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Severe future anxiety Tuesday
Oh gawd I’m glad I remembered my password to this blog.
Anyway, things have been happening people!
Mainly job things. The love life is still the same (10% same old shit 90% UH-Mahzing).
So, anyway, lets cut to the chase about what’s stressing me. I just quit my Job (today) and as anyone who follows my instagram or other tumblr knows, I LOVE MY JOB. But anyway, I quit my job since I must move to the city (barf) so I can be closer to the ones I love (only anti-nausea point in all of this). Anyway, so I quit and my boss was very composed but sad (as was I/am still) but you know - life goes on etc. But then, when I was casually hovering around the X-ray room, one of my colleagues said (in a very disapproving tone) “You didn’t tell me!” I started to chime in with “But I had to tell L* first” but said colleague carried on saying “She’s totally destroyed. You should have waited til the end of the day. She can’t have a clear head now”
.....did you all get the ‘totally destroyed’ part there? Yeah, because thats also the part that’s really been sticking in my brain. I don’t want to totally destroy anyone in whatever capacity. I gave two weeks notice, and I did mention 4 weeks ago that I was going to be applying for other jobs and that they should hire someone and 6 weeks ago I said I was unhappy with my schedule. Are two weeks notice not enough? How does it work in America? I don’t understand. I don’t think it’s fair to say I have ‘totally destroyed’ anyone, by doing a simple, normal thing that people do. They change jobs to upgrade....and that’s just what I did.
Anyway, I feel like an awful person now who destroys others and is fat and unlovable and cruel and thoughtless and doesn’t deserve for anyone to be nice to them and my boyfriend probably doesn’t love me and is cheating and my cat wishes she could run away and my dog probably is so depressed because he doesn’t have a fun happy life with me and I have no friends and everyone at work hates me and someone will break into my room tonight and torture and kill me.
I mean I don’t really destroy people. But maybe I have really upset my boss, who really is the sweetest creature there is. Ugh and it’s killing me. Maybe two weeks is really short?? But I did tell the Office manager to hire this girl that applied who would have been perfect, but who listens to me?
And since I’m all down on everything right now, I just feel lousy. Lousy about the outside, lousy about the inside. And who loves lousy things? Not boyfriends or friends. I just think like right now should be a really exciting time....and it’s not at all. I’m just kind of bummed out and exhausted. So I should really go to sleep....but why sleep when I could stay up and think up ways in which people might be betraying me? Or awful things that people may be thinking/saying about me?
:( Oh deary me.
Hahaha some people got it's twisted

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It is Sunday you guys. Let's swoon.
Sometimes the most handsome man of all men pulls an asshole move and my spiteful gremlin in my heart says 'oh, surprise! He's just like everyone else. That asshole! Let's leave him. Be a single woman again. Let's spend our life alone!' These asshole move are things like being late. I can't STAND people being late. It's a total pet peeve of mine. Another asshole move he does is not go to sleep when I do. Or leave me when it's time for us to go back to work. And he has a messy car and my seat always has shit in it when I'm trying to get in. ..... That's his asshole moves. None of those things are even bad. Everytime I think, oh, this time he's being so out of line! ....it always turns out it's actually me being a diva. Truth is, he's usually late because he got caught up with his mom (impossible to leave her without her trying to send you off with food or drinks or both and about an hour of conversation...I've been there. And it's hard to cut her off because she's just being kind) or got stuck talking with his friends. And he's just nice, he doesn't cut people off or leave them hanging. And I go to bed pretty early, he never does. But he always comes to bed with me and cuddles me til I fall asleep or at least tucks me in. We can't stay in bed. We HAVE to go to work. That's life. His car is messy. He always cleans the seat off for me. He drives me anywhere I want. He makes me car seat nests for long drives. The point of this is, all these little things 'make him an asshole', because there's no real things that do. No one is perfect. He's just not an asshole. He's one of the nicest people anyone could ever meet, and he's so,so sweet to me. Even though I guilt trip him for leaving me for work, and making me sleep alone, and being late, and having a messy passenger seat. Then he's an asshole for telling me I'm guilt tripping him hahaha but he's right, and I'm workin on it. I just think he should always be with me and never have to leave. And he could wash my hair every day, and make me delicious coffee, and we'd drive around hating things together, cuddling and Checking out all the burger places. And he is so funny you guys, and he thinks I'm funny too. And he puts his arm around me sometimes and I just wanna melt. And he has such nice blue eyes. And we go shopping together and he's such a great shopping buddy! He loves my pets, and even snug, even though she's beastly to him. And he has the sweetest, most beautiful smile. And he says the nicest things to me. He calls me every night before I fall asleep, even if I'm trying to be snippy because I feel neglected and am attention seeking. And sometimes we argue and then we make up and he admits when he was wrong and he accepts apologies and doesn't hold grudges. And he told me that he's so happy every time he puts his bathrobe on because it smells like I do. You guys. He's so lovely.
Today, Doggy and I went to a big waterfall even tough I was sore as hell after yesterday.
This right here is why I am soft, smell delicious and am tastier than...umm...I don't know...an Aloha Smoothie!
So I apply this all over my weasel bombshell body after showering, and then go to bed and sleep. The first time I did it, I was alone and was like a soft greased up pig in a blanket (literally) just happily snorkeling around in the soft sheets of my bed.
The second time, I realised how lovely I smelled because I kept catching whiffs of myself while I was at work, dealing with rather not so delicious smelling things (dog breath and bloody abdomens and urine samples).
And the third time I was mid love-sesh when my partner in sexy crime wondered what tasted so nice. So after licking my arm to confirm - yes! It was me. Over 12 hours after applying my body oil I STILL tasted better than a chinese pot sticker so put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Or get a home vaporiser and really get the eat-cookies-then-nap party started.
This company also makes massage oils (which I have) And they smell Ok but I'm not gonna say they're "must haves" (theyre not), BUT BUT BUT they do have sexy scented body oil candles that smell so good it makes me want to die. So you guys, honestly.
If you are a lady and like to be soft and delicious, get some of this. If you are a guy and like to be soft and delicious, also go get some of this. It's just great.
Little warning though - stay away from the edible body souffles! So rank.
About make up spending sprees
WHY IS MAC SO EXPENSIVE GODDAMMIT
Anyway, I kind of want the lipliners 'Spice' and 'Oak' and 'Stripdown'. And I want the lipsticks in 'Honey Love' (recommended by wolfinsheepsfur about a gazillion years ago) 'Creme Cup' and 'Japanese Maple' and 'Kinda Sexy'.
And I also need a nude/browns matte eyeshadow palette (suggestions?) and I also need a matter bronzer...because trust me - shimmer does not look good on me. At least not on a daily basis.
Basically what I'm trying to achieve is to fool everyone into thinking that I do not in actual fact wear make up, but that I'm just damn glamorous and tan looking all the time.
And while we're at it, feel free to also recommend some good self tanners. While I LOVE the L'Oreal one, the gel kind, last time I used it (3 times in a row) It really dried out my skin..like to the point where it hurt when someone touches your skin a little too rough. Like say if someone was grabbing your arm or a booty cheek or whatever. Not that I get grabbed very hard mind you - but thats my point - not very rough handling felt way too rough on my poor dry baby skin and it took me a good 3 weeks of serious moisturising to get back to my baby butt all over softness. And seriously you guys, I am so soft it's a joke. And I smell delicious. I'll post about that shortly.

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It is not sunday, but I must swoon
So this week I do not only have a cold, but I also burned my fingers on some hot steam. And now I imagine you all thinking of cosy warm steam room steam thats eucalyptus scented and feels amazing. No. Think the fires of hell, barely above the flames boiling water steam. Yes. Now we're on the same page.
It was bad, real bad. I cried a)when it happened and b) when I woke up at night when the ice on my hand had melted. That's how bad it was/is.
Anyway, I'm awake again right now because my cough and some very sore fingers are keeping me from sleeping. And so I came upstairs to tidy up a bit, with snug in tow of course, and started putting things away. When I remembered that despite taking a picture of it, I didnt even tell you that when I came home from work, Dinner was all prepared, and on the table were (delicious) chewable vitamin C pills, numbing cough/throat lozenges and some NyQuil! And some orange juice. Which I claim is for Vitamin C, but thats just an excuse - I simply love OJ.
Wuv wuv wuuuvvvv
opinions of full or half sleeves on girls? also, do you prefer black&grey tattoos or colour?xo
Welllllllllll I don't know I don't really care. If you want to get a full sleeve, get one. Start with a half one and stop there if you want to. I have a full sleeve, and its in colour and i really like that. But I also kinda wonder if it had been a better idea to get black and grey. But then I also wonder if it would just have been the best idea to never get tattooed at all.
Which I think it probably is. Dont get tattooed. not half, not full, not colour and not black and grey. Just none.

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What I remember most about emotional abuse is that it’s like being put in a box. How you end up in there is the biggest trick – I never managed to work that one out. Maybe you think it’s a treasure box at first: you’re in there because you’re special. Soon the box starts to shrink. Every time you touch the edges there is an “argument”. So you try to make yourself fit. You curl up, become smaller, quieter, remove the excessive, offensive parts of your personality – you begin to notice lots of these. You eliminate people and interests, change your behaviour. But still the box gets smaller. You think it’s your fault. The terrible, unforgivable too-muchness of you is to blame. You don’t realise that the box is shrinking, or who is making it smaller. You don’t yet understand that you will never, ever be tiny enough to fit, or silent enough to avoid a row
It’s time to make emotional abuse a crime
- Lauren Laverne
It’s been a whole year! Who woulda thought.
attachment 1.jpg for the latest edition of swoon sunday.
I gotta tell ya tho, walking in those heels (not that high, but very slick) was a real challenge because the floor of the restaurant we were at was super polished wood. And I was wearing my favourite dress which is also actually super scandalous because it's so short so every time i had to go to the bathroom (post a few cocktails, broke the seal, you know how it goes) I had to worry about slipping and falling AND my dress riding up.
It was worth it tough. Such a good night.