known."

Lou shrugged, "these shows have unfunny people on all the time! I mean James and Josh are the cohosts," she winked.

Raegan couldn't help but laugh, "true," she said.

"Anyway, I think we're heading out now if you're ready."

Raegan and Lou walked out onto the stage set, taking their seats and adjusting their microphones. Raegan looked around at the set, taking in the colorful lights and the interesting furnishings.

Lou noticed her unease and gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, it's just a few cameras and some people watching us. You'll do great," she said, patting Raegan's arm.

      Raegan nodded, trying to take deep breaths to calm her nerves.

As they took their seats, the two other contestants, Jon Richardson and Nish Kumar, entered and settled onto the chairs opposite them.

Moments later, Josh Widdicombe made his way out onto the stage. "Alright," he said, looking over at Raegan, "this is Raegan. It's her first time on television, so while I encourage all kinds of teasing, let's take it easy on her."

Raegan smiled nervously.

"Hey Raegan," Jon waved, "don't worry, we won't take it too hard on you." He turned to Nish and asked, "or will we?" He laughed.

"She edits James and Ed's podcast so she's good friends with them," Lou explained.

Nish chimed in, "Ah, so she's getting the friend treatment. That seems a little bias to me." He smirked at Raegan, who couldn't help but laugh at his playful teasing.

"Aren't you best mates with James?" Josh laughed.

"Apparently not," Nish laughed, pointing at Raegan.

As the theme music played and the stage opened, the audience erupted into cheers and applause. Raegan's nerves strangely began to cease as Lou gave her a quick thumbs up.

Josh welcomed the audience and introduced the show, then turned to the contestants. "Hello and welcome to Hypothetical. A show that is unsurprisingly all about hypothetical scenarios. Today we are welcomed by once self titled irrelevant Kumar, it's Nish Kumar." The crowd cheered. "And next to Nish it's S Club 7's greatest fan, Jon Richardson." Josh turned to Raegan's side, "and on this side we have the originator of Pig Dog, still disappointed it wasn't a Pog, it's Lou Sanders!" More cheering, "and with Lou today is not so funny editor of Off Menu podcast, Raegan Collins." The crowd cheered.

Raegan couldn't help but smile.

"All that remains is for me to introduce my co-host," Josh continued. "He's known for chucking toddler tantrums whilst baking even though he's a man in his 30's, it's James Acaster!"

The crowd cheered louder as James walked into the room holding a magnifying glass for no apparent reason. As he passed Raegan, he looked at her through it, trying to hold back a smirk.

"James," Josh laughed, "talk us through your role."

"Well, Widdicombe," James smirked. His charismatic self coming to life. "Thank you. I'll be setting the parameters for each hypothetical scenario, dealing with any queries and quibbles and handing out the points. Basically what I'm saying is," he smirked, "I'm essential!"

Finally it was time for the first hypothetical. James leaned forward and looked at Jon intently, "Alright Jon, here's your hypothetical scenario. You have to convince Prince Harry to come on 8 out of 10 cats tomorrow, or Jimmy Carr will kill you."

"Harry? I was hoping for Meghan," Jon shook his head.

James chuckled, "It's hypothetical, Jon. Just go with it and stop complaining."

"Well," Jon paused, "I'll have to call him up."

"So how are you getting Harry's number?" Josh asked.

"Well Queen Elizabeth is pretty pissed with Harry so I'll call the Royal Family hotline and I'm sure out of revenge she'd give out his number," Jon explained.

The crowd erupted in laughter, with Nish laughing particularly hard.

"Are you playing the person on the other line, James?" Josh asked.

"Yep, give me a minute." James reached down, grabbing a baker boy hat.

Jon called the phone, and James answered.

"Hello, is this the Royal Family Hotline?" Jon inquired.

"Yes, who's asking?"

"This is Jon from the show 8 out of 10 cats does Countdown," Jon explained, "listen, I know Prince Harry is a bit of a prick and—"

"Hold on," James spoke, "I'll put you on the phone with the queen."

"That was easy," Jon laughed.

James ducked under the desk, emerging with a crown, "hello, this is the queen, you mentioned Harry is a prick."

"Hi your Majesty, yes."

James giggled, "yes?"

"Listen, I know Prince Harry is a bit of a prick and I'm on this decently popular tv show and I was hoping to humiliate Prince Harry so—"

"You need his number?" James as Queen Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," Jon couldn't help but laugh.

"Sure, it's 2345," he said as he hung up.

Jon called again, pressing those numbers, "Hello?" James answered as Harry.

"Hi Harry, so have you heard of the tv show 8 out of 10 cats does countdown?"

"I've heard of regular countdown," James smirked.

"Well, this is like regular countdown, but shitter."

"I'm listening," James leaned back on his seat.

"Well, we would really like you to be on the show. We think it would be really good for your public image and in separating you from the royal family."

"And tell him it'll be an episode without Jon Richardson," Nish teased.

"Did I overhear that bastard Jon Richardson won't be on?" James asked, "I'm in!"

The crowd burst into laughter as James awarded Jon with four points.

James leaned forward and addressed Raegan, "Here's a hypothetical for you, Raegan. You have to convince the world that you have an evil twin sister even though no one has ever seen them."

Raegan's eyes widened in surprise. "Does this twin actually exist or am I making it up?"

"They exist and they're trying to kill everyone which is why you desperately need to make them known."

Raegan took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "Okay, first, I would create a fake social media account for my twin sister. I would make posts that show me as her doing bad things but not so bad her account gets banned you know?"

James nodded, "like what?"

"Defacing landmarks, subtly holding weapons," Raegan began to list. "Then I would start leaving clues around town that lead people to believe my twin sister is real," Raegan continued. "I would plant fake identification cards or Polaroid photos of them."

James looked impressed. "I like it," he said.

"Won't people wonder why you two are never together?" Nish asked.

Raegan shook her head, "we don't get along so we would never need to be together."

"What do you think?" Josh asked James.

"I think she could pull it off," James answered.

"So how many points?" Josh asked.

James raised his hand, holding up four fingers, "four fingers for you, bheh-bheh."

Next, Lou and Nish had a joint hypothetical about how they would convince the world that they had died and come back to life.

As Lou and Nish continued with their hypothetical, James continuously kept glancing over at Raegan as if he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Towards the end of the hypothetical, Raegan felt eyes on her. She glanced around and caught him staring. Her cheeks blushed red. She tried to keep her composure, not wanting to reveal anything about her relationship with James especially on live tv and even more so after he outted being in a relationship last episode. However, he wasn't making it easy for her. Every time their eyes met, he would give her a little smile or a wink, causing her heart to race.

The rest of the episode continued like that. Trying to avoid and ignore James' subtle glances. She really enjoyed herself. Way more than she expected. As they walked off the set and back to the green room, Lou pulled her aside. "You lied when you said you two were friends, didn't you?" She smirked.

Raegan's brows furrowed, "what do you mean?"

"I saw the way he looked at you," she winked.

Raegan could feel James' eyes on her as they walked, making her feel a little nervous. She tried to ignore it and focused on the conversation with the other guests.

Once they got back to the green room, James kept finding reasons to talk to Raegan. He would make jokes and playful banter, trying to make her laugh. Raegan found herself enjoying the attention and feeling flattered by his interest in her. However, she felt slightly worried as the rest of the people in the room shot her knowing glances. At this point she would have been happy for the world to know about her and James, but she worried about Julien's reaction.

As they were getting ready to leave, James suggested they go out for drinks. Most of the guests had to leave, but Raegan and Nish agreed to go. James seemed pleased, and they made their way to the closest pub.

When they arrived at the pub, James ordered a round of drinks for the group. They settled into their seats at the bar, drinks in hand.

"How did you find your first time on tv?" Nish asked Raegan, "you seemed like a natural!"

James nodded in agreement, "I second that. You had me cracking up."

Raegan felt a warm glow spread through her at their words. She took a sip of her drink, feeling more relaxed now that the cameras were off. "It was fun," she answered, "but I won't lie, I don't think it'll be a regular thing. It was also terrifying."

"It definitely was fun," James said, taking a sip of his own drink. He looked at Raegan, a twinkle in his eye, "plus you'll get our views up. Who could pass up looking at someone as good looking as you?" He winked

"Thank you, James. That's very sweet of you." She was trying to play off his obvious flirt as just friendly banter, but as she glanced at Nish she realised he had caught on.

Nish chuckled, "Oh, come on, James. You're not exactly subtle with your flirting."

James grinned, "what do you mean?"

"Everyone in that room could see it," Nish laughed. "So when did the two of you start dating?"

"We're not," James tried to convince him. "Just good friends."

"I'm not an idiot, Acaster."

James glanced at Raegan, "a few weeks," he answered. "But look, don't tell Ed. He introduced us and we haven't exactly told him."

"I think he will know after that episode," Nish winked.

"Was I that obvious?" James frowned.

Raegan nodded, "yeah."

After spending some time at the bar, Raegan and James had a few more drinks than they intended. Nish had already left, leaving just the two of them. James offered to walk Raegan home, and she agreed. As they walked, Raegan's steps were unsteady, and James offered his arm to steady her. Eventually, they arrived at Raegan's apartment building, and James walked her to her door. As she fumbled for her keys, James leaned against the wall beside her, their shoulders touching. Finally, she managed to unlock the door and turned to face James.

James was a little blurry as the drinks got to her head. "Do you want to come in?" She asked.

      James smirked, "yeah," he slurred.

As they stumbled into the apartment, Raegan kicked off her shoes and flopped down onto the couch. James followed suit, sitting very close to her.

She turned her head to face him, her lips dangerously close to his. They locked eyes for a moment, the sexual tension between them palpable. Raegan's heart raced as James leaned in to kiss her, and she met him halfway. They kissed deeply, their tongues intertwining as they explored each other's mouths. The taste of whiskey on his lips sent shivers down her spine. Their bodies were pressed close together, their hands exploring each other's curves.

As their lips parted for a moment, Raegan couldn't help but giggle drunkenly. James joined in, his laughter infectious. They gazed into each other's eyes, their faces only inches apart. The air was thick with desire and anticipation as they leaned in for another kiss. Their lips met again, more urgently this time. Raegan's hands were in James' hair, pulling him closer to her. She could feel his hands on her back, pulling her even closer to him. The heat between them was almost too much to bear.

"I can't resist you any longer," Raegan whispered, pausing briefly to catch her breath. "I need you so badly."

Without hesitation, James leaned in again, capturing her lips in a fervent kiss that left them both breathless. The intensity of their desire for each other was palpable as they clung to one another, lost in the heat of the moment. Nothing else existed in that moment except for the two of them and the passion that burned between them.

In a moment of desperation for closeness, James ripped off his blazer and carelessly threw it onto the floor. Following suit, Raegan discarded her jacket. Their minds seemed to have switched off, consumed only by their overwhelming desire for each other. James started by untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, while Raegan watched him intently. Then, as if in slow motion, he began to lift her shirt, revealing more of her skin with every passing second.

James paused for a moment, "are you sure?" He asked.

Raegan nodded, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Chapter .10

Raegan was standing in her kitchen, chopping up vegetables for her lunch. The sun was streaming in through the windows, casting a warm glow over the room. As she chopped up a tomato, she glanced at her phone on the counter. She had turned it on silent so that she wouldn't be disturbed, but she couldn't resist checking it. There were a few messages from friends and family, but one caught her eye - it was from James. He was asking if she wanted to go for a walk later that day, perhaps through the park.

Raegan smiled to herself as she typed back a reply.

"I would love to."

Raegan finished chopping the vegetables, throwing them in the sizzling frying pan. The aroma of sautéed vegetables wafting through her kitchen. As the veggies simmered, Raegan set the mood with some upbeat tunes by Taylor Swift.

Raegan plated her sautéed vegetables and took a seat on her sofa. As she chewed, Raegan's phone buzzed on the table. She glanced down to see a message from James, saying that he would be there in fifteen minutes. A smile crept onto her lips as she finished her mouthful.

Raegan finished washing the dishes and put on a cozy sweater, the fabric hugging her skin like a warm blanket. As she was drying her hands, she heard a knock at the door. She walked over and opened it to find James standing there, his eyes lighting up as he saw her.

Without hesitation, he wrapped her in a tight embrace, his lips pressing against her forehead. Raegan closed her eyes, feeling a sense of comfort in his arms.

"I was thinking we could take a stroll at Regents Park," James suggested, his voice full of excitement.

Raegan's lips curled into a smile. "Sounds perfect, let me grab my purse," she replied, turning to retrieve it from the kitchen counter.

While Raegan picked up her purse, she felt James following her closely. He gently brushed his fingers through her hair, causing her to turn around and look at him. Without hesitation, James leaned in and rested his head on hers. Raegan felt his warm breath against her neck as he whispered, "You look so beautiful."

Raegan's cheeks turned red as she smiled, feeling a rush of happiness wash over her. "Flattery will get you everywhere, James," she giggled, playfully nudging him with her elbow.

"We should get ice cream," he said, mumbling into her hair.

"It's cold out," Raegan raised a brow.

"And?" James pulled back. He held her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "It's always a good time for ice cream."

James stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Raegan locked the door and the two of them began to descend the stairs. James put his arm around her waist, pulling her close. Raegan rested her head on his chest as they made their way to Regents Park.

It was a chilly summer afternoon, and the wind was blowing through their hair. Raegan wrapped her arms around James as they walked towards the park. The leaves on the trees rustled, creating a soft humming sound. The sky was cloudy, but the sun peeked through occasionally, illuminating the trees with a golden glow.

Raegan spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence between her and James, "I've been thinking about what you said the other day."

"What was that?" James asked, looking at her with interest.

"Hypothetical," she replied, "It could be fun, as long as it's not too weird that I'm not exactly a comedian."

James' face lit up with excitement, "That's great news! I'll talk to Josh about it and we'll get you on the show."

"But you're not going to almost accidentally spill the beans about us are you?" She laughed.

James grinned mischievously, "Can't promise anything, accidents happen, you know." He tightened his grip on her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Don't make me regret my decision, Acaster," she teased.

As they continued to walk, James suddenly stopped and pointed to a small ice cream stand at the end of the path. His face lit up with excitement, and he turned to Raegan with a grin. "Look, it's like they read my mind!" he exclaimed.

Raegan let out a playful groan and rolled her eyes. "Fine, you win. Let's get ice cream," she relented with a smile.

As they approached the ice cream stand, Raegan could see the colorful array of flavors displayed behind the glass. James eagerly scanned the options, his eyes lighting up.

"I'll have the raspberry sorbet, please!" he said to the vendor.

Raegan couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. She glanced over the options and decided on her favorite, mint choc chip.

As they received their cones, Raegan took the first lick of her ice cream. The cold, creamy sweetness melted in her mouth. James watched her with amusement, taking a bite of his own sorbet.

"This is so good!" he exclaimed, his tongue stained a bright pink from the raspberry flavor. Raegan laughed, nodding in agreement as they continued to walk through the park, enjoying their ice cream in the chilly summer breeze.

Raegan and James found a bench near a small pond and sat down, enjoying the sweet treats. The cool ice cream was the perfect complement to the chilly summer breeze. James offered Raegan a lick of his raspberry sorbet, and she obliged, savoring the tangy taste. She then offered him a lick of her mint choc chip, but as he leaned forward, she accidentally smudged some on his nose.

"Oops, sorry," Raegan giggled, taking a napkin and wiping the ice cream off his nose. James laughed it off, taking a bite of his sorbet. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the view of the pond and the sound of the birds chirping.

"This is really nice," James finally spoke up. "I love spending time with you."

Raegan smiled, feeling warmth spread throughout her body. "I love spending time with you too, James."

As they finished their ice cream, James wiped the melted remnants from his face, chuckling at Raegan's playful grin. They made their way out of the park.

"What would you like to do now?" James asked her.

Raegan gave a small shrug, content just to be beside James. "I don't really have a preference," she replied.

James suggested, "How about we go to my place this time? I've been to your place a few times now."

Raegan nodded, "yeah, I'd like to see where you live."

Finally, they arrived at his building, and James led her up the stairs to his flat. He unlocked the door and held it open for her, inviting her inside. The space was small but large at the same time, with large windows that let in plenty of natural light. Raegan admired the decor as James gave her a tour, pointing out his favorite pieces of furniture and art.

"It's nice," Raegan smiled, "I like it."

James seemed pleased by her response as he led her to the sofa, "so," he smiled awkwardly, "how is work?"

"Small talk?" Raegan frowned teasingly, "really?"

"I'm not sure what to talk about," he admitted.

"We don't have to talk," Raegan smirked suggestively.

James leaned in to kiss her, but as their lips brushed together there was an abrupt knock at the door. James breathed out in frustration as he stood up, walking to the door.

Raegan leaned over the couch, looking down the hall to the door. As James opened it, a rather chuffed Josh Widdicombe walked in.

"Hey, man!" Josh announced his arrival as he stepped through the doorway. "I happened to be in the area, so I thought I'd drop by for a quick visit, if that's alright with you."

"Yeah," James scratched the back of his neck, "I mean," he turned his head, looking at the living room. Josh following his gaze. "Raegan is also here."

Raegan waved awkwardly, still peering from the couch.

"Oh, I can come back another time," Josh said.

"No, it's fine!" James assured him as he led him to the living room.

As Josh settled in on the couch next to them, he took a moment to glance around the room, his eyes lingering on the photos and trinkets scattered on the shelves. He then turned his attention back to James and Raegan. "So, what were you two up to?" Josh asked, his tone playful.

"We just got back from a walk," Raegan replied, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks. "James was just showing me around his place."

"Mhmm," James murmured, a mischievous glint in his eye as he tried to hold back a smirk.

Josh raised an eyebrow, sensing there was more to the story. "And what else did you show her, James?" he teased.

James chuckled, trying to hide his suggestive expression. "And what are you suggesting?"

"I'm feeling like this really was a bad time," Josh joked, glancing between the two of them with a grin, "I can get going if you want."

Raegan cleared her throat, "whatever you're thinking, we were just hanging out on the couch."

"We were?" James teased, "well, I read that wrong."

Josh smiled, chuckling loudly, "I'm not sure which one of you to believe, but I'll take Reagan's word for it."

"Well now I know where your loyalties lie, Widdicombe," James shook his head.

"You should have learnt that many years ago," Josh laughed.

Raegan watched as James and Josh bantered back and forth, their easy camaraderie obvious even to an outsider like herself. They were discussing the upcoming episode of their show Hypothetical.

"So, are you going to spill anything about the next few episodes you're filming?" Raegan asked, leaning forward.

Josh grinned at her. "Well, we've got some really exciting guests lined up, and some great scenarios."

"Any hints about who might be coming on?" Raegan asked, her eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"Phil, Jon, Ed again, Nish," Josh replied, rattling off a list of names.

"Jess and Romesh too," James chimed in, adding a couple of names to the list.

"And hopefully you?" Josh turned to Raegan, "have you given it much thought?"

Raegan paused for a moment, considering her answer. "I'm actually leaning towards yes," she finally said.

"Excellent!" Josh beamed. "We'd love to have you on the show."

James grinned and wrapped his arm around Raegan. "See, I told you I'd convince her."

Raegan rolled her eyes playfully. "You didn't have to convince me, I'm actually excited to be a part of it."

An hour had passed since Josh left and Raegan was still sitting on the couch, lost in thought as she watched James move around the kitchen. He was making himself a cup of tea, the sound of the boiling kettle filling the silence of the apartment. Raegan couldn't help but feel content as she watched him, admiring the way he moved around.

James came back into the living room, carrying his steaming cup of tea and sitting down beside Raegan. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him. Raegan leaned her head against his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body radiating against hers.

"So," James said, taking a sip of his tea, "what do you think of Josh?"

"He's funny," Raegan said with a smile, "I can see why you two are friends."

James chuckled, "Yeah, he's one of a kind. I'm glad you like him though."

     "Hey, I know we were talking about Hypothetical earlier with Josh, but I just wanted to make sure you're sure about it. It's okay if you don't want to do it."

Raegan looked up at him, slightly taken aback by his concern. "I'm not completely sure, to be honest," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "It's an exciting opportunity that I am sure I'd regret if I didn't do it, but I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it. I wouldn't exactly fit in with your usual guests and that would surely confuse people."

James gave her a reassuring smile. "I promise you, everyone on the show would embrace you being there. And you know I'll be there too."

        Raegan thought for a moment, considering his words. She knew that James was right. This could be a great opportunity for her, and even if it didn't work out, she could learn a lot from the experience. She looked back at James and nodded. "I think I want to."

James smiled at Raegan, taking a sip of his tea as they sat together on the couch. Raegan leaned into him, feeling more comfortable than she ever had before.

As they sat there, Raegan felt her mind wander to the possibility of going on the show. She had always enjoyed watching it, and the thought of being a part of it was thrilling.

After a brief silence, Raegan broke the ice. "Who would go on with me?"

James replied with a shrug, "Who would you like to be on with you?"

Raegan leaned back on the couch, thinking. "I don't know."

James waited for a moment before asking, "Who are some of your favourite comedians?" He chuckled before adding, "and you can't say me!"

Raegan gave another shrug. "Ed's great," she said.

"Other than Ed," James teased.

"Jess Knappett is pretty funny," Raegan answered after some thought. "I guess Jon Richardson and Katherine Ryan too. But I mean, you've had them on so many times before."

James nodded, “Yeah, they’ve all been great guests, but there’s nothing wrong with having them on again if they’re willing to do it.”

Raegan nodded, “Yeah, I get that.”

James took another sip of his tea before setting the mug down on the coffee table. “But ultimately, it’s your decision. If you’re not comfortable with anyone in particular, we can always try to find someone else.”

Raegan smiled, feeling grateful for James’ understanding. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” James replied, pulling her in for a quick hug.

That evening, Raegan arrived back at her apartment. It always felt extra quiet when James wasn’t at her side. She didn’t want to be that person but she craved being close to him constantly.

With a sigh, Raegan tossed her keys onto the kitchen bench and opened the fridge to scrounge for some leftovers. She spotted a half-eaten takeout container, pulled it out, and shoved it into the microwave. As she waited for the food to heat up, she leaned against the counter and pondered the day's events.

Her mind kept circling back to James' proposition about appearing on Hypothetical. She couldn't shake off the feeling of uncertainty about putting herself out there in front of a large audience.

The microwave beeped and she pulled out her food, taking it to her couch. She sat down, turning on the television. Like it was reading her mind, an episode of Hypothetical was playing. James was in a prop shower, spraying body wash over his suit.