Summer

I’m reading this book about things I already know. Is everything really a reminder? The going far out into the ocean waves. The deeper introspection and connection with Source that leads to change. The getting caught up in asking the genie for things that end up in endless loops. The knowing everything is Now when you are here and Now. The bringing yourself fully into what is while simultaneously staying in the moment that hangs out on the edge of potential. Remembering and forgetting again being a necessary step in transformation. Just letting things be and breathe but simultaneously always showing up. Getting out of traps that seem to be reinforced by a reality that becomes thoughts and feelings that become reality. 

All of everything I have learned up until this summer such as staying in balance I am beginning to see the application and usefulness of the practice and breathing and being fully present and simultaneously detached from myself so that I can remain self aware and learning and growing further in to the true self and the reflection of oneness.

Painfully realizing how much my words really mean to me. I have lost journals of the course of the years and blogs and most recently I canceled my blueinfernopro twitter and now for some reason my brain is rewriting my memories and I have this deep deep desire for the vibe and the words I would feel on those brief moments of expression. They came from a place in me but the twitter was the space I created for them to be I suppose or at least I am telling myself that. The positive side is now I have an awareness of this. Is is vanity? Was it the knowledge that I was projecting out into empty space and that it may or may not be heard? The funny thing is every thought we think is projected out into space and there are no boundaries. Are my thoughts beautiful? Is this the truth I am ultimately being lead to?

to be continued....

I awoke this morning having dreams about balance and trying to show my beloved I could be balanced for a very long time. “Standing on my head for you” came to mind. Not sure how i feel about that but as the time passed I longed in the same moments after awakening and remembering how to be authentic and gentle and taking a lover on this way, through grace and kindness and yielding. 

Many of my goals from the past two years are manifesting including my desire to find more meaningful and purposeful work, work with youth and start developing Blue Inferno Creative. The universe is lovingly supporting these desires and I am grateful. I am however experiencing signs from my body to slow down, meditate and rest. I know now is a great time for me to draw closer to my Creator and the Source and listen but I must admit what I am hearing is a lot of old outdated ways of thinking. Much of what I am experiencing at this point is all a matter of perception because nothing is per se really happening out there but taking the time to nurture my inner self will reflect back out into the universe a kinder, more loving “Kim” and for that I am grateful and excited. So where do I begin? I spent time with Big & Chase today. We got footage of us at Barton Springs with their friend Angela. My body still wasn’t 100 and it seemed to be demanding I rest. We had a lovely swim and I came home and slept for a few hours. Again I am trying not to resist what I can feel is necessary-my body’s desire to rest and my spirits desire to be at ease. Something about trust and letting go of control. Lol I’m not sure what my resistance is about control or letting go but I do feel reassured that what ever energy you put out returns multiplied and I have been putting out a lot maybe to this point. Is my mind right? I know so many things experientially. I know we aren't separate. I know nothing can be hidden forever. I know that many times my feelings and emotions are empathy for others. I know I deserve love and compassion and I know I am being refined daily to be this being that radiates the utmost peace and calm.

I have also been invited to take part in city politics by the city council member of my district. I am excited to explore the opportunity. I feel like the only way I can grow professionally is to just dive in and have new experiences. I really mostly feel like its learning new customs, dialectics, no where I have been are people fundamentally different but language, and customs and degrees of intuition and communication foster levels of ability to put joy, love and vision together. I pray I can bring all I am. I pray for the confidence and the grace to courageously walk in the vision for a just world for all. I pray that spirits protect and remind and guide me to walk in faith and love. I pray they come to my aid and calm my mind and body. I pray that my body generates the love and passion that invigorates all I come into contact with authenticity and energy that creates joyful space.

I bought my ticket home. If you could peer into my mind you would have seen all kinds of racing thoughts and various questions. What will I do when I return? I feel like being here in Philadelphia and exploring the east coast has been an entire chapter of my life full of amazing people and experiences. I am better for it. I feel braver more beautiful inside and out and my ability and palate to love and love others has been magnified more than twice over by the people I have encountered and the experiences I have had. It was a much needed sabbatical. A delving into who I am as a woman and what my values are, a searching and loving noting and coming to more fully know my strengths and weaknesses and owning them., having compassion for when and where I'm at and gently nudging myself forward when I know I can and should and most of all trusting that working it all out in my inner self is a well worth it process as I always known it to be. Here's to the future and owning a little bit more of myself and my process. I'm encouraged by the maturity I feel I've gained and for the courage I have to face the future however unknown I feel it maybe where ever I'm going I know I am bringing a beautiful, complex, deeply lived life and love along with me that grows ever more expressive each day, my own.

Chromesthesia Another common form of synesthesia is the association of sounds with colors. For some, everyday sounds such as doors opening, cars honking, or people talking can trigger seeing colors. For others, colors are triggered when musical notes and/or keys are being played. People with synesthesia related to music may also have perfect pitch because their ability to see/hear colors aids them in identifying notes or keys.[citation needed] The colors triggered by certain sounds, and any other synesthetic visual experiences, are referred to as photisms. According to Richard Cytowic,[3] chromesthesia is "something like fireworks": voice, music, and assorted environmental sounds such as clattering dishes or dog barks trigger color and firework shapes that arise, move around, and then fade when the sound ends. Sound often changes the perceived hue, brightness, scintillation, and directional movement. Some individuals see music on a "screen" in front of their faces. For Deni Simon, music produces waving lines "like oscilloscope configurations – lines moving in color, often metallic with height, width and, most importantly, depth. My favorite music has lines that extend horizontally beyond the 'screen' area." Individuals rarely agree on what color a given sound is. B flat might be orange for one person and blue for another. Composers Liszt and Rimsky-Korsakov famously disagreed on the colors of music keys. Source: WikiPedia

It might be time to look at auditing classes at UT in film, media, photo journalism or management.

I'm sitting in a cafe, I know I should write more because lately I've been having so many observations like the woman who I noticed when I walked in to get my sugar free hazel nut latte while Bank plays in the background. She is beautiful. She says, hi. I say hi and she says words my mind refuses to cohere as though she knows as though she feels compelled to speak like I am someone who has walked into her matrix and she clearly knows there is something connecting us that she must verbalize. The only thing I was thinking when I walked in was, "my she sure is pretty." Can she hear or see my thoughts? Do they look like colors in my aura? Are there frequencies that compel her to look up from her engaging studies and say hello. I can only wonder. I am only a budding psychotronic but I walk past her again and notice her body. The fullness in her, in her curves. She is beautiful I note again and I also realized I haven't loved or lusted for someone in sometime. It's a part of me I have simply disengaged from. It's a part of magnetism, animal magnetism that if noted in me draws me in and maybe I don't want to be drawn into the dance of lover and lusted or beloved. I don't tend to be puritanical. My desire is my desire and meld and fluctuate like waves between spirit and flesh and its a beautiful living desire in my flesh but today I ..well

I just finished Black Boy and it was amazing. The depth of his introspection and his fierce critical thought that he refused to compromise. The voice that beckoned him like the light of humanism despite the shifting times amazed me and gave me context for so many things. I have so many questions that the context gave me soil to grow my intellectual roots of curiosity. Beautiful

audio journal of Summer of 2014