waspeena

megan remembers the first day she met you like it was yesterday. she was just at a cafe in los angeles picking up drinks for the girls when she saw you. your eyes met with hers, and she quickly looked away. but, you spoke to her first. from that day, everything fell into place.

megan also remembers the day she lost you like it was yesterday.

she remembers looking at your missed calls and texts while away on tour after a show one night. she remembers calling you as soon as she got to the hotel, only for it to go straight to voicemail. she remembers calling over and over, panic and fear beginning to settle in her body. she remembers calling your mom next, asking her to stop by the apartment. the silence that followed for twenty minutes, and then the call back from your mom telling her the news.

however, megan struggles to remember the rest. she can't remember the way her whole body went numb, and how her chest tightened to the point she couldn't breathe. she can't remember the panic attack that followed and the girls coming into her on the floor crying and screaming. she can barely remember flying back to l.a. with sophia, only the fact that sophia held onto her closely the entire flight.

everyone told megan not to go into the apartment, that it would tear her apart just going in and seeing everything still in its place, but without you standing there with a smile waiting for her. but, she couldn't let go of it.

the first time she walked into the apartment, she broke down. she didn't realize how it would feel entering an empty home, but everything of yours still there. she didn't anticipate the way it felt like the world crashed down on her.

megan refused to give away your things. she gave what your family asked for, obviously. but everything else? she kept in its place at home. people told her to sell the apartment, to move in with one of her band members so she wouldn't dwell anymore, but she never did. she didn't even listen to them. she couldn't let go of you.

megan does remember the first night it happened.

megan was sleeping soundly in the shared bed of hers and yours. she still subconsciously remained on her side throughout the night, a body pillow in replacement of your real body on the other side of the bed. she woke up to the tv suddenly turning on.

she blinked her eyes open, on her side facing the wall. she turns her head to look at the tv, and she screams.

someone is standing in front of the tv, staring straight at her. the person is floating, so megan already knows it's not a real person in her home. the person's neck is also bent horribly, the bone visibly crunched and bending their whole head to the side. megan scrambles backwards against the headboard of the bed, still screaming as this being stares at her, not moving or saying anything.

and then the tv turns off, and the being is gone.

megan didn't sleep for days after that. she had bags under her eyes that were dark, and she was moving like a zombie. but she didn't tell anyone what she saw that night.

she didn't think it would happen again, but it did. many times. it wasn't until it happened in the kitchen in the daylight one morning that megan realized who the ghost was.

when megan realized it was you, she thought she lost her mind. she had to be. there was no way it was you.

then one night, you spoke.

"megan."

megan wakes up abruptly when she hears her name, and she sees you standing over the bed again. she swallows thickly, eyes shaking as she looks at you.

"yn?" she whispers.

your mouth opens again, and you scream. megan covers her ears with her hands, the level of pitch in your scream causing the windows in the bedroom to crack.

and you're gone again.

a few days later, megan decides she can't do it anymore. she hadn't responded to anyone since the night you said her name and then disappeared. she knew they wouldn't understand. they would think she was crazy. she knew that.

she remembers laying on the bed, holding a picture of you in her hand that was beginning to get colder, feeling the prickly needle-like feeling in them the longer she laid there. she remembers closing her eyes, and then waking up a second later.

"hey, mei."

when megan opens her eyes, you're laying down beside her in the bed. her breath catches in her throat, and tears instantly swell in her eyes.

"yn?" she croaks out.

"yeah." you nod, your hand cradling her face.

megan can feel the warmth of your hand touching her cheek, and she thinks; this must be real. it has to be. you look normal again, and she smiles.

"it's really you," her voice cracks.

"only for a moment, my love," you say, making her grow confused. "sophia has already found you, the paramedics are on their way, but i have you for a few minutes with you now."

megan feels her heart break. she's dying, but she'll be back without you in minutes time.

"why did you do it?" megan asks, tears already falling down her cheeks.

"because i wasn't the same person i was when i met you," you answer. "i was a version of myself that i hated every day, and i didn't want to be that way around you anymore."

"b-but you didn't have to do this!" megan says, crying more. "i loved you no matter how you felt or how you were doing! i would have loved you the exact same way i always have! y-you didn't have t-to do th-this!"

your eyes sadden, and you grab her hand. "i know, and i'm sorry," you whisper. "i shouldn't have done it."

"i miss you so much," megan cries. "i can't do this without you."

"you can, meg," you tell her. "you have to. people love you, and they will be there to pick you up when you are down like you always did with me. don't let them down. you have to keep going."

megan shakes her head. "i-i don't know if i can."

"you can," you reply. "i know you can. you're stronger than anyone i know."

"i loved you so much," megan says.

"i know, megan," you say quietly.

"i loved you completely. and you loved me the same. that's all. the rest is confetti."

the next thing megan remembers is waking up with a harsh breath, and a jolt of electricity rushing through her. she wakes up with a scream of your name leaving her throat. then, she blinks and looks around, seeing paramedics surrounding her, and you're not there anymore.

sophia has megan move in with her for a while after that. megan still has nightmares about it, but you don't show up again. as your ghost, or as your real self. megan knows she won't ever see you again, and she should feel reassured by your last words to her. she should be able to move on. but she can't, and she doesn't think she ever will.