gaming to cope

I gave Gale a ring that puked pretty colours, a crusty pendant that thought it was a nightlight, and an old boot that expected me to stand in water during combat just for the chance to give an enemy a slight shock—and one of those items I bought at a vendor with 20 gold coins I yanked from an ogre's ass. People really be massacring entire villages just to get a crumb of approval from Astarion, but whine because the wizard needs to munch on three pieces of a jeweler's finest rejects. 😒

"How about if I say these little words? Everyone's favourite..."

"I love you."

It's just a second. Another face, one familiar but unknown, is in front of you. He looks at you like you were more than a murderous feral puppet. He looks at you like you were... his dearest.

"I love you."

You see red. The urges shout. Everything you want is erase the pain of those cursed words. Sink your teeth into Astarion's throat and tore him apart.

You freeze.

"I love you."

The last time you hear that, it was a lie. One told in his bed, when everything was perfect. Or maybe it wasn't, you can't know. But it was a sweet and cruel lie that maybe, if things were different, you could belive.

You wanted to belive.

This time is also a lie. This time is also sweet and cruel and carries that sadnes... Different in every kind and... the same.

A quick smile. A handsome young man. One you cannot kill, you cannot hurt, no matter what. The same. The fucking opposite.

"Impressed?" Astarion smiles, pleased with himself. All the vulnerability gone. "You should be, my sweet."

In the moment he looks at you again, though, his mask falls a little. He frowns.

"Everything alright? It... it was just in a manner of speaking, you know?"

Nothing is alright. The flash, the dark eyes and the sad lies pass. Astarion and his not-so-easy (almost insecure now) smile it's the only one who remains.

That man, that human, is no more. You don't even know his name. It just... hurts.

"My sweet?"

You say nothing. You do nothing. (The urge cries. Kill him kill him killhimkillhimkillhimkill...)

You have the rest of the companions who are hot and you can see yourself fucking and having intense relationships with; and then theres Gale who is the guy you sit down at dinner with to talk about how the tax returns this year werent as high as expected, or how you need to buy more fabric softener.

You g e t it