I Hope No One Knows Im Here

Why do I keep making scenarios in my head just to hurt my feelings even more? Why all of a sudden your comment on that post on reddit about your ex being better during sex bcos she can squirt pop ups in my mind then everything becomes blurry and I’m having pain. Pain. Pain that makes me so weak and powerless. Emotional pain. Ah, I’m battling again.

I kept on reading and comparing myself with your past gilfriends. They make you happy, you’re happy with me, right? Why’d u chose me? I think you’ve made a wrong decision. I think you are much happier with Lara if you chose her at that time. Why am I doing this?! We’re almost 5 years. I don’t understand

I kept on reading our messages 4 years ago. I kept on searching my name in his messages w/ his friends. What are they talking about me? Hey, he loves me. Oh, he also loves her. His sex stories with his ex, okay. Why do I keep on reading this? I’m just hurting myself. I know and I accept your past but why I can’t move on?

I’m reading our old messages, his old messages with his friends as if I’m looking for something. I don’t know. Maybe validation

So I thought I’m just doing fine bcos I just wanted to reminisce. But I notice that I’ve been doing it for 5 days straight, day and night

So this fucking quarantine makes me crazy., i miss my frens, i miss going out in the middle of the night. So I end up scrolling my old pictures and convos on my phone because I have nothing else to do

It’s okay to break down sometimes. It’s okay to be sad and cry.

So I’m just gonna pretend like nothing happend. Just like u

what is it in your mind that made you think in a snap everything will be back to normal? I only heard you’re sorry but u never look straight to my eye washing all those fucking demon in my mind?

Silence is the answer. Let that thought run into my mind alone. Keep them in prison to avoid ruining others. It’s better to ruin yourself

Lost. I don’t know how to function again