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The problem is that homosexuality and effeminacy are virtually synonymous in the modern public’s mind. All men who love men are stigmatized as being intrinsically effeminate. Men who engage in homosexual sex are expected to embrace gay culture and are believed, especially by other homosexuals, to be ‘girls on the inside’—no matter how they look and behave, or what their interests may be. As I mentioned above, a sense of manhood is important to most men. Yet, simply by acknowledging same-sex desire, men are expected to relinquish their manhood. They must submit to psychological castration. While this may seem like no great loss to effeminate men who never put much stock in manhood, what of those who do hold masculinity in high regard? What of those androphiles who love men and love being men, for whom masculinity is a thing of beauty and value? I don’t love men because I see myself as girlish; I love men because I’ve developed a deep-seated appreciation for men and for masculinity itself. Men fascinate and inspire me. I love them in their finest moments, but also in the midst of struggle. Just watching men is a pleasure; I see in them innumerable qualities that women often fail to appreciate. I appreciate these things precisely because I am a man, because their masculinity is a reflection of my own. And yet, for this, in some perverse twist of reason, I must give up my own manhood? For this, I am regarded as effeminate and expected to entertain myself with girly things? Fuck that. - Jack Donovan

That quote is brain-dead because it suggests that effeminate men are at-home within their community. (which they are not) It reads as “but what about the masc gays?!?” when men with masculine qualities blend in with heteronormative society easiest and deal with the least hostility in the world. You want to act like we’re all in this together but still want to draw a line between masculine and feminine. “I dont have a problem with fem gays….but im not one and wont have anything to do with them” people can pretend that’s not how they’re treated but they are.

The community calling out the toxicity of reducing people to this dichotomy through arbitrarily standards isnt doing so because it’s ‘trendy’ and like to complain. If it seems that way it’s probably because on some level you feel threatened by anyone challenging the superiority of the group you consider yourself a part of and benefit from.