fuck it we ball @suckfaggot - Tumblr Blog

block me

especially if u kno me

#suckfaggot #or be spiteful which i'll respect #this is a fuckin vent blog. cw for: self harm. drug addiction. suicidal ideation. etc. poggiiieeeessss

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half the reason im still alive is bc i cant settle on a how to kill myself and am cautiously aware of what happens if an attempt fails. aside from being admitted to a mental hospital which is traumatic, physical injury is irreversible, and im afraid of being paralyzed or left a vegetable who cant even ask someone else to kill them.

#suckfaggot #tw suicide #tw suicide implied

i think i should leave... (kill myself)

#suckfaggot #tw suicide implied #tw suicide

apparently i was supposed to know something that was never expressed to me, but it's my fault...

#suckfaggot

suicide for breakfast sounds suuuuper tasty rn

#suckfaggot #i just... wanna walk into the sea #and feel like i went a little too far from shore #just once. as a treat.#(only once tho) if i wake up on land ima be pissed. if i wake up after the little treat of ocean water in the lungs ima be PISSED

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konoko

why yes, i am that upset and frustrated and whatever other emotion u wanna use. now can i please have my outlet? no? well.... you aren't gonna like this next one then....

#suckfaggot #i cant even feel anything anymore #i cant control the outburst. i can control the valve tho. but im not allowed to touch it. bc that's bad.#oh sure ill find another way to release the valve that only turns one way and is the only valve to that steam pipe about to burst.

self harm really is "hold on, that fucked me up mentally/emotionally, i gotta update the score/tallys/count"

#suckfaggot #self harm implied #self harm mention #cvtter #cutter #cutting #cvtting #self harm #sh

something something that post from someone who grew up on a ranch/farm (like me) and said 'i want someone to love me enough to kill me' as in putting a mortally injured animal out of its misery bc you care that it's in pain and don't want it to feel that anymore bc you love it and care about it.

#suckfaggot #im fine

puppygirldick

Being alive when you dont want to be and dont enjoy anything and dont care enough to take care of yourself anymore is so weird because time doesnt just stop and you dont just disappear (as much as I want to) you are just stuck here until you kill yourself which isnt exactly easy, I shouldnt have listened to people trying to tell me to just keep living for the sake of it everything got worse and now I feel worse for having tried at all like a sunk cost death is better than a living wishing you were dead

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'i dont believe you went through that whole bottle on your own. i think you poured some out.'

do. not.

DO. NOT.

my brain takes shit as a challenge as an 'oh? really? you think i cant? HAH. i dont need to prove SHIT to you but you HAVE given me an excuse to do the bed that so i will.'

but fucking okay.

#suckfaggot

drinking alcohol from the bottle, eating copious amounts of cheese, and cutting myself all together is basically like an orgasm. right? riiiiiight?

#suckfaggot #i think denial is fun in theory but like... actually touch me? please?#and like... im so tired of playing the cis het game of faking my orgasms (or people assuming me squirting is an orgasm (it isnt))#or people assuming squirting is involuntary for me (it isn't) and while it is fun #and squirting lessens my chance of orgasm if not outright ruins my chances of it.... idk no one has ever tried to make me cum after so #and i like giving head. but like... sometimes i dont remember/dont know if im allowed to jerk off while giving head.#especially if that specific person has said to me “yeah i dont really like getting head”#but that's literally the only way we have sex now bc im a shit top and im not gonna ask them to bottom.#i wanna cry... i know it's mostly my own fault for not saying anything but like.... really? you didn't think about it? you didnt notice?#you just believed me when i said “yeah. it's fine...”#????#i keep remembering that post “she's her own woman she can cum if she wants. i guess she just didnt wanna cum.”#and i....#like... sorry i have a pussy and you expect it to be difficult to make cum but damn .....#i feel like a fucking hetero girl and im not and im not even a hetero guy im just me but... fuck..... fuck....

people really don't realize how much credit i should be given for not fucking killing myself on a daily basis. but that's "toxic" and "attention seeking behavior" and "can you be okay for five fucking minutes?" behavior apparently

#suckfaggot

im sad im sad im sad im sad

#suckfaggot #i cant cut myself about it either like it just fucks everything up more and i hate it but it's true and im so tired of fucking everything up

do i jerk off or cut myself? This and more questions from a bored genius at 5

#suckfaggot

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pup-purgatory

i just want drugs and yet i dont know how to ask anymore bc i relied on other ppl to be my go between so i wouldnt have dealers in my phone im gonna fuckin kill myself

#suckfaggot

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