Hold your Head High Heavy Heart

Oh gawd I’m glad I remembered my password to this blog.

Anyway, things have been happening people!

Mainly job things. The love life is still the same (10% same old shit 90% UH-Mahzing).

So, anyway, lets cut to the chase about what’s stressing me. I just quit my Job (today) and as anyone who follows my instagram or other tumblr knows, I LOVE MY JOB. But anyway, I quit my job since I must move to the city (barf) so I can be closer to the ones I love (only anti-nausea point in all of this). Anyway, so I quit and my boss was very composed but sad (as was I/am still) but you know - life goes on etc. But then, when I was casually hovering around the X-ray room, one of my colleagues said (in a very disapproving tone) “You didn’t tell me!” I started to chime in with “But I had to tell L* first” but said colleague carried on saying “She’s totally destroyed. You should have waited til the end of the day. She can’t have a clear head now”

.....did you all get the ‘totally destroyed’ part there? Yeah, because thats also the part that’s really been sticking in my brain. I don’t want to totally destroy anyone in whatever capacity. I gave two weeks notice, and I did mention 4 weeks ago that I was going to be applying for other jobs and that they should hire someone and 6 weeks ago I said I was unhappy with my schedule. Are two weeks notice not enough? How does it work in America? I don’t understand. I don’t think it’s fair to say I have ‘totally destroyed’ anyone, by doing a simple, normal thing that people do. They change jobs to upgrade....and that’s just what I did.

Anyway, I feel like an awful person now who destroys others and is fat and unlovable and cruel and thoughtless and doesn’t deserve for anyone to be nice to them and my boyfriend probably doesn’t love me and is cheating and my cat wishes she could run away and my dog probably is so depressed because he doesn’t have a fun happy life with me and I have no friends and everyone at work hates me and someone will break into my room tonight and torture and kill me.

I mean I don’t really destroy people. But maybe I have really upset my boss, who really is the sweetest creature there is. Ugh and it’s killing me. Maybe two weeks is really short?? But I did tell the Office manager to hire this girl that applied who would have been perfect, but who listens to me?

And since I’m all down on everything right now, I just feel lousy. Lousy about the outside, lousy about the inside. And who loves lousy things? Not boyfriends or friends. I just think like right now should be a really exciting time....and it’s not at all. I’m just kind of bummed out and exhausted. So I should really go to sleep....but why sleep when I could stay up and think up ways in which people might be betraying me? Or awful things that people may be thinking/saying about me?

This right here is why I am soft, smell delicious and am tastier than...umm...I don't know...an Aloha Smoothie!

So I apply this all over my weasel bombshell body after showering, and then go to bed and sleep. The first time I did it, I was alone and was like a soft greased up pig in a blanket (literally) just happily snorkeling around in the soft sheets of  my bed.

The second time, I realised how lovely I smelled because I kept catching whiffs of myself while I was at work, dealing with rather not so delicious smelling things (dog breath and bloody abdomens and urine samples).

And the third time I was mid love-sesh when my partner in sexy crime wondered what tasted so nice. So after licking my arm to confirm - yes! It was me. Over 12 hours after applying my body oil I STILL tasted better than a chinese pot sticker so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Or get a home vaporiser and really get the eat-cookies-then-nap party started.

This company also makes massage oils (which I have) And they smell Ok but I'm not gonna say they're "must haves" (theyre not), BUT BUT BUT they do have sexy scented body oil candles that smell so good it makes me want to die. So you guys, honestly.

If you are a lady and like to be soft and delicious, get some of this. If you are a guy and like to be soft and delicious, also go get some of this. It's just great.

WHY IS MAC SO EXPENSIVE GODDAMMIT

Anyway, I kind of want the lipliners 'Spice' and 'Oak' and 'Stripdown'. And I want the lipsticks in 'Honey Love' (recommended by wolfinsheepsfur about a gazillion years ago) 'Creme Cup' and 'Japanese Maple' and 'Kinda Sexy'.

And I also need a nude/browns matte eyeshadow palette (suggestions?) and I also need a matter bronzer...because trust me - shimmer does not look good on me. At least not on a daily basis.

Basically what I'm trying to achieve is to fool everyone into thinking that I do not in actual fact wear make up, but that I'm just damn glamorous and tan looking all the time.

So this week I do not only have a cold, but I also burned my fingers on some hot steam. And now I imagine you all thinking of cosy warm steam room steam  thats eucalyptus scented and feels amazing. No. Think the fires of hell, barely above the flames boiling water steam. Yes. Now we're on the same page.

It was bad, real bad. I cried a)when it happened and b) when I woke up at night when the ice on my hand had melted. That's how bad it was/is. 

Welllllllllll I don't know I don't really care. If you want to get a full sleeve, get one. Start with a half one and stop there if you want to. I have a full sleeve, and its in colour and i really like that. But I also kinda wonder if it had been a better idea to get black and grey. But then I also wonder if it would just have been the best idea to never get tattooed at all.