even the less than 1% of children (don’t hold me accountable to my emotional statistics) that do survive this all, come out of it completely destroyed and/or as impaired adults. i mean, how do you even come out if that in one piece? you don’t. perhaps a dark thought...but sometimes i feel the cleansing of the earth couldn’t come quicker. i hold no cosmic power, but i believe some human beings should have never made it into this world. some “people” are not people at all, they are vessels and walking portals of pure evil.

the darkness in humanity is nothing human. and that darkness is well aware of the importance of destroying the psyche before it can fully form, because it’s easier to slowly eat away at it’s remains until it owns another vessel to do it’s bidding. or, you’re left with a psyche so broken you spend a good portion of your life time trying to piece it back together, fighting against yourself and the rest of the world. barely living, existing in and reliving the trauma over and over.

The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated.

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

(6 servings)

-2lbs red potatoes

-1 cup butter (2 sticks)

-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)

-Chives (optional)

-Salt & Pepper to taste

1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them

2. boil til soft!

3. Drain

4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix

5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing

A N G R Y

“You’re excited to go to the park!”

“Oh, it makes you mad that we can’t go outside.”

And then when the babies get a little bit older the parents can say

“You seem upset. Are you sad?”

“Are you excited that gramma is coming over today?”

Which lets the kid (who is learning to utilize speech) respond with yes or no, which may prompt more questions, like

“So you aren’t sad, are you angry?”

“Yes, does it make you happy when gramma is here?”

And then, finally, when the child is learning to use language in a more complex way, the parents can say,

“How does it make you feel?”

“Why are you feeling like that?”

And it’s all about teaching emotional awareness. I really reccomend using the process on yourself. Learn to ask, “am I happy?” “Am I sad?” “Am I anxious?”

Then practice identifying, out loud or on paper if you can, “I’m happy.” “I’m upset.” “I’m sad.” “I’m anxious.”

Final step: “Why am I feeling anxious? I’m still thinking about that awkward conversation earlier.” “Why am I happy? It’s such a beautiful day outside.” “Why am I sad? None of my friends are responding to my messages.”

When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now). 

I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes. 

Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that.