look into my soul

Trying my damn hardest to go through this week without wasting any money. I have money but don't want to waste any of it.

Yeahhh I've pretty much already come to acceptance that I'll never get to be in a relationship with the kind of girl I want. Or any girl really. I'm too ugly and I only care about myself nowadays. I have been cursed and will probably die alone. I feel like I did this to myself. I chose the wrong path in life. I mean I feel like I'm exactly where I should be but I started making the wrong decisions right after high school and now its far too late to correct them. I've become old, ugly, and bitter with life. I remember when I was once that one nerdy dweeb who would never miss a day of school. Didn't mind having a mundane job. Never did anything bad or edgy. Then it all went to shit. I turned into literal shit. But I guess that's what I wanted deep down. That's what I was looking for. And here I am now. This is what I am now

Tomorrow is going to be a really long fucking day. The longest day of this week. 8 hours. 2 shifts of 4 hours each. Ugh. It's going to be a pain taking phone calls the whole fucking day. God help me get through it. I get a day off the next day so whatever happens at least I get the next day off.

this is gonna sound really weird and depraved but ive had the house to myself recently the last week or two and i feel bad because i havent taken advantage of it. i havent been gooning as much as i could be lol have not been horny recently tbh.

ive been having really vivid dreams recently. and they all involve people i went to school with. its all about people i used to know. no idea why they show up in my dreams. mostly all people from high school, people i went to school with. its me interacting with them, going on adventures with them, seeing them in my dreams. no idea why.

its fucking 5 am and i got people here calling in acting like dicks expecting a reaction from me lol. bruh, i know how you people are. im just gonna hang up on your dumbass if you dont want the help. i aint dealing with your bitch ass at 5 am.

Not gonna lie I feel bad for the delivery drivers every time I order something off of Amazon. I live in the middle of nowhere so these guys have to drive hours to deliver something I ordered for like 10 bucks lol

ive been trying to buy as much new clothes as possible but god damn there is always other shit i have to buy first. like right now i need to focus on upgrading my work station. my fucking monitor has a fucking crack on it and im only using half the screen to work on so i need a new monitor. i need a new mouse, keyboard, ethernet cable, webcam, office chair. all of that shit is expensive bro. but i need to replace them, which means i have to hold off on the clothes.

you would think the morning calls would be easier than the afternoon calls but its the exact opposite. you get the dumbest fucking callers in the morning bro. like, the wackiest, weirdest, stupidest fucking calls. this one girl called in, only gives me her first name, and demands to speak with two people, asking me to transfer her. keep in mind its fucking 6 in the morning and the company she is calling isnt available until 8. im telling her they are not avaialble yet and she keeps asking me why i wont transfer her. bitch, if i was able to transfer you i wouldve done it already instead of telling you 4 fucking times i need them to call you back. fucking hell

As soon as my fucking parents notice that I clock in and I'm fucking working, on the phone, fucking talking to people. They will hang outside my fucking room and make all the fucking noise they can make throughout my entire shift. Like they will literally stand outside my fucking door and start arguing with each other while I'm trying to have a conversation with a fucking attorney. Like you have no idea how fucking embarresing and unprofessional that is. I just wanna open my door and tell them to shut the fuck up, I'm working

Sometimes I'm pretty good at my job but then sometimes I take calls and say the stupidest shit to people or just completely fumble the fucking call especially when it's an angry caller or someone that sounds intimidating lol. I get nervous.

Instagram has the dumbest fucking content. If I feel like watching something stupid I just open Instagram. No idea why the normies prefer it. And I know it's not just me. I know a bunch of people who have nothing but brain rot on their feeds

Tomorrow will be long ass day at work especially in the morning but just have to get through it and the rest of the week should be a lot easier. Let's get tomorrow over with bro.

I'm hungry as fuck and there ain't shit to eat

Idk what it is bro. Recently I haven't felt like doing anything besides doom scrolling on my phone watching shorts on YouTube n Facebook. Don't feel like going out. Don't feel like playing games. Don't feel like watching any TV shows or movies. Just basically killing time scrolling on my phone