I need to talk to someone so badly and there's no one. I'm in a really toxic and draining relationship. Lately our fights are getting worse, and today was the worst ever. He doesn't hit me, but he says horrible things and makes me so angry that I lash out and I can't control myself. Then when I'm angry, he calms down and smiles because he won. He gaslights me about the terrible things he said. And then I feel guilty and ashamed for lashing out. I'm so embarrassed for yelling and throwing things, I feel sick to my stomach.
He took my phone and told me he was going to smash it. He then told me he was going to slash my tires and rip my engine out. Then when I tried to start recording him, he of course just smiled and pretended he didn't say anything. It's sickening. I'm exhausted and scared. I have no money and the bills are piling up. I'm so alone and I don't know what the fuck to do.
I keep asking God to help me with my anger and help me find a way out of this. But even he isn't listening.
