Fucking Lifeless

not showering/bathing for days or even weeks. (this has nothing to do with laziness - a main symptom of depression is being unable to be motivated)

not engaging in any social actvities

staying up and sleeping in till late 

not being able to eat

neglecting self care as a whole 

spending entire weeks at home, in the same pajamas, in the same bed

disregarding help/support (nothing against you. we’re just really fucking down.)

death and destruction 

p much like the precipice before you have an anxiety attack y’feel

except for like. an entire day. also my eyes wouldn’t stop jerking to the side randomly, which was the most annoying thing ever and gave me vertigo. 

when i measured my heart rate like 6 hours after the symptoms started it was still at 124 bpm…which, granted, isn’t really high for me, considering my baseline is 113ish, but still. also i was alternatively really giddy/euphoric and really spaced-out/panicky/DRing which was annoying because it would literally change in a split second. 

one good thing came out of it though because i got to go to the therapist and she had a puppy in the office which i played with for like an hour.