Communicating Your Standards
Itās been a long timeā¦
Iām glad to be back to blogging now. I missed you all ! So since Iāve been gone for quite some time, I figured why not come back with a banging post. So here lies and official Bronzy advice post that youāve all missed so much.
Thereās this big issue that Iāve noticed in the bowl and that isĀ āwomen being unable to communicate their standards, to Salt, POTs and SDs and even fellow sugars.ā. I see it al over Tumblr- a girl getās offered a low amount of allowance from a POT, ensue, all hell that breaks loose in her response to him. Actually this is something I witness more on Instagram than anywhere else. Sorry IG ladies, but itās true.
Time and time again on IG, Iāll stumble across screenshots of arguments with POTs. Forgetting about whatever silly things these men said (this post is focusing on the women as there arenāt men here I can talk to), I see SBs desperately try to scramble to communicate their self worth and standards. But so, so, so many of you go about it the wrong way. You start firing off, cussing and condemning Craig and bashing and belittling Ben. Granted some men warrant these kind of responses, there is no excuse for a man to be hateful, disrespectful, racist, sexist, etc. But a lot of what I see doesnāt fall into this category. And women are going about demanding more respect from men in completely the wrong way.
See there are three types of women that spring to mind when I imagine women who try to communicate their standards. Some of you may recognise these characters from my Instagram.
1) The Salty Sass.. lets call her āMessy Mortonā, sheās the salty kind.
2) The Sickeningly Sweet ā¦ Weāll name her āSilly Steviaā
3) The Golden Goddess.. her highness is calledĀ āBoss Bitchā
*this is going to be my longest one yet, so grab a cup of tea and get comfy*
Before we delve into these personas and their complexities, lets discuss the challenges they all face.
This is usually where the problems begin for a lot of women. They actually arenāt even aware of what their standards are in the first place. Theyāve never really thought about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior when it comes to interaction with everyone, not just men. What treatment they expect is not something theyāve actually taken a moment to really think about.
Even when we are aware of our standards, we donāt always know how to articulate them without coming across as bitchy, high maintenance, confrontational, crazy, psycho, batty (insert synonyms for psychotic here). Sometimes we fear confrontation. We may not like the way someone treats us, but at the same time, we donāt want to start an argument or risk the other person getting upset and leaving, or even risk losing our precious allowances.
You know, a lot of people are actually afraid to talk about how communicating your standards can be a very tricky thing. I know when I was younger, the fear of confrontation would paralyse me from telling people that I would not be treated in disrespectful mannerisms.
But knowing how to communicate your standards is essential in standing out from the crowd. Itās vital that you get away from the basic SB persona and become the woman of High Value Iām always going on about. If you canāt do this, you are stopping yourself from being able to influence the way men treat you.
Your on your date with Simon from SA. Youāve had an amazing time, heās really impressed you with his choice of restaurant and he even brought you a little gift, despite this being the first meet. Itās getting late and as you and Simon make your way to the taxi bay (thatās cab for my Americans) he asks you if you would like to share a taxi back to his hotel.
When Simon asks Messy Morton back to his hotel, she immediately goes on the offence. Her response is typically something along the lines ofĀ āare you fucking kidding me?!! Do you really think Iād ever fuck you on the first date?! You must be out of your damn mind. You are looking for a prostitute not a sugar baby. Get the heck of SA, you obviously donāt know what a sugar baby is.ā
Now ladies, lets analyse MMās response. Not only has she brought down other sex workers with the self righteous way she talks about other SWs Ā (this is shade at many SBās that piss me off with this kind of mentality kmt), she has single handedly cut him down, bruised his ego, insulted him and now Simon is never going to ask her out again, there goes the chance of a good relationship out the window.*
Silly Stevia is that sweet passive girl. Problem is sheās too sweet. Remember that girl in school that was too nice, she would let all the popular kids boss her around for their own gain: yet she wouldnāt say a word about being uncomfortable with how she was treated (and even when she did, she said it in her room when she was with a friend rather than to the people who actually needed to hear it). She basically let herself be treated like a door mat and because of that no one respected her, in fact they probably felt pitiful or disgusted. This is Silly Stevia, and many people out there, and me, I was that little girl in school.. but thatās a story for another day.
In the situation with Simon, SS does either of two things.
She either makes excuses: ā Actually, my friend is waiting up for me, Iām helping her pack for her trip to NY. But maybe next timeā. Or ā¦She goes to his hotel and sleeps with him, or just hangs around and uses theĀ āperiod excuseā or whatever. But whether or not she sleeps with him, she lets herself be put in a situation that she doesnāt even feel comfortable with by being complacent. So what happens in both these possibilities is that Simon never really learns that he was moving to fast for her, all he knows is she made an excuse or she acted weak.
Neither Morton or Stevia have gotten anywhere here. One displayed their standards but didnāt arouse any excitement while the other lowers her standards and compromises her integrity.
GG has mastered the optimum mixture of salty and sweet that keeps men from treating her badly, while still not being satiated and always has them wanting more: and building attraction on top of that.
Hereās what GG says:Ā āIāve really enjoyed myselfĀ tonight, youāve picked a greatĀ restaurant. I must say, Iām quite impressed (*insert smile here*). You know what, a part of me wants to get in that taxi with you because i find you sexy, but in all honesty, Iām not one of those girls that moves with things that quickly. Itās just never really been my thing, but, if you want to take me somewhere as lovely as this next week, iād love to go, you seem to have an eye for qualityā
Go back and read that quote again!
āYouāve picked a great place ā¦ impressedā
This first line communicates that you are a woman of high value. It gives of the impression that you are not easily impressed, yet heās managed to make an impression , and trust me, that will make him feel special. Heās probably thinkingĀ āScore, Iāve impressed herā. What I love about this is it also reverses the status quo. A lot of times, men, particularly wealthy ones, are used to women trying to impress them and get their attention, but you are subliminally telling him thatĀ āhe has to be the one to impress youā. This will catch him off guard and separate you from all the other women heās datedā¦ Unless theyāve read this post too, in which case, heāll be used to dealing with Boss Bitches. ;)
āThereās a part of me ā¦ sexyā
This is where weāve elevated things to a more sensual and playful level. You are creating sexual tension and desire and his mind is on fire.Ā āOMG, this beautiful woman finds me sexy ! Yesss !! She wants me !!Ā ā (This always makes me laugh when i write it, but its true :D ). In reality the majority of men are not nearly as accustomed to compliments like women are. So whether he even believes you or not, heāll be flattered with the gesture.
āIām not one of those girlsā
This little gem we have here is a technique Iāve discussed before on Instagram, so Iām not going to delve too deep into it, but itās a concept calledĀ āDistancingā. In summary, its the art of intentionally removing yourself from all the other people (in this case women) in someones life. So you donāt fall into the category ofĀ āfriendā orĀ āgirlfriendā orĀ āthotā, instead, he Ā creates a separate little category just for you, in his head. I will say though, that this line is very cliche and woks best when genuine, or accompanied with Oscar worthy acting skills.
āItās just never really been my thingā
The simplest yet most important part of it all. This is when he understands that you are not going to sleep with him yet (or whatever scenario you are utilising this for) and that you donāt appreciated being asked for such a thing.
āif you want ā¦ eye for qualityā
Leaving things on a sweet note while subtly telling him to up his game is my favourite part of it all. Youāve suggested he takes you somewhere just as nice, or even better, without coming across as pushy and in his face. Make no mistake, Iām not sayingĀ ātake me !ā, iām sayingĀ āif you want, Iāll acceptā. Make him feel like heās the one who came up with the idea. He now has the opportunity to ask you out: men like to feel like they are doing the chasing, you never want to come across like you are chasing a man.** In other words, youāve communicated another standard and he now knows that you expect to be wined and dined and now he has the task to keep impressing you. This also works if you find that men often take you to nice plces and treat you really well when you first meet them but later change their attitude and lower their standards.
This is the difference between a normal girl, and a goddess. This is how you keep men coming back for more. This is how you separate yourself from Basic Becky, Sleazy Sarah, Silly Stevia, Naive Nancy and Messy Morton. What Iāve learned is the best way to get positive action from men who have fallen slightly from the tracks of gentlemanly and how I got my super Hunky Director to see me as a Goddess even when heās surrounded by beautiful actresses/models all the time, is what Iāve tried to embody in this post.
Iāll be posting more on attraction*** and giving examples of situation in the future so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time, donāt forget to share and your welcome.
(feeling frustrated or confused? got something on your mind about what I said? take a quick look at this disclaimer)
*Disclaimer, as annoying as it is when men try and sleepĀ withĀ youĀ earlyĀ on,Ā that'sĀ what men do. In fact if a man wasnāt thinking aboutĀ havingĀ sex with you whenĀ hes on a date with you then Iād be quite worried. ButĀ this doesnāt mean that justĀ becauseĀ its normal, that you are obliged toĀ entertain their thoughts. Iām just making youĀ awareĀ that if you are anĀ attractive person, people will want toĀ sleepĀ with you on the first or second date.Ā Get over it. You hold the Punan, so you are the one who controlĀ whetherĀ or not itĀ happens.
** While you donātĀ want toĀ come across like you are chasing a man, I do actuallyĀ encourage all my followers to chase what they want,Ā whetherĀ that'sĀ a man,Ā orĀ theirĀ dreams. But what iām always trying to teach you is how to make it lookĀ like you are not actually the one doing the chasing.
*** if you are interested in the inspiration behind this post, DM me.
