Beauty awakens the soul.

I am absolutely terrified of the uncertainty that is my life right now. I know I should be nothing but excited for this next year, and really I am. I'm ecstatic. but I'm so scared of what happens when I get back. I don't like not being sure. I don't like "well, if it's meant to be..." I don't like having zero idea of what I want to do, where I want to be, who I want to be with. and I hate how -chill- everyone acts about it like I'm just supposed to kick back and let everything unfold on its own. no, this is my life and just let me be a little scared for a second because change is frightening and its ok to not be fucking cool 24/7.

reading through old posts realizing I am every bit the boy-crazy, painfully cliché girl that I claim to hate. I've had a lot on my mind the past few days and I'm trying to make a valid effort to change some of these things. I have to focus on myself and stop trying to force things that are out of my control. I'm looking forward to the rest of this summer filled with lots of firsts and lasts. I want to really make the most of it and enjoy every minute.

reading about the past gives me anxiety. thinking about the future makes me nervous. I want to to simply live in this moment but this moment too quickly becomes the future and then just as quickly becomes the past.

There was a time in my life when boys actually did nice things for me like leave flowers and mix cds at my apartment door.  Now I feel like I have to beg for a booty call. 

I've never felt more alone in my whole life

I have no motivation to leave my bed.  I have no interest in seeing other people. I want to shirk all my responsibilities and just be free for one second.