Please Die!

I fucking hate feeling, loving, hating, wanting, needing, being.

It’s all restless. Stuck inside a mote suffocating, drowning. I can’t breathe.

Balancing on a bridge’s railing with a noose wrapped around my neck. I crave death, wondering about dropping infront of a semi. Dangling about like a twisted spider as my corpse ricochets from the cars passing by.

My eyes roll back inside my soul, becoming white clouds that span over the horizon. Gliding above the earth I exhale peace, and wonder if anyone loved or missed me. Glancing down below, I see myself drowing in an ocean of tears and spot another me cackling on bones of sand, pointing its finger of misery at the me gasping for air.

I’m obssessed with a boy again. This time he notices me and tells me all these beautiful things, but are they true? It’s been so long since I’ve genuinely liked a guy who apparently respects me and I’m giving him time away. Hopefully when he comes back he’ll talk to me, but it doesn’t matter if he loves me or doesn’t because I have so much to do within myself. I don’t even know where to start. No one is going to make me better. Only I can make myself better.