costly hugs ver. two

In the morning.

그렇게 저하가 되어가는

늙어가는, 제 기능을 못하는 육체.

Profusely. I sweated.

그렇게 한 가닥의 희망으로

하루를 보내는가 한다.

왜냐하면 이미 나는 이렇게 가도…

이렇게 적었던 몇 개월 전.

이제는 다른 생명을 기대하고 있다.

3개월 최소한의 운동으로 어느정도 근력은 키워진 것 같다.

주님은 sovereign.

Divine appointment by which I rely on Him and rest in Him all the more. He’s got me, my family and the future.

나는 순종할 뿐.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

공기, 온도, 습도.

그 환경.

Environment.

The atmosphere.

You are there.

Your presence.

Your heart beating.

Hitting my soul,

In a gentle and convicting way.

That I am alive and I will live on.

With the hope of Christ and hope in God, who made the universe.

That this world is corrupted,

But he isn’t

And he is gentle and his yoke is light

That he cares for me.

Casting all my anxieties onto him

Who sees everything in me

Why I am anxious

Why I can’t rest

Why it’s not easy for me to feel free

Even though I am free indeed

For real.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36 (ESV)

I want to be in your presence

You are already in me

Dwell in me

In my capillaries, cells and heart

Soul and mind

Arteries and veins.

Parts of me and pieces of me

Shadows and physical things

So heavy and light

And things that cannot be seen or touched

All little and big things of this living creature.

A creature you so wonderfully and fearfully made.

Precious but sinning being who was made in God’s Image - is in the process of sanctification.

Who needs to feed on the daily bread

Bread of life.

Bread of, not surviving, but living for the glory of God.

I might desire, I might have desired that. One thing I have desired of the Lord, - to seek Him, to stare at His beauty...

Beauty...

Awakened.

I want to see You.

I am impossible, but Jesus is possible. He is sovereign, He makes it possible.

I am lazy, filthy, lustful, unworthy but God is at work, pure, holy and worthy.

I am failing, but there is nothing He cannot do. He is God. I depend on Him. I must, to live.

Psalm 5:3 (NIV) In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

All things are yours.

“So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭3:21-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I didn’t understand why my favorite website didn’t have a mobile app. I was sure that I could do write more if I had that. Excuses are becoming just a beginning of the talk, something to begin with.

I had dinner as an appetizer. The meal was a beginning, I am now having a dessert and a cup of steamed milk.

Early winter or late fall feels amazing, I feel alive - except when I have to “wake up” in the feeling of obligation. It just feels amazing when you walk under the bright sun with crisp sky, you realize that you’ve waken up and you’re alive.

You were made to be alive and you were designed to choose life after the death of your former self.

Flesh and blood, tiredness and frustrations. All of them makes this more glorious. Am I too unconditional?

Truth to be told, I can’t deny what’s true: the goodness and sweetness of quality time with God between things, after something you had to do but finally it ended up being well done.

When the body knows its limits. When the spirit is guided by the Spirit. When the two become one and walk as one. The togetherness. The love. The interdependence. The understanding. The mutuality. The acceptance. The openness. The exclusive inclusion.

The possibility. It can be done. In the Kingdom of Christ.

Love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sins.

I was wondering.

I was curious.

Where is the summer gone?

I feel like writing.

Not like at a summer night.

the chewiness of a macaron. the desire to finish this research. the love of God. the fear of the Lord. the adjectives and adverbs before and behind things and people. this thickness of K. Lamar’s music. getting back to writing this. thing. maybe I didn’t lose it. I don’t lose it. I can’t deny it.

2 Timothy 2:13

Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate the words you spoke. I believe that you spoke out of your heart with intention, not compulsion.

Luke 6:45

When, if, therefore. Early summer breezes and bliss. Sweetness and bitterness awakened. Attending a wedding got emotional, again. I lived a dream, the dream and am living it. I know what to do and what not to do, I think. The fraction, gap, valley - it feels wider and deeper. The distance is ever longer. I want to explode, maybe. I heard from my mom that I screamed or yelled when I was sleeping. That worries me a little bit, I thought I got over it. Why... I can’t love, I can’t smile, I am not... when I look at myself. I just need to turn to look at Jesus, not myself. The deceitfulness of sin is powerful. It really blurs, distorts. The longevity of self-indulgence takes a toll. I don’t want to look like someone who is so occupied by herself. This thing is the real weapon of the Enemy. To tear me down. So I need You.

2 Corinthians 4

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you.

that’s when I started dreaming of NY again.