Life Hurts Sometimes

Today I learnt that some people just don’t get better, And maybe it’s the alcohol speaking bullshit but maybe that’s even more of a reason to believe it, Because the only time I can ever speak the truth is when I’m 2 glasses past thinking straight, And my sister told me tonight that the only reason she doesn’t cut her skin to shreds anymore is because she can’t hide it as well as she use to, 25 years old and she’s still stuck in the same self destructing mindset she developed when she was 15, 15; the age I am now, drinking away my problems and praying to fucking god I won’t end up like her, Because she never got better, she just got better at hiding the pain, And maybe that’s the same for everyone.

How is it possible That a single human being Could fuck you up so much And make you feel as if your self worth has diminished up to the point where you don’t even have confidence Or believe you can find someone to make you happy I wonder if you know, how exactly you have broken me How I look in the mirror and think, I am not good enough. I stare at myself and truly believe no one will ever love me at least not as much as I love them, because I give too much and that is just exhausting. I get anxiety all the time, at the thought of you At the thought of ever loving someone The way I loved you. Of getting attached because I fear they will all become you, constantly disappointing me. I don’t have confidence anymore, I can’t even talk to someone else because I don’t think anything I say will be good enough But I am fucking good enough You just made me feel that I could never be. I’m afraid of the world because of you, Of people like you That act so selfishly and call it, “Making myself better” When in reality You’re a shitty indecisive person That cannot let go of the one person Who gave you everything And you realize a little too late, they are all you’ve ever wanted. But guess what, I’ve know that for a long time. I’ve known you were all I ever wanted, the sad part is You changed. You are not the person I fell in love with. And I’m not the person you feel in love with I am the person you destroyed but I will also be the person that will find happiness, without you.

So I guess this is how this ends; No more sad songs, No more crying, No more ‘accidental’ “sorry, wrong person” texts, I will begin to learn how to be okay without you, I will teach myself how to listen to our song without crying, No matter what it takes, I will get over you. So I guess this is how it ends for good this time, No encore, No second chances, Not again.