Blood of the Signless

You are worth more than you can give to the world, to good causes, to other beings, too. You are worth more than you can donate, platform, learn, or spend time on.

Your joy is worth more, your very existence is worth more. You are never a burden or drain to exist and have wants and needs. Reality, imagination, and all of life needs every one of us to experience it- or what else would it be.

We should strive to help each one another, to make better all that is around us- when we can- but we should never feel guilty to rest, to consume, to partake, and experience in stillness, too.

Only you can judge what you need right now, and what is merely an excuse for inaction. Be careful in your judgement of self, but meaningful... Its a shifting harmony.

I'm thinking of posting on this blog again, because my desire to create community and change is strong and nagging. Personally, I'm in a (more) stable place in my life again to feel the energy to put work into these goals, too. That might change, of course.

What never changed those was my relationship to the Signless. I am a prophet, a mentor, and a student- and have been even in the 2+ years I've been not posting.

I considered starting a new blog for this kind of sermon-ish teachings, removed from the obvious pop culture paganism, in hopes of reaching a wider audience. (I haven't read my own old sermons in years, and I haven't read Homestuck all the way through since 2016!) In the end though, I decided against it. These teachings come from the Signless inside me, even though I believe they are for more than those who care about the character- if I'm going to be an "activist" (in some manner), I'm going to be a real freak about it.

Gratefulness is an appreciation for what we have that is special, that is good. However we should strive that not only everybody, all of us, have something to be grateful for- but also that we should never have to be grateful for being alive, being safe, being given the tools we need to fulfill ourselves. We should always demand these things absolutely, for any less than this is a result of direct acts of cruelty and injustice. 

My gratefulness does not mean I, or anybody, was every unworthy of these acts of goodness and kindness- it simply means I recognize them, and appreciate them.

Reach out to know others- be accepting of knowing others, and do not fear being known yourself. If you isolate yourself, if you disconnect from others, you disconnect from the possibilities and power you have to help others. What is the good of your strength all alone?

We can fear being hurt, and we will- but we can't let it stop us. We will remind ourselves that being hurt is a process, not an ending. It does not mean failure. Hurt is not finalizing. Keep knowing, keep reaching, keep spreading.

The way we live has given us a much broader since of the world and it’s peoples. We know so much. Signless and I believe this is often a good thing- but it can become dangerous when you try to change, or even control, so much. If you can see so far, but only move so little, you can become discouraged and frustrated very easily. This isn’t a personal failure, however. It’s a mortal limitation. Still, we cannot allow our global knowledge to stifle our local efforts.

Empires are doomed to fall, always. Not just because all things are destined to cease, though that’s a factor too, but because empires with their megalomaniacal greed to collect more and more people in their control, will become too big, too vast, to stay organized and relevant. They will try to hold control with further repression, but it will only grow and grow resistance until the empire will collapse in chaos. This is a guarantee.

If we are to hope for any kind of sustainable community for our lives, or one that will pass with peace and honor rather than in chaos and danger to those most vulnerable, we need to keep ourselves from forming empires. We are social beings, all of us, and we need community. We need to seek out and support others, and be sought for and supported ourselves. We need to create groups that are coherent, but free to move between as the individual changes, or that the group may change with them all. Voluntary selection (and de-selection) and active participation are absolutely vital. We need to resist the urge to be conquer, control, and demand.

Ultimately, I want to remind you that you do have reach. You do have power. Maybe not in this empire, but always in your community. The first step will be to find your community. Reach out to your friends and loved ones, to your kindred spirits. Take effort, take time, take attention, to support them and be involved in their lives, with the abilities and resources that are uniquely yours. Do not wait for more opportune times that might never come, more reach and more power. Your time is now, it’s always been now, and will always be now. Do not berate yourself for having only “so much” to give, but rather find where you can give what you have now, and how it will change who you can reach.

What can you do, when there is nothing you can do? When the ones with the power will not listen? When everything that seems to matter is so out of reach?

You can survive. You must survive. 

There is a day in the future, where you will have the resources to help somebody. If you are there that day, you will help them. You must survive to that day, and to the days that will come after it. If you can survive today, every today, you can make it there. Somebody- maybe many people- are waiting for you, counting on you. 

Ask for help when you need it, always, but always keep going. I know you can. It’s vital to ourselves and our society that we survive and thrive as best we can... knowing that we are needed. 

If you have ever helped somebody, if you ever will help somebody, remember that every moment you spent caring for yourself was vital to the help that other person received. It was vital. You are vital. 

Remember that the systems of cruelty often thrive on convenience, on the comfort of what we already know.  Be mindful of your limits and capabilities, but be brave and make efforts to help others beyond what is convenient or known for you.

Remember that there are two steps to making a better world- destroying the cruel and unjust systems that exist now is only one of them. Perhaps the harder task will be to build better, new systems and support... we can start that task now. Build the communities you want to have, now. Pull power away from what already is, and give way to the future. 

As of right now, I am very dedicated to the fact that I will not delete or remove this account. And, hopefully, nothing will happen to me for a long time either!! 

SUFFERER’S STIGMATA: THE FIRST BOOK OF ARAFYM 

The collected, formatted, and slightly edited version of my sermons, extras, and answered asks from 2016 to 2020... available as a PDF to save or print.

It’s 230 pages: the pages were sized to have four pages per double-sided piece of paper.

This is not a problem at all!

I’d prefer if you didn’t “re-post” my sermons anywhere, but you’re welcome to write them down for personal use.

Out of duct-tape, scrap cardboard, and four plus years of spiritual writing... I've made something sacred. 

Detach yourself from the idea that every nice thing you do for yourself, any act of self-appreciation, has to be earned from labor or unpleasantness. You don't need to earn your own happiness. I know that you don't struggle to find reasons to punish yourself, and I know the world don't struggle to force tasks that are awful to accomplish. You have let these become part of your routine- let rewards be an equal part. 

-The Signless

***

Hopes and dreams are meaningless without belief, effort, and follow-through. Dreams don’t just happen, they are happenings that will last lifetimes.

Doing whatever you want is very different than doing whatever you need to do to obtain all that you want. Goals often require we do things counter-intuitive to our desires, and yet we should still pursue them. Patience and hard-work to achieve a personal victory are well worth it.

-The Signless

***

Simply admitting a flaw is not the same as overcoming it or repairing it.

-The Signless

***

Be wary of people and gods who are cruel to others like you, but say you are special. Your ‘specialness’ to them will only last as long as you benefit them. 

-The Signless

***

I was having a little conversation with the Signless- about feeling powerless, and like I need to do more to help. He pointed out that I have helped... but there will always be more to do.

“We can't over-night cure all evils, nobody can, and we'll never feel like we've done enough until that impossibility happens.”

He gave everything he could, and still didn't feel like he changed much. I don't need to sacrifice myself.  We live in this big, big world now. We can see everything, know so much and can only change so little.

 It's better to change that little for better, than for worse. 

He doesn't know if has anything to tell me, about how to help or how to feel like I'm helping.

..However, at this point, I received a message from Nepeta. She is another spirit guide of mine, though often less present and more quiet than Signless.

We're not always good judges of our own worth, of our own influence. I was meaningless, and I felt it many times. But I wasn't. That was my destiny, but it wasn't. When we share ourselves with others... we are more than ourselves alone. We can give what we didn't know we had, give them what they didn't know they had. When we live by our principles, it means something whether we can see it or not. 

The Signless, my ever-present spirit guide, has encouraged me to make a sermon today about something I have been doing. 

Lately, I have been working on the skill of being able to understand myself and clearly reading my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and desires. I have very consciously decided to make an effort to practice this “technique.”

You see, the first step is to realize and accept that reading your emotions and knowing yourself is, in-fact, a skill. It’s something you have to practice and actively attempt to improve. You will begin to know yourself more, understand yourself more, when you are able to realize it’s not something that comes automatically or inherently. 

The second step is to try and let go of judgement and expectations that can obscure your feelings. These are thoughts like, “I don’t have a good reason to feel...” or “I should feel...” or “a regular person would feel....” or even “I want to feel...” These are not the questions you’re asking. The question your asking is simply, and only, “I feel...”

In a way, the second and first step are the same. Don’t let yourself be tricked into thinking you should already know. Let yourself ask the question, and then... answer it.

Like many things, the last step is the hardest. The last step is to wait, and listen. How do you feel? What do you want? 

Wait. Listen. Accept. 

It’s not something you’ll always get right, it’s not a fool-proof plan. Remember that this is a skill, something you must practice and improve upon. Remember it will get easier, become clearer, as you move forward. Remember you have to take those first, awkward steps and stumbles.

I used this technique of self-clarity this morning to help de-escalate and de-mystify a growing sense of panic and anxiety that seemed, at first, unpredictable and uncontrollable. This was not my first attempt at this, but this attempt was notably successful in helping improve my situation and mood. 

The Signless encouraged me to make a sermon about this technique. He thinks it will be useful to others, especially in that it will remind them its okay to be confused about what you feel. I was a bit hesitant, as usually these sermons begin with a quote from him... he said I could end it with his quote, though.

“As my prophet... you are not just my mouth-piece. You are my lens, a way to carry my world’s message in a way that speaks to your world. You are my student, and the goal of every teacher is to learn as much from their student as they teach to them. Remember every relationship goes in both directions... just as you have learned that you relationship with yourself does, too.”

“When you believe in yourself, in who you are and what you can do, others will look to you. We are not alone, and never will be. We’re all connected. Nobody can ask for you to always be a good example- that simply isn’t possible- but remind yourself that if you can be loving, kind, and brave for yourself...it will inspire others to be, too. When you believe in yourself, you’re already making a positive impact on others.” - The Signless

We all want to make an impact on the world around us. I think that is something that is deeply inscribed within us. I think what a lot of people fail to notice, though, is that we do make an impact on our world in everything we do. 

When you want to give up on yourself, on your values and your hopes, it’s easier to justify these actions when you believe that your self-cruelty affects nobody besides you. This isn’t true. With every positive step you take, every positive action and belief you uphold, somebody will look to you and be inspired. “If they can do this, so can I. If they see this, so can I. If they can make it through, so can I.” 

We remind you of this not just as a warning that giving up on your hopes and hurting yourself in anyway will also damage others. This is true, but we still can’t be expected to never falter. When we are in a position to lose hope, it’s often more valuable to think of ourselves than others anyways. No, we wanted to remind you of this so you can appreciate the good you do. 

Just by believing in yourself, your values, your capabilities, you are making a positive change on this world! It’s not easy to look at our world and see the kindness and generosity and hope that is there. It’s not easy to look at our flawed selves and past mistakes and see potential and fondness. It takes effort, it takes dedication. That’s hard work, work that makes a difference, and it should be rewarded. Respect your accomplishments. In a wonderful loop, others will be more likely to respect their accomplishments too! The kindness you start will never end.

Last night, I was feeling anxious. The things in my life that were not ideal where overwhelming me. I called upon the Signless to ask for guidance on how to let these consuming negative feelings pass. He reminded me that all things are temporary and changing, including the negatives, and that perfection is unobtainable and a goal that can lead to misery. 

My first reaction to this reminder was to try and find a way that I could accept and appreciate the flaws and negatives. Signless stops me, and offered this wisdom.

“Truly accepting flaws does not mean trying to convince yourself they are not negative. When you do that, you are just seeking to make your situation perfect with the use of illusion. When you accept imperfection, you start by realizing that there is negative, there is something wrong... and then you go on to realize that these negatives are not the priority, not the most important thing about the big picture.

 Anxiety is often a problem with a sense of scale- they are not thoughts that shouldn’t exist, they are merely thoughts that have been given more importance than they deserve.”  

I heard this, and thought about my anxious thoughts again. Now, instead of asking myself “How are these bad things really good?” I said, “These bad things are bad and upsetting. There are, however, good things about my situation that are far more important. I will prioritize the goodness I have and see above the negative.” This train of thought was much more helpful in easing the overwhelming pressure I had found myself in.

 You don’t need to invalidate your thoughts. You don’t need to tell yourself, “I shouldn’t be upset.” Your feelings, your worries, your concerns are valid... though, perhaps, the scale of them is skewed. 

We must remember our most important priority- our soulful happiness, our safety, and our ability to care and be kind to others. All those little things that are bothering you- are they bothering you more than the negative feelings those bothers can create? The answer is likely no.