;; Hi. Itās been. Almost three years since I last logged into this account. I think itās pretty obvious, but I have left the D. Gray-Man fandom. I wish I could say itās been the various hiatuses and inaccessibility to reading new chapters, but itās not.
The fandom is. Extremely toxic. It took me this long to realize it. Every fandom has its own level of toxicity, I wonāt deny it. But DGM is on a whole new level. Iāve seen people kicked off their blogs because of hate and rumors without a single shred of truth to them. Iāve seen relationships torn apart.
I was abused in this fandom. I was controlled and subjected to the possessiveness of a person who was twice my age at the time. She tore my friendships apart. She spread rumors about people I interacted with because she didnāt like that she was losing control of a sixteen year old kid. She wanted to be the only person I wrote with. The only person I shipped with.Ā
I wonāt go into her actions in this post because thatās not what this post is supposed to be about. It would take too long, either way.
I am in no way claiming to be the only person that was abused in this fandom. I know of people who had it way worse than I did. I only talk to one person that I met in this fandom, and Iām sure theyāve moved on as well. This is also not the only bad experience Iāve had in the fandom, as I continued to write here for years after that situation ended.Ā
Itās gotten so bad that I canāt even read DGM anymore, even though I genuinely loved its story, because it brings back memories that have affected me in such terrible ways.
I wanted to say that I am ashamed of any bad things I have done in this fandom. I am ashamed of the people who did bad things in this fandom. Iām just. Ashamed of the fandom in general.
I am in a much safer situation now. I have moved on to a much safer and kinder fandom. I have new friends that support and love me, who donāt try to possess me or try to force me into situations that I canāt emotionally or mentally handle.
Thatās not to say there arenāt difficulties in my new fandom. Of course there are. Thatās how fandoms work. Thereās no fandom in existence that is entirely pure, discourse-free, toxicity-free. But I think anything is better than what I have faced here.
If you are in an unsafe situation, PLEASE get help. See a therapist, TALK to someone. I know people sayĀ āthatās lifeā to justify all the bad things that are happening in the world. But you shouldnāt have to be afraid or ashamed to seek help or avoid negative content.
Goodbye. The next time I log in to this account, whenever that may be, it will be to delete it. I am done. Iām not going to come back to this horrible fandom.
