Bat Wings and Broken Strings

I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct 

and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’ 

and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’ 

The Kevin Show!

me: no son we’re a health goth family

child: it feels like im dying

MAKING MY WAH DOWNTOWN

‘I’m too dumb to learn” 

Well if this isn’t just the cutest

You’re welcome :)

First one to go through a table loses.