夏の定番

WOW hello everyone! I’m not sure if anyone even remembers my small little blog! I’m not even quite sure how to say it, but I wanted to sincerely apologize for just randomly disappearing. I know it’s probably not much of a big deal, but I still feel the need to say that I’m sorry! It’s been 5 years so I’m not sure if anyone even remembers who I am, haha… But I still use a lot of ellipsis… 

For so many years, I used this place as a bit of an escape. I would come here to look at pretty things and interact with people and post silly things; I felt like this was my one emotional outlet. This place saw me through many different ups and downs during high school and college. Eventually, I felt, in some ways, it was holding me back from growing up, if that makes sense… I realized I was doing so many silly embarrassing things and then would have all of these emotional outbursts on here without doing anything to fix my situation. Some of the things that I came here to avoid would bleed through to my supposedly safe online space, too, of course. When I stopped logging in, I literally just felt like disappearing and leaving this period of myself behind so I could move on from it and improve myself. It felt like leaving here was the only way I could do that, for some reason; I realize I gave this site way too much emotional meaning haha..

So leaving this place felt like taking a step towards maturing and taking more responsibility for myself and my happiness. I feel so different from the person I was when I last posted. I feel I’m much more confident, courageous, and mentally healthy/strong. I feel like I’ve learned so much and grown as a person over the years! I’ve come to appreciate my time here much more as an adult. Nowadays I sort of see this place as an archive of being 15-19, and I think it’s special that all those moments were captured, even if sometimes they were a bit silly… I like to look at this place as a time capsule, I can’t bear to delete it… It captured such an intense part of my life, and I truly treasure all of the positive memories I’ve made and the wonderful kind meetings I’ve had here with other people. 

What was really special during my time here were all the little bonds that I was able to create. Just knowing that there were some people, out there, that would read my posts or message me when I felt like I had no one, was so incredibly meaningful to me… I can’t thank everyone enough for all of their positivity, support, kindness, and encouraging words, which helped me better myself as a person. I was always such a shy, awkward girl but this place encouraged me to interact with people and open myself up to new friendships. Other blogs I followed were constant sources of inspiration and motivation which pushed me to be more creative. Also just having this space that you could control and curate, that was all yours to do whatever you wanted with, that you could use to freely express yourself, was so special to me. I’m probably making tumblr way more meaningful than it ever intended to be but… here I am! To this day I’m still making overly emotional posts but oh well it’s just who i am :^) I just had this urge to come back here for a brief moment to say thank you to everyone who made my time here so special!