Consume your vitamins and fuck the police

Same lol

oh so when other people call a baby "cute enough to eat" it's sweet and charming. but when i, cronus,

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

hey can you come over and surgically remove this heavy, aching rot from my heart? we can watch a movie afterwards

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

no because i LOOOOVE the idea that grace is 100% on board with being studied and kinda poked and prodded by eridian doctors. he’s a scientist, and his only hard line is obviously being like. vivisected lol. but here’s a piece of muscle tissue i won’t miss (and of course this becomes the meburgers), here’s a nail clipping, some of my hair, bodily fluids, go ahead and scan me listen to me monitor me learn all you can about me! he’s enthusiastic as hell about it, even though rocky might not be, but grace knows how exciting it must be for them to be able to study alien life for the first time and they’re SO respectful about it too. this is the thing that saved our planet and one of our people, we will learn everything we can about him in the most careful of ways so we know how to take care of him forever.

being a hater is so fun until you see someone who is a hater 80% of the time and then you're like christ i hope i dont sound like that person and you stay on your best behaviour for 3 days

the distortion of "there is potential profit we did not earn" as "there is money we lost" is fascinating and disgusting to me. "megamediaconglomerate lost $1,000,000,000 to piracy this year" is a flat out lie. it is not true. they did not have a billion dollars, that they now do not have. they felt entitled to one billion dollars, that they did not have, and still do not have. it's an infuriating perversion of the truth

cant believe i lost $1000 when i told some guy at walmart to give it to me and he said no